Married, but....

Angel1989 said:
Use your time and work on your relationship with your husband. Get dolled up and have date nights with him. You only get back what you put in. I've been married 25+ years and it just gets better and better but we work on it. No good can come from cheating.
Click to expand...

Agreed.....so many couples divorce over this same problem.....takes a lot of work to keep the "spark" ongoing.....Cheating isn't the answer.
May I suggest a few things?....Sit down and talk to your husband about this, your needs and ask him about his (over and again if necessary).....Plan a "date night"....Whenever you both are not stressed and tired out. Rekindle the thoughts that made him attractive to you to begin with....Some sexy outfits are a turn on, his favorite perfume, etc., especially when the kiddies are in bed...If all fails, then perhaps a marriage counselor or a sex therapist might do the trick....

Believe me...so many couples wish they had a good man who was faithful, hard-working and took care of his family. The spark may be gone, but with some work, you both can rekindle it and it will be better than ever before.....Good Luck.
 
I hope you have a password that your husband does not know or you just might get your wish .
 
rockin'robin said:
Agreed.....so many couples divorce over this same problem.....takes a lot of work to keep the "spark" ongoing.....Cheating isn't the answer.
May I suggest a few things?....Sit down and talk to your husband about this, your needs and ask him about his (over and again if necessary).....Plan a "date night"....Whenever you both are not stressed and tired out. Rekindle the thoughts that made him attractive to you to begin with....Some sexy outfits are a turn on, his favorite perfume, etc., especially when the kiddies are in bed...If all fails, then perhaps a marriage counselor or a sex therapist might do the trick....

Believe me...so many couples wish they had a good man who was faithful, hard-working and took care of his family. The spark may be gone, but with some work, you both can rekindle it and it will be better than ever before.....Good Luck.
Click to expand...

Sounds like she has already talked to him about it, and it hasn't gotten her anywhere.


I don't know op, sounds like you have some decisions to make, decide what your priorities are, what's really important to you. Do you want to be with your man, or do you just want his security??

Little shocking to have someone ask for advice about it here but.......personally if sex is that important to you, and your seriously considering cheating, you should probably end the relationship, then go rock your socks off. I'm not one to talk, I did have an affair, but I already knew in my heart I was done with the relationship, I wasn't just looking for sex. It's really complicated, but I wish I had ended it first. One thing didn't really anything to do with the other, it just happened before I managed to work up the nerve to tell my husband I wanted out. He's a bit crazy.....I wasn't looking forward to the aftermath. Anyway.......
 
Last edited:
could always try joining a swingers club? but I want to ask this first? do you or your husband exercise daily, and eat healthy? Are you both in shape?
 
I hear deaf german speaking guys in switzerland are hot.
 
If I was married to a good man who was loyal, hard-working, cared for his family, etc., etc....then I would do everything I could to make the marriage work out...cheating is not the answer, and more times than not, results in a nasty divorce......It's hard work to keep a marriage going...and wondering too, if you're going thru the "mid-life crisis"?....Kids growing up...urself getting older?....

A sex therapist would probably help more than anyone's unprofessional advise, and if you loved him when you married him and really want the marriage to work...then both of you need to work on it.
 
Get a divorce. You no longer love him. He will be better off without you in his life. Good men should be with good women - you already know this.

- Someone who has been there and knows


Love is grand. Divorce is 40 grand.
 
Thanks for all the replies.. I have not learned how to quote everyone in one reply message so I will try to answer best as possible...

Yes I do have a facebook, no I did not "advertise" my thoughts there :aw:

Hubby and I have had many convos about it, he knows how I feel, I have even told him I would understand if he did not want to be married anymore because I have no desire for sex with him but he chooses to stay. I think he still hopes it will get better, maybe it will, for now, its a big fat NO.

Have considered marriage counseling or therapy, whatever, we do not have the money for it.

I am in better shape than I have been for years, walk alot now and eat healthy.. I do not look like a model, lol, but the people I work with tell me I am pretty and I went to a deaf convention not long ago and had several men ask me if I was married, so I guess I do look okay, lol. Hubby is just slightly overweight in the stomach but not bad. He does not look bad, but does not eat healthy at all and does not try to take care of himself which I think is one turnoff for me. I have always had to do all the work to keep the spark in our marriage and keep sex enjoyable and fun, he is more like "oh, I'm gonna get some? wham bam thank you!" then it's over. like I said, I have talked to him and tried to show him, tried to explain to him different positions that work for me, places I like to be kissed, etc, etc, but he keeps doing same thing for so long, now I am sick of trying and no longer turned on at all.

I am also very strong willed person and wish to just enjoy sex with a strong willed man who would just take control for once and help me enjoy it.

I really really do hate the idea of having an affair, he really is a good man, hard worker.. just the guilt alone may keep me from actually doing anything, but I am really missing sex and the closeness and thrill!

I did consider asking him about being part of swingers but he is a "good boy" and Im fairly sure he will not do it.

Thanks to most of you for being openmind and trying to talk with me about it, really appreciate that! and others for making me smile with your funny stuff! :):)
 
It is a psychological subconscious "thing". He is probably aware that you no longer find him attractive, and therefore will only put in the barest minimum effort into his "requirement" of having sex with you. He might not even find you all that attractive anymore but is just being polite. That is why he does the same thing over and over again. He isn't going to go all out for a woman he knows doesn't respect or love him. He will not change his pattern if there is no affection. He will continue to do this, subconsciously, without even realizing it, to drive you away.

Guys pick up on stuff like this real quick. Not trying to get in your business or anything - just giving you some straight talk.

If my wife had to tell me how and where and what she wanted done to her every time we had sex, I would be made to feel like I was her own little "dancing monkey". I would feel like a dog and pony show. It would drive me into a shell and I would feel like sex was a "chore". Ball and chain ... don't be one if you still love him.

If you don't love him, get a divorce. It's the only way.

***disclaimer*** no one can tell you how to live your life - but you really shouldn't cheat on the guy - and you shouldn't blame him for the sex 'blahs" in your marriage. Spice things up, go to a drive in movie theater and make out like sex crazed teenagers in the back seat or something. It should be fun, for BOTH of you.
 
I agree... you say you just want a night or two... but we all know how our "one or two" of anything can turn into a vicious cycle. I suppose on one end if you speak with him about this and explain you want a NSA with someone and he's fine... to each their own... but at least give him a chance to interject his opinion and don't just go do it behind his back. Personally I can never justify cheating... I've never done it, but had it done to me and it is the worst feeling...

On the other hand... If I was married and my partner told me I just wasn't doing it for them... and we weren't having sex at all anymore... I KNOW I'd be learning to do it their way because if it's A) No sex B) Sex... the decision is simple... =D! lol!

Sounds like you just need to sit back, evaluate and maybe include him in on your thoughts and feelings.

I don't ever judge anyone for any reason... because there are ALWAYS circumstances we do not, and will not understand particular to your case... Just think very heavily before you do anything that you may regret... because there's no erasing the past... sadly... =/

I wish you the best of luck and hope everything turns out for the better...

LOL @ someone suggesting craigslist by the way... Have you SEEN those creepers!?! lol!
 
Do you invite your husband to join you on your walks?
 
Steinhauer said:
It is a psychological subconscious "thing". He is probably aware that you no longer find him attractive, and therefore will only put in the barest minimum effort into his "requirement" of having sex with you. He might not even find you all that attractive anymore but is just being polite. That is why he does the same thing over and over again. He isn't going to go all out for a woman he knows doesn't respect or love him. He will not change his pattern if there is no affection. He will continue to do this, subconsciously, without even realizing it, to drive you away.

Guys pick up on stuff like this real quick. Not trying to get in your business or anything - just giving you some straight talk.

If my wife had to tell me how and where and what she wanted done to her every time we had sex, I would be made to feel like I was her own little "dancing monkey". I would feel like a dog and pony show. It would drive me into a shell and I would feel like sex was a "chore". Ball and chain ... don't be one if you still love him.

If you don't love him, get a divorce. It's the only way.

***disclaimer*** no one can tell you how to live your life - but you really shouldn't cheat on the guy - and you shouldn't blame him for the sex 'blahs" in your marriage. Spice things up, go to a drive in movie theater and make out like sex crazed teenagers in the back seat or something. It should be fun, for BOTH of you.
Click to expand...

I love how you're turning this around and putting blame on her. Classic

Fact, some guys suck at sex and need some schooling. I had a guy once that would grab my nipples and pull straight down on them, like he was trying to milk a cow or something :eek3: It was the most unsexy thing ever. SOme guys are really interested in bringing their partner pleasure and pay very close attention to their responses so they just get better and better. Some guys just don't care, bare minimum foreplay stab it in for 2 seconds and then go beat on their chest in the bathroom mirror congratulating themselves on their sexual prowess. These men need schooling.

But no, don't try to guide him, just take that slam bam thank you ma'am with a smile, just grin and bear it. It doesn't matter what you want or need. It's probably your fault anyway he's not interested in making you climax. Don't want to bruise that fragile male ego, that's the most important thing. :roll:

freaking classic
 
ambrosia said:
I love how you're turning this around and putting blame on her. Classic

Fact, some guys suck at sex and need some schooling. I had a guy once that would grab my nipples and pull straight down on them, like he was trying to milk a cow or something :eek3: It was the most unsexy thing ever. SOme guys are really interested in bringing their partner pleasure and pay very close attention to their responses so they just get better and better. Some guys just don't care, bare minimum foreplay stab it in for 2 seconds and then go beat on their chest in the bathroom mirror congratulating themselves on their sexual prowess. These men need schooling.

But no, don't try to guide him, just take that slam bam thank you ma'am with a smile, just grin and bear it. It doesn't matter what you want or need. It's probably your fault anyway he's not interested in making you climax. Don't want to bruise that fragile male ego, that's the most important thing. :roll:

freaking classic
Click to expand...

Blaming it on the woman really really ticks me off.

My ex husband said that I drove him to cheat on me because I didn't get it into with him when having sex. Looking back, he made sex all about him and his needs so I started losing interest in it and then when that happened, he ran out and cheated on me. He blamed me for his cheating. :roll:
 
shel90 said:
Blaming it on the woman really really ticks me off.

My ex husband said that I drove him to cheat on me because I didn't get it into with him when having sex. Looking back, he made sex all about him and his needs so I started losing interest in it and then when that happened, he ran out and cheated on me. He blamed me for his cheating. :roll:
Click to expand...

Another classic!!!
 
ambrosia said:
I love how you're turning this around and putting blame on her. Classic

Fact, some guys suck at sex and need some schooling. I had a guy once that would grab my nipples and pull straight down on them, like he was trying to milk a cow or something :eek3: It was the most unsexy thing ever. SOme guys are really interested in bringing their partner pleasure and pay very close attention to their responses so they just get better and better. Some guys just don't care, bare minimum foreplay stab it in for 2 seconds and then go beat on their chest in the bathroom mirror congratulating themselves on their sexual prowess. These men need schooling.

But no, don't try to guide him, just take that slam bam thank you ma'am with a smile, just grin and bear it. It doesn't matter what you want or need. It's probably your fault anyway he's not interested in making you climax. Don't want to bruise that fragile male ego, that's the most important thing. :roll:

freaking classic
Click to expand...

No, no, I get it. It's always the guys fault when the girl.wants to step out of the marriage to cheat.
 
Back
Top