Please! Advice needed badly!!! Only deaf in family/drama

I'm so sorry...

I am on the other side, I am a hearing 20-year-old with a deaf grandmother. She only lipreads and she's going blind so it is extremely difficult to talk to her...

All deaf people that I know of do speak loudly, but that is not their fault your family ought to know better! Tell them to stick headphones with relatively loud music in their ears and try to talk, you naturally speak louder...

What my grandma does is instead of trying to get in on the conversation of people who are ignoring her she asks completely random questions and then turns the tables on them by ignoring their answers. and because she lipreads (and you sign) all you have to do is turn away to ignore them.

I personally find it really funny to watch, and it puts more power in her hands... and yours if you dare to try it.

My sister always tells my grandma to sit down or to go away during Thanksgiving preparation and out of spite my little grandma putters around the kitchen touching things, smelling things, asking questions... just to bug my sister, and it WORKS!!! for the last 2 years my sister has just let my grandma do what she wants and now she actually tries to communicate and explain things to her.

Just have a little patience and tell your family how you feel about being ignored, before the holidays begin pull your mom or dad aside and tell them how you feel and say that you would really like to be included for once so that they don't feel like you're ruining anything, and so you don't feel frustrated or sad...

I hope this was of some help, or at least humored you a little... I really want to help but unfortunately not all hearing people are alike. I know for me I will gladly try to communicate even if that means fingerspelling everyword...
I am amazed by the patience of all of the deaf people i know.
Hang in there!!!!
 
SkullChick said:
what i do is keep it to myself and keep asking what when one person isnt talking to get brief overview whats being going on theres not much you nor I can do about this really it sucks
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I'm in the same boat.
 
Kiranadia said:
I am on the other side, I am a hearing 20-year-old with a deaf grandmother. She only lipreads and she's going blind so it is extremely difficult to talk to her...

All deaf people that I know of do speak loudly, but that is not their fault your family ought to know better! Tell them to stick headphones with relatively loud music in their ears and try to talk, you naturally speak louder...

What my grandma does is instead of trying to get in on the conversation of people who are ignoring her she asks completely random questions and then turns the tables on them by ignoring their answers. and because she lipreads (and you sign) all you have to do is turn away to ignore them.

I personally find it really funny to watch, and it puts more power in her hands... and yours if you dare to try it.

My sister always tells my grandma to sit down or to go away during Thanksgiving preparation and out of spite my little grandma putters around the kitchen touching things, smelling things, asking questions... just to bug my sister, and it WORKS!!! for the last 2 years my sister has just let my grandma do what she wants and now she actually tries to communicate and explain things to her.

Just have a little patience and tell your family how you feel about being ignored, before the holidays begin pull your mom or dad aside and tell them how you feel and say that you would really like to be included for once so that they don't feel like you're ruining anything, and so you don't feel frustrated or sad...

I hope this was of some help, or at least humored you a little... I really want to help but unfortunately not all hearing people are alike. I know for me I will gladly try to communicate even if that means fingerspelling everyword...
I am amazed by the patience of all of the deaf people i know.
Hang in there!!!!
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I know of a deaf classmate who closed her eyes just because she want to have the last word. The other one really can't get her to open her eyes. That was funny!
 
Same at my hubbys family gatherings. I am the invisible woman. No thing, I knit. I get lots of presents made.

They are nice people, just not thinking. However, the last visit I did get rather rowdy. My brother in law made a nuisance (that is spelled a-s-s ) of himself by making fun of me for using my ald at the table. Heh, he accused me of listening to AC DC. I asked my sweet mother in law to avert her eyes then I gave him his first "sign" lesson. (ahem) :eek3:

If any of you cant decide which gesture it could be, try looking for it on any freeway. You will often see this gesture being used by those passing the slow moving car which hogs the fast lane.:hmm:

Anyway - The whole table broke down. It was a riot. Even my sister in law appreciated the "joke". He had it coming. That did not mean it was my place to give it to him, but he got it anyway. After that event they at least made an effort to chat.

Just on the safe side, I am always going to bring my knitting. :aw:

Oh, and later, my husband gave his brother another sign.... it was very, very, rude. :naughty::pissed:
 
Buffalo said:
I know of a deaf classmate who closed her eyes just because she want to have the last word. The other one really can't get her to open her eyes. That was funny!
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If someone did that to me, I'd be infuriated.
 
pixiestix said:
So I have couple questions:

1. When you are just alone with your mom or dad or ONE of family members, is it better?

2. In the general hearing world, do you feel left out such as at work, or anything?

For me, at work I never feel left out, the hearies here are really wonderful and they always try to make an effort to make me feel included! Why can't family members be that way too????? UGHHH!!
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1. Yes. Since I'm HOH I can hear one-on-one in a quiet room.

2. Yes, if no one signs. Totally left out. Isolation to the bone.
 
pixiestix said:
So I have couple questions:

1. When you are just alone with your mom or dad or ONE of family members, is it better?

2. In the general hearing world, do you feel left out such as at work, or anything?

For me, at work I never feel left out, the hearies here are really wonderful and they always try to make an effort to make me feel included! Why can't family members be that way too????? UGHHH!!
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I am HOH and when I was a teenager I found easier to talk one person at a time! I would get lost at the dinner table and feel very left out! I was also pick on by my 2 sisters and brother as my speech was very poor.
I think I have to find another post , this one bring up too bad mermories
as child!
 
CJB said:
I like to call my friends chosen family. So I have family for Thanksgiving...chosen family. :P
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Are all your chosen family deaf so that you can communicate better at the table for Thanksgiving? Having Deaf friends for Thanksgiving is a lot better and blessing so that everyone of us can communicate with signs. :cool2:
 
You are not alone. We are part of it. It's a cruel that we are dealing with, but we just have some fun somehow with our "smile mask." I have some deaf friends that I visit them, and they live two hours away from my house. I feel suck, but a job must come first for our survival.

The problem is that if our good mother gets older and dies, we have to figure out to make our life easier. It has nothing to do with depending on her. I just don't know what to do next. She is so much fun with me than my father. I need some advises.
 
Bebonang said:
Are all your chosen family deaf so that you can communicate better at the table for Thanksgiving? Having Deaf friends for Thanksgiving is a lot better and blessing so that everyone of us can communicate with signs. :cool2:
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No, they aren't all Deaf. Some are, but others either sign, are trying to learn sign, or are willing to repeat things over as many times as I need to understand, and are willing to recap any conversations I've missed if it's too noisy. Of those that do sign, they are patient with me as I'm still learning ASL.

It must be nice since you're a fluent/native signer to have everyone else signing as well. I can't wait till I get to the point of fluency or near-fluency myself.
 
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