Would you date a physically disabled person?

Danb · 10-25-2011, 05:02 PM

I am finding it more and more difficult to find a date because i am physically disabled. I am disabled because of health problems not because i am deaf.

I am at the age where everyone around me is starting careers, getting a hourse, getting married and having kids.

The crappy thing about it is that most women tell me i am attractive, but turn me down when i ask them out. So if that's the case then the problem comes down to money.

Is the world really that superficial? Would you date a physically disabled person in today's society if it meant that they would have to rely on you in some ways for financial stability, and that you would have to sacrifice some things do to having half the income of the majority of households?

deafbajagal · 10-25-2011, 05:15 PM

I've known people who date, and some marry, others with physical disabilities.

The truth is, a lot of people are still looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, regardless of physiology. Mrs. Right is out there...keep being bold and ask women out. The world is full of superficial people...but then again, you're not going to find a pearl in every oyster.

**Reba** · 10-25-2011, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danb

I am finding it more and more difficult to find a date because i am physically disabled. I am disabled because of health problems not because i am deaf.

I am at the age where everyone around me is starting careers, getting a hourse, getting married and having kids.

The crappy thing about it is that most women tell me i am attractive, but turn me down when i ask them out. So if that's the case then the problem comes down to money.

Is the world really that superficial? Would you date a physically disabled person in today's society if it meant that they would have to rely on you in some ways for financial stability, and that you would have to sacrifice some things do to having half the income of the majority of households?

Many people in the world are superficial, yes. However, you don't need the whole world. You need only one special person in this world. Not every woman is suitable for you but you don't need every woman. Hang in there for the right one.

For those women who refuse to date a physically disabled person, they should remember that all it takes is one minute for a healthy body to become injured, or for a disease to begin its attack. That hunky guy she marries could quickly become seriously disabled. Then what?

Think about the military guys who come back without limbs, or paralyzed, or with horrible burns, or traumatic brain injuries. They left home strong and healthy but they come back disabled.

None of us have guarantees about our bodies, so we do need to look deeper for our life mates.

AlleyCat · 10-25-2011, 05:52 PM

I think you have had the bad luck of running across those who don't want to.

My SO came home from Iraq with severe TBI 6 years ago. To this day, he still hasn't been able to work. I am the primary financial provider for us -- he does collect permanent government VA disability now -- it barely covers his medical needs, though. He does have his Montgomery GI bill so I've been encouraging him to go to school, and even that's tough for him to do (and he's doing it!) There are many times we make plans and don't do them because he's not feeling well. I always say, "that's ok, there's always another day." So I have had to make lifestyle adjustments, (and he's had to do the same for me -- he can be in the mood for a movie but he doesn't go because it's not a CC movie, etc.) All in all, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. I love him to pieces.

You just need to find the right woman out there. She's there somewhere.

Ildri · 10-25-2011, 05:54 PM

There definitely are a lot of superficial people in this world. And given that no ones perfect, I'm sure almost everyones been rejected (even if theyre unaware) at some point on superficial grounds. But the people who are really worth it are the ones who take the time to get to know you and see you for the whole package.

Personally? I wouldn't have any problem at all dating someone with a physical disability.

Besides, as superficial people are likely to discover, things like beauty and health don't always last.

Danb · 10-25-2011, 06:01 PM

Thank you, everything said is very encouraging advice.

I'm finding that i have a hard time explaining to women that i am disabled. I used to work with a few girls who ended up seeing me become disabled over time. They were the ones i asked out. I don't hang around with them now. I am having a hard time explaining my health problems to the women i talk to now.

I am using dating sites. I'm not sure if i should put it in my public profile that i am disabled, or if i should not tell them until there is some interest and communication?

rockin'robin · 10-25-2011, 06:04 PM

Nodding in agreement....and I remmy, years ago, that I dated a Detective on the police force for about a year. We broke off because he was concerned about having a "deaf child."....Well, to make the story short....he did get married, and he and his wife had a daughter....and she was "deaf'!

He came to my place of employment and told me about everything....and was very sorry....but there was too much water under the bridge...he was now married and the hurt I felt was too much for me to even want to ever endure that again....

I don't have any qualms dating a disabled person, as long as I enjoy his company....So hang in there!

***naisho*** · 10-25-2011, 06:14 PM

I was on VA Island a few months back on the beach. One of the things that caught my eyes was a man with a prosthetic leg, from thigh down, with just a metal joint.

He had a great looking girlfriend with a helpful personality. From the looks of it, they had been dating for awhile because she helped him up, lifted him into the car, and other small detail going on.

So yeah, witnessing that I do think it's possible to date a physically disabled person provided that it's not a personality disorder, where it is a bit harder. I've read and heard people with bipolar have trouble keeping their relationships (or even marriage) going.

Danb · 10-25-2011, 06:49 PM

what the f ? why are there 2 posts of my topic? weird...

Anyways, i happened to read an article in a magazine which said people are more likely to avoid someone who has chronic health problems. The study showed that even when the observers didn't know the people they were looking at were unhealthy they still avoided them. I wanted to burn that magazine but i was getting my oil changed at jiffylube.

**shel90** · 10-25-2011, 06:51 PM

Americans are known for narcissism with all the magazines of people with perfect bodies and perfect health being rubbed in our faces. Not all are like that so it may take time to find that special one.

Danb · 10-25-2011, 06:54 PM

The problem with the article was that it was a study conducted by psychologists and written in TIME magazine. I was suprised to see something so politically incorrect in TIME.

**Jiro** · 10-25-2011, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danb

I am finding it more and more difficult to find a date because i am physically disabled. I am disabled because of health problems not because i am deaf.

I am at the age where everyone around me is starting careers, getting a hourse, getting married and having kids.

The crappy thing about it is that most women tell me i am attractive, but turn me down when i ask them out. So if that's the case then the problem comes down to money.

Is the world really that superficial? Would you date a physically disabled person in today's society if it meant that they would have to rely on you in some ways for financial stability, and that you would have to sacrifice some things do to having half the income of the majority of households?

I want to ask. When you say you are physically-disabled... Does that mean you are on wheelchair?

Danb · 10-25-2011, 07:19 PM

I don't use a wheel chair. I am disabled because of chronic health problems.

**TXgolfer** · 10-25-2011, 07:33 PM

I would (well not now) and have.

Buffalo · 10-25-2011, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

Nodding in agreement....and I remmy, years ago, that I dated a Detective on the police force for about a year. We broke off because he was concerned about having a "deaf child."....Well, to make the story short....he did get married, and he and his wife had a daughter....and she was "deaf'!

He came to my place of employment and told me about everything....and was very sorry....but there was too much water under the bridge...he was now married and the hurt I felt was too much for me to even want to ever endure that again....

I don't have any qualms dating a disabled person, as long as I enjoy his company....So hang in there!

What a poetic justice!

Buffalo · 10-25-2011, 11:04 PM

I have read a piece where a woman knew this man before he had an accident that put him in a wheelchair. She didn't like the man because she found him conceited and vain. Guess what? She likes him better after he had the accident. The accident had changed his attitude and she married him.

**Jiro** · 10-25-2011, 11:09 PM

this is a tough question to answer. Would I date a physically-disabled girl?

I'm assuming that "physically-disabled girl" means she has an ambulatory issue and if that's the case - I'm afraid that I'm superficial and shallow-minded person but I would explore a bit and see where it goes.

Danb · 10-26-2011, 07:48 AM

You would also have to consider that if this went further to marriage that possibly kids could be born with the same health problems. I can't get this out of my mind. It makes me wonder if that is another thing the women i try to date think about.

So all the women, please reply to this with your opinions...

**Bottesini** · 10-26-2011, 08:41 AM

Try to find someone with your same health problems, and you can be a support to each other.

dogmom · 10-26-2011, 08:46 AM

yes

Danb · 10-26-2011, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Try to find someone with your same health problems, and you can be a support to each other.

That's a good idea. Can't believe i didn't think of that before.

I guess i was caught up in the stereotype way of thinking, and probably a little superficial myself.

whatdidyousay! · 10-26-2011, 12:46 PM

I would not date a physically disable person or person that not disable that need financial help right from the start If the person and I where dating and we really had a strong relationship that I thought was going last of course I would help him then. I had done this before but not anymore!
I meet a guy in a W/C that I really like and we talked on the phones a few times. I did not date him as I end moving back to Massachusetts . If I had stayed in Calif. I would had loved to get to know the guy better. And I did invite a guy that had MS to my home for lunch . He was also in a W/C but when he told his dad was a KKK member , I did not think it work out as my daughter is Black. I never would had been welcome at his parents home me being Jewish too! So yes I would date a guy physically disable person.

rockin'robin · 10-26-2011, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatdidyousay!

I would not date a physically disable person or person that not disable that need financial help right from the start If the person and I where dating and we really had a strong relationship that I thought was going last of course I would help him then. I had done this before but not anymore!
I meet a guy in a W/C that I really like and we talked on the phones a few times. I did not date him as I end moving back to Massachusetts . If I had stayed in Calif. I would had loved to get to know the guy better. And I did invite a guy that had MS to my home for lunch . He was also in a W/C but when he told his dad was a KKK member , I did not think it work out as my daughter is Black. I never would had been welcome at his parents home me being Jewish too! So yes I would date a guy physically disable person.

Jeez......

**rivenoak** · 10-26-2011, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danb

You would also have to consider that if this went further to marriage that possibly kids could be born with the same health problems. I can't get this out of my mind. It makes me wonder if that is another thing the women i try to date think about.

So all the women, please reply to this with your opinions...

I recently met a woman who married a man with a genetic disorder. Some of their kids inherited the gene, some didn't; some lived, some didn't. Clearly, to her, the possible inheritability was nothing to stop her from being with the person she loved or trying to have kids.

I'm not looking, as I'm married, but I would date a disabled person.

Not all women want children, so if you don't want to pass on your health condition and don't want biological kids, no problem with a lady like that. If you want kids but not pass it on, you may find a woman who already has kids or would like to adopt.

There are all kinds of women in the world and there is one out there who is just right for you.

Danb · 10-26-2011, 04:38 PM

That's a good point. I figured i needed to find someone with no health problems, in order to be happy. I'll just have to do things different.

whatdidyousay! · 10-26-2011, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockin'robin

Jeez......

And why should I feel I have to pay for a person that I just meet. There are people looking for a 'free' ride all the time. I am not saying the OP is going this
but I known people that would try sponge off people as long as they could. Fine if want to give money to a person do just meet, I like to date a person awhile to see if we get along. I am not The Donald !

Danb · 10-26-2011, 06:54 PM

I understand what you are saying. I would agree with that too. I wouldn't want someone sponging off of me either.

**Cheetah** · 11-02-2011, 11:52 AM

First be happy with yourself. Once you do that, you will be surprised that people look at you in a much more positive light. When dating, don't worry about explaining about all of your health issues. If you ask a girl out suggest a place that is comfortable for you and see if she agrees to it. Focus on the girl, be interested in her. if she is interested in you she will ask questions. It will come out eventually so don't hide it. The bottom line is do not make your disability the focus of your relationships.

My Girlfriend loves me for who I am. I am a very forgetful person and that bugs her but she keeps forgiving me. I also have chronic migraines and sometimes miss work and cannot go out for a few days. She hates it, but she hates me not feeling well more than anything. I didn't mention much about these things in the beginning because they do not define who I am. In the beginning I missed a few dates so she just came over to sit with me while I sleep of another migraine. Lord knows what she sees in me, but the longer things go, the more I think I might have a keeper on my hands!

Please do not worry so much about what you cannot do, focus on what you can do and I am sure others will enjoy that as well.

overthepond · 11-06-2011, 06:29 AM

If the personality is right, i don't care for the rest.

dereksbicycles · 11-06-2011, 08:11 AM

My girlfriend has health issues. She is not deaf, but have other issues. That is one reason why we get along quite well.

10-25-2011, 05:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	Would you date a physically disabled person? I am finding it more and more difficult to find a date because i am physically disabled. I am disabled because of health problems not because i am deaf. I am at the age where everyone around me is starting careers, getting a hourse, getting married and having kids. The crappy thing about it is that most women tell me i am attractive, but turn me down when i ask them out. So if that's the case then the problem comes down to money. Is the world really that superficial? Would you date a physically disabled person in today's society if it meant that they would have to rely on you in some ways for financial stability, and that you would have to sacrifice some things do to having half the income of the majority of households?

10-25-2011, 05:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
deafbajagal Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 5,171	I've known people who date, and some marry, others with physical disabilities. The truth is, a lot of people are still looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, regardless of physiology. Mrs. Right is out there...keep being bold and ask women out. The world is full of superficial people...but then again, you're not going to find a pearl in every oyster. Oceanbreeze, Reba, Buffalo and 2 others like this.

10-25-2011, 05:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
AlleyCat Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In my time zone Posts: 10,829	I think you have had the bad luck of running across those who don't want to. My SO came home from Iraq with severe TBI 6 years ago. To this day, he still hasn't been able to work. I am the primary financial provider for us -- he does collect permanent government VA disability now -- it barely covers his medical needs, though. He does have his Montgomery GI bill so I've been encouraging him to go to school, and even that's tough for him to do (and he's doing it!) There are many times we make plans and don't do them because he's not feeling well. I always say, "that's ok, there's always another day." So I have had to make lifestyle adjustments, (and he's had to do the same for me -- he can be in the mood for a movie but he doesn't go because it's not a CC movie, etc.) All in all, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. I love him to pieces. You just need to find the right woman out there. She's there somewhere. Oceanbreeze, Reba, Buffalo and 3 others like this.

10-25-2011, 05:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ildri Registered User Join Date: May 2011 Location: Ohio, for now Posts: 175	There definitely are a lot of superficial people in this world. And given that no ones perfect, I'm sure almost everyones been rejected (even if theyre unaware) at some point on superficial grounds. But the people who are really worth it are the ones who take the time to get to know you and see you for the whole package. Personally? I wouldn't have any problem at all dating someone with a physical disability. Besides, as superficial people are likely to discover, things like beauty and health don't always last. Reba likes this. __________________ "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken" -Oscar Wilde

10-25-2011, 06:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,320	Nodding in agreement....and I remmy, years ago, that I dated a Detective on the police force for about a year. We broke off because he was concerned about having a "deaf child."....Well, to make the story short....he did get married, and he and his wife had a daughter....and she was "deaf'! He came to my place of employment and told me about everything....and was very sorry....but there was too much water under the bridge...he was now married and the hurt I felt was too much for me to even want to ever endure that again.... I don't have any qualms dating a disabled person, as long as I enjoy his company....So hang in there! shel90, Ildri and mbrek like this.

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10-25-2011, 06:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	Thank you, everything said is very encouraging advice. I'm finding that i have a hard time explaining to women that i am disabled. I used to work with a few girls who ended up seeing me become disabled over time. They were the ones i asked out. I don't hang around with them now. I am having a hard time explaining my health problems to the women i talk to now. I am using dating sites. I'm not sure if i should put it in my public profile that i am disabled, or if i should not tell them until there is some interest and communication?

10-25-2011, 06:14 PM	#8 (permalink)
*naisho* Forum Disorders M.D.,Ph.D Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 6,162	I was on VA Island a few months back on the beach. One of the things that caught my eyes was a man with a prosthetic leg, from thigh down, with just a metal joint. He had a great looking girlfriend with a helpful personality. From the looks of it, they had been dating for awhile because she helped him up, lifted him into the car, and other small detail going on. So yeah, witnessing that I do think it's possible to date a physically disabled person provided that it's not a personality disorder, where it is a bit harder. I've read and heard people with bipolar have trouble keeping their relationships (or even marriage) going.

10-25-2011, 06:49 PM	#9 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	what the f ? why are there 2 posts of my topic? weird... Anyways, i happened to read an article in a magazine which said people are more likely to avoid someone who has chronic health problems. The study showed that even when the observers didn't know the people they were looking at were unhealthy they still avoided them. I wanted to burn that magazine but i was getting my oil changed at jiffylube.

10-25-2011, 06:51 PM	#10 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,305 Blog Entries: 3	Americans are known for narcissism with all the magazines of people with perfect bodies and perfect health being rubbed in our faces. Not all are like that so it may take time to find that special one. Berry likes this. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

10-25-2011, 06:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	The problem with the article was that it was a study conducted by psychologists and written in TIME magazine. I was suprised to see something so politically incorrect in TIME.

10-25-2011, 07:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	I don't use a wheel chair. I am disabled because of chronic health problems.

10-25-2011, 07:33 PM	#14 (permalink)
TXgolfer Dream Weaver Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Everywhere Posts: 17,674	I would (well not now) and have. __________________ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12:21 Sometimes at night, I see their faces. I feel the traces they've left on my soul

10-25-2011, 11:04 PM	#16 (permalink)
Buffalo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 4,025	I have read a piece where a woman knew this man before he had an accident that put him in a wheelchair. She didn't like the man because she found him conceited and vain. Guess what? She likes him better after he had the accident. The accident had changed his attitude and she married him. __________________ “The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

10-25-2011, 11:09 PM	#17 (permalink)
Jiro Aparecium Deletrius Legil Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Soprano State Posts: 60,560	this is a tough question to answer. Would I date a physically-disabled girl? I'm assuming that "physically-disabled girl" means she has an ambulatory issue and if that's the case - I'm afraid that I'm superficial and shallow-minded person but I would explore a bit and see where it goes. __________________ - Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

10-26-2011, 07:48 AM	#18 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	You would also have to consider that if this went further to marriage that possibly kids could be born with the same health problems. I can't get this out of my mind. It makes me wonder if that is another thing the women i try to date think about. So all the women, please reply to this with your opinions...

10-26-2011, 08:41 AM	#19 (permalink)
Bottesini Joe's Friend Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: With Owl Sock Posts: 37,532 Blog Entries: 1	Try to find someone with your same health problems, and you can be a support to each other. rockin'robin likes this. __________________

10-26-2011, 08:46 AM	#20 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 5,475	yes

10-26-2011, 12:46 PM	#22 (permalink)
whatdidyousay! Registered User Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 8,630	I would not date a physically disable person or person that not disable that need financial help right from the start If the person and I where dating and we really had a strong relationship that I thought was going last of course I would help him then. I had done this before but not anymore! I meet a guy in a W/C that I really like and we talked on the phones a few times. I did not date him as I end moving back to Massachusetts . If I had stayed in Calif. I would had loved to get to know the guy better. And I did invite a guy that had MS to my home for lunch . He was also in a W/C but when he told his dad was a KKK member , I did not think it work out as my daughter is Black. I never would had been welcome at his parents home me being Jewish too! So yes I would date a guy physically disable person.

10-26-2011, 04:38 PM	#25 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	That's a good point. I figured i needed to find someone with no health problems, in order to be happy. I'll just have to do things different.

10-26-2011, 06:54 PM	#27 (permalink)
Danb Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Bourne, MA. Posts: 154	I understand what you are saying. I would agree with that too. I wouldn't want someone sponging off of me either. whatdidyousay! likes this.

11-02-2011, 11:52 AM	#28 (permalink)
Cheetah Cheetah Consulting-Closed Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 2,694	First be happy with yourself. Once you do that, you will be surprised that people look at you in a much more positive light. When dating, don't worry about explaining about all of your health issues. If you ask a girl out suggest a place that is comfortable for you and see if she agrees to it. Focus on the girl, be interested in her. if she is interested in you she will ask questions. It will come out eventually so don't hide it. The bottom line is do not make your disability the focus of your relationships. My Girlfriend loves me for who I am. I am a very forgetful person and that bugs her but she keeps forgiving me. I also have chronic migraines and sometimes miss work and cannot go out for a few days. She hates it, but she hates me not feeling well more than anything. I didn't mention much about these things in the beginning because they do not define who I am. In the beginning I missed a few dates so she just came over to sit with me while I sleep of another migraine. Lord knows what she sees in me, but the longer things go, the more I think I might have a keeper on my hands! Please do not worry so much about what you cannot do, focus on what you can do and I am sure others will enjoy that as well. dereksbicycles and mbrek like this.

11-06-2011, 06:29 AM	#29 (permalink)
overthepond Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Great Britain Posts: 2,024	If the personality is right, i don't care for the rest.

11-06-2011, 08:11 AM	#30 (permalink)
dereksbicycles Registered User Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: 60202 Posts: 3,813	My girlfriend has health issues. She is not deaf, but have other issues. That is one reason why we get along quite well.

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