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Inspired by a new book that is coming out, Dear Me: Letters to my 16 Year Old Self
Dear 16 year old me...
I know life seems hard right now, and I know that it really is. You are holding on to so much pain, you are holding onto so much anger, some of it rightful anger, some of it is anger at yourself. I know you don’t want to see what I’m saying, but you need to. You need to know that everything will be ok. I have some words of wisdom for you, some of them will be very hard to stomach, some of them you have known for a long time... but you haven’t wanted to admit it.
Do not feel bad that you are interested in women, do not feel bad that the way they feel in your hands, how they smell, how they make your heart beat faster. I’m not saying that every relationship you get into will be perfect, it will be hard sometimes, but the good will eventually weight out the bad. These women, they are the part of your life that will hold everything together when life gets tough... and it will get tough... I wish I could say that it didn’t, but it does. There are some things, some life lessons that will help you, some things you need to learn to help guide you on your way.
Please, Ash, keep reading, I will give you some lessons, this will help to ease the pain you are feeling, the belief that you are less than human, less than perfect. The first, and most important thing I want you to know, is you are perfect, just the way you are. I know you are trying to fit into a world you know you don’t belong in, I know you are trying to talk and hear and act just like everyone else, but that isn’t who you are. You are queer, don’t be afraid of that part of your life. You are deaf, I know your whole life people have been telling you that you aren’t deaf, that you are just “hard of hearing”... that isn’t true, and you have known this for a very long time. You have known that you would never hear like other people, and... you are beginning to realize now that you don’t want to. You are now 16 years old, and you have never heard things like other people, you feel as if you have been told from the time you were little that you do things wrong, because you hear with your eyes, not your ears... but people always try to make you hear with your ears. They have belittled you because of your speech, because it isn’t clear enough.
They have belittled you because you misunderstand them on a regular basis, because you want to find people who understand who you are. This brings me to another piece of advice, don’t let them make you feel less, don’t let them... don’t let them make you feel less, take this and let it empower you. Learn sign language, take the chance, it is your natural language, you have been deprived of it, and you know it. Your speech will never get better, but with sign, you will be able to understand so much more, you will have the chance to feel better about yourself, the chance to know people like you, the chance to be part of a wonderful community. You will eventually learn, but the sooner the better. Quit speech therapy, do it now, it hasn’t helped since you were 10, no matter if you listen to me or not, you will stop doing speech therapy soon. Learn your rights, you have never been given that chance.
My final piece of advice, learn to love, actually love. Learn to love your family, even those who hurt you the most, learn before its too late. Learn to love yourself too, with learning to love yourself and love others, you will let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been caused to you, and will make you a happier person. Even your father, learn to love him too, before its too late... get to know him again, learn to forgive the pain he put you through, and get to know who he has changed into. Soon he will get very sick, and you need to know him before its too late... or you will never forgive yourself.
I’m not telling you that this will change everything in your life for the better, that you will never be in pain, that you will never do something you will eventually regret... but remember, eventually things will get better. Just be who you are, and never forget to love yourself.
Sincerely,
wisdom that comes
Dear 16 year old me...
I know life seems hard right now, and I know that it really is. You are holding on to so much pain, you are holding onto so much anger, some of it rightful anger, some of it is anger at yourself. I know you don’t want to see what I’m saying, but you need to. You need to know that everything will be ok. I have some words of wisdom for you, some of them will be very hard to stomach, some of them you have known for a long time... but you haven’t wanted to admit it.
Do not feel bad that you are interested in women, do not feel bad that the way they feel in your hands, how they smell, how they make your heart beat faster. I’m not saying that every relationship you get into will be perfect, it will be hard sometimes, but the good will eventually weight out the bad. These women, they are the part of your life that will hold everything together when life gets tough... and it will get tough... I wish I could say that it didn’t, but it does. There are some things, some life lessons that will help you, some things you need to learn to help guide you on your way.
Please, Ash, keep reading, I will give you some lessons, this will help to ease the pain you are feeling, the belief that you are less than human, less than perfect. The first, and most important thing I want you to know, is you are perfect, just the way you are. I know you are trying to fit into a world you know you don’t belong in, I know you are trying to talk and hear and act just like everyone else, but that isn’t who you are. You are queer, don’t be afraid of that part of your life. You are deaf, I know your whole life people have been telling you that you aren’t deaf, that you are just “hard of hearing”... that isn’t true, and you have known this for a very long time. You have known that you would never hear like other people, and... you are beginning to realize now that you don’t want to. You are now 16 years old, and you have never heard things like other people, you feel as if you have been told from the time you were little that you do things wrong, because you hear with your eyes, not your ears... but people always try to make you hear with your ears. They have belittled you because of your speech, because it isn’t clear enough.
They have belittled you because you misunderstand them on a regular basis, because you want to find people who understand who you are. This brings me to another piece of advice, don’t let them make you feel less, don’t let them... don’t let them make you feel less, take this and let it empower you. Learn sign language, take the chance, it is your natural language, you have been deprived of it, and you know it. Your speech will never get better, but with sign, you will be able to understand so much more, you will have the chance to feel better about yourself, the chance to know people like you, the chance to be part of a wonderful community. You will eventually learn, but the sooner the better. Quit speech therapy, do it now, it hasn’t helped since you were 10, no matter if you listen to me or not, you will stop doing speech therapy soon. Learn your rights, you have never been given that chance.
My final piece of advice, learn to love, actually love. Learn to love your family, even those who hurt you the most, learn before its too late. Learn to love yourself too, with learning to love yourself and love others, you will let go of all the pain and all the hurt that has been caused to you, and will make you a happier person. Even your father, learn to love him too, before its too late... get to know him again, learn to forgive the pain he put you through, and get to know who he has changed into. Soon he will get very sick, and you need to know him before its too late... or you will never forgive yourself.
I’m not telling you that this will change everything in your life for the better, that you will never be in pain, that you will never do something you will eventually regret... but remember, eventually things will get better. Just be who you are, and never forget to love yourself.
Sincerely,
wisdom that comes
