Why are people treating me like the way they are?

S

Strong

New Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2012
Messages
104
Reaction score
0
Hello strangers, long time no talk!

I'm back in school after a long awesome summer. I am going to keep this post short and sweet. I'm in a nursing school so my class consists of 15 people unlike the size of lectures. I have a Cochlear Implant and a heavy thick accent as well. However I will be starting speech therapy hopefully at the end of this month or by next month so I'm happy that I got that covered.

In school, what I've noticed is that whenever I'm in a small group - a maximum of 3 people - the members don't make eye contact with me. I'm not exaggerating, I'm only observing what's going on around me.

For example, I have two girls sitting at my sides so I'm in the middle of the whole group. What I've observed is that the girl to my left would make eye contact with the girl on my right side. Why is that? I even contribute to discussion and talk about whatever the assignment is about. I even listen and participate in the conversation but how come no one is making eye contact with me? Perhaps it's my speech that's causing this different behaviour in people. Perhaps these people don't want to talk to me as a "deaf" person.

Why is this? Have you been in this situation before?
 
Frisky Feline said:
Do they understand what you are saying??
Click to expand...

Yes, they do. Even when I talk to them one-to-one, they would give correct responses to my question. What I've noticed is that they nod when they understand me.

It's just that it seems no one wants to put in an effort to initiate a conversation with me. I always have to be the one no matter what.
 
Welcome to the Deaf World. Do you sign ASL or are you having CART to help you understand what hearing people including the hearing teacher in your classroom? Are there other deaf or hard of hearing people with you?

Sometimes the girls nod whether they hear you or not. If they don't understand what you are saying or maybe the conversation was boring, then maybe you can try text or write down on papers to communicate with them. The girls might only want hearing for themselves, not with you. I might be wrong on these. CI does not make you fully hearing to carry on conversation. So you have to find around making conversations with them. If not interest from them, then you have to find a new friend in your corner like move on to the next step. I hope I make sense. :)
 
Do you read lips a lot ? I find that some people get very uptight about this and think I am being rude by looking right at their face when I am trying to read their lips. They have no idea what I am doing, they think it rude unless I tell them I am reading their lips.
 
They are probably friends and are just being close as friends do. You should know, deaf are not always accepted into groups. However, you should be able to work in a group with these people as well.

Don't take it personally. Try to focus on your work. You'll make friends too.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
Do you read lips a lot ? I find that some people get very uptight about this and think I am being rude by looking right at their face when I am trying to read their lips. They have no idea what I am doing, they think it rude unless I tell them I am reading their lips.
Click to expand...

How are they thinking it's rude when you are looking at their faces/lips? What did they say or do?

I'm curious because I've been reading lips all my life and I've never got that reaction from other people. Hearing people do look at faces when they talk to each other so it doesn't look too strange when we read lips.
 
MangaReader said:
How are they thinking it's rude when you are looking at their faces/lips? What did they say or do?

I'm curious because I've been reading lips all my life and I've never got that reaction from other people. Hearing people do look at faces when they talk to each other so it doesn't look too strange when we read lips.
Click to expand...

I had been told I as being rude when I kept looking at girl face she was from Iran and I had trouble understanding her and she told someone I was very rude . Other people just feel uptight about it ,they do not say anything , it show in their body language . Hearing people do not look at a person face the whole time they're talking .
 
They may be trying to be politically correct. I work with differently abled kids, and whenever we go out people "look without looking." They may just not fully understand your situation and, since they don't know you well, aren't sure whether you would take them looking right at you as "staring" at you (or your cochlear) and come off as impolite.

Even though some people out there are plain old jerks, I always try and think of the most positive reasons people might be doing something we find offensive because I've found, in the end, it's usually ignorance rather than true animosity. You might try saying in a really kind way, "I've noticed that sometimes you guys seem sort of afraid to look at me. I want you to know that I'm just another person in this group and even though we might be a little different, I'm just a person like you. No need to feel uncomfortable."

Can you tell I have done therapy to overcome my incredibly negative attitude about, well, most things? LOL.
 
MangaReader said:
How are they thinking it's rude when you are looking at their faces/lips? What did they say or do?

I'm curious because I've been reading lips all my life and I've never got that reaction from other people. Hearing people do look at faces when they talk to each other so it doesn't look too strange when we read lips.
Click to expand...

I see them sometimes cover their mouth because they think you are staring at their teeth or something.
 
Bottesini said:
I see them sometimes cover their mouth because they think you are staring at their teeth or something.
Click to expand...

I had my hair cut yesterday and I could not help but stare at hairdresser b/c her nose has booger hanging out of it. :giggle:
 
Why don't you ask one of them - or address everyone - at the right moment,
" I've noticed no one make eye contact with me, is there any particular reason why not? perhaps my CI makes you uncomfortable, or... ? please don't be shy, do tell me" - with big smile .

Fuzzy
 
There is a lot of self obsessed people around these days, who care little for other peoples feelings, im trying to get use to people calling me 'deafy' without wanting to punch them in the face. The funny things is some of these people who call me deafy, well theres many names I could call them due to their own vulnerabilities/short-comings that they seem oblivious too, funny that, but deep down they make me sick.

I don't know what what else to say except get use to it and try to stay around more accepting people.
 
why it not been explained to them your situation.....I would thought be classroom assistents to sort it out
 
Haxsaw said:
There is a lot of self obsessed people around these days, who care little for other peoples feelings, im trying to get use to people calling me 'deafy' without wanting to punch them in the face. The funny things is some of these people who call me deafy, well theres many names I could call them due to their own vulnerabilities/short-comings that they seem oblivious too, funny that, but deep down they make me sick.

I don't know what what else to say except get use to it and try to stay around more accepting people.
Click to expand...

You could say "Yes I am HOH, how long have you been stupid where you born that way or what?
 
people often wary of the unknown so education education ,if you feeling you want slap them in face then friendships be problematic
 
In the 35 plus years that I have been hard of hearing or deaf. I have been reading lips all my life. There is a little something that you should know. When you're reading someone's lips and they start to get nervous and they don't know you. Tell them that your are reading their lips and the reason why. If they don't run away screaming your in good shape. Oh watch for glass breaking when they are talking to you. Sometimes they will talk really LOUD.
 
Back
Top