Thinking about leaving my husband... any advice...?

Okami

Okami

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I am thinking about leaving my husband... all he seems to care about is sex and he checks out other women and flirts with them constantly whether it is in person on kik or fb messages or text or whatever, I am getting done I just dont want to hurt him either... What should I do? He has cheated on me but I forgave him for that, I gave him too many chances...
On the same hand if I leave I have no where to go and no way to school or work... kinda in between a ledge and a wolf pack...
 
See if there's a relative or friend you can stay with. it's not worth the heartache.
 
I have tried but right now everybody is trying to accommodate my pregnant little sister and I don't want to be a burden to them... As for friends I don't have many in the area that I can stay with.
 
I would talk a lawyer , some will give a free lawyer consultation over the phone or at their office. Could you get your husband to give you financial
support if you do divorce him? Do you have your bank account and car? If there are any outstanding bills you both own together that are a lot of $$$ you really should be talking to a lawyer .
 
Yeah, if he has cheated and messages chicks on FB and crap, you have more than enough evidence to come out ahead in a divorce. Definitely look into the relative thing to stay with or something. You say you don't want to burden them but if they really care about you and love you it wouldn't be a burden, they'd be glad to help! I know I would if I had a friend or family member in that situation. :( Good luck to you, I hope it all works out. :( :hug:
 
I would tell you same thing. Go woth a lawyer. But it will be expensive and well good luck.
 
I'm sorry that happened to you. What did you see in him before you married him? Did you gave him a big test before marrying him? :hmm:

It is cheaper and faster to marry someone, but it is very costly, expensive, and longer to divorce someone.
 
You can do divorce very cheap if you just want the split... I know, you can do it for around $700 bucks with court fees. It only gets expensive when you involve property and custody.
 
I agree with how much it sucks being cheated on. If it was me I'd leave them the first time they cheated. No respect.

Playing devils advocate here though, guys often connect better physically and sexually to share how they feel. They don't process just hearing someone say they're important to them as much as the physical side of things. No need to post an answer to this publically but is there so much of a lack of sexual and physical compassion that it drove him to the cheating? If you can regain the physical connection and excitement might it save the relationship?

I by no means think it's your fault btw, just to clarify. My friend has severe problems with her relationship and when people get drunk it gets ugly - not enough sex. He flirts too (never acted on it as far as I know) but the big wedge was not enough sex.
 
I think you should talk to him about it, unless that isn't safe. In which case it sounds like another reason to leave. In a marriage, you should discuss things like "I'm leaving you." and "It bothers me when you message so and so." Perhaps he has similar thoughts about leaving or being unhappy in the relationship. Just another stranger's opinion for what it's worth.
 
ohmylight said:
I agree with how much it sucks being cheated on. If it was me I'd leave them the first time they cheated. No respect.

Playing devils advocate here though, guys often connect better physically and sexually to share how they feel. They don't process just hearing someone say they're important to them as much as the physical side of things. No need to post an answer to this publically but is there so much of a lack of sexual and physical compassion that it drove him to the cheating? If you can regain the physical connection and excitement might it save the relationship?

I by no means think it's your fault btw, just to clarify. My friend has severe problems with her relationship and when people get drunk it gets ugly - not enough sex. He flirts too (never acted on it as far as I know) but the big wedge was not enough sex.
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I still give it to him just not as often... I have severe anxiety attacks and my medicine makes me lose interest. I guess that could be why but I cant just stop taking my meds- that is way too painful to endure the attacks again... well more so than I do now.
 
ohmylight said:
Playing devils advocate here though, guys often connect better physically and sexually to share how they feel. They don't process just hearing someone say they're important to them as much as the physical side of things.
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As a guy I do admit truth in this but I'm not just some humping machine. The problem is the adage, "actions speak louder than words". It's one thing if a girl says, "Aww I love you" but another thing if she won't even let me hold her. That just sends a mixed message to me.

And let's face it girls are notorious for white lies and sometimes on the guy's end we're left wondering, "does she really like me?" :hmm:
 
I am sorry. If this is what you want, then start with a laywer for removing your name whatever you guys share the house, car or own something from there. If you guys dont have kids, that would be much easier to deal with it. If you do not have a job yet then find a job right away for getting a place to live if necessary.

Sorry.
 
Marriage takes two to make things work together as a team... there could be a reason there is no love or sex in a relationship, that's a sign of something is wrong. If both wants to work out and save marriage, maybe seek marriage counselor. If that's out of question and the divorce is imminent, most divorces end up on bad terms and also expensive.

Sorry to see you're going through this, hope it works out well for you both. :)

Some of you made good points in your posts... as we know there is two sides to every story. It's easy to blame someone and realize it's not their fault so got to be careful with that. :)
 
Calvin said:
Marriage takes two to make things work together as a team... there could be a reason there is no love or sex in a relationship, that's a sign of something is wrong. If both wants to work out and save marriage, maybe seek marriage counselor. If that's out of question and the divorce is imminent, most divorces end up on bad terms and also expensive.

Sorry to see you're going through this, hope it works out well for you both. :)

Some of you made good points in your posts... as we know there is two sides to every story. It's easy to blame someone and realize it's not their fault so got to be careful with that. :)
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If a divorce end on bad terms that is a clear sign the marriage was not working in the first place.
 
I'm sorry that you're going thru this experience.

Since none of us know you, your husband, or your life, and we aren't professional counselors, I would suggest you talk to someone who can know more about you and your situation. For starters, discuss it with your doctor and see if he can recommend someone to counsel you. I mention your doctor because you said that you are being treated by one, and that your meds may be a factor in your problems.

We really don't know anything about your husband's side of the story.

Since you haven't mentioned children, I assume you have none together.

You are only 20, so I guess you haven't been married very long, so you probably don't yet have complicated financial ties or properties.

Seek professional help, not chat forum help for such a serious problem.

I hope that you get the help that you need.
 
Been there and done that....still I'm sorry to hear this and know what ur going thru....Have you tried to have a "sit down" with ur hubby?.....It's hard to forgive a cheating spouse...but it's been done with success for many couples.....Both of you have to communicate ur inner-most feelings about the marriage...and if it's worth salvaging. Since ur 20, perhaps you got married very young.....the longer you wait the worse it gets....Good Luck with ur decision.
 
Sorry, but if you were my 20 year old daughter and was being cheated on from her spouse numerous times, I would tell you to get the hell out. The time spent on the internet should be spent communicating with each other. If he has no desire to put the effort into saving the marriage, then get out ASAP. Your too young to be having these issues. You sure don't want to look back in 10-20 years with total regret. IMHO

Definitely get a job and your own money. Good Luck.
 
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