Not Deaf enough for Deaf people/way too deaf for hearing people

ecp

ecp

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This seems to be the theme of my life.
To set up the situation for you-
1. I have progressive hearing loss that is now severe/profound (though I can still get ~60% on speech tests-if I try really hard)
2. I learned Sign Language early (before anyone knew I had any hearing loss) at my public D/deaf/HOH/hearing integrated school.
3. I'm pretty darn good at inferring the topic of conversation/ I can usually make a good guess when I don't know WTF people are talking about.
4. I'm currently applying to medical school. To get into medical school I need to show that I can use a stethoscope (they make ultra amplified ones now) BUT my current hearing aids are old and way too weak.

Now that the background is covered, I was visiting some of my family over Memorial Day weekend and went with my cousin and his wife (both college professors and extremely awesome) to meet/ drink with some of their co-workers. They wanted me to meet "X", who did some of her thesis work on Deaf culture. I signed the usual introductory, "hi nice to meet you" and she replied with the same type of stuff. Then she made a comment that my signing wasn't "Real" ASL. I told her I knew that. I went to a TC (total communication) school. My "native" sign language is PSE.
She went into a long tirade about how "real" Deaf people wouldn't accept me because I talk (use my voice most of the time (because nobody I work with knows how to sign)), don't use "proper" ASL and am too much like a hearing person.

My question is, is "X" correct? Is the Deaf community really that obsessed? Maybe she did her thesis with hard-core militant deaf people or something but in my experience d/Deaf people are happy to meet someone new regardless of whether they accidentally use english word order.

Yet, I've been afraid to interact with the d/Deaf community in my area because I'm afraid that they think I'm not "Deaf enough". At the same time I avoid the general public because I'm "too deaf" to understand what they say if there is any background noise.

I'm tired of this grey zone. If I meet a Deaf person, I'm always apologizing for my not perfect signing and when I meet a hearing person I'm constantly apologizing for not hearing them.

I've been thinking about a CI lately. Not to become more hearing but so that I can be a better doctor. But I feel like I hear plenty of sounds. I can hear the AC blowing on me. I can hear a bit of my typing (if I'm angry). I don't feel deaf enough for a CI.

Wow, what a purposeless rant. Any advice would be good. I'd really like to just try out some SP hearing aids (Oticon Sumos or something like that) but I'm so confused with the VocRehab maze. It seems like my inurance company would rather pay for an invasive surgery (cochlear implant) than pay for a new pair of hearing aids.

Advice on VocRehab?
Advice on life?
Advice on how much you could hear before a CI?
Reassurance that the Deaf community isn't as exclusionary as it sometimes seems. (My parents keep trying to get me to go to Deaf events so that I will make friends here. I have friends they just happen to be from my college and scattered around the world.)

Maybe a virtual hug. (I like real life hugs but not from people who have stalked me on the internet:)
 
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:hug: (tentative though)

The Deaf/deaf community is not very exclusionary that I have noticed.

I talk a lot and nobody has ever seemed to care.

I sign PSE and no one complains.

I am also not great at reading fast finger spelling and no person has hurt me yet.

As for advice for life, maybe you could take up yoga? It is calming.
 
No yoga. I love rock climbing :aw: Nothing makes me happier.
 
:wave: ecp, can I second that tentative hug, Bott and ecp ?:hug:

my cousins are into rock climbing and there is a climbing wall at my local REI I'd like to try. For me Tai Chi is very calming. I also LOVED the ultralight flight I went on and found that both calming and exhilarating

:)
 
Bottesini said:
:hug: (tentative though)

The Deaf/deaf community is not very exclusionary that I have noticed.

I talk a lot and nobody has ever seemed to care.

I sign PSE and no one complains.

I am also not great at reading fast finger spelling and no person has hurt me yet.

As for advice for life, maybe you could take up yoga? It is calming.
Click to expand...

I also sign in PSE yet have not encountered any problems with the Deaf community because of it. My experience has been that as long as you are in the process of learning sign or can communicate in ASL, PSE or even SEE, no one minds.
 
Before I received my CIs, I heard at 95 dB at 250 Hz with NR at 1000 Hz and above with my left ear. With my right ear I heard 90 dB at 250 Hz with NR at 1000 Hz and above. This roughly translated into being able to hear environmental sounds and some male speakers with very little speech discrimination. My speech discrimination pre-CI aided with HAs and a Comtek FM system was 8% for my left ear and 22% for my right.
 
My experience has been that as long as you are in the process of learning sign or can communicate in ASL, PSE or even SEE, no one minds.
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Yes, as long as you're openminded about Sign, and aren't all " high and mighty" about having oral skills, you'll be accepted. MANY Deaf people started out oral and learned Sign late. Not ALL Deaf people are ASL militants.
 
Wow, your post struck a nerve with me. I apologize in advance for the hard tone of this post, though just know, ecp, that the tone is not aimed at you in any way.

First of all, WTF is this "X" person to tell you how the Deaf community is going to view you and accept you? Just because she did a little bit of research (what, a year in the field? two at the most?), that does not mean she is an expert at all on Deaf culture or speak for the Deaf community. Is she Deaf herself? Did this person grow up in the Deaf community? Has she spent time in many of the different major Deaf communities in the country? In fact, how many close relationships with Deaf people does she have? I suggest the next time you see her, you should give her some advice and tell her to STFU about something she knows far less of than she thinks she does. The fact is, there are plenty of small-minded people who just happen to be Deaf, and yes, they won't accept you. Just like a white supremacist won't accept a black person into their family. But being Deaf and being part of the Deaf community does not automatically make someone an elitist prick who will not associate with anyone except other Deaf people. That's ridiculous. The times have changed greatly. "X" is a moron. In my experience, almost every "real" Deaf person (so I guess there are "fake" Deaf people now or something?) I've met, and I admit I haven't met a huge amount, but I have met many, has been very welcoming, and I always feel an inherent bond with them based on the fact that we both understand what it's like to live in a world that is not sympathetic to the way we communicate, regardless that we communicate in different ways. That is something a hearing person will NEVER understand.

Sorry, maybe I've got it all wrong about "X." Maybe she's a nice person and all. Hell maybe she's a CODA or something, but it still ticks me off when people without a hearing loss of any type try and speak for the Deaf/HoH, even if their assumptions are correct. It's the same patriarchal and condescending attitude that Deaf/HoH people have been fighting against for years.

I know your plight well; I also feel as if I am caught between two worlds at times, but I don't worry about if I will "make it" in life, I just get out there and face the WHOLE world, Deaf or hearing or hard of hearing. My advice for you is to stay strong. Focus on your educational goals and have faith in yourself and in the goodness of other people who are not as judgmental as "X." Don't let people like her make you feel insecure or detract you from knowing yourself and your abilities. If you're applying to med school, you are obviously a very smart individual and already farther ahead than the vast majority of people in this world. This might sound ironic, but you are very fortunate, so just remember that. And if people don't want to associate with you, that's their problem, not yours.

Yes, get hooked up with Voc. Rehab. I'm a client myself, and they've helped me out a lot. Feel free to message me with questions.


And here's your hug. You deserve it: :hug:
 
I sign in SSE and not BSL and my friends who use pure BSL dont say anything, they dont really mind as long its a form of sign so we can communicate.
 
deafdyke said:
Yes, as long as you're openminded about Sign, and aren't all " high and mighty" about having oral skills, you'll be accepted. MANY Deaf people started out oral and learned Sign late. Not ALL Deaf people are ASL militants.
Click to expand...

Exactly.
 
"X" is not Deaf and has no deaf family.
Thanks for the words.

Also to deafdyke- I started to sign when I began kindergarten at age 4. I'm a bit rusty but I've always dreamed in sign language. And I'm in no way "high and mighty" about having oral skills.
 
ECP, I can understand what you're going through, but do not let "X" stop you from being with deaf or HOH people . I knew a 'hearing person' and both his
parents were deaf , this guy taught sign language and he also was a soical worker for the deaf and HOH person . He was welcome in the deaf communtity as did not worry what other people felt about him . He worked at a collage in my state. You should go prove 'X" wrong and made your mark
on the world! Do not let anyone get in your way of your dreams!
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Wow, your post struck a nerve with me. I apologize in advance for the hard tone of this post, though just know, ecp, that the tone is not aimed at you in any way.

First of all, WTF is this "X" person to tell you how the Deaf community is going to view you and accept you? Just because she did a little bit of research (what, a year in the field? two at the most?), that does not mean she is an expert at all on Deaf culture or speak for the Deaf community. Is she Deaf herself? Did this person grow up in the Deaf community? Has she spent time in many of the different major Deaf communities in the country? In fact, how many close relationships with Deaf people does she have? I suggest the next time you see her, you should give her some advice and tell her to STFU about something she knows far less of than she thinks she does. The fact is, there are plenty of small-minded people who just happen to be Deaf, and yes, they won't accept you. Just like a white supremacist won't accept a black person into their family. But being Deaf and being part of the Deaf community does not automatically make someone an elitist prick who will not associate with anyone except other Deaf people. That's ridiculous. The times have changed greatly. "X" is a moron. In my experience, almost every "real" Deaf person (so I guess there are "fake" Deaf people now or something?) I've met, and I admit I haven't met a huge amount, but I have met many, has been very welcoming, and I always feel an inherent bond with them based on the fact that we both understand what it's like to live in a world that is not sympathetic to the way we communicate, regardless that we communicate in different ways. That is something a hearing person will NEVER understand.
Click to expand...

Wow you went up one side of "X" and down the other. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Anyway, I sympathize with the OP on this issue. I'm oral and learned sign only a few years ago. I generally voice and sign PSE, and none of my Deaf friends have ever complained. I don't think most people really care as long they can join the conversation.
 
deafdyke said:
Yes, as long as you're openminded about Sign, and aren't all " high and mighty" about having oral skills, you'll be accepted. MANY Deaf people started out oral and learned Sign late. Not ALL Deaf people are ASL militants.
Click to expand...

I agree. Even, I was born profoundly deaf and have been signing all my life. I sign PSE, not pure asl. I know some ASL militants do have anger issues themseleve that didn't apply to some of us, anyway.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Wow, your post struck a nerve with me. I apologize in advance for the hard tone of this post, though just know, ecp, that the tone is not aimed at you in any way.

First of all, WTF is this "X" person to tell you how the Deaf community is going to view you and accept you? Just because she did a little bit of research (what, a year in the field? two at the most?), that does not mean she is an expert at all on Deaf culture or speak for the Deaf community. Is she Deaf herself? Did this person grow up in the Deaf community? Has she spent time in many of the different major Deaf communities in the country? In fact, how many close relationships with Deaf people does she have? I suggest the next time you see her, you should give her some advice and tell her to STFU about something she knows far less of than she thinks she does. The fact is, there are plenty of small-minded people who just happen to be Deaf, and yes, they won't accept you. Just like a white supremacist won't accept a black person into their family. But being Deaf and being part of the Deaf community does not automatically make someone an elitist prick who will not associate with anyone except other Deaf people. That's ridiculous. The times have changed greatly. "X" is a moron. In my experience, almost every "real" Deaf person (so I guess there are "fake" Deaf people now or something?) I've met, and I admit I haven't met a huge amount, but I have met many, has been very welcoming, and I always feel an inherent bond with them based on the fact that we both understand what it's like to live in a world that is not sympathetic to the way we communicate, regardless that we communicate in different ways. That is something a hearing person will NEVER understand.

Sorry, maybe I've got it all wrong about "X." Maybe she's a nice person and all. Hell maybe she's a CODA or something, but it still ticks me off when people without a hearing loss of any type try and speak for the Deaf/HoH, even if their assumptions are correct. It's the same patriarchal and condescending attitude that Deaf/HoH people have been fighting against for years.

I know your plight well; I also feel as if I am caught between two worlds at times, but I don't worry about if I will "make it" in life, I just get out there and face the WHOLE world, Deaf or hearing or hard of hearing. My advice for you is to stay strong. Focus on your educational goals and have faith in yourself and in the goodness of other people who are not as judgmental as "X." Don't let people like her make you feel insecure or detract you from knowing yourself and your abilities. If you're applying to med school, you are obviously a very smart individual and already farther ahead than the vast majority of people in this world. This might sound ironic, but you are very fortunate, so just remember that. And if people don't want to associate with you, that's their problem, not yours.

Yes, get hooked up with Voc. Rehab. I'm a client myself, and they've helped me out a lot. Feel free to message me with questions.


And here's your hug. You deserve it: :hug:
Click to expand...

Good posting, and rung a bell with me. I too am in that middle area, not quite hearing, not quite deaf scenario....never really fit in with either world, never too concerned about it. Rock both worlds and just do the best you can. Big hugs!
 
Whew, I've cooled off a bit and just wanted to reflect a little.

"X" probably isn't a bad person or anything all. In fact, she could be a very intelligent, and compassionate person for all I know. But as an academic, she probably feels that her few years of study on the subject gives her a bit of authority. She has an inflated sense of ethos. This happens A LOT in the academic world. And I KNOW this well--I am in it everyday, all day long, and have been for a long time.

She may have read a lot of literature on the subject, even spent a fair amount of time in a particular Deaf community, but that still in no way gives her the right to make blanket statements about an entire culture and linguistic group. I would reiterate to the OP that the next time he/she sees "X," he/she should politely (not say "STFU, hehe :D) inform her of that simple fact. It would do "X" a lot of good.

Moon-Child, I hear you completely, friend. Just remember that there is an entire world made up of people like us who are in-between those "other" two worlds. You're not alone! Really, we're all in this thing together. Peace, love, compassion for all!
 
And that is one of my greatest gifts from All-deaf, is finding others like myself, others I did not really know existed. I'll second the call for peace, love, and compassion for all, add in some laughter and rock and roll and damn life is good! haha
 
Also to deafdyke- I started to sign when I began kindergarten at age 4. I'm a bit rusty but I've always dreamed in sign language. And I'm in no way "high and mighty" about having oral skills
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Oh, I didn't mean to imply you were in any way high and mighty about oral skills. I meant in general....... A lot of times AG Bad types will want to learn ASL but act all high and mighty about having oral skills or a "better education" and then they wonder why they're rejected.
As long as you treat having ASL as an additional useful tool, you'll be overall accepted in the Deaf community.
 
Moon-child said:
Good posting, and rung a bell with me. I too am in that middle area, not quite hearing, not quite deaf scenario....never really fit in with either world, never too concerned about it. Rock both worlds and just do the best you can. Big hugs!
Click to expand...

Moon -child it is the same for me , I am between two worlds , I am
not deaf , and I do not always fit in with the hearing world at family gatherings . I agree with you about doing the best you can .
 
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