Thoughts of a Deaf Child

[jillio]

Yea but I get the feeling that we are not taken seriously or being mocked at. There is a serious problem out there with deaf ed and it seems like they dont believe us or what?

I get the same feeling shel. But the fact is, as long as they don't take us, and others in the field that are saying the same thing, there will always be a population of deaf children out there that need remedial services. The sad part is, nothing will improve much for deaf people as a group as long as these oralist attitudes are so prevalent. We seem to be moving backwards in treatment, despite all the evidence that certain methods did not work the first time around, and will not work the second time around. There are some who are listening--we just haven't run into them recently!

 

[jillio]

It could be but this being my only deaf child I really don't know what is considered normal. He does interat a bit better with mom. To me it happens too much. I guess patience is a virtue eh??

Actually, whatever behavior is normal for a hearing kid would be normal for a deaf kid. They all go through periods where they don't want to listen to, ot discuss things with their parents. And its natural for a kid to interact more with the mother as the mother is usually the primary care giver. If I remember, you said your son is 11? This is a typical develpmental stage--if he were a girl, it would be reversed. Not to worry too much, rockdrummer. It isn't a reflection on you as a parent.

 

[athleticandy88]

My family knew that I was deaf
When I was only three, and since then fifteen years ago
Have never signed to me.
I know when I'm around the house,
I try and use my voice,
It makes them feel more comfortable;
For me I have no choice.
I try, communicate their way
Uncomfortable for me.
My parents wouldn't learn sign
Ashamed or apathy?
I never cared about the sounds of radios and bands;
What hurts me most is, I never heard
My parent's signing hands.

Author Unknown[/QUOTE]

That poem basically relates to me very very well..
I was 3 when my parents found out I was HH.
I was put in a total communication class to speak
Wasn't taught to sign @ all during my years.
I am not into radios and bands at all, Hard to hear them & understand em.
Going to college next month for ASL/Deaf Culture Studies to learn to Sign

 

[shel90]

My family knew that I was deaf
When I was only three, and since then fifteen years ago
Have never signed to me.
I know when I'm around the house,
I try and use my voice,
It makes them feel more comfortable;
For me I have no choice.
I try, communicate their way
Uncomfortable for me.
My parents wouldn't learn sign
Ashamed or apathy?
I never cared about the sounds of radios and bands;
What hurts me most is, I never heard
My parent's signing hands.

Author Unknown

That poem basically relates to me very very well..
I was 3 when my parents found out I was HH.
I was put in a total communication class to speak
Wasn't taught to sign @ all during my years.
I am not into radios and bands at all, Hard to hear them & understand em.
Going to college next month for ASL/Deaf Culture Studies to learn to Sign[/QUOTE]


glad u are going to learn sign..Good luck!

Late signer myself too..wish I had sign all my life too.

 

[jillio]

My family knew that I was deaf
When I was only three, and since then fifteen years ago
Have never signed to me.
I know when I'm around the house,
I try and use my voice,
It makes them feel more comfortable;
For me I have no choice.
I try, communicate their way
Uncomfortable for me.
My parents wouldn't learn sign
Ashamed or apathy?
I never cared about the sounds of radios and bands;
What hurts me most is, I never heard
My parent's signing hands.

Author Unknown

That poem basically relates to me very very well..
I was 3 when my parents found out I was HH.
I was put in a total communication class to speak
Wasn't taught to sign @ all during my years.
I am not into radios and bands at all, Hard to hear them & understand em.
Going to college next month for ASL/Deaf Culture Studies to learn to Sign[/QUOTE]

A deaf student I work with whose parents never learned sign gave that to me because it related to it, also. He's about your age. That poem really breaks my heart. I wish you all the best in your college studies. So, you finally decided on a school?

 

[Dixie]

Wow I cant believe there are other people going through such a similar situation as mine. I am also HH and just now learning sign. I do however hear well enough to enjoy music - but I prefer music without words because I cant understand the words half the time. But there is one or two people that sing that I like and I am able to understand them and that is Darren Hayes and Olivia Newton John. Probably because their voices resonate out across the music well enough for me to understand them and enjoy the lyrics.

I hope to be able to take an ASL course to fullfill a foreign language requirement at ATU next fall when I (plan) to re-enroll to finish out my degree. If I wil never use the signs with my parents, they will give me skills to use in other situations. I hope you learn Sign and stick with it. At first it may seem difficult when you have so many signs coming at you all at once, but once you start signing phrases and songs in your head it get easier. It also helps to subscribe to the deaf users on you tube and watch the videos, start out with the ones with captions to pick up some signs, then as you get more confident start watching the ones without captions, and if youre like me, get bold enough and make an ASL vid of anything you want. We're here for ya - if you need help or just need to vent, feel free to post or pm me or any of us here.

 

[Buffalo]

I can honestly say I don't know how many parents you have been around, but the fact that you've even met those parents of deaf children shows they are at least somewhat involved with their Deaf children, which shows a bias in itself.

I also want to say, before I complain about them, that I do realize it is difficult for parents to learn sign, and becomes a million times harder when they've been brainwashed with this "Speech good, Sign bad" mentality. If you ask the general population if they had a deaf child if they would learn sign language, a LARGE majority say YES! But then they don't...is it possible Deaf children are just born to the hearing people who won't learn sign- I doubt it.

ALL of that said, they can learn it, and CAN use it. I am around mostly Deaf college students...theoretically these are the children who have, for the most part, had the most involved parents. These deaf people are all considered highly successful, simply by virtue of the face that they are in college. The % of parents that sign among these deaf people is much higher than the deaf community in general (surprise, surprise). But, even when they sign what does "sign" really mean?

Even in this group, many of the deaf people I've met have parents who don't sign. I've only met a few deaf people who actually have hearing parents that "sign" in some form or another. I've met parents of kids who grew up oral and now have learned sign, parents who raised their kids with the TC approach, and parents who had their children educated in an ASL environment. Some of the parents had one deaf child, some had multiple deaf children. Many of the parents are considered statistically to "sign well" and to "fluent communicate with their deaf children"
HOWEVER, just because they can sign doesn't always mean they do. Nearly all of the parents I've met signed when talking directly to their deaf child, or at least mouthed and gestured to the point their child understood. BUT, with ALL of them, the second they looked at another (hearing) person and started a conversation, or the deaf person would look away for a split second and seem to not be totally interested in the conversation, the signing stopped. It was "I'll do it if I have to" mentality. I, as a hearing friend of these deaf people, got really stuck in some weird situations. The parents would look at me, and if they knew/found out I was hearing, immediately spoke and didn't sign, in spite of me signing back to them, and in spite of their deaf child being RIGHT in front of them. I have avoided telling parents of deaf children I'm hearing because of their reaction, their tendency to speak and not sign.
I am sure there are parents of deaf children out there who don't do this, but many more who do...at that point, what do you think of the hearing parents? do they fluent communicate with their deaf child? How many parents out there really totally include their children in conversations? ... I wonder

I have seen the same thing. My family who don't know sign language, would usually talk slow and clear to me but when turn to talk to someone else, they talk too fast. Shel90 is very lucky to have a deaf brother.

 

[Buffalo]

rockdrummer,

Do you still have those hip high waders I loaned you? The shit sure is getting high in here . . . Don't forget the umbrella, lest it lands on us!

 

[Buffalo]

Good poem,
but why carry it with you all the time?

Pass this one along..
Quote:

Perfect That Way
Lyrics:

She was born a little less than perfect
at least in that doctor's eyes
he said that she'll be different
much more than you ever realized
that girl grew up not knowing
the sound of her mama's voice
God's gift to her was silence
in a world so full of noise
and she sings with her smile
and talks with her hands
she listens with her heart
so she always understands
she believes there's more to life
than the sounds that it makes
she's perfect that way
shes got a sign for the thunder
one for the wind and the rain
she's the kind that keeps you laughing
and the first to see your pain
and she sings with her smile
and talks with her hands
she listens with her heart
so she always understands
she believes there's more to life
than the sounds that it makes
she's perfect that way
she believes there's more to life
than the sounds that it makes
she's perfect that way
she was born a little less than perfect
at least in that doctor's eyes

Cloggy - I am confused.... you brought up this poem which say that a deaf child is perfect that way. (I really related to that poem) Yet, you had your daughter implanted bilaterally.

 

[Cloggy]

Cloggy - I am confused.... you brought up this poem which say that a deaf child is perfect that way. (I really related to that poem) Yet, you had your daughter implanted bilaterally.

Fair question...
My daughter is perfect, like everyone else.
And before we knew about CI, we accepted how this child was going to learn us something. A new language, a new way to "travel"

When we heared about CI, we investigated, and found out that this perfect girl would be able to join us in our hearing world. Would that make her more perfect - NO. (How can one improve on perfect?)
It would however give her more connection to her family, friends, people around her.
Would she be less perfect had she not had CI.. NO.. She would still be her.

We made it possible for her to hear. As parents, we made that choice because she was too smal to do it herself. With making the decision for her, we made sure that the possibilities that are there, are used to the maximum..

Again, she was perfect when she was born. She still is..

Perhaps you have to look at it this way...

We didn't fix anything. We gave her someting.

 

[jillio]

The gift of communication is the best gift of all.

 

[Bebonang]

I have two hearing children I do not force my hearing children to sign or require to learn to sign, if they're interesting in learning signs for all that means I'll be more than glad to teach them. It isn't about me, It's about them. I don't have to force them to enter my world when they're not deaf themselves. Hearing parents should do the same thing it isn't' about them it's about their deaf children, enter their world, learn their language, understand them and their needs, not forcing to implant them just because You think that's the best decision and choice. Life isn't about hearing music and sounds, Life is about enjoying it while it lasted, "be yourself, be who you are, not someone you aren't."

I know it is not my business, but you will probably regret not to teach them sign language. I need to teach my only hearing son the baby sign language and then when he was growing up he learn how to use asl, so that he and I could communicate without oral. Only problem with him is that he was ashame to sign out in public, only at home privately. I guess maybe he got made fun of by hearing children at his school or other places that he makes friends with. My sister and I encouraged him to go into the interpreting classes at the University of New Mexico to become a interpreter. He decline or refuse to accept for going into the interpreter field. He is very good in ASL. I remember when someone told me that my son mispronounced words that I spoke to him. The teachers have to correct him in the right words. I can not help that when I could not hear the way hearing people speak. But it is good that we can talk in sign better than oral. My question to you is do you understand your two children that speak to you while they are growing up from baby to adult? It is the same for hearing parents too. I was having a hard time understanding them and they both did not sign, never did all their life. It is like the movie call "Children Of A Lesser God" which we are related to Marlee Matlin (spell) the actress who is deaf. That is how I feel when the hearing person like the teacher try to get us to do oral instead of sign. Just tell your two children that you would like to sign with them and communicate because you are deaf, period.

 

[Kodiak]

Sweet Poem. I can relate.

No regrets... for his/her own lost. the parents. For learning begins at home, communication is the root to learning. my parents selfish decisions or lacking thier ability to learn. for fact i was able to talk. but what if I couldnt. they took for granted what I could do, and was satisfied with that.

but I wasnt.

for every obstacle i faced with my inability to convience my parents to learn to sign. i only was able to conclude it was thier ignorance on deafness. so to each thier own, a person will be who they are, we cant change them, only we can change ourselves.

So in the end, it made me a stronger person, it made me more assertive to use my voice. to wear hearring aids, and try to get the best out of the world.

Shall they have learned to sign, i might have became totally dependant on sign language and I might not be the person I am today. I am legally profound deaf, but I can speak fluent english, Lip read proficiently. Therefore my parents ignorance didnt go down in vian, i got the best out of it, so more power to me, and to anyone who have gone thru simularity.

 

[Kodiak]

I think deaf people can see right through hearing parents better than hearing parents would see through another hearing parents, that's just my opinion.

Admire your opinion, but I dont think it has anything to do with deaf or hearring, its solely on ignorance. so say a hearring person who is totally familair and educated on deafness, vs a deaf person who familair of same knowledge, based on judgement they can perform to be best parents equally. its ignorance such as many hearring parents (NOT ALL) just those who choose to ignore or refuse to pursue understanding on deafness that makes them different.

 

[Kodiak]

Sorry for cutting the first part off, but this just doesn't make sense to me. Can I go so far as to ask this question? Please don't get mad at me for asking it: Are these parents ashamed of their deaf/hoh kids? My parents weren't, but my mom was the one that wanted to get help for me and she didn't drive and stayed at home for 15 years.

I consider what these parents are doing child abuse. I feel very sad right now.

Sadly my grandma being very religious was ashamed i was deaf. she litterly tried to drag me to church and assured me god was going to heal my hearring impairment as if it was a curse. well mom and grandma are dead. so no more with that.

(signs asl to heaven to mom and grandma "Im pefectly fine being deaf, Love ya")

 

[Kodiak]

I agree, all kids are different. some are more accepting of sign language than others. probably relates to who they hang around with. but in my family. we have several brother in laws, and I have a deaf daughter. being I, my spouse, and my ex (kids parents) all are deaf. I also have 3 hearring kids. they sometimes. I get nervious cause they sign more than they talk, dont want them to get behind. but ive seen its only when they around my spouse or thier mother cause they are deaf and mute. i am deaf and oral. so I sign and talk at same time. then Mother in law is hispanic. so they all learn spanish too. couldnt be any happier having children who eagerly use sign language english and spanish. without any restraint.

 

[jillio]

Sweet Poem. I can relate.

No regrets... for his/her own lost. the parents. For learning begins at home, communication is the root to learning. my parents selfish decisions or lacking thier ability to learn. for fact i was able to talk. but what if I couldnt. they took for granted what I could do, and was satisfied with that.

but I wasnt.

for every obstacle i faced with my inability to convience my parents to learn to sign. i only was able to conclude it was thier ignorance on deafness. so to each thier own, a person will be who they are, we cant change them, only we can change ourselves.

So in the end, it made me a stronger person, it made me more assertive to use my voice. to wear hearring aids, and try to get the best out of the world.

Shall they have learned to sign, i might have became totally dependant on sign language and I might not be the person I am today. I am legally profound deaf, but I can speak fluent english, Lip read proficiently. Therefore my parents ignorance didnt go down in vian, i got the best out of it, so more power to me, and to anyone who have gone thru simularity.

My own son is profoundly deaf, can use voice, reads at a collge level, and also is fluent in ASL. I don't think the exposure to sign made him more dependent, but actually more independent, because the addition of sign helped him to better understand the spoken and written forms of English. I've known many students that he attended schoolwih whose parents didn't learn sign, and their story is very similar to yours. Thank you for sharing your experience.