I have just spent the better part of 3 hours reading this thread from start to finish and all I can say is, "WOW!!!" The hate and anger from one, the calm responses from many, the heated, but polite responses from many and then again the ridiculous spiteful and vengeful responses from the one. I am glad that I did not take the time to respond to specific posts as I would have totally lost my mind and my cool. I have taken people's advice and just sat back and "digested" it before moving on.
The original intention of this thread made a lot of sense and had a lot of merit. It then turned into a circus of "Not my child!!"
While I am new to the deaf community, I have gone through quite a bit that a lot of you have gone through. I am still going through a lot, but hey, I will make it through and be a better person for it. Yes, I would have benefited greatly if my parents were given better options to chose from. They weren't, so I had to deal with it. I missed out on a lot and in essence never knew ANYTHING about deaf culture or deaf community. I never saw or knew of a deaf person. I thought my father and I were the only ones. It took moving from the small town to the larger area before "my eyes were opened", and at the same time, the deaf community was being put more and more into the spotlight.
I feel, and I think most here on AD will agree and have agreed, that we are not advocating for "oral only" or "ASL only". We are simply advocating that a child be given the opportunity to learn BOTH. Okay - so the children involved are learning both, so why are we being accused of saying said children are being held back. We are not. We are merely stating that there are many children in the general population the this grand planet who are NOT given that opportunity.
I could say more, but I will stop for now as I don't need any backlash for my own opinions, such as they may be.
You nailed it. And I will also add that hearing parents are also somewhat fearful of others actually understanding their child on a level they cannot. I know for a fact that I realized early on that there were a community of people that understood my son on a level I would never be capable of. The Deaf adults who had been deaf children. And I will also admit, as much as I hate to from a mother's perspective, that I found that somewhat threatening. Of course I wondered if I would eventually loose my son to the deaf community if I allowed him to form bonds there.Would what they provide for him become more important to him than the bond with his hearing mother? Would allowing him to i.d. as deaf mean that he would no longer include in his identity the fact that he was my child?
Fortunately, both the community and my son allowed me to follow him on his journey and enjoy the experience in the process. I wasn't loosing anything at all. I gained a whole new family. No one wanted to take my son from me. They only wanted to share the joy of him. It was all gains and no losses, despite my initial fears.
I, personally believe, that all hearing parents go through these fears, whether they have reached the point of being able to verbalize it or not. And those fears are apparent in some of their reactions. I tell of my experience with my son not to point out that those who choose a different way are "wrong", but simply as a way of saying, "Hey, there is nothing to be afraid of. I know. I've been where you are and am now way on the other side. But as long as you have those fears, whether consciously or unconsciously, they will influence the decisions you make, and those influences will always be biased in addressing your fears instead of your child's needs. Hearing parents of deaf children go through this on a level that parents of blind children, or children with mobility issues, etc. do not because of the cultural and communicative nature of deafness itself. It is a unique situation. And it takes time. One does not learn of the diagnosis of a deaf child, and the next day work through all of the emotional, social, and psychological implications of that diagnosis. I still discover new things that I need to deal with in that aspect, and my son is an adult. Where do those issues come to light. A great deal of them come to light in this forum, where deaf adults continue to show me that, even today, the fact that my son has a fundamental part of him that I can never fully relate to creates anxiety for me still in some situations.
My being a hearing parent of a deaf child has been such an important and life changing event that I made working for the betterment of deaf children my careeer. Too many times I have seen parents that refuse to admit that they are human and have fears and concerns and never deal with them. I see the effects of that on the children. I see society's refusal to adjust some of the most prevalent audist views, and I see the effect that has on the kids. Do I get passionate about that? Damn straight I do. Expecting me not to be passionate about so important a topic is asking for something I simply cannot do. It is not in my nature, nor is it in my intentions. If some are offended by my passion, I am sorry. But I will not alter my passion because a hearing parent takes something personally that was not intended as such. Misinterpretation of my words or my motives is not my problem. It is the problem of one who reads my posts with pre-formed ideas of what I am saying.
And, if anyone takes offense to this post, I will be more than happy to discuss your objections reasonably and offer reasons for every single one of my assertions. I will not, however, tolerate the degrading, the assaults, and the deliberate twisting of my words that has occurred in the past in the hands of a few select hearing posters.
I will end this with some sage advise...don't ask the questions unless you are ready to accept the answers, no matter what they are.
**smile**
