When one of your parents dies...

me_punctured

me_punctured

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What do you do to cope with grief?
 
I can answer this for you!!

me_punctured said:
What do you do to cope with grief?
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I can answer this for you. My husband father recently died from Lung Cancer. He was only 58 years old. I know my husband is griefing for his father. He doesn't show it. But i know it there. He talk about his father to my kids. He tell them a story of his father eg. what he father did to him when he was a young boy, taking him to a holidays of a lifetime etc.. My children loves it. That his way of griefing. Not only that, our daughter died nearly 5 years ago soon. We were heartbroken. At time goes by, we talk about her and wonder what she is like or who she is like..and we tell our girls about their sister. It will get easier..Time is a great healer...But you will never get over the death of a child who didn't get a chance to live. Whereas my husband's father live 58 years of his life. Does that answer your question?
 
My husband lost his father at age 22 (the father was only 49) when I was with him (we were only together for six months when his father suddenly died from his first heart attack) two years ago.

He just swallowed and bottled up his grief for first few weeks. His mother and I were getting worried about him for not "venting"... so I expressed my concerns to him for bottling up his emotions and that it will harm him in a long term. I did tell him that I didn't WANT to see him crying but I noticed that he wasn't being "normal" and reminded him that I am here, his mother is there for him, his brother is here for him as well...
He ended up unscrewing his bottled emotions and recovered as he talked about the things he remembered about Dad in childhood (and shared the memories with his brother as well who will fill in gaps since he is older than him and remembered things more). He was worried that he would forget his father completedly.
So to spare him the fear, I put up some "memoribilia" of his father-- such as the Smurf that Dad always had in his truck-- It is the Mason Smurf to represent Dad's career in masonry... I put it on his shelf so every time my husband wants to remember Dad, he can look over to that smurf smiling at him.
I think overall to have pictures and symbols of his Dad did help him moving on. He is now stronger when he can talk about his Dad in front of people. Yesterday, we laughed as we talked about strange signs our parents signed-- and I reminded my husband of his Dad's OLD sign for "thief" with handshape H and you whisk it away from your nose-- as if you got a moustache. It was cute!
:) Talking about your parent helps if you do have a good relationship with him-- the ups and downs, the affectionate memories, and many more.
 
Yes as same my husband does... He accept and move on due his late cousin(Lori-Annie) and used to be closer each together and had great memories treasures since childhood and teenagers.. until he turns 22 yrs old and felt suddnely sadness, pain and emotions cap little bit too long... Until he decide blew himself and talk all the way about his late cousin... I was there tag along w/him attend the funeral for his late cousin.. when I was pregnant.. I managed w/him.. I'm glad he accept and kept his treasure stored his memory. Which good thing.. :)
A year later, My husband's grandpa passed away due parkisten (loss his memory not recoglized anyone name) and already been accepted because his grandpa's health reason.. but not late cousin which huge freak car accident in the winter. That reason he not even say good bye to his late cousin.. that reason!

as same Gnarlydorkette!

As for me, Accept easy ongoing and let go reason their pain goes away. Just felt greivences and already miss'em. I know I cannot keep you too long and wanted to stay.. isn't my type because not part of selfish.. want let you go as your ease no feel pain and departing goes to heaven... That what I wanted to... make them happy..
 
I'm 41 yrs old. I lost my father when I was 21 and he was almost 60. I have 5 older siblings. I lost my mother when I was 33 yrs old and she was almost 70. I had been thru the griefings TWICE. It was very, very painful. It was so awful!!!!! I loved my parents so, so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very, very close relationships!!

Now, I am so afraid to lose my husband or my children because I don't want to go thru the griefing again sooner. I reallly really am so precious of my husband and my children. My daughter is almost 13 and my son is 10. It's not very funny!!!

When my Dad died, I was so very, very sad for a while and then, I was okay but then my Mom died, I got very, very angry and I blamed to God very, very bad and then, God talked to me in my dream when I was sleeping. I was so shocked and now, I am much closer to God and am very, very happy. But I still don't want to have another griefing sooner - too much painfuls. God told me not to worry because my husband, my kids and I will live much longer than my parents' ages when they died. I hope that was His messages. God gave me a lot of supports which was wonderful.
 
My husband's mother died several years ago, but a day doesn't go by that he misses her a little. You NEVER get too old to need your Mom.

I think missing a loved one is a beautiful thing actually - sad and hard - but such a beautiful sign of how much we love and need one another.
 
My father died when I was age 20 and right after high school graduation in 1996. My dad died in November of that year. I took it very hard and was so angry that I left home out of respect for my mom. I was a very dangerous individual by then because of being so angry. I wandered the streets of America in many different states and I was homeless on drugs and fighting everywhere I went, I drank whatever I could drink and ran with some very dangerous wrong crowd and I worked both illegal and law abiding jobs then when 9/11 happened I came home and my mom was so happy to see me home safe because I did not really keep in touch that much as my mom would have liked me to. It was a long road back to where I was before. Things are much better in some ways and I still think of my dad but I try to move on with my life. It is not easy and never will be easy. There are some nights I wish I could ask my dad for advice or something that I can come talk to him about but I try to think " What would my dad have done in that situation? What would he be saying ? What would he do ? What would his advice be ? " The only thing I wish was that my children when I find the right woman to marry that my children would have been able to know who my father, their grandpa was because my dad would have made a very awesome and a happy grandfather booming with happiness and a strong laughter for the grandchildren. I know that my father is smiling today in Heaven. God Bless You My Dad .... God Bless.....
 
Your social support systems are by far one of the most important healing resources. Humans have an innate and powerful need to know they are valued and respected by others. This need is only so much more tremendous during sorrowful times. It is very helpful to know your friends are there, and that they won't steal your bran until things get better. ;)
 
I'd like to echo Endy's statement, but also expand on it. During times of grief, it's typical for the grieving to push away those around them. I think the key to getting through something difficult without completely losing all of your sanity is making sure you have a strong network of friends and family that you can talk to, or even just sit with. I think that is what ultimately will determine how you handle the situation.
 
Thanks, everyone, for the warm and heartfelt responses. I was not anticipating this and will respond to them individually later.
 
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