When expecting a child, would you want it to be deaf?

Etoile said:
I am surprised nobody has mentioned the deaf lesbian women in the DC area who wanted a deaf baby. They specifically chose a sperm donor who has generations of deaf in his family. They had a deaf son. Unfortunately he died a couple of years later because of a heart problem, but it was not related to being deaf. I collected a bunch of news articles about it, you can read my collection here. The last article on the page is the one that started the controversy by the way.
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I mentioned it without being specific. Thought it was in Canada. Will have a look at your collection. Thanks.

Just went there. Good info, but pitty some of the links are too old.
Thanks anyway.
 
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I really appreciate Cloggy.. He's a good buddy :hug:
He wants to understand deaf world and asks questions ..There is nothing wrong with his style of behaivor.. Welcome again this society :)

As for the question, I probably won't have a deaf child since there is no deaf or hoh people from my mother side and I have my perfectly hearing mother's genetics as well.. My other brother and my sisters are perfectly hearing.. ANYWAY, it doesn't make any difference to me if I have a deaf child or not.
 
My two cents: I've been involved with advocacy in a disability organization for most of my life. The vast majority of people born with this disability are the "index case" - that is, they are the first in their family with the disability, even if you look way back in their family tree.

It takes parents time to figure out what's what. First they wonder: can my child live a full life? Will my child have a career, a significant other, children of their own? Will they be happy? Then, they wonder: how will my child feel about their disability? Will they maybe blame me if they're not happy, regardless of whether it's my fault? Then: I've accepted my child. But how hard will their life be?

This is all normal. Every parent exposed to a disability they're not familiar with goes through it; everyone who acquires a disability later in life goes through it; every child born with a disability goes through it. So while I think Cloggy has accepted that his (her?) daughter is deaf, there's still a stage where he/she is trying to figure out which way is up. Add that to a possible language barrier, and it's not surprising that perhaps Cloggy's questions aren't being perceived as 'sensitive' - but what we have to remember is that Cloggy is trying; this is just not an overnight thing.
 
Cloggy said:
I mentioned it without being specific. Thought it was in Canada. Will have a look at your collection. Thanks.

Just went there. Good info, but pitty some of the links are too old.
Thanks anyway.
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I'm actually updating several of the links and tossing out the ones I can't find archives for. So hopefully it will be brought up to date soon. It's too bad USA-L News is no longer providing archives. Glad you liked looking at the links though.

I chatted with one of the mothers briefly and I know an interpreter who is friends with the family. Personally I didn't see anything wrong with them wanting to have a deaf baby - it's like a black couple who wants to adopt a baby and so they look for a black baby. They can identify with the baby better that way. If deafness was crippling - if deaf people couldn't have a good quality of life - then maybe it would be cruel to want a deaf baby just so you could be like your baby. But deaf people have very good lives, so I don't think it's bad to want a deaf baby at all.
 
Etoile said:
If deafness was crippling - if deaf people couldn't have a good quality of life - then maybe it would be cruel to want a deaf baby just so you could be like your baby. But deaf people have very good lives, so I don't think it's bad to want a deaf baby at all.
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I don't think it's bad to want a deaf baby, either...it boils down to personal preferences no matter how ya look at it...deaf parents, yes, would definitely have the advantage of being able to relate to a deaf child. ABSOLUTELY. However, there are some people who really had a hard time with their childhoods, with fitting in, among other issues such as CI's, adjustment with school...the list goes on.

I also don't think, that for these reasons, it's wrong to want your child to be hearing - even if only for the sake of sparing this child some all-too-familiar discomfort...ya know? ;) All parents are different...I'm very certain that a good parent would love and be proud of their child regardless of whether the child is hearing or deaf.
 
Cloggy said:
No...

For me, when we were expecting it never occured to me that our child could be deaf. There's no history in the family.
But for any new pregnancies, I would like the child to be able to hear.
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Thanks,
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecevit
...it doesn't make any difference to me if I have a deaf child or not.

Same for me.

See above what you said for any new pregnancies that you would like the child to be able to hear then now you dont mind eh !!
 
ismi said:
My two cents: I've been involved with advocacy in a disability organization for most of my life. The vast majority of people born with this disability are the "index case" - that is, they are the first in their family with the disability, even if you look way back in their family tree.

It takes parents time to figure out what's what. First they wonder: can my child live a full life? Will my child have a career, a significant other, children of their own? Will they be happy? Then, they wonder: how will my child feel about their disability? Will they maybe blame me if they're not happy, regardless of whether it's my fault? Then: I've accepted my child. But how hard will their life be?

This is all normal. Every parent exposed to a disability they're not familiar with goes through it; everyone who acquires a disability later in life goes through it; every child born with a disability goes through it. So while I think Cloggy has accepted that his (her?) daughter is deaf, there's still a stage where he/she is trying to figure out which way is up. Add that to a possible language barrier, and it's not surprising that perhaps Cloggy's questions aren't being perceived as 'sensitive' - but what we have to remember is that Cloggy is trying; this is just not an overnight thing.
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There's something else, that I think I would be feeling if I were in his position...

I would be questioning myself, I think. I'd be afraid that I might not be able to be a good enough parent, that I wouldn't find out all of the best things for my child. I would accept a deaf child, for sure. Confidence in myself, to be the best mother possible for this child, would be a whole other issue for awhile.

Does this make sense?
 
I do often wondered what it would be like if I was born " hearing " and I do believe that I would be a very different person but it's not necessarily means to become a better person but to be able to hear the sound of the world etc but I learn to accept my own deafness as I grew, and I also learn that being deaf isn't so bad at all, I met all kinds of people, and this is what made me feel special because I'm not the same as everyone else but different, and I like to feel different I feel that my own deafness made me feel more stronger and defined I believe that this world is meant to have people of all different kinds, whether it may be sexual gender, religion, disability and race etc. this makes what our world as it is today as learning to accept and treat people the same, because we are no different than any of you, if our world only for everyone to hear, then it would be soo dull, because I love meeting so many different people and learing about their cultures, etc and what it like being deaf, hanciapped etc...There's nothing in the world I would want to change my child or myself, I learn to accept myself as being deaf, and it's a great feeling because it made me feel special somehow, having a deaf child is a gift from above, because we have a reason why God gave us deaf children or why we became deaf, and we learn how to fit in with both hearing and the deaf world, and learning from each others is just awesome....We are put on this world to face barriers and obstacles whether we like it or not. This is part of life and we deal from whatever choices we do make for our children whether they're deaf or hearing...We should learn from each others and not try to change ourselves and Why should anyone be given the right to choose to have deaf or hearing baby?, why should it matter?, I think it's kind of selfish in a way of wanted a hearing baby instead of a deaf baby, when we have devices to help our children hear,I'm not going to pick because I will accept both hearing and deaf and I'm not going to sit here and worry about what if my baby is born deaf, when I know there's tools out there that will provide the needs for my deaf child, the most important thing is give our children whether they're deaf or hearing alot of love and attention, that is what every child needs from both of their parents....
 
If I was really honest, I would say I would like my child to be deaf.

Why? well here in Britian we have an amazing close deaf community here, where everyone knows each other and I love that sense of closeness.

I feel that if my child was hearing they wouldnt be part of that, they would feel torn between two worlds - the hearing and the deaf.

But saying that if I had a child who was hearing, I wouldnt go and have a tandum! I would be happy that I have a child who belongs to me!
 
Cheri said:
:roll:

I don't understand why it is a big deal about deaf children. To be honest this thread reminds me so much of my mother who called the hospital the day my son was born asking if my son was deaf or hearing, if he was deaf she was not gotta come to the hospital. You know some hearing parents starting to rub me the wrong way now. :pissed:
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I know exactly what you mean, Cheri. When Mayflower was 3 years old, her mom suspected that there was something wrong with her. So she took Mayflower to the hospital for an evaluation. Mayflower was given a complete workup, and her mother was told to return in a few days to get the results. When she returned, she left little Mayflower in the downstairs child care center and went upstairs to hear the results of Mayflower’s evaluation. They told Mayflower’s mom that her child had a substantial hearing loss. Mom was so ‘traumatized’ by the news that she walked out of the hospital, got into her car, and drove several blocks before she suddenly remembered that she had left Mayflower at the hospital in the day care room. Fucking pathetic. :roll:
 
i agree with cheri, GA...


i think better close thread cuz of some people dont comfortable talk abt that and it can cause people feeling hurt in past what parents did...
 
AMEN TweetyBirdie! I agreed that this thread need to be locked!

TweetyBird said:
i agree with cheri, GA...


i think better close thread cuz of some people dont comfortable talk abt that and it can cause people feeling hurt in past what parents did...
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Whether we have deaf baby or hearing baby, we would love it just the same. In matter of fact, if it was a deaf baby, we would rejoice because we both are deaf parents. But if we were hearing parents, we would research to find best education for the deaf baby and love the baby the mostest that we can. smile!
 
Malfoyish said:
Now - that being said...I'll admit that growing up deaf was NOT easy on me. I was picked on, abused, tortured by kids in school, I often went home crying because they'd play monkey-in-the-middle with my hearing aid in the schoolyard. It was almost ALWAYS about my deafness and my peers' inability to be sensitive towards me.

So, no, I really wouldn't wish that my child go through some of the same issues I did.)
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Deaf people are not the ONLY ones getting picked on, Why do you think there are bullies at school? Everyone get picked on even the who get upset easily or who have trouble sticking up for themselves. Hell even my two boys get bullied in school and they are hearing! It makes no differences. Kids are kids, there are gotta be bad kids, and there are gotta be good kids. No one deserves to be bullied.
 
CutePommie said:
Thanks,
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecevit
...it doesn't make any difference to me if I have a deaf child or not.

Same for me.

See above what you said for any new pregnancies that you would like the child to be able to hear then now you dont mind eh !!
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OK, here's where all the commotion starts.. jumping to conclusions.

What I said, or what I meant was: I doesn't matter if it is hearing or deaf, but I wish for the child that it can hear.... I want my children to experience sound. (Beyond hearing loud noises.... just to prevent you saying "But I can hear loud noises) You might not care about not having sound but I do.
 
Cloggy said:
OK, here's where all the commotion starts.. jumping to conclusions."But I can hear loud noises) You might not care about not having sound but I do.
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Ok, Let me ask you this question, What would u prefer a deaf child or a blind child? and why?
 
Cloggy said:
What I said, or what I meant was: I doesn't matter if it is hearing or deaf, but I wish for the child that it can hear.... I want my children to experience sound. (Beyond hearing loud noises.... just to prevent you saying "But I can hear loud noises) You might not care about not having sound but I do.
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Why do you prefer to have a " hearing " child just to hear the sounds? what wrong with a " deaf " child being able to hear the sounds with the use of either CI implants or hearing aids?
 
Rose Immortal said:
There's something else, that I think I would be feeling if I were in his position...

I would be questioning myself, I think. I'd be afraid that I might not be able to be a good enough parent, that I wouldn't find out all of the best things for my child. I would accept a deaf child, for sure. Confidence in myself, to be the best mother possible for this child, would be a whole other issue for awhile.

Does this make sense?
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It does.... But I can truly say that we never questionned our ability to raise a deaf child. (and this was before we new about CI).

To all.....(Not just Rose Immortal)
But every time we get back to acceptance. Why is it so hard to believe that one can accept a deaf child AND give her the ability to hear?
You drive a car.... why don't you accept that you have legs to walk?
 
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