My s.o. doesnt want me to get a cochlear implant.

I can tell from experience there's a big difference between hearing aids and CIs when you qualify, or even before you qualify as your hearing worsens. I am hearing/understanding so much better with my CI. I've already surpassed the hearing in my hearing aid ear. (I'm late-deafened and wore HAs for almost 20 years which helped me adjust to the CI quick).
 
AmputeeOT said:
He is and has always been sort of insecure in our relationship. It's something he has been working on pretty much the entire time we have been together (3 yrs). he has made a lot of improvements actually.

i just asked him if he is afraid I will maybe break up with him and go find some hearing dude if I get a CI.

He said yes. He is afraid the CI will change me and I will leave him for some hearing dude. I told him it won't, but he says there still is a chance that it will change me.

So yeah. The root of him not wanting me to get a CI actually is insecurity.

I'm glad we are both able to have this honest discussion with each other without either of us getting upset.

Doesn't really explain why he is opposed to a CI but not hearing aids, but it might be a combination of insecurity and CI being symbolic of a lot of negative things in Deaf culture. There could also be some jealousy mixed in there, because sometimes he says he hates being Deaf and really wants to be hearing.

Humans are complicated creatures ^.^
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Great that the problems are clarifying but no one can really promise "not to leave". People change as life goes on and if we try not the results are terrible and full of internal conflict. In order to survive, a relationship has to get experience with adaptation to change, and that is what you are striving for. When the problem is framed as "CI or no" then any solution has a loser. If you reframe it as "how can each of us adapt to change our partner longs for" you can end up with both people feeling good about their own growth. When you support his efforts to transcend his fears, it's win-win. When he confesses to feeling insecure- win-win.

Just beware of promises that imply never changing. If you fell in love with a hearing guy it would be because the present relationship is weak or flawed, not because the guy was hearing. Hell, you could go for another deafie if that person were fully supportive of your goals in life.
 
Yeah I totally agree with promises that imply never changing. He and I actually make it a point to pretty much never promise anything. I told him that the CI won't change me - he said that there is a chance it could. I didn't really argue with him about that because it's true. It *could* change me.

Honestly half the reason I want the CI is on the off chance that it will improve my tinnitus. The tinnitus literally is like the equivalent of electric shocks but with sound inside my brain. I know CI won't necessarily improve tinnitus but studies show it helps in the majority of cases. I'm hoping it helps because I don't like getting shocked.

Update: Adrian is now on board with me getting a CI. He said he sees how important it is for me to be able to communicate with my family/friends/work/peers. While my family/friends have been learning sign, my parents despite their best efforts are very slow learners, and I won't expect them to ever be fluent. He wants to go with me to my appointments.

Thanks for the advice and conversation!
 
Let us know how it goes. You're welcome here even after you get the CI because you're still deaf. ;)
 
Glad to see he at least will go to your appointment (or wants to)- shows he has an open mind and will look at all sides of the situation. Sounds like you guys have a very healthy relationship :).
 
He should have dumped you like you would have dumped him if he get his lips botoxed, right?
 
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