Seperation/Divorce

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ryancher

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Not sure if this is the right place or not... and if not, please feel free to move. I can only see selected forums here at work.

When Tyler got diagnosed at 12 weeks old, the audiologist told my husband and I to keep the lines of communication open. She said that divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal.

Has anyone experienced this or can back it up?

My husband and I are having an awful time... it's one fight after another. He accusses me of being too protective of Tyler and I get upset that he doesn't stand up for him enough. As much as I love my husband, we're on a bad path. :(
 
The parents of any child with any disability seem to have an increased rate of divorce or separation.
My main medical problems (unrelated to hearing loss) were pretty much taken care of (at least the immediate effects) when I was young, before I developed any memories. I still attended yearly followups and such, which I do remember, though I don't really think there was much stress/tension between the two, at least relating to that.
I am NOT a marriage counselor, or anything even close to resembling that, but try not to think about it as 'sides'.
It's always easier in writing than actual act, so I don't know what to say.
 
Also, we could probably get this BUMPED to Parenting or the more specific relationship thread.
 
if that is the case then I would suggest counselling for the two of you! divorce is tough and I'm sure that isn't want you want for yourself your husband or your son
 
Yes, I totally agree with Alicia on getting marriage or family counseling.

On my experience, my mother divorced my father because he was abusive, not because of the stresses of my deafness. My mother did not want me to have an abusive father.
 
Some marriage/family counselling is what I would recommend. Get it as soon as possible or it'll be too late.
 
"She said that divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal."

I'm not surprised about that statement. I see that the fights between you and your hubby is mainly about Tyler's hearing loss so the best I can suggest for both of you is to decide on the course of action for Tyler and then stick with it together. Decide what's best for Tyler and stick with it. If both of you cannot decide - then attend the support group session of your view and your hubby's view. Hopefully - that should be enough to decide on course of action.
 
Like everyones suggestions are good.

For me, Iam puzzled as to why audiologist had to tell you that stuff! audiologist didn't have degree for psychology. I understand audiologist is concerned. Have to talk with your hubby about it all you guys need.

Think of positive and have faith. some of us whose hearing parents had us as deaf kids and they are still married to the day. have faith.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Like everyones suggestions are good.

For me, Iam puzzled as to why audiologist had to tell you that stuff! audiologist didn't have degree for psychology. I understand audiologist is concerned. Have to talk with your hubby about it all you guys need.

Think of positive and have faith. some of us whose hearing parents had us as deaf kids and they are still married to the day. have faith.
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Actually, you don't need to be a psychologist to say that. It's a fact the parents need to know.
 
Banjo said:
Actually, you don't need to be a psychologist to say that. It's a fact the parents need to know.
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Does audiologist need to put more stresses for parents by telling them about their marriage when they first learned about their kid'shearing loss already. it's none of audiologists businesses. Marriage is a lot of work that two people have to work together in one marriage. this is how i see that audiologists need to tell about kids hearing loss, not marriage stuff. thats my opinion!

Sure marriage is not easy. anything one mistake that do affect the marriage itself.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Does audiologist need to put more stresses for parents by telling them about their marriage when they first learned about their kid'shearing loss already. it's none of audiologists businesses. Marriage is a lot of work that two people have to work together in one marriage. this is how i see that audiologists need to tell about kids hearing loss, not marriage stuff. thats my opinion!

Sure marriage is not easy. anything one mistake that do affect the marriage itself.
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Banjo's right. They see it all the time. They're just genuinely concerned and it's something to think about that comes with the territory. Doctors do this too when the unborn baby has defect. They do offer information about support group or counselor and statistics.

If the unborn baby is diagnosed with terrible congenital disorder that the baby will live for a very short time... the doctor would suggest options like... abortion. If not - then the doctor would inform them about the complication and agony... which can lead to divorce and/or severe depression.

Informed Decision. it's important.
 
Some parents are not aware....and neither am I...so I learned something here. I feel sure the Mother would be more protective towards her HOH/deaf child or any child that isn't "normal" in their eyes. So I do believe that some counseling would be great and a benefit to both the parents.
 
well so are other disabled kids. why does audiolgolist have to say "DEAF" why can't she say "any kind of disabled kiddos". Well, same thing versa vice with us, being deaf to deal with hearing childrne that can affect the marriage too. it is the same thing. like i said, one mistake for MANY REASON that will affect the marriage therefore the couple have to make it hard on it. I understand audiologist's position is to tell the parents to work hard with kids hearing loss by language or antyhing that woud be diffuiclt in the family but marriage?? come on.
 
Frisky Feline said:
well so are other disabled kids. why does audiolgolist have to say "DEAF" why can't she say "any kind of disabled kiddos". Well, same thing versa vice with us, being deaf to deal with hearing childrne that can affect the marriage too. it is the same thing. like i said, one mistake for MANY REASON that will affect the marriage therefore the couple have to make it hard on it. I understand audiologist's position is to tell the parents to work hard with kids hearing loss by language or antyhing that woud be diffuiclt in the family but marriage?? come on.
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How about because the audiologist and the parents are dealing with deaf kids?

Plus I think the OP asked for people to tell her if it was true and if it happened in their family.

I don't think she asked for a debate on the political correctness.

Mine got a divorce and I was much better off with the stepmother I got.

So yes it does happen and is more likely.
 
Frisky Feline said:
well so are other disabled kids. why does audiolgolist have to say "DEAF" why can't she say "any kind of disabled kiddos". Well, same thing versa vice with us, being deaf to deal with hearing childrne that can affect the marriage too. it is the same thing. like i said, one mistake for MANY REASON that will affect the marriage therefore the couple have to make it hard on it. I understand audiologist's position is to tell the parents to work hard with kids hearing loss by language or antyhing that woud be diffuiclt in the family but marriage?? come on.
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because audiologist's specific field is dealing with deaf people, not other disability. Other specialist specializing in other disability would say same thing anyway.

This kind of fight between parents is always common when it comes to disabled child. It happened to my parents. it sucks yes but at least they get an informed decision to see what to do next.
 
Come on, Mom and Dad, deafness isn't the end of the world by a long shot if that is the crux of your marriage problem.
 
ryancher said:
Not sure if this is the right place or not... and if not, please feel free to move. I can only see selected forums here at work.

When Tyler got diagnosed at 12 weeks old, the audiologist told my husband and I to keep the lines of communication open. She said that divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal.

Has anyone experienced this or can back it up?

My husband and I are having an awful time... it's one fight after another. He accusses me of being too protective of Tyler and I get upset that he doesn't stand up for him enough. As much as I love my husband, we're on a bad path. :(
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I offer a suggestion that you both, for the sake of your child, go to a therapist to lay out your feelings to and work with to come up with a plan, and ways to come to a solution together to help your child.

It's not about your husband or you, but your child, what's best for your child.
 
Okay. I agree something has to be said and be informed. i would understand if the information handbook is provided by seeking counselor at the audiologist office. But the way it sounds like that OP described that the audiologist didn't give them the handbook or anything but was telling them " divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal." got me ticked off.

Of course anything that goes wrong that do affect the marriage with everything.
 
Jiro said:
.

This kind of fight between parents is always common when it comes to disabled child. It happened to my parents. it sucks yes but at least they get an informed decision to see what to do next.
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i suppose that your parents are still married?

Too bad they did not give us some information to be aware about how to handle hearing kids by us as deaf parents. But you know what I am saying. sorry it is off the point.
 
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