new to hearing loss... struggling with very unsupportive parents

E

el...888

New Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2011
Messages
28
Reaction score
0
hey I didn’t know where to post this… I hope here is ok

I’m new to hearing loss and I’m having some problems adapting. I’m 17 and was diagnosed with a moderate-severe bilateral sensorineural hearing loss in march. The cause of my hearing loss is unknown and less than 6 months ago I had normal hearing. Losing my hearing was a massive shock as I’ve never had any problems with ear infections or anything like that. I’m really struggling to adapt and had never realised before how much I depended on being able to hear well!

Shortly after diagnosis I was fitted with BTE hearing aids on the NHS. This helped my hearing greatly but I find wearing hearing aids very uncomfortable and hate the feeling of having my ears ‘plugged up’. Also, I’m finding it difficult to get used to how everything sounds with my hearing aids. Everything sounds weird and I find it hard to make out what people are saying.

However, the main problem I have is the attitude my parents have towards my hearing loss. They are embarrassed that I have lost some hearing and are ashamed of me needing hearing aids. They don’t like me wearing hearing aids and ever since I got them at the beginning of april they have taken every opportunity to tease me for it and make me feel completely worthless simply because my hearing isn’t as good.

They don’t like me wearing hearing aids to the extent that recently my dad won’t let me wear them. He says it’s pathetic and embarrassing that a 17 year old should need hearing aids and has taken them from me. Now that I can’t hear very much I’m really struggling especially at school. I really don’t know what to do and any advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks
 
el 888: sorry to read of your ongoing hearing problems within in your familial context.

Like you had sensorineural hearing loss in both ears. Mine developed a bit later than yours- in my 20s. My experience in getting used to the hearing aid was to wear all the time. It does take a "while" for one to get used to sounds- you didn't hear before.
I had the advantage of taking -Coping with your Hearing Loss- classes at Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto. Are there similar groups-RNID- where you live-offer any help?

As for your parent's attitude perhaps the turning off of your hearing aid when they talk to you might convince them it is helping you-right now. Perhaps a "legal person" can advise what the law is. Extreme solution-though perhaps not immediately feasible-move.

Much immediate success in your trying circumstances- el 888.

Implanted Sunnybrook/Toronto Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Last edited:
el...888 said:
hey I didn’t know where to post this… I hope here is ok

I’m new to hearing loss and I’m having some problems adapting. I’m 17 and was diagnosed with a moderate-severe bilateral sensorineural hearing loss in march. The cause of my hearing loss is unknown and less than 6 months ago I had normal hearing. Losing my hearing was a massive shock as I’ve never had any problems with ear infections or anything like that. I’m really struggling to adapt and had never realised before how much I depended on being able to hear well!

Shortly after diagnosis I was fitted with BTE hearing aids on the NHS. This helped my hearing greatly but I find wearing hearing aids very uncomfortable and hate the feeling of having my ears ‘plugged up’. Also, I’m finding it difficult to get used to how everything sounds with my hearing aids. Everything sounds weird and I find it hard to make out what people are saying.

However, the main problem I have is the attitude my parents have towards my hearing loss. They are embarrassed that I have lost some hearing and are ashamed of me needing hearing aids. They don’t like me wearing hearing aids and ever since I got them at the beginning of april they have taken every opportunity to tease me for it and make me feel completely worthless simply because my hearing isn’t as good.

They don’t like me wearing hearing aids to the extent that recently my dad won’t let me wear them. He says it’s pathetic and embarrassing that a 17 year old should need hearing aids and has taken them from me. Now that I can’t hear very much I’m really struggling especially at school. I really don’t know what to do and any advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks
Click to expand...

I am really very sorry that you are having to deal with your parents' attitudes on top of the huge adjustment in learning to live with your hearing loss.

Keep in mind that a family is a system (even a dysfunctional one). What changes for one member of that family creates changes in the way the other members fit into the system, and what their role in that system is changes. So, your hearing loss, while very personal for you, creates change in every family member. One would hope the roles would change to reflect supportiveness; unfortunately that is not always the case. When the adult members of that family have never learned to deal with their own negative emotions in a healthy way, it creates a dysfunctional, and what sounds like a possibly abusive, situation. Your father has no right to take your HAs away and refuse to allow you to use them. This could be easily interpreted by the authorities to be medical neglect of a minor child. He is walking a thin line in his behavior.

It sounds as if you are handling things in a very mature manner...but I suspect this is not the first time you have had to be the adult in your family. I encourage you to find someone to talk to: a counselor, a doctor, a trusted friend, someone with whom you strike up a friendship here on AD. Good luck to you.
 
el888- I am not sure if /what laws where you live re: Child Protective Services apply at your age -17?
I believe it is safe to say if you are forced to seek "CPS assistance"-your family will be extremely "affected". There will no turning back.

Where and who to seek for immediate advice-?????????

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Wow! I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm kinda pissed at your dad! I cannot believe he took your hearing aids from you - that's so wrong. Let me tell you, if I were in your town, I'd be having a chat with your father right now.

One thing for sure, this is a good place to find support. You're not alone in what you're going through. And secondly, I strongly recommend that you get in touch with the hoh/deaf community or anyone, a counsellor at school, a therapist, next door neighbour, anyone who you can confide in and gain positive support from wherever you are because you DO need support and if you're not getting it from your father, then you will need to get it elsewhere. You do not have to and you should not be going through this alone.

I agree with Jillio - you sound very mature and really strong!

Keep us posted on how you're doing. Feel free to PM me anytime you wanna vent or ask questions.
 
Please talk with a school counselor that can support you. Any caring adult in your school environment that you feel comfortable with can help. You can also get support here on AD but that's not a substitute for help in real life. We're additional support.
 
el...888 said:
Shortly after diagnosis I was fitted with BTE hearing aids on the NHS. This helped my hearing greatly but I find wearing hearing aids very uncomfortable and hate the feeling of having my ears ‘plugged up’. Also, I’m finding it difficult to get used to how everything sounds with my hearing aids. Everything sounds weird and I find it hard to make out what people are saying.
Click to expand...

I had the same issuses when I wore aids(I was dx at 16 years). My reccomdations:

Ask your audi(audiologist) if you can try diffident earmoulds I would be surprised if you are able to. If you are receiving them through the state as custom earmoulds aren't cheap. And you may need to try servile different fittings/materials

el...888 said:
However, the main problem I have is the attitude my parents have towards my hearing loss. They are embarrassed that I have lost some hearing and are ashamed of me needing hearing aids. They don’t like me wearing hearing aids and ever since I got them at the beginning of april they have taken every opportunity to tease me for it and make me feel completely worthless simply because my hearing isn’t as good.

They don’t like me wearing hearing aids to the extent that recently my dad won’t let me wear them. He says it’s pathetic and embarrassing that a 17 year old should need hearing aids and has taken them from me. Now that I can’t hear very much I’m really struggling especially at school. I really don’t know what to do and any advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks
Click to expand...

Look into state welfare programs so you can move out into own accommodation and can continue going to school.

File a police report about your dad taking your aids as you NEED them
 
I would have your audiologist talk to your parents to educate them about hearing lost and the benefit of wearing HA. And see if your teacher could also talk to your parents and tell them that you need your HA to hear in class! It sound like your parents are clueless about HA and that any one can loss their hearing at any age! Sorry to hear your parents are not understanding about your hearing lost.
 
el888: The above comments make sense.

How did you get your hearing aid in the first place without your parents knowledge? As you live in another country I don't understand your health system: NHS.

Lots of advice to consider with no easy solution.

Again much immediate success in finding a solution YOU can live with.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
 
I am sorry to hear the way your dad treated you. He have no right to do that.

You can ask your NHS to book another appointment and ask for replacement and explain what happened to them and keep away from your dad to stop him taking another pair away from you.

Do you know where your dad keeps them? Have you tried to explain to them that you need their support?

Also have you found any deaf organisation near you? They can help you. I did quick Google search for Liverpool Deaf. There some links may be helpful.

Merseyside Society for Deaf People
NDCS - They are national wide, covers whole of UK. They go up to 18 years old BUT they will help you over 18 even by telling you information, services, etc you can get and how.
 
drphil said:
el888- I am not sure if /what laws where you live re: Child Protective Services apply at your age -17?
I believe it is safe to say if you are forced to seek "CPS assistance"-your family will be extremely "affected". There will no turning back.

Where and who to seek for immediate advice-?????????

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
Click to expand...

The age of 17 is still a minor child, so, yes, child protective services.
 
Speedy Hawk said:
I am sorry to hear the way your dad treated you. He have no right to do that.

You can ask your NHS to book another appointment and ask for replacement and explain what happened to them and keep away from your dad to stop him taking another pair away from you.

Do you know where your dad keeps them? Have you tried to explain to them that you need their support?

Also have you found any deaf organisation near you? They can help you. I did quick Google search for Liverpool Deaf. There some links may be helpful.

Merseyside Society for Deaf People
NDCS - They are national wide, covers whole of UK. They go up to 18 years old BUT they will help you over 18 even by telling you information, services, etc you can get and how.
Click to expand...

I'm glad you joined in here, Speedy Hawk. You can give him access to services in the U.K.
 
1 minute with your father is all I need cuz I will bitch-slap his face for you and it's all he needs to understand the gravity of your situation. That will snap him out of it.
 
thanks to everybody for taking the time to read my post and for all the advice.
ive tried to explain to my parents that i need to wear the hearing aids otherwise i'll fail my A levels. ive tried to convince them that they can't expect me to get the grades i will need to get into medical school if i can't even hear in school! ive tried to persuade them that since ive lost some hearing, i really need the hearing aids just to get by in everyday life!!

i know some people have mentioned social services but as you've said if they get involved there's no going back and it would have a big impact on my brothers and sisters so i want to avoid that if at all possible!

without being able to hear i'm struggling alot, both in school and out of school... even my hockey has suffered since i can't hear the whistle or coaches and teammates

my parents definitely view wearing hearing aids as a sign of weakness and i just can't get through to them. i've spoken to one of my teachers at school but it didnt get me very far... my dad just denied having my aids, claiming i must have lost them or that i must just not want to wear them!! it's just been my word against his and he doesnt seem to care how difficult he's making life for me!!
 
Go to as many teachers and adults as you can until someone takes your word over your dads.

Try to find where he hid them and take them back.

Do what you can to fight back until they either give up or understand.

Child protection services is still an option even if a last resort, so don't close that door yet.

Good luck, I hope things turn out.
 
Social services' primary goal is to help families STAY together so the first thing they would try to do is mediate and see if they can help resolve conflicts arising from misunderstandings or lack of information. Taking children out of homes is the last thing Social Services want to do but would do only if they've exhausted all other options.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Social services' primary goal is to help families STAY together so the first thing they would try to do is mediate and see if they can help resolve conflicts arising from misunderstandings or lack of information. Taking children out of homes is the last thing Social Services want to do but would do only if they've exhausted all other options.
Click to expand...
I hate to argue with you but I have seen cases that show the opposite.
 
My best friend was a social worker for 10 years, she's now a family therapist - it's pretty much their creed to try to help families fix their problems and stay together because it's very traumatic to the child to be removed from the home and taken away from their parents except in situations where the child is clearly at risk. The foster care system isn't exactly a happier option for the child so they do try first and foremost to do what they can to help solve problems within the household first.

you're probably right that that isn't always the case and I won't argue with that.
 
Back
Top