Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often

I would rather have parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy than tell the truth because children still need to be children. Children still need to believe in fairy tales in this society.

Those lies are white lies and healthy, imho. They will not shatter us because in turn we do those to our own children as well. Those lies are done with the best of intentions because they are done over and over again.
 
Your replies are much appreciated and interesting.

I know my parents told me white lies many times for some good reasons, but some of them were not necessary due to the lack of explanations.

Mrs. Bucket made an excellent point about X-mas, Easter, and other special occasions.
 
Oh yes. I agree as above the most recent posts.

I never forget how my mom told me about my old kitty named Mitten. I came home and found that mitten wasn't there. I asked mom, "where is my mitten?". She made up telling me that Mitten met someone else and ran off with a guy kitty. They are happy afterall. I said, "Oh, i am sad." but at the same time I was glad that mitten had a friend. Later on, i got older, and realize that wasn't the case. So i asked my mom again, "how did mitten pass away". She said, "mitten never woke up lying down on the floor in our old house. " :( Glad that mom told me about falling in love with someone else than die in the house."
 
My sister once was telling me how pets have to be put to sleep when they get really sick. I got scared because I kept wondering what if they wanted to wake up but can't, you know the type of being buried alive type of fear.

When our kitty had to be put to sleep, I just told my son She went to kitty heaven and probably enjoying looking down from high places. Wave at her,because she might be looking down at you :) But I really do believe God take care of his creatures so I'm not lying about it. He did so in garden of Eden, and he did so in Noah's Ark.
 
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As Frisky Feline and Lighthouse77's posts so beautifully illustrate, sometimes we lie to protect others or to try to keep from hurting them.
 
Mrs Bucket said:
I would rather have parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy than tell the truth because children still need to be children. Children still need to believe in fairy tales in this society.

Those lies are white lies and healthy, imho. They will not shatter us because in turn we do those to our own children as well. Those lies are done with the best of intentions because they are done over and over again.
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I totally agree! I was lied numerous times about Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy and when I found out the truth, I didnt feel traumatized. Now, I am older and I can appreciate these lies.

Now, I am lying to my children about the same thing. Carrying on the tradition. :D
 
CJB said:
I thought the same till I found out my father was cheating with my teacher.
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Heh... I thought the same until I found out that I got five half-brothers, and a half-sister... since my mom never bothered to explain that she remarried. That and also found out that my stepdad has been going around her back for years, and it didn't bug her-- sexless marriage and all.
 
I wouldn't keep a secret about who their father is to any of my kids, unless it was rape or something, then I would never consider that person as their father.
 
A lot of replies here that I totally agree with, sometimes parents have to stretch the truth when it comes down to how we think it may affect our child if they had known the truth about some things they are not so ready to learn the truth about.

For Santa, Easter bunny and fun fantasies., I don't tell my boys that they're real, if they believe in Santa and Easter bunny, I allow them to believe, but I wouldn't tell them that they don't exist.
 
I know parents lied to us growing up about certain things, but it was because it was things that were too adult for a young child to digest. Such as why my aunt and uncle were divorcing and why my cousins were moving away. (adultery) Other things like that my grandpa was in the hospital but I was never told why.

And why my other cousins from Oklahoma never came to see us for almost three years. (let's just say there was incest between a 11 and 13 year old), at the time I was maybe 7 or 8.

Other stuff like that
 
I tell the truth so that I have credibility. How can the kids trust me if I don't? The hard thing is to decide how to tell the kids the truth in an age appropriate way. Kids don't need to hear about adultery but they need to know that the disagreements are between adults and that they are in no way responsible for the divorce. IMHO, kids always know more than you think that they know.

I did the Santa, Easter Bunny thing. As the kids got older and asked if it was true, I told them that those who believe will receive. That keeps the older kids from spoiling it for the younger ones.
 
sallylou said:
As the kids got older and asked if it was true, I told them that those who believe will receive. That keeps the older kids from spoiling it for the younger ones.
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That is a clever way to keep the older kids from spoiling the fun for the younger ones!
 
Buffalo, it also keeps the younger kids playing along a lot longer! :giggle:
 
sallylou said:
I tell the truth so that I have credibility. How can the kids trust me if I don't? The hard thing is to decide how to tell the kids the truth in an age appropriate way. Kids don't need to hear about adultery but they need to know that the disagreements are between adults and that they are in no way responsible for the divorce. IMHO, kids always know more than you think that they know.
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:gpost: :gpost: Excellent post. And you're absolutely right about kids always knowing more than you think! I knew my father and teacher were having an affair for a year before my mother even found out.
 
I am pretty sure my parents lied to me. My mother likes to take a story and stretch the truth, not sure if that's lying but it's walking the line! I try to be honest with my daughter but sometimes there are things that children don't need and shouldn't know. And well yes I do lie about the Easter bunny and such, but that is worth it to see her smile. :D
Where I work we sell tickets, 12 and under are child prices which are considerably cheaper. One time I had a father come in and ask for 2 adults and 3 children. Two of the three children were definitely under 12 but one looked older so I asked "is he under 12"? The father said yes. The boy being a typical kid and not wanting to be a day younger than he truely is shouted back, "NOoo I am 14!!". The father looked at the boy, his facial expression-SHOUT UP before you get wacked! I looked at the father rather shocked. He stuck to his story that the kid was 12 and I gave him the child rate just to keep the kid from getting in trouble. I did however hand the reciept to the kid and say "use this as a get out of jail ticket next time your dad catches you in a lie"! The father was practically teaching his kid to lie, I am thinking he will regret that later. lol
 
Passionate4ASL said:
I am pretty sure my parents lied to me. My mother likes to take a story and stretch the truth, not sure if that's lying but it's walking the line! I try to be honest with my daughter but sometimes there are things that children don't need and shouldn't know. And well yes I do lie about the Easter bunny and such, but that is worth it to see her smile. :D
Where I work we sell tickets, 12 and under are child prices which are considerably cheaper. One time I had a father come in and ask for 2 adults and 3 children. Two of the three children were definitely under 12 but one looked older so I asked "is he under 12"? The father said yes. The boy being a typical kid and not wanting to be a day younger than he truely is shouted back, "NOoo I am 14!!". The father looked at the boy, his facial expression-SHOUT UP before you get wacked! I looked at the father rather shocked. He stuck to his story that the kid was 12 and I gave him the child rate just to keep the kid from getting in trouble. I did however hand the reciept to the kid and say "use this as a get out of jail ticket next time your dad catches you in a lie"! The father was practically teaching his kid to lie, I am thinking he will regret that later. lol
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I hope the kid do use the "get out of jail" ticket more than once. I mean to teach his father a big lesson in honesty.
 
It was important for me to tell my kids the truth because I hated how my parents lied to me. I had an uncle who disappeared, including all his pictures, and we weren't allowed to talk about him. I later learned that he was in prison. I had a half-sister show up out of the blue and it would have been better if I had been told in advance before she showed up. It was disturbing and it made me not trust my parents. Not dealing with things makes me crazy. Just tell me the truth and I can deal with it.
 
I honestly don't know if lying to your children because they are not at an appropriate age to understand the truth is bad. As someone mentioned a parent lied about real reasons for divorce when they were 10 yrs. old. Later the truth was brought out when the child was an adult to understand what the truth is.

I DO think it's bad when a parent tells a child... I'm busy and can't be with you right now and actually they just wanted time for themselves (or if that is a usual response).
It is bad lying to say "I don't have the money right now" when they actually do and there's no important bills to pay at the moment.

To me a parent lying to their child is not taking for granted that their kid is actually a lot smarter and able to accept (if not 100% understand) the truth. A child lives not in the head but in the heart and when they feel a "wrongness" in their parent's actions or words then it will reflect badly upon the parent... in their own child's eyes. They lose their own children's trust... not totally like an adult would but about certain things and if it's repeated then out of love or sheer tolerance (which is remarkably greater than an adult's) they grow used to it but hold resentments (grudge) against the parent later on in teen and young adult years and become rebellious and sometimes without 100% understanding WHY. They will feel it's okay to LIE to their parent when asked about something they did or will do or their whereabouts or whatever.

Telling the truth is ALWAYS a good idea... it's just a matter of timing and HOW to tell it and how much to tell and when... The consequences for NOT telling the truth are worse than telling the truth.
 
Sure, We all have been lied to. We all have lied to others. We wouldn't be any less of a human being if we weren't doing this. Not that I'm in avocation for lying. We all know that lying is just plain wrong. It doesn't make things right.

But, yes, I think all it comes down to how to convey the information to the children at an appropriate time - provided of their age and how much they need to know the truth. There is no need for us all to go to a great length of details to spew it out on the children especially when it comes to a sensitive topic. We still can tell them the truth, only that it is best kept to a surface unless otherwise.

The truth may also be helpful because it will give the children a comfort to make them feel included in whatever is going on but at the same time, it all comes down to whichever topic it is about.
 
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