Is it really a big deal to listen on the phone? Especially being deaf?

Lately, I've been aggravated each time I'm trying to listen on the phone and chances are accent, talks too fast, low voices, and/or background noises. It's never easy for me to handle and whenever I end up being on the phone like arranging a job interview and I'd have at least one person with me in the room. For the past four phone calls, mom is in the room with me and I look at her to make sure I'm hearing things correctly. If I didn't hear it, I'd turn to the person in the room like my mom to get help. I'd read her lip, but she does it so slowly to catch on that I did not hear whatever that person say. Once the call is over, my mom rant out that I need to start listening more!

The thing is, I'm more of a lipreader than listening on the phone. My ears can't hear that very well or adapt at all. She keeps saying that I need to listen carefully and deal with it. No matter how hard I tried, it never comes out perfectly. It would require me to ask the person at least two to five times to make sure I understand what they are saying or asking on the phone. I need time to process what they say and repeat it in my head before I can answer.

Yet, it's bugging me the way mom's expectation of me to "listen better on the phone". I'm deaf, but those hearing aids are just there to provide sounds. I tried to get mom to understand, but I'm having a complicated time to understand her. I've went to counselor and told him about it, he understood. He said that maybe she doesn't want me to fail. I talked to my sister and she said mom just don't understand, but my sister does.

I'm more of a text/internet/visual kind of a person. Trust me, she had me learned to speak when I was join and preferred that I am signing, texting, emailing, lipreading, and any visual related. Unless I grew up with that person, I'm used to and be able to know what they're talking or saying.

I'm just confused to why it is that big of a deal to be on a phone and really listen? Even on TV or movies I can't always listen so well either unless the caption is on. =\ I don't know what else to do anymore.

If one has difficulty hearing on a regular phone- get a TTY-VCO, You hear nothing as the Relay operator is keying to you what the other party is saying. You can speak.
Where I live the Relay service is 711

aside: I have/use an UltraTec 1140 TTY-VCO/text notwithstanding I have/use a Cochlear Implant

Being deaf and not able to understand on the phone is a minority. People do not understand what it's like to be in the minority and people follow what the large population are doing. Your mom sounds frustrated that you can't do what everyone else is doing.

You're lucky you can understand some speech on the phone. I can't at all so I don't bother trying.

drphil said:

If one has difficulty hearing on a regular phone- get a TTY-VCO, You hear nothing as the Relay operator is keying to you what the other party is saying. You can speak.
Where I live the Relay service is 711

aside: I have/use an UltraTec 1140 TTY-VCO/text notwithstanding I have/use a Cochlear Implant

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Oh, yeah, I have heard of Relay Service. So, how does that work? I'm just trying grasp that when sending a message, then the operator speaks for you, hears your message, types it out for you, and you get your message in visual format. Is that how it works?

PrincessBetty1 said:

Lately, I've been aggravated each time I'm trying to listen on the phone and chances are accent, talks too fast, low voices, and/or background noises. It's never easy for me to handle and whenever I end up being on the phone like arranging a job interview and I'd have at least one person with me in the room. For the past four phone calls, mom is in the room with me and I look at her to make sure I'm hearing things correctly. If I didn't hear it, I'd turn to the person in the room like my mom to get help. I'd read her lip, but she does it so slowly to catch on that I did not hear whatever that person say. Once the call is over, my mom rant out that I need to start listening more!

The thing is, I'm more of a lipreader than listening on the phone. My ears can't hear that very well or adapt at all. She keeps saying that I need to listen carefully and deal with it. No matter how hard I tried, it never comes out perfectly. It would require me to ask the person at least two to five times to make sure I understand what they are saying or asking on the phone. I need time to process what they say and repeat it in my head before I can answer.

Yet, it's bugging me the way mom's expectation of me to "listen better on the phone". I'm deaf, but those hearing aids are just there to provide sounds. I tried to get mom to understand, but I'm having a complicated time to understand her. I've went to counselor and told him about it, he understood. He said that maybe she doesn't want me to fail. I talked to my sister and she said mom just don't understand, but my sister does.

I'm more of a text/internet/visual kind of a person. Trust me, she had me learned to speak when I was join and preferred that I am signing, texting, emailing, lipreading, and any visual related. Unless I grew up with that person, I'm used to and be able to know what they're talking or saying.

I'm just confused to why it is that big of a deal to be on a phone and really listen? Even on TV or movies I can't always listen so well either unless the caption is on. =\ I don't know what else to do anymore.

Click to expand...

My parents, usually my father, would also listen in on the conversation and write down interview times, room number, location, phone, etc. in case I didn't hear. No harm in family helping out. They did that when doctors would call back too so I didn't miss anything.

Laura

I am in the same boat.

I can hear on the phone when I switch my HA control to Telephone to a point. When listening on the phone I tend to close my eyes, and try to imagine their face before mine. And try to lipread this 'imaginary face'. It works to a point, but even then I struggle at times, and need them to repeat.

Most people talk too fast, others talk too slow. Then people with accents are the worst. I grew up in Western NY, where I am used to fast talking, but majority of us here speak clearly and 'normally'. At least to me, I think it's normal speaking. Down south, forget it. Sorry to say, but that southern drawl, I think that's what they call it. I am totally lost.

The other thing that drives me bonkers is people who calls me and they have people talking in the background or massive noises in the background. I'm sorry to say Hearies, you NEED to remove yourself from those noises. If you can hear it, I CAN too. I can't focus on the voice in the phone, because I can't do such thing. All that noise comes in and no way of stopping it.

If I make an important phone call, I make sure I have someone who can hear in the house with me. Usually my mother. If I can't make out what's being said. I told the person who hold on. Then loud enough so the person on the phone can hear me, I say 'Mom, I can't do this. I can't hear them that well'. And she is able to listen in and relay the message to me.

My mother never ever told me 'I need to listen', my mother knows i can only hear to a certain point. Your mother should know better, Betty.

Just like Betty, I am not all that familiar with TTYs. First time I seen a TTY was at RIT. I had a 100% deaf roommate who had one. The one day the phone rang. Being me, I picked it up and said 'Hello?'. I heard some noises on the other end of the line, not knowing what I am hearing so I said 'Hello?' again. After that I hanged it up. Few seconds later, the phone rang again. I picked it up, and a relay person was on the other end. I was able to hear them well. I found out from the girl sending the relay, that I should use a TTY, I told her I didn't know how too. To this day, I still don't know how to use a TTY. Even if there is one is in front of me. I'd be lost on how to use it.

RisinDragon said:

Most people talk too fast, others talk too slow. Then people with accents are the worst. I grew up in Western NY, where I am used to fast talking, but majority of us here speak clearly and 'normally'. At least to me, I think it's normal speaking. Down south, forget it. Sorry to say, but that southern drawl, I think that's what they call it. I am totally lost.

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People also sound very different on the phone, and it doesn't help if they're too close to the mouth piece or still eating while trying to talk. I had that happen at my job. Couldn't believe the guy's manners. A lot of things can trip you up, regional accents as well.

Used to be but not anymore as I can use the phone via texting and VPing.

Years ago, I tried to use the phone for listening. Boy, that was difficult and I got frustrated on this.

I am glad I had TTY/TDD device to communicate with hearing people with relay service. If I have Deaf friends who had TTY/TDD, I would type them directly to Deaf people. That was a whole lot better than using the phone to listen. Now hearing people expect CI people to be able to understand on the phone pretty well. I doubt that. **shaking my head**

Listen on the phone?....Stone deaf...

I gave up listening on the phone many years ago. The only person I could understand on it was my mom. But I could only hear 1 out of every 3-4 words, so there was a lot of "what? what? what? what?" in there. A 5 minute call took 30 minutes. So frustrating. Mom hated me giving up the phone but she has finally adapted to texting and emailing me instead. So I use no phone now. Thank goodness.

telephone. what a foreign concept. I NO COMPRENDE.

In order to get the Relay service to assist you-get a TTY phone.
It is easy to get access them-just dial 711.

aside: Just 711, Relay keys- Relay service operator xxxx , machine prints VCO please, reply VCO activated, then give number you want to contact-I advise relay if I have used the party before- thus not necessary to explain how the service works. If not they will explain how it works . You must use GA( go ahead) to the other party to speak while the operator keys whatever than stops-GA you speak, At the end of the phone call you say bye for now to SKSK ( stop keying)

Aside : I have been using VCO TTY since January 1996- and appreciate the assistance of the various operators. At first had a bit of trouble using the system. I also have Bell Canada Telemessage service-which "tapes" unanswered calls. Again easy to access by Relay service-advise going to Telemessage -giving the number * 877 235 5777 -plus my access code and they relay the message. Then I advise them to delete the message as I have dealt the call. They do. I have a Vista phone which has a red light that blinks till answered. Also this computer won't work till Telemessage answered.



Where I live- this is 711 which is currently located Quebec City. It is 24 hours service.

It does take a bit of time to get used to the system but much better than cancelling your phone as you unable to hear.

PrincessBetty1 said:

Oh, yeah, I have heard of Relay Service. So, how does that work? I'm just trying grasp that when sending a message, then the operator speaks for you, hears your message, types it out for you, and you get your message in visual format. Is that how it works?

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Thats for VRS, text relay is bit different in the middle where there is no VP, just screen where operator types and read and relay the message.

diehardbiker said:

Thats for VRS, text relay is bit different in the middle where there is no VP, just screen where operator types and read and relay the message.

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nice pictures.

Lau2046 said:

My parents, usually my father, would also listen in on the conversation and write down interview times, room number, location, phone, etc. in case I didn't hear. No harm in family helping out. They did that when doctors would call back too so I didn't miss anything.

Laura

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I have no idea what it's like to supported parents. It sure much be very nice.

MangaReader said:

Being deaf and not able to understand on the phone is a minority. People do not understand what it's like to be in the minority and people follow what the large population are doing. Your mom sounds frustrated that you can't do what everyone else is doing.

You're lucky you can understand some speech on the phone. I can't at all so I don't bother trying.

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I have a hard time understanding people on the phone, I can hear them but I will not understands some words . I have told my friends and family if this happen not to yell at me but to try using another word, but if not does happen.

Jiro said:

telephone. what a foreign concept. I NO COMPRENDE.

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Si. Mi caballo huele a mierda. ¿Qué puedo hacer acerca de la tiña inguinal?

Anyway:

To answer the OP's question:

There is only one reason I would think the telephone is very critical in a deaf person's life: Employment.

Young deaf people are very, very fortunate these days with today's technology. Back in the '80's, every employer I've interviewed with all had the same mentality: if you can't talk on the phone, you can't work.

Even my own parents would NOT get a TTY, so I had to use oral interpreters over the phone to talk to them during college years. They bought me a TTY, but refused to have one in the house.

My advice: If people really want to talk to you, and they know you can't hear on the phone, they should at least make an effort to use alternatives. If they don't want to make the effort, and expect you to do find alternatives....screw them. Trust me, this is a good way to see peoples' true colors.

Email is easy. VRS is easy. Relay calls are easy. There are no good excuses these days...period. My mother-in-law stopped calling us completely after we got rid of our landline. She is not willing to go through VRS because "it is not normal".

The tide IS changing in the workplace, though....at my job interview 3 months ago, I asked them if my deafness is a concern. Their response? "Should we be concerned?....If not, then it is not an issue with us"

drphil said:

If one has difficulty hearing on a regular phone- get a TTY-VCO, You hear nothing as the Relay operator is keying to you what the other party is saying. You can speak.
Where I live the Relay service is 711

aside: I have/use an UltraTec 1140 TTY-VCO/text notwithstanding I have/use a Cochlear Implant

Click to expand...

I have used VCO relay many times and found it to be really useful. You might have to explain that there might be a delay.
When I used VCO, I was able to hear the speaker (which doesn't mean that I understood the words) but for the first time ever I was ale to follow a conversation on the phone.

I have also had success with Video relay but I really enjoy speaking to my family so with video relay my callers couldn't hear my voice.

Lau2046 said:

My parents, usually my father, would also listen in on the conversation and write down interview times, room number, location, phone, etc. in case I didn't hear. No harm in family helping out. They did that when doctors would call back too so I didn't miss anything.

Laura

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Your dad is an awesome man.