Dear 16 year old me

**ash345** · 10-22-2011, 01:56 PM

Inspired by a new book that is coming out, Dear Me: Letters to my 16 Year Old Self

Dear 16 year old me...
I know life seems hard right now, and I know that it really is. You are holding on to so much pain, you are holding onto so much anger, some of it rightful anger, some of it is anger at yourself. I know you don’t want to see what I’m saying, but you need to. You need to know that everything will be ok. I have some words of wisdom for you, some of them will be very hard to stomach, some of them you have known for a long time... but you haven’t wanted to admit it.

Do not feel bad that you are interested in women, do not feel bad that the way they feel in your hands, how they smell, how they make your heart beat faster. I’m not saying that every relationship you get into will be perfect, it will be hard sometimes, but the good will eventually weight out the bad. These women, they are the part of your life that will hold everything together when life gets tough... and it will get tough... I wish I could say that it didn’t, but it does. There are some things, some life lessons that will help you, some things you need to learn to help guide you on your way.

Please, Ash, keep reading, I will give you some lessons, this will help to ease the pain you are feeling, the belief that you are less than human, less than perfect. The first, and most important thing I want you to know, is you are perfect, just the way you are. I know you are trying to fit into a world you know you don’t belong in, I know you are trying to talk and hear and act just like everyone else, but that isn’t who you are. You are queer, don’t be afraid of that part of your life. You are deaf, I know your whole life people have been telling you that you aren’t deaf, that you are just “hard of hearing”... that isn’t true, and you have known this for a very long time. You have known that you would never hear like other people, and... you are beginning to realize now that you don’t want to. You are now 16 years old, and you have never heard things like other people, you feel as if you have been told from the time you were little that you do things wrong, because you hear with your eyes, not your ears... but people always try to make you hear with your ears. They have belittled you because of your speech, because it isn’t clear enough.

They have belittled you because you misunderstand them on a regular basis, because you want to find people who understand who you are. This brings me to another piece of advice, don’t let them make you feel less, don’t let them... don’t let them make you feel less, take this and let it empower you. Learn sign language, take the chance, it is your natural language, you have been deprived of it, and you know it. Your speech will never get better, but with sign, you will be able to understand so much more, you will have the chance to feel better about yourself, the chance to know people like you, the chance to be part of a wonderful community. You will eventually learn, but the sooner the better. Quit speech therapy, do it now, it hasn’t helped since you were 10, no matter if you listen to me or not, you will stop doing speech therapy soon. Learn your rights, you have never been given that chance.

My final piece of advice, learn to love, actually love. Learn to love your family, even those who hurt you the most, learn before its too late. Learn to love yourself too, with learning to love yourself and love others, you will let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been caused to you, and will make you a happier person. Even your father, learn to love him too, before its too late... get to know him again, learn to forgive the pain he put you through, and get to know who he has changed into. Soon he will get very sick, and you need to know him before its too late... or you will never forgive yourself.

I’m not telling you that this will change everything in your life for the better, that you will never be in pain, that you will never do something you will eventually regret... but remember, eventually things will get better. Just be who you are, and never forget to love yourself.

Sincerely,
wisdom that comes

Sunshine · 10-22-2011, 07:09 PM

Dear 16 year old me,
Break up Dallas. ASAP. He lie. He wrong.
Smart Sun

deafdyke · 10-22-2011, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

Inspired by a new book that is coming out, Dear Me: Letters to my 16 Year Old Self

Dear 16 year old me...
I know life seems hard right now, and I know that it really is. You are holding on to so much pain, you are holding onto so much anger, some of it rightful anger, some of it is anger at yourself. I know you don’t want to see what I’m saying, but you need to. You need to know that everything will be ok. I have some words of wisdom for you, some of them will be very hard to stomach, some of them you have known for a long time... but you haven’t wanted to admit it.

Do not feel bad that you are interested in women, do not feel bad that the way they feel in your hands, how they smell, how they make your heart beat faster. I’m not saying that every relationship you get into will be perfect, it will be hard sometimes, but the good will eventually weight out the bad. These women, they are the part of your life that will hold everything together when life gets tough... and it will get tough... I wish I could say that it didn’t, but it does. There are some things, some life lessons that will help you, some things you need to learn to help guide you on your way.

Please, Ash, keep reading, I will give you some lessons, this will help to ease the pain you are feeling, the belief that you are less than human, less than perfect. The first, and most important thing I want you to know, is you are perfect, just the way you are. I know you are trying to fit into a world you know you don’t belong in, I know you are trying to talk and hear and act just like everyone else, but that isn’t who you are. You are queer, don’t be afraid of that part of your life. You are deaf, I know your whole life people have been telling you that you aren’t deaf, that you are just “hard of hearing”... that isn’t true, and you have known this for a very long time. You have known that you would never hear like other people, and... you are beginning to realize now that you don’t want to. You are now 16 years old, and you have never heard things like other people, you feel as if you have been told from the time you were little that you do things wrong, because you hear with your eyes, not your ears... but people always try to make you hear with your ears. They have belittled you because of your speech, because it isn’t clear enough.

They have belittled you because you misunderstand them on a regular basis, because you want to find people who understand who you are. This brings me to another piece of advice, don’t let them make you feel less, don’t let them... don’t let them make you feel less, take this and let it empower you. Learn sign language, take the chance, it is your natural language, you have been deprived of it, and you know it. Your speech will never get better, but with sign, you will be able to understand so much more, you will have the chance to feel better about yourself, the chance to know people like you, the chance to be part of a wonderful community. You will eventually learn, but the sooner the better. Quit speech therapy, do it now, it hasn’t helped since you were 10, no matter if you listen to me or not, you will stop doing speech therapy soon. Learn your rights, you have never been given that chance.

My final piece of advice, learn to love, actually love. Learn to love your family, even those who hurt you the most, learn before its too late. Learn to love yourself too, with learning to love yourself and love others, you will let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been caused to you, and will make you a happier person. Even your father, learn to love him too, before its too late... get to know him again, learn to forgive the pain he put you through, and get to know who he has changed into. Soon he will get very sick, and you need to know him before its too late... or you will never forgive yourself.

I’m not telling you that this will change everything in your life for the better, that you will never be in pain, that you will never do something you will eventually regret... but remember, eventually things will get better. Just be who you are, and never forget to love yourself.

Sincerely,
wisdom that comes

I could have written this!!!! God, I'm STILL trying to come to terms with being queer...I would love to add......PLEASE PLEASE look into transferring to MSSD, and embrace your Deaf side, instead of trying to fix yourself through the canalplasty.....

posts from hell · 10-22-2011, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

I could have written this!!!! God, I'm STILL trying to come to terms with being queer...I would love to add......PLEASE PLEASE look into transferring to MSSD, and embrace your Deaf side, instead of trying to fix yourself through the canalplasty.....

huh

deafdyke · 10-23-2011, 12:12 AM

PFH, why huh? I had a canalplasty (reconstruction of the ear canal) as a teen. Back then I had not accepted myself as a HOH person...I thought I really wanted to be hearing....it wasn't until after my surgery that I fully accepted myself as a HOH person. It's exactly like the way Kate Bornstien had sex reassignment surgery to become a woman, after being born a man and then realized that the problem was how gender was defined, and how our society has very strict gender roles.

khrixmrozh · 10-23-2011, 12:20 AM

If I could contact my 16-year-old self, I would have advised the following:
Don't bother with Driver's Ed. It's a waste of 70 bucks because the 'rents won't sign for a license anyway.
Stop bullying Nate so much. He has the same problem with the 'rents. Gang up on them instead.
Stop belittling yourself just because you can't seem to conform to Mormon standards. You won't be a Mormon anyway.
Go to Weber. It's a much better place than Utah State and they really have the true help you need.
Take ASL. You'll need it as you lose the rest of the good hearing you have. It's inevitable.
Don't bother applying at Apple Tree nursing home. They are jerks and that is something you don't need.
You don't necessarily need to be good at math to be successful. Tap into to the creative side because there is a viable future in it.
You have empathy. It makes you a strong person.
You will have a fun Senior year. Look forward to that. But watch out for Leedy. She might give you a U even though you were only fetching the Comtek. Maybe Karren can get it suspended. However, the U make up won't be so bad. Just pay 10 bucks and Jones will only keep you an hour, not 3.
College will be intense, stressful, especially as you learn about the world away from the Kaysville microcosm. Some things, like bisexuality, will be hard to accept. Don't let the Mormon background cloud the real truth. Stay open to people. You will be fine. Allow them to take you where you need to go to be happy.
Finally, don't despair. You will find love. That love is enduring to this day and I feel that we are together for life. It won't take too much trial and error.
But, be careful. Some friends are emotionally sensitive and they may hold out false hope. Be firm and tell them again and again how you really feel about them.
There will be times where money is tight. But it always works out and you will be happy anyway.
Me

posts from hell · 10-23-2011, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafdyke

PFH, why huh? I had a canalplasty (reconstruction of the ear canal) as a teen. Back then I had not accepted myself as a HOH person...I thought I really wanted to be hearing....it wasn't until after my surgery that I fully accepted myself as a HOH person. It's exactly like the way Kate Bornstien had sex reassignment surgery to become a woman, after being born a man and then realized that the problem was how gender was defined, and how our society has very strict gender roles.

Ash's an adult now. Thats why the huh.

Jazzberry · 10-23-2011, 12:12 PM

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

* Learn ASL.
* Next year apply to NTID.
* Keep in mind, your family and teachers are doing what's easiest for them and not what's in your best interests.

Lots of love and best of luck,
Future Me

Mintee · 10-23-2011, 01:13 PM

Dear 16 year old Kate-

*Your boyfriend is no good and he's holding you back from having fun.
*You are a strong person deep down inside. Stop letting people walk all over you and start standing up for yourself.
*Dump your boyfriend and go for Travis. He's a nice guy and you have a lot in common with him. (too bad my young dumb self didn't..it would have turned into something great. wonder what Travis is up to these days.)

**shel90** · 10-23-2011, 06:56 PM

Dear 16 year old me...

-stop trying to fit in with the cool crowd. They will betray your best friend a year later in the dance competitions so not the kind of people you want to be friends.
-stop bothering your mom for a brand new car...your mom is struggling to make ends meet as a single mom
-appreciate your mom more instead of fighting with her constantly
-invest more time on your softball career instead of on boys
-learn ASL and stop being ashamed of being deaf

posts from hell · 10-23-2011, 06:59 PM

For me: Keep on doing these two things, don't quit 'em.

deafdyke · 10-23-2011, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by posts from hell

Ash's an adult now. Thats why the huh.

As am I. You quoted me, and then said Huh.

**KristinaB** · 10-23-2011, 09:04 PM

Dear 16 y/o me:

Don't sleep with him, it will make for some heartache down the road.
Please realize that it's not your parent's fault.
Ask the people in the mobile Speech & Hearing van outside your public school what would be beneficial for you.
Really, really pay attention to that ASL class you took at PBJC and try hard to remember it and practice it all the time.
Don't be so hard on your parents.
Never accept the word of either of your brother's as being Gospel.

**mbrek** · 10-23-2011, 09:35 PM

Dear me (16),

• Be patient finding love. I know it seems like it will never happen, but it will.
• When you do find love, do not cling to it! I know that first one will seem like the forever kind, but it's not! Be ok with letting that first be just that; the first one (not the only).
• Go to college! There are other options besides the big university that scares you.
• Be strong. Be confident in who you are. Don't be so afraid of what others think about you. Stand up straight and smile at others.
• Enjoy time with your dad... you'll only have a few more years with him.
• And as incredible as this sounds, the brother you get along with the least now is the one you will eventually get along with the most later. Really.

Miss-Delectable · 10-24-2011, 08:16 AM

*Keep the weight off.
*Made my nephews and nieces learn Auslan

**ash345** · 10-24-2011, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbrek

Dear me (16),

• Be patient finding love. I know it seems like it will never happen, but it will.
• When you do find love, do not cling to it! I know that first one will seem like the forever kind, but it's not! Be ok with letting that first be just that; the first one (not the only).
• Go to college! There are other options besides the big university that scares you.
• Be strong. Be confident in who you are. Don't be so afraid of what others think about you. Stand up straight and smile at others.
• Enjoy time with your dad... you'll only have a few more years with him.
• And as incredible as this sounds, the brother you get along with the least now is the one you will eventually get along with the most later. Really.

the last one... Thats the same for me except its sister...

**ash345** · 10-24-2011, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by posts from hell

Ash's an adult now. Thats why the huh.

I think deafdyke was adding to it what she would have added to herself, not me.

Eighty · 11-09-2011, 07:20 AM

Wow what a neat yet very scary concept.

If I had chance to contact my 16 years old, I dont think I would. I wouldnt want to risk changing my future, lose my family then end up with completely different family. Unless, my 16 years old self is located in different linearity of parallel universe, but I doubt that my words would help him much.

whatdidyousay! · 11-09-2011, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria R

What is the meaning of life ？

I am still trying to figure this out!!

Eighty · 11-09-2011, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria R

What is the meaning of life ？

I don't really believe that there is any meaning of life, it just happened. But its up to person if they want to make their life meaningful.

All I can do is embrace my life, enjoy it with others, and keep learning more about your life and surroundings. I guess that's good way to enrich my life.

10-22-2011, 01:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
ash345 Audist Free Zone Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 806	Dear 16 year old me Inspired by a new book that is coming out, Dear Me: Letters to my 16 Year Old Self Dear 16 year old me... I know life seems hard right now, and I know that it really is. You are holding on to so much pain, you are holding onto so much anger, some of it rightful anger, some of it is anger at yourself. I know you don’t want to see what I’m saying, but you need to. You need to know that everything will be ok. I have some words of wisdom for you, some of them will be very hard to stomach, some of them you have known for a long time... but you haven’t wanted to admit it. Do not feel bad that you are interested in women, do not feel bad that the way they feel in your hands, how they smell, how they make your heart beat faster. I’m not saying that every relationship you get into will be perfect, it will be hard sometimes, but the good will eventually weight out the bad. These women, they are the part of your life that will hold everything together when life gets tough... and it will get tough... I wish I could say that it didn’t, but it does. There are some things, some life lessons that will help you, some things you need to learn to help guide you on your way. Please, Ash, keep reading, I will give you some lessons, this will help to ease the pain you are feeling, the belief that you are less than human, less than perfect. The first, and most important thing I want you to know, is you are perfect, just the way you are. I know you are trying to fit into a world you know you don’t belong in, I know you are trying to talk and hear and act just like everyone else, but that isn’t who you are. You are queer, don’t be afraid of that part of your life. You are deaf, I know your whole life people have been telling you that you aren’t deaf, that you are just “hard of hearing”... that isn’t true, and you have known this for a very long time. You have known that you would never hear like other people, and... you are beginning to realize now that you don’t want to. You are now 16 years old, and you have never heard things like other people, you feel as if you have been told from the time you were little that you do things wrong, because you hear with your eyes, not your ears... but people always try to make you hear with your ears. They have belittled you because of your speech, because it isn’t clear enough. They have belittled you because you misunderstand them on a regular basis, because you want to find people who understand who you are. This brings me to another piece of advice, don’t let them make you feel less, don’t let them... don’t let them make you feel less, take this and let it empower you. Learn sign language, take the chance, it is your natural language, you have been deprived of it, and you know it. Your speech will never get better, but with sign, you will be able to understand so much more, you will have the chance to feel better about yourself, the chance to know people like you, the chance to be part of a wonderful community. You will eventually learn, but the sooner the better. Quit speech therapy, do it now, it hasn’t helped since you were 10, no matter if you listen to me or not, you will stop doing speech therapy soon. Learn your rights, you have never been given that chance. My final piece of advice, learn to love, actually love. Learn to love your family, even those who hurt you the most, learn before its too late. Learn to love yourself too, with learning to love yourself and love others, you will let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been caused to you, and will make you a happier person. Even your father, learn to love him too, before its too late... get to know him again, learn to forgive the pain he put you through, and get to know who he has changed into. Soon he will get very sick, and you need to know him before its too late... or you will never forgive yourself. I’m not telling you that this will change everything in your life for the better, that you will never be in pain, that you will never do something you will eventually regret... but remember, eventually things will get better. Just be who you are, and never forget to love yourself. Sincerely, wisdom that comes deafdyke and Ildri like this. __________________ with a capital D, more than just a state of being, its family, belonging, home "Love and dreams are miraculous, they don't need to be heard or said or translated, only felt" That Deaf Girl

10-23-2011, 12:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jazzberry Registered User Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: New York State Posts: 761 Blog Entries: 2	Dear 16 Year Old Me, * Learn ASL. * Next year apply to NTID. * Keep in mind, your family and teachers are doing what's easiest for them and not what's in your best interests. Lots of love and best of luck, Future Me __________________ I was a mainstreamed "solitaire". I'm currently learning ASL. My hearing loss ranges from moderate to profound; my audiogram and speech discrimination are posted here.

10-23-2011, 06:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,504 Blog Entries: 3	Dear 16 year old me... -stop trying to fit in with the cool crowd. They will betray your best friend a year later in the dance competitions so not the kind of people you want to be friends. -stop bothering your mom for a brand new car...your mom is struggling to make ends meet as a single mom -appreciate your mom more instead of fighting with her constantly -invest more time on your softball career instead of on boys -learn ASL and stop being ashamed of being deaf __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

10-23-2011, 09:04 PM	#13 (permalink)
KristinaB New SDIT Deacon Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Land of the backstroke Posts: 13,856	Dear 16 y/o me: Don't sleep with him, it will make for some heartache down the road. Please realize that it's not your parent's fault. Ask the people in the mobile Speech & Hearing van outside your public school what would be beneficial for you. Really, really pay attention to that ASL class you took at PBJC and try hard to remember it and practice it all the time. Don't be so hard on your parents. Never accept the word of either of your brother's as being Gospel. __________________ Taking life one day at a time.

10-23-2011, 09:35 PM	#14 (permalink)
mbrek Premium Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,512 Blog Entries: 1	Dear me (16), • Be patient finding love. I know it seems like it will never happen, but it will. • When you do find love, do not cling to it! I know that first one will seem like the forever kind, but it's not! Be ok with letting that first be just that; the first one (not the only). • Go to college! There are other options besides the big university that scares you. • Be strong. Be confident in who you are. Don't be so afraid of what others think about you. Stand up straight and smile at others. • Enjoy time with your dad... you'll only have a few more years with him. • And as incredible as this sounds, the brother you get along with the least now is the one you will eventually get along with the most later. Really. __________________ Sarcasm - just another little service I offer.

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

10-22-2011, 07:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sunshine Banned Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Home of Canucks! Posts: 3,269 Blog Entries: 2	Dear 16 year old me, Break up Dallas. ASAP. He lie. He wrong. Smart Sun

10-23-2011, 12:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
deafdyke Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Trebekistan Posts: 13,234	PFH, why huh? I had a canalplasty (reconstruction of the ear canal) as a teen. Back then I had not accepted myself as a HOH person...I thought I really wanted to be hearing....it wasn't until after my surgery that I fully accepted myself as a HOH person. It's exactly like the way Kate Bornstien had sex reassignment surgery to become a woman, after being born a man and then realized that the problem was how gender was defined, and how our society has very strict gender roles.

10-23-2011, 12:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
khrixmrozh Registered User Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, USA Posts: 38	If I could contact my 16-year-old self, I would have advised the following: Don't bother with Driver's Ed. It's a waste of 70 bucks because the 'rents won't sign for a license anyway. Stop bullying Nate so much. He has the same problem with the 'rents. Gang up on them instead. Stop belittling yourself just because you can't seem to conform to Mormon standards. You won't be a Mormon anyway. Go to Weber. It's a much better place than Utah State and they really have the true help you need. Take ASL. You'll need it as you lose the rest of the good hearing you have. It's inevitable. Don't bother applying at Apple Tree nursing home. They are jerks and that is something you don't need. You don't necessarily need to be good at math to be successful. Tap into to the creative side because there is a viable future in it. You have empathy. It makes you a strong person. You will have a fun Senior year. Look forward to that. But watch out for Leedy. She might give you a U even though you were only fetching the Comtek. Maybe Karren can get it suspended. However, the U make up won't be so bad. Just pay 10 bucks and Jones will only keep you an hour, not 3. College will be intense, stressful, especially as you learn about the world away from the Kaysville microcosm. Some things, like bisexuality, will be hard to accept. Don't let the Mormon background cloud the real truth. Stay open to people. You will be fine. Allow them to take you where you need to go to be happy. Finally, don't despair. You will find love. That love is enduring to this day and I feel that we are together for life. It won't take too much trial and error. But, be careful. Some friends are emotionally sensitive and they may hold out false hope. Be firm and tell them again and again how you really feel about them. There will be times where money is tight. But it always works out and you will be happy anyway. Me

10-23-2011, 01:13 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mintee Banned Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: East Coast Posts: 771	Dear 16 year old Kate- Your boyfriend is no good and he's holding you back from having fun. You are a strong person deep down inside. Stop letting people walk all over you and start standing up for yourself. *Dump your boyfriend and go for Travis. He's a nice guy and you have a lot in common with him. (too bad my young dumb self didn't..it would have turned into something great. wonder what Travis is up to these days.)

10-23-2011, 06:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
posts from hell Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 9,433	For me: Keep on doing these two things, don't quit 'em.

10-24-2011, 08:16 AM	#15 (permalink)
Miss-Delectable V.I.P. Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 17,174 Blog Entries: 3	Keep the weight off. Made my nephews and nieces learn Auslan __________________ "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller

11-09-2011, 07:20 AM	#18 (permalink)
Eighty Registered User Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Rochester Posts: 138	Wow what a neat yet very scary concept. If I had chance to contact my 16 years old, I dont think I would. I wouldnt want to risk changing my future, lose my family then end up with completely different family. Unless, my 16 years old self is located in different linearity of parallel universe, but I doubt that my words would help him much.

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