Social customs and the isolated deaf?

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dreama

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Deaf people who have full access to communication should not have problems with social customs. Knowing how to behave right and not saying the wrong thing.

However this isn't always the case since some deaf don't get full access to language.

Although I had problem of this sort as a child and still do sometimes. I sometimes feel I walk on egg shells when I interact with other people.

I'm wondering how other deaf manage in this area. Particularly if they weren't getting full access to communication.
 
That's an interesting question.

Truthfully, I don't interact much with anyone but my own family. Except here on AD.
 
Bottesini said:
That's an interesting question.

Truthfully, I don't interact much with anyone but my own family. Except here on AD.
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You manage to interact very well here on AD. (please note that this statement is to be taken at face value and has no other means or implications known to me)
 
On several of my report cards, I got notes regarding to my socio/emotional behavior. My teachers marked this as an area of concern and that I was socially immature.
 
Interesting. I am told that I should know on how or what my behavior is. I might know but sometimes I can't help of spilling it out saying wrong or my body language responses in the wrong time or place when i know i should not have but it was too late.
 
I've always interacted with all ages/races, etc. ...Not too much of a problem!...A sense of humor can go a long way, no matter the age/handicap/disability, etc. Making the other person feel comfortable and listening is important. And just being urself and not being phony.

Sure, a lot of deafies are "immature" for their age. So are hearie adults that I've met! Even in their 40's.....But I've a lack of tolerance for people doing things they shouldn't be doing (when they're old enuf' to know better).....

I've had to "wade through" 3 different age gaps (my boys). Ages 17, 14 and 12....it's not easy!

I'd like to say this about "older" people, tho'. Most have "been there and done that".....and if they still can keep their sense of humor, I think it's wonderful!...Laughter is medicine for the old soul!
 
Even as an adult, being around a group of non-signers, I am unable to interact with them at ease and as a result, my social behavior is different.
 
I, too, have had difficulty with knowing the "proper" way to act/behave in the past. I suppose part of it is due to the "hearing problem"/communication difficuties and another part is due to the "Aspie-ness." I have AS (Asperger's Syndrome.) Clear access to info and clear communication are MUSTS.
 
defgrl said:
I, too, have had difficulty with knowing the "proper" way to act/behave in the past. I suppose part of it is due to the "hearing problem"/communication difficuties and another part is due to the "Aspie-ness." I have AS (Asperger's Syndrome.) Clear access to info and clear communication are MUSTS.
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I also have asperger syndrome. The two combining factors don't really help matters. Particularly when I was growing up.
 
I grew up in the hearing world, so I did learn how to interact with hearing people. I was put in a Special Education class because the school thought that I wouldn't be able to function with regular people (What a big mistake they made..) So I actually had friends who had other disabilities and I always thought I was disabled as well because they were the only friends I had. Luckily, I was taken out of Special Education in 7th grade; Just in time to be able to meet some good friends and participate in sports and activities. That completely changed my overview of everything. Because of that, it made me think about who I am, so I decided to take action.

I didn't really meet a good number of deaf people till 9th grade, where I made a decision to go to a sleepaway deaf camp. I found myself being able to talk and socialize a lot more there at the deaf camp, compared to at home. But at the same time, I did miss my hearing friends. So it was really confusing at that time. That did impact my decision on which college I would choose to go to. I decided to go to RIT because it had both communities there and I am very glad that I did make that decision because I was able to meet both hearing and deaf people. However, sometimes I do catch myself being a little awkward with hearing people because I have been exposed a lot more to the deaf community.

So, even though I was stuck in the Special Education and felt isolated for a few years. I'm glad that I did wait for a while because if I didn't, I don't think I would be at where I am now. I guess you could follow the idiom: Good things will come to those who wait.

But other than that, all deaf people grow up in different backgrounds. Some are fine with the backgrounds they grew up in, some aren't. The things that matters are the deaf person's attitude and motivation to change to the way she/he wants it. If not, then the person would be stuck in that situation forever and that would continue the isolated feelings and such.

Also, I noticed that some people mentioned about the maturity levels of some deaf people. I agree that some may be immature and should know better at whatever age they are. But I know that some are immature due to not being able to learn how to be mature. Some people reject the deaf person because they feel that they wouldn't be able to communicate with the deaf person, so that causes the deaf person to live life with that mindset. Again, like I mentioned earlier, if the deaf person somehow recognizes that, she/he can be able to change it to the way he/she wants it then maybe the stereotype of the maturity level would start to deteriorate.

Alright, I think I have typed enough. =P - But because of all this, it is one of the reasons why I am going into deaf education: to be able to instill skills into these children so they would be able to grow up and be successful; meaning they would be able to prove these people who doubt them wrong. Deaf people can do anything; except "hear."
 
I grew up in a hearing world after I changed schools. This was a big change for me as I could not find any deaf friends in mainstream school. Before that I was in a deaf school and I was happy there. Ever since I went mainstream, I've been unhappy and had a hard time figuring out what it was. Nonetheless, I was conditioned into the hearing world to the point where I felt alienated from the deaf community. This made me feel bad inside because I am profound deaf. What changed is that I made the choice to be more involved with the deaf community. As of now, I am very happy with everyone.
 
I grew up in a hearing family and mainstreamed education. My parents always encouraged me to interact with the Deaf culture. I find it hard to interact with three or more hearing people because I need to focus on one person, and can only really follow two people at the most. Preferably one person with no distraction like loud music or lot of background visual activities.

A few hearing people have call me socially inept before, and Deaf people I have interacted with think that my language ability isn't that well-developed. However, talking to some of my mentors and psychologists, they say that I do have the social skills and well-developed bilingual language skills to interact with BOTH Deaf and hearing, but I have a rather dry sense of humor that only a few understand. The advice I was given was I just be myself and stay close to those that understand me and just ignore the ones that don't. It just that I don't fit the mold when people are trying to shove a circle into a square and making themselves feel more comfortable.

However, due to my low vision, I have social issues with BOTH Deaf and hearing people. Apparently I violate people's social bubbles, since I need to be close to things to be able to see. I have no personal bubble to speak of. :roll::laugh2:
 
Nearly everyone who knows me will say that I easily can adapt to both the hearing and deaf crowd...however environment is a huge factor in how I'm able to handle (if at all) the crowd/group. Yesterday my husband and I took the kids to the beach to spend the day with his parents (who are from another state). I had no idea until we arrived that his entire family was there...and there were so many I hadn't met. The beach is not a great place for lipreading...the sun's bright, reflecting off the sand...I'm not wearing my hearing aid, and it's windy, etc. Plus I had my children with me...and for some reason, I always feel like I'm having to hear for them to help them answer questions, etc...otherwise they'd act like statues or something...then I met some of them at night on the beach - even worse! I couldn't make out the faces much less read their lips. To make matters worse, most of them didn't realize I was deaf until they talked to me, which threw them off guard and made it awkward sometimes. I was so overwhelmed with the surprise and the social pressure...plus they had planned on us staying for dinner but I was not really prepared to have the kids out so long (otherwise I wouldve planned better) so that caught me off guard....I left in tears with my kids...I couldn't control my sobs to the point I had to pull over. I was also exhausted from dealing with a toddler all day at the beach, who was particularly fussy and very clingy the whole time...and felt like I was trapped or something. Plus one of his family members was being really rude...one thing he did was when I tried to take my very tired and crying toddler to use the bathroom at the beach house, he told me to ue the public bathroom because he didn't like kids in the house... the public bathroom was like 1.5 miles, crossing two streets...I nearly burned my feet (even with flip flops) on the scathing pavement and killed my back because I carried her the whole way so she wouldn't get burnt. I firecely promised myself I would never endure this kind of thing again.

His family probably did not get a good first impression of me. I did the best I could under the circumstances. And honestly...don't give a shit what they think.
 
I have had numerous experiences like that in the past when young in the family, but i was so mentally young (not physically-thinking young, more like i wasnt given chance to learn to THINK because in the 70's and 80's mainstreaming was all focused on normalisation and all its bullshit), but yeah I can really FEEL the humiliation Bajagal just described, its unnerving, well not horrifying but kinda like a numb pain, all because the hearing people expectation is so like they havent GOT A CLUE, and when its something they THINK somethings got to attend (like going to the public toilet (bathroom) at such a distance Really shows this insesitiveness, like as in 'proof' of their not giving a shit.
Sorry you had to endure this utter crap Deafbajagal
 
Grummer said:
Sorry you had to endure this utter crap Deafbajagal
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Me too. It sounds like a trip from Hell. It was definately very mean of them to make you use the public toilet. I'd be upset after an experience like that myself.
 
well if those people ever came to my house and they needed to use the bathroom, I would tell them to use a public toilet, they might make a mess. Thing is though, they would have to drive into town to find the nearest public toilet, :giggle:

But seriously, I would have just packed up and left as soon as they told me my toddler couldn't use the bathroom because they really didn't like kids in the house, and I would tell them I would not be coming back due to their rudeness.
 
DBG...I cant believe how rude someone can be not to let a child use the bathroom.
 
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