Headlines 2035

Babyblue · 11-09-2008, 11:07 AM

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112;

Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.

typeingtornado19 · 11-24-2008, 01:46 AM

thats a good one.

JClarke · 11-24-2008, 02:23 AM

registering all these non-bluntal weapons by the year whatever it is!

Babyblue · 12-07-2008, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JClarke

registering all these non-bluntal weapons by the year whatever it is!

I found it interesting and funny to read. The way the world is now who knows!

Chevy57 · 12-07-2008, 09:49 AM

Other report for Headline 2035

Florida to Be Readmitted to Union
Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock in Northwestern US
Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen
Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were "Just For Fun"

Mother Monica Dies: Revered Heroine of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President
Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is True Love," He Beams.
Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C.
Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues

President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In Cage Match
Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens
Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife
Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants

Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders
D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow
Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's
Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper's Allegations

Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges
50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise are Key to Weight Loss
Baby Conceived Naturally, Scientists Stumped
Cancer Research Results In: It Wasn't the Cigarettes - It Was the Ashtrays

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, baseball bats, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers be registered by January 2036

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
Cal Ripken Jr. Reduced to DH Role
Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

Babyblue · 12-07-2008, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chevy57

Other report for Headline 2035

Florida to Be Readmitted to Union
Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock in Northwestern US
Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen
Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were "Just For Fun"

Mother Monica Dies: Revered Heroine of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President
Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is True Love," He Beams.
Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C.
Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues

President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In Cage Match
Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens
Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife
Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants

Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders
D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow
Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's
Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper's Allegations

Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges
50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise are Key to Weight Loss
Baby Conceived Naturally, Scientists Stumped
Cancer Research Results In: It Wasn't the Cigarettes - It Was the Ashtrays

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, baseball bats, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers be registered by January 2036

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
Cal Ripken Jr. Reduced to DH Role
Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

Lol so similar, yet somewhat different.

Still funny

dreamsfloatjoe · 04-05-2009, 07:28 PM

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in the United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

typeingtornado19 · 04-06-2009, 02:06 AM

nice one

AlleyCat · 04-07-2009, 01:59 PM

Those were great!

PowerON · 04-07-2009, 02:24 PM

"George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036"

Does his middle name happen to be Zod?

Babyblue · 04-07-2009, 02:53 PM

I posted something similar to that a while back!

http://www.alldeaf.com/jokes-funny-s...es-2035-a.html

diehardbiker · 04-07-2009, 03:51 PM

TAxes at 75%? You can bet on it!

I just learn that after Great Depression and government start bail out in 1934, the top tax rate shot up to 78%.

***Calvin*** · 04-07-2009, 06:06 PM

Mod note:

Thread's merged.

11-09-2008, 11:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
Babyblue Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 7,539	Headlines 2035 Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock. Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped. Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria,and Lebanon.) Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Texas executes last remaining citizen. Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.

11-24-2008, 02:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
JClarke Good times, good times. Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Packing bags for U.S.A Posts: 20,207 Blog Entries: 5	registering all these non-bluntal weapons by the year whatever it is! __________________

12-07-2008, 09:49 AM	#5 (permalink)
Chevy57 Premium Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Buckeye State Posts: 5,411	Other report for Headline 2035 Florida to Be Readmitted to Union Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock in Northwestern US Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were "Just For Fun" Mother Monica Dies: Revered Heroine of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is True Love," He Beams. Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C. Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In Cage Match Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper's Allegations Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges 50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise are Key to Weight Loss Baby Conceived Naturally, Scientists Stumped Cancer Research Results In: It Wasn't the Cigarettes - It Was the Ashtrays George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, baseball bats, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers be registered by January 2036 White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%. Cal Ripken Jr. Reduced to DH Role Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine. __________________

04-05-2009, 07:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
dreamsfloatjoe Bait Cutter Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Amelia Island, Florida USA Posts: 841 Blog Entries: 3	Headlines from the year: 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Abortion clinics now available in every High School in the United States. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines. __________________ DreamsFloat Joe - Volunteer Mate & FSI Ye Ole Pirate, Anchors Aweigh Charters, Inc. Fernandina Beach Harbor Marina, Amelia Island, Florida USA

04-07-2009, 02:24 PM	#10 (permalink)
PowerON Click me 12 time Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Suddenly, I'm cowboy. Posts: 6,863 Blog Entries: 4	"George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036" Does his middle name happen to be Zod? __________________ • [Illustrator.Blog-alloon.com] • Don't shoot me! I'm only blogger!

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11-24-2008, 01:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
typeingtornado19 Have a good day! Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 3,142 Blog Entries: 1	thats a good one.

04-06-2009, 02:06 AM	#8 (permalink)
typeingtornado19 Have a good day! Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 3,142 Blog Entries: 1	nice one

04-07-2009, 01:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
AlleyCat Chicken in a Cat Suit Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 2,736	Those were great!

04-07-2009, 02:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
Babyblue Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 7,539	I posted something similar to that a while back! http://www.alldeaf.com/jokes-funny-s...es-2035-a.html

04-07-2009, 03:51 PM	#12 (permalink)
diehardbiker Stuck in New York! Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 7,166	TAxes at 75%? You can bet on it! I just learn that after Great Depression and government start bail out in 1934, the top tax rate shot up to 78%. __________________ Please do not follow unless your driving REAL 4x4 with LOW! FUN is standard...PAVEMENT is optional.... Plus Jeep Wrangler owner too.

04-07-2009, 06:06 PM	#13 (permalink)
*Calvin* Super Moderator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: California Posts: 3,694	Mod note: Thread's merged. __________________

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