Should I leave my husband?

He totally did something unexpected and great for us this weekend. He got me mad enough Thursday night that when he left for work Friday I called my friend Ronnie and asked him if I could stay the weekend with him just to cool down and he said yes. He came over and helped me pack a few things and we went to his house. I didn't know it at the time but Ronnie and Tony were working together behind my back to surprise me with a mini honeymoon/ weekend vacation. Tony meant to get me mad cause he knew I would call Ronnie and ask to stay with him for the weekend and told Ronnie what we would be doing to help me pack the right clothes to match what we would be doing. Tony got off work a couple hours early and came by Ronnie's house and told me to get in the car that we needed to talk, Ronnie followed me out with my bag, with a huge smile on his face and put my bag in the trunk and Tony locked the doors and drove off with me in the car. He said that he had planned it all out for our 8 year wedding anniversary (was Sunday September 7th). Not all the problems up to now just the stuff from Wed. thru the weekend. He got me to pack my bags without me knowing I was going on a real trip. He made reservations at a nice hotel in Evergreen (Alabama) and had dinner at a real nice steak house and he stayed sober all weekend. We spent the day Sunday at the zoo in Gulf Breeze Florida, which is just the other side of Pensacola and went to a place Called "Signs" In Pensacola on nine mile road in a small shopping center area. which serves real good food and stuff but serves the deaf community and deaf friendly people. It was so awesome! He was so good to me and we both really needed it! I think we are actually going to try again with each other, He said as soon as we get a place closer to his job that he will start counseling with me. He said he would quit drinking in his own time just like he promised and did with the cigarettes. I have to believe him, he has never lied to me about anything. I am so happy and relaxed and sun burned!
 
moonflower said:
ok Steph good luck to work things out but be prepare ok smile
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I agree...my best friend went thru a cycle with her hubby where he was mean to her and when he senses that she is ready to leave him, he becomes so good to her and to the girls making her relent and try again...the cycle went on for 11 years. It is his way of manipulating her mind thinking she was the one who was wrong about him just to keep her under his control. It really sucks.

Steph, I hope that this is it and he wont fall back to his old ways and you end up in the same cycle my friend is stuck in. Good luck!

:hug:
 
Moonflower and Shel I agree.I been there done that. Well Steph good luck.
 
Well, I guess most men seem to be afraid of losing women when women threaten to leave. If a man lose a woman, then he look for another woman to live with him to keep him company and do the housework for him like a maid. This what I think with my father who had been married five times and he could not stand being alone so he need a woman to keep him company and have her take care of his needs with housework and sex. :ugh: Can a man learn to live alone without a woman for Christ's sake? We, women, can live without men for a long time and that is no big deal about it. :hmm:
 
He lived on his own from 17 years old till we met when he was 28. The hardest thing for both of us is living with another person in the house. we are both very independent and our ways by ourselves get in the way of us as a couple. we are both stubborn and mule headed so it is rough for us to get along. I want us to stay together but if he picks back up drinking like he was before then he can get a plane ticket back home. I'm tired of it and there is no more chances on this one. we either work together on everything and he stays laid off of the drinking or he leaves, simple as that. I love him truly though and I know he feels the same for me but the alcohol has to stay at a minimum or zero out completely or it is totally done.
 
Perhaps you're overreacting and worrying about your relationship. Sometimes there are outbursts between man and woman, but that doesn't mean there's no love between those.
 
steph9700 said:
He lived on his own from 17 years old till we met when he was 28. The hardest thing for both of us is living with another person in the house. we are both very independent and our ways by ourselves get in the way of us as a couple. we are both stubborn and mule headed so it is rough for us to get along. I want us to stay together but if he picks back up drinking like he was before then he can get a plane ticket back home. I'm tired of it and there is no more chances on this one. we either work together on everything and he stays laid off of the drinking or he leaves, simple as that. I love him truly though and I know he feels the same for me but the alcohol has to stay at a minimum or zero out completely or it is totally done.
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Glad you are working things out but I would still recommend counseling. The willingness to change is a huge step and the counseling will help keep that on the right track. All the best.
 
imdeafsowhat said:
Perhaps you're overreacting and worrying about your relationship. Sometimes there are outbursts between man and woman, but that doesn't mean there's no love between those.
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No it is not a simple out burst, that would be a welcome change. He's drank ever since I've known him and every time something is stressful in personal stuff he stays drunk till he is ready to forget about it all together. My parents dying and the financial hell and emotion hell they left behind are causing him to stay drunk, passed out or at work. when he does talk to me he is very mean and ugly calling me names and spewing all kinds of threats and he doesn't even remember it by the next day when he comes home from work. This is the worst I have ever seen him drink and I will not be called a lazy stupid f***ing bitch even one more time. I am on disability due to my depression and physical problems from a car wreck and bad arthritis that is causing me to have total knee replacement on both legs with me being only 32 years old. I bust my tail and do as much as I can around the house while running all the errands in town since he works in another county and can't do the local stuff on top of caring for our 2 dogs and trying to settle all the stuff with my parents and their estate. He has been nicer since like Wednesday last week and it was a great weekend but he got drunk and refused to eat dinner last night so that made it worse with no food in his stomach only alcohol. He started getting mouthy and I got a few blankets, pillows and gathered the dogs up and a flash light and made a palette out in the shed in the back yard. I told him if he was going to start treating me that way again then I was going to act like the servant he seems to think I am and sleep on the floor in the shed with the dogs. We'll see if he drinks again tomorrow night and snaps at me again, if he does I am moving in with Jerry and Teresa and filing for a divorce. I can't handle an alcoholic on top of being the only person left alive in my family. I will not be treated like a servant or slave or anything less than his equal as I am his wife. If he doesn't see how bad he is treating me and the dogs and how he is making my mental stuff even worse then I won't put up with it anymore. I love him more than anything else I have ever known but it does not give him the right to call me names and treat me the way he has been doing because of his stress levels. I am the one who had to bury my brother my mom and my dad very close together and I am the one taking care of all the crap they left behind he works comes home gets drunk goes to bed. this is not just a squabble that will pass it is an ongoing thing that needs to be dealt with before one of us hits or kills the other.
 
I am not the type who gets involved in relationship or marriage troubles as there are 3 stories involved but in this one, I cannot help but tell you to seek a counselor AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Bottom line - - - None of us here are qualified to provide you professional advice. I do not feel comfortable giving you my advice hence all I can say is RUN TO A NEAREST THERAPIST if you want to remain sane.

:hug:
 
I'd say, simply start a new life on your own. This is driving you crazy and I can tell that you are trying everything, but failing since husband aren't cooperating.
 
imdeafsowhat said:
Then just pack up and leave.
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I probably should since he has been this way on and off for the 8 and 1/2 years I've known him but my heart won't let me; I still Love him and I know he truly loves me, he just doesn't know how to deal with all this stuff with me and my family as well as my medical problems. I was upset when I replied earlier this morning but am a lot calmer now. He got me and the "kids" to come back in the house and agreed that when we get moved closer to his work and he doesn't have to take any of his vacation time to go to the office with me he will start marriage counseling and therapy for himself. Since I will be changing my psychiatrists office from where we live now to UAB, (University of Alabama @ Birmingham), when we get moved he can take an hour and a half to get there do the appointment and get back to work without any problems. He apologized about last night (at 6a.m. this morning) and promised if he mouthed off like that again he would help me move out and not give a fight that he agrees he should not treat me that way. I hope he sticks to it this time. THANK GOD HE AGREED FINALLY TO COUNSELING. MAYBE WE CAN FIX THIS TOGETHER.
 
Counseling is something that you both should attend. There are always two sides to a problem.
 
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