Need a little advice

dawn

dawn

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I just want to say that I wish I wasn't so introverted. My hearing loss has made me the kind of person who spends so much time alone. It is so hard to communicate with other people and I wish that I could do something about this problem, but I really don't know what to do. Is anyone having this problem and do you have any advice for me? I don't know personally anyone who is deaf, and it seems that the hearing people are just rude or afraid to speak to someone who can't hear.
 
I guess I forgot to mention that part! No, I am a lipreader and it has become increasingly difficult to do this well anymore.
 
I see your problem. You’re a classic oral deaf person—you don’t quite fit in the Deaf world, and you don’t quite fit in the hearing world either. You’re not alone—only 25% of all deaf people know ASL and can be considered culturally Deaf. The other three fourths are like you—they do not know ASL, do not take an active and participatory interest in the Deaf community, and usually do not even know any other deaf people, unless it’s by happenstance.

It is not an easy situation. My wife was like you before I met her. She does not sign, and she led a very isolated life. She’s only been involved in two other long term relationships in her entire life. Both were relationships with hearing men which ended badly. And this is very, very common amoung oral deaf people.

I think the best advice we can offer you is that you become a culturally Deaf person. You might want to read A Journey into the Deaf-World and The Mask of Benevolence by Harlan Lane. (Now don’t everybody attack me! I know he’s a radical militant with some outdated views!) These books will give you some insight into the issues involved in being an oral deaf person in a hearing world. The simple act of embracing your deafness will open up a whole new world for you.
 
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shudnt let that get to you. there are many hearing people who are willing to work with deaf people. when i work, i use paper and pencil or gestures. it helps if you are living in a place with a large deaf community where the hearing people there already have exposure to deaf culture.
 
dawn said:
I just want to say that I wish I wasn't so introverted. My hearing loss has made me the kind of person who spends so much time alone. It is so hard to communicate with other people and I wish that I could do something about this problem, but I really don't know what to do. Is anyone having this problem and do you have any advice for me? I don't know personally anyone who is deaf, and it seems that the hearing people are just rude or afraid to speak to someone who can't hear.
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i come from a hearing family, grew up orally in the public schools and had hearing friends... i interacted with hearing people and had a few close deaf oral friends that i knew from childhood through my speech therapist .. then i started meeting deaf people with asl, etc.. went to a deaf camp, deaf school (for a short time cuz i hated it), etc.. i learned asl at a late age too.. it took me about 4 yrs to become fluent.. so now i got the best of both worlds.. cuz i can speak and sign..

so like flyfree said.. get involved in some deaf organizations in your area .. but for you.. i suggest that as a starter w/o being overwhelmed or stressed out.. go to deaf happy hour first in your area and go from there... i know boston has one monthly (frankly.. i dont like the deafies there.. -- it is just my opinion.. you need to get out and meet other deafies with the same peers)..

hope this helps! if you have any questions or anything.. please feel free to PM me.. :wave:
 
My hearing loss has made me the kind of person who spends so much time alone. It is so hard to communicate with other people and I wish that I could do something about this problem, but I really don't know what to do.
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I can totally understand...is it because you feel that hearing people see you differently because you have a disabilty? I get that sometimes, but many of my friends just see me as one of the gang. Learning ASL is a great idear it really does open up new worlds to explore and it really does facilate commuication.
 
AHHHHHHHH there u are deafdyke the first MA member to post here!!!! dont u have knowledge of any deaf organizations in the state of MA and their website addresses qq
 
I think that deafdyke is one of those nutty Boston deafies that dawn was warned about. :P
 
Fly Free said:
AHHHHHHHH there u are deafdyke the first MA member to post here!!!! dont u have knowledge of any deaf organizations in the state of MA and their website addresses qq
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and bostonians ROAR??
 
dawn said:
It is so hard to communicate with other people and I wish that I could do something about this problem, but I really don't know what to do. Is anyone having this problem and do you have any advice for me?
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You didnt say if you recently lost your hearing or that you were born with hearing loss and never learned ASL?

I grew up very oral and did not know any deaf people until I entered college. Even then at college, it took me years to learn ASL fluently and feel at ease socializing with the deaf. Even today, I still have my moments. I will never be a full fledged member of either deaf or hearing culture but I do my best.

You are not alone, Dawn. I would suggest that you contact a local community college or recreation center to learn ASL. It is a much more gentle way to learn than go to a deaf social hour or deaf event because all you will see are flying fingers.

Best of luck, Dawn and feel free to PM me if you want more support.
 
Meg said:
You didnt say if you recently lost your hearing or that you were born with hearing loss and never learned ASL?

I grew up very oral and did not know any deaf people until I entered college. Even then at college, it took me years to learn ASL fluently and feel at ease socializing with the deaf. Even today, I still have my moments. I will never be a full fledged member of either deaf or hearing culture but I do my best.

You are not alone, Dawn. I would suggest that you contact a local community college or recreation center to learn ASL. It is a much more gentle way to learn than go to a deaf social hour or deaf event because all you will see are flying fingers.

Best of luck, Dawn and feel free to PM me if you want more support.
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i second meg too----> Even today, I still have my moments. I will never be a full fledged member of either deaf or hearing culture but I do my best.

there are some orals that go to the socials too!! i know a lot of orals that attend deaf happy hour.. just let her get the idea and all that..
 
I'm pretty much like you. I'm usually at my best when I'm with my wife and kids. Put someone else in the room and I'll retreat to the TV or any other distraction.

The odd thing is i'm really quite talkative/sociable but it takes time for me to get to that point.

I think the hardest thing to do is to take the first step out of that comfort zone. Join an organization that you feel passionate about. It doesn't have to be a deaf orgaization. If you love animals, then perhaps a wildlife rescue organization may need volunteers for their work. If you love books, libraries always need volunteers.

The saying "Birds of a feather flock together" applies here. You'll feel most comfortable among others who share your interests and that doesn't always include a deaf organization. :)
 
I'm sorta like that right now. I'm the only deaf in a hearing family. It is usually difficult to actually understand what people are saying. That's why I don't look forward to being home for the holidays... 100%. It's more like... half & half. I've learned to make the best of it by being with deaf friends. It makes me feel better. It also helps to be friends with people who are eager to learn ASL.
 
VamPyroX said:
I'm sorta like that right now. I'm the only deaf in a hearing family. It is usually difficult to actually understand what people are saying. That's why I don't look forward to being home for the holidays... 100%. It's more like... half & half. I've learned to make the best of it by being with deaf friends. It makes me feel better. It also helps to be friends with people who are eager to learn ASL.
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I'm glad you mentioned the part about being friends with people eager to learn ASL. A friend who is deaf (who has moved away) mentioned to me how big of a difference that made. I had worried that it would be taken the wrong way in trying to learn sign. When I was in radio, I would sometimes get annoyed when a friend would say 'Will you play this song' if it was something outside of our format...I was always worried about asking the deaf to help me learn sign. I'm appreciative that people are accepting and are willing to help a newbie like me learn.

Dawn, while I can't relate to your experience, I can tell you that there are hearing people out there who are eager to learn ASL. Signing is fun to learn, and I have enjoy it more than trying to learn Spanish or other language.
 
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