Walking away from ASL

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Megan8987

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For those of you who don't know me, my name is Megan and I'm 23yrs old and work as a Nanny to a adorable 2yr old girl. I've been teaching Haley signs since she was 10mo old and as of right now she has a 220 signing vocab. I'm not fluent in ASL by any means, I'm still learning myself. The family I work for has been one of the best things that's happened to me and enjoy using Sign with Haley. I've been turning my voice off and signing to Haley. She's doing really well reading the signs, just trying to get her to sign back in more then just "yes" or "no". I was told to not talk as I signed, it was considered rude in the Deaf community. So I told the mom that I was no longer signing and talking at the same time, and Haley either whispers or doesnt talk at all when she signs. Her mom was thrilled at her progress and joked that she better catch up on her signing skills. Well when I told the dad the progress he asked me to not have her not talk when she signs. He said that he didnt want to discourage her speaking. I told him it was considered rude to the Deaf and his response was "well she's not deaf." I just kind of :eek3: . I was actually a lost for words and I felt myself choking up and made a quick exit. I guess he figured he hurt my feelings because he tried telling me that when he's seen someone sign that they mouth the words, and maybe not having a child sign and talk was were parents feared the delay in speech. I told him it didnt work like that, but its cool. I went to my car and cried...cried for so many reasons. I cried because I now know its futile to try and teach Haley ASL because if her dads afraid not talking as she signs will delay speech then I can only imagine what he'd think of ASL. I cried because its so hard to find ways to sign everyday. I have no one to sign with. My family tries, but the communication barrier has me more frustrated then inspired. I have to study for my ASVAB (get into the Navy), I have 4 step-kids, one who has severe anger problems thats getting out of hand and we're at a lost trying to find someone to help, one who has horrible reading and spelling skills and we have to spend extra time teaching him, one child who is such a mommas boy that he pushes me away, and one who wants to move in so badly she cries everytime she has to go home. My fiance had a stroke in september so I am the only working person in our house, and I try putting in as many hours as possible. I literally feel drained and I want to give on any loves I have...even if that means ASL. Sorry for the rant...I needed somewhere to vent.
 
:hug:
WOW you have been taking everything onto your shoulders. Don't give up on your dreams. We all understand.
 
Megan, perhaps the dad is reacting to your well-intentioned approach in discouraging his child from speaking when you are with her in the same way I might if a nanny we had were to discourage my child from signing with her because the nanny enjoys speaking: by gently asking her to allow the child to express herself naturally. Your message actually reads as though the family is very supportive and encouraging when it comes to ASL -- their hearing child has a year of ASL already, thanks to you, and a significant vocabulary.

At such a very young age, the goal is communication, not perfect articulation or perfect mouth morphemes and other markers. You have been doing great things by expanding her means of expression using both spoken and signed languages -- no need to discourage one or the other at this point.
 
Juli-terp-to-be said:
:hug:
WOW you have been taking everything onto your shoulders. Don't give up on your dreams. We all understand.
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Thanks Juli

Its not that I'm discouraging her talking, the whispering and not talking as she signs is all her. She started doing that on her own, but slowly she has stopped talking as much when she signs. Its not like all we do is sign, I'm not that good for myself yet :D The girl is a chatter-box and I dont think anything will hinder her speech skills.

There's little things that have adding up with this I believe. Haley created her own way of signing "Hotdog". She signs "hot" and "dog". Pretty creative for a 16mo old if you ask me. I didn't know the sign for "hotdog" yet, so I told the dad I'd look it up and show her the next day. He told me not to worry about it, that her sign was fine. I tried explaining that it was a "home sign" and not correct. He said something along the lines of she doesnt communicate with anyone who was deaf so it was ok.

I just dont want to feel like I wasted a year of hard work for Haley to use "home signs," because whose to say she wont meet anyone deaf. I talked to the mom about getting together in a deaf playgroup for Haley and she seemed to like the idea after I assured her that she would be welcomed. I don't see any of that now, and when I leave in 6mo-a year I dont think Haley will be signing much longer after that.
 
Hearing children who use sign and are not in a deaf environment usually don't sign for long after they develop spoken language.

This seems like it is far more of a problem for you than the child or the family you work for.

What about all your step children, do you sign with them?
 
Bottesini said:
Hearing children who use sign and are not in a deaf environment usually don't sign for long after they develop spoken language.

This seems like it is far more of a problem for you than the child or the family you work for.

What about all your step children, do you sign with them?
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I dont know if its more I get one response from one parent and a completely different one from another parent. And I can see why if she's not in a deaf enviroment she'll quite signing as time goes on. They wanted her second language to be ASL, but only one parent is going to put in the effort.

The younger two have a different mom then the older two. And the younger two don't sign because their mom told them she hated Sign Language and rather they learned spanish. The youngest loves ASL and will sign every once in awhile when her brother isnt around. The older two try very hard, Brandon (learning problems) has a hard time remembering the signs and get mad at himself
 
ASL is supposed to be separate from spoken language so you did the right thing.

Dont feel discouraged! Hope your fiancee gets better.
 
shel90 said:
ASL is supposed to be separate from spoken language so you did the right thing.

Dont feel discouraged! Hope your fiancee gets better.
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Thanks Shel, I thought it was the right thing. Again its not like I'm teaching her not to talk, she picked that up on her own. Everything I've learned is by doing it on my own. Either books, DVDs, or watching the forums. Especially what you and Jillio write :giggle: but lately I've just wanted to pack it all up in a box and come back to it later...but later could be years or even never :aw:
 
Megan8987 said:
There's little things that have adding up with this I believe. Haley created her own way of signing "Hotdog". She signs "hot" and "dog". Pretty creative for a 16mo old if you ask me. I didn't know the sign for "hotdog" yet, so I told the dad I'd look it up and show her the next day. He told me not to worry about it, that her sign was fine. I tried explaining that it was a "home sign" and not correct. He said something along the lines of she doesnt communicate with anyone who was deaf so it was ok.
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LOL here's one version of hotdog. XD
Sign for HOT DOG | ASL Sign Language Video Dictionary

And a second version:
hotdog1.jpg


hotdog2.jpg

hotdog3.jpg

hotdog4.jpg


the second version reminds me of sausage...but I am not complaining.
 
I am experience lots of asl :d i offer question to me suppport to volunteer ASL :D
 
I have nannied before, so here is my personal viewpoint. I would continue to sign with her and as long as you are not TELLING her not to speak to let her do whatever is natural to her. Make sure that you spend time communicating verbally as well as signing. Keep the ASL talk with Dad to a minimum, he doesnt seem to want to be involved. Dond HIDE anything, but its probably easier not to get excited over something and tell him if he is just going to shoot you down. If you continue working with her and mom is supportive there IS a chance she will retain those signs as she gets older.

Other than that, take a deep breath! Youre gonna be okay. One step at a time and things will slowly start to fall into place.

If you ever want to Skype ive got a few friends in ASL classes that I chat with on there occasionally just to keep up with the signing. Also look into Deaf social functions in your area, most places at the least have coffee once a month or something!
 
There is much research into bilingualism and early language development that you could quote to reassure the father. Studies show that children exposed to a 2nd language may seem to lag behind their peers on occasion but if you combine their skills in both lang they are usually ahead of their peers. In fact they rapidly catch up and many times surpass other children. Even if they are only exposed to a 2nd language for a short time, often the benefits persist (despite forgetting the 2nd language) and later they are able to pick up another new language more easily.

So, don't despair, you've already given the child a huge headstart and any more you teach her will add to that, even if she forgets what you've taught her in a couple years.
 
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