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SimplyMints

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Many of you have been good to me, so I decided it would be unfair of me to leave without a word other than a few posts that will probably be deleted in my absence on some obscure thread. I was, in fact, under medication when I made those posts last night, which were entirely against my character, and I apologise for posting them. I'm still under the same medication now, and I never make permanent decisions when I'm medicated to where I'm not in my right mind, such as now. However, what I did last night nevertheless had permanent results, and I don't want to risk making the same mistakes again. I can't predict what I might do or say in such an altered state of mind.

I also realise I'm in a very fragile psychological and emotional state in this particular part of my life, and though it has been helpful to meet a lot of other deaf people who can help me adjust to this new reality for me, I can't risk running into other people who may react to me the way Lavender did.

If things change for me, if I become stronger and less reliant upon medication that affects my brain, I may be back. I most likely won't return under the same name though since this one has been ruined. Don't worry, though. If it matters that much to you, you'll know who I am. I'm too unique. I can't hide my personality. I'll make my gender totally obvious in my new name though since it apparently matters so much to some people who don't read my home page on my profile.

What could have prevented this from happening? If everybody would give each other the benefit of the doubt. If everybody would put themselves in each other's shoes. If everybody would feel with their hearts instead of with their hormones. And if I would have pressed the "S" key at the right time while I was typing my first post.
 
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Awww, don't leave. :( I got nothing against you. You are entitled to your own opinion. I guess some people like to make someone look bad in flame war threads.
 
Hey Mints, I don't think it is that big of a deal. Everyone loses their temper sometimes and gets over it.

You do not need to leave. Maybe just take a day or two off to recover your equilibrium.

You did not say anything that bad.

I promise everything will be ok.
 
:embraces you: :hug: <3

I agreed with above for what they said.
I suggest you to read some jokes & humor threads in funnier & jokes section. Why not? :)
 
Hey, don't leave ... Botts made a good point. All of us have a bad day every now and then and make posts that we wish we hadn't. I know I've done just that. I hope you will stick around.
 
:( it feels like I'm losing a friendship.. wish you'd not leave. remember, only true friends of yours will not take your "last night posts" personally. like me. so what? you can't be 100% nice all the time. you had a reason, obviously.

you're right, you're very unique which is why you've been nice to EVERYONE - even though not everyone are to you. it hurts you in the end - it's time to think of yourself and be selfstrong.

it probably won't matter to you if I am tore over this but sorry to see you decided to leave because you're feeling bad. :sadwave:
 
freckles said:
:( it feels like I'm losing a friendship.. wish you'd not leave. remember, only true friends of yours will not take your "last night posts" personally. like me. so what? you can't be 100% nice all the time. you had a reason, obviously.

you're right, you're very unique which is why you've been nice to EVERYONE - even though not everyone are to you. it hurts you in the end - it's time to think of yourself and be selfstrong.

it probably won't matter to you if I am tore over this but sorry to see you decided to leave because you're feeling bad. :sadwave:
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Of course it matters to me, and if I let this happen, it would just be another mistake I've made that could cost me 10 friendships instead of 1, and losing 1 friend is bad enough. If you feel like you're losing a friend, I can't leave, and I won't.

I've been reading and considering everything everybody has been saying to me. I'm always trying to think of everybody's position, and I try to think what might be happening in their lives that I don't know about. Maybe they don't mean what I think they're saying. Last night, I missed some opportunities to do that. It was a mistake, and when my medicated mind saw that Lavender didn't respond the way I would have, I responded out of confusion. This morning, when I read what I had written, I could see clearly why it was seen as an attack, and all I can say is that it wasn't meant as one. I wasn't in my right mind, and I made a mistake, and I'm sorry.

However, no matter how hard I try to never hurt anybody, there are sometimes people who are looking to be hurt, and they will try to find any possible slip-up to start what has been called a "flame war" here. I can't take responsibility for their feelings, and I just need to close the thread and look elsewhere.

I don't think leaving the forum will help anybody, and I don't think creating a new name will accomplish anything since everybody will know exactly who I am anyway. I've made some changes to my profile. Nothing drastic. I hope people will understand me a little better, and I will put more effort into understanding other people here better as well. Even when I'm under medication.

But I would like to ask people to please consider that some of us are taking medication that affects the way we think, and if we sound like we're trying to offend you, think about it. We probably don't mean to. I never meant to hurt anybody.

Let me explain how I might have come to ignore gender when I'm just getting to know people. As my profile has always said, I'm not looking for romance. I've found that when trying to guess gender throughout my online life, I've had about a 25% accuracy. I'm wrong most of the time. Therefore, over the past 3 or 4 years, I've started calling everybody "he" just because there is no gender neutral version of that word. In history, "he" was very commonly used to refer to any person (who was also referred to as a "man") no matter the gender. That is all I could do, other than offend 75% of the people I talked to. If you're female and I call you "he," you can either simply tell me you're female or you can wait for me to figure it out on my own. Just because I call you "he," it does not mean I think you're male. It's most likely that I don't know you well enough to be sure. Lots of guys like lavender, and the nature of an online name is sometimes you name yourself something you like, and so as far as I could tell, you were a person. Your picture was ambiguous, and neither your tag nor your signature said "I'm female." I wasn't trying to offend you. I was just taking medication, and obviously wasn't handling the situation very well. I'm probably still not handling it well since I'm still on the same medication.

As some of you may know by reading my home page, I play a MMORPG, which means I spend a lot of time with other guys I can't see in real life, as well as a lot of girls who are so used to being called guys, they don't care, and mostly don't even bother correcting people. People who play online games mostly assume that the vast majority of the other people they meet in the game are male, and so for me, calling somebody "he" is a safe bet. This time, I stepped on a landmine.
 
SimplyMints said:
Of course it matters to me, and if I let this happen, it would just be another mistake I've made that could cost me 10 friendships instead of 1, and losing 1 friend is bad enough. If you feel like you're losing a friend, I can't leave, and I won't.

I've been reading and considering everything everybody has been saying to me. I'm always trying to think of everybody's position, and I try to think what might be happening in their lives that I don't know about. Maybe they don't mean what I think they're saying. Last night, I missed some opportunities to do that. It was a mistake, and when my medicated mind saw that Lavender didn't respond the way I would have, I responded out of confusion. This morning, when I read what I had written, I could see clearly why it was seen as an attack, and all I can say is that it wasn't meant as one. I wasn't in my right mind, and I made a mistake, and I'm sorry.

However, no matter how hard I try to never hurt anybody, there are sometimes people who are looking to be hurt, and they will try to find any possible slip-up to start what has been called a "flame war" here. I can't take responsibility for their feelings, and I just need to close the thread and look elsewhere.

I don't think leaving the forum will help anybody, and I don't think creating a new name will accomplish anything since everybody will know exactly who I am anyway. I've made some changes to my profile. Nothing drastic. I hope people will understand me a little better, and I will put more effort into understanding other people here better as well. Even when I'm under medication.

But I would like to ask people to please consider that some of us are taking medication that affects the way we think, and if we sound like we're trying to offend you, think about it. We probably don't mean to. I never meant to hurt anybody.

Let me explain how I might have come to ignore gender when I'm just getting to know people. As my profile has always said, I'm not looking for romance. I've found that when trying to guess gender throughout my online life, I've had about a 25% accuracy. I'm wrong most of the time. Therefore, over the past 3 or 4 years, I've started calling everybody "he" just because there is no gender neutral version of that word. In history, "he" was very commonly used to refer to any person (who was also referred to as a "man") no matter the gender. That is all I could do, other than offend 75% of the people I talked to. If you're female and I call you "he," you can either simply tell me you're female or you can wait for me to figure it out on my own. Just because I call you "he," it does not mean I think you're male. It's most likely that I don't know you well enough to be sure. Lots of guys like lavender, and the nature of an online name is sometimes you name yourself something you like, and so as far as I could tell, you were a person. Your picture was ambiguous, and neither your tag nor your signature said "I'm female." I wasn't trying to offend you. I was just taking medication, and obviously wasn't handling the situation very well. I'm probably still not handling it well since I'm still on the same medication.

As some of you may know by reading my home page, I play a MMORPG, which means I spend a lot of time with other guys I can't see in real life, as well as a lot of girls who are so used to being called guys, they don't care, and mostly don't even bother correcting people. People who play online games mostly assume that the vast majority of the other people they meet in the game are male, and so for me, calling somebody "he" is a safe bet. This time, I stepped on a landmine.
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SimplyMints,

I also hope you won't leave. <hugs>

Since I'm bipolar and still experience manic episodes when I'm on meds, I know exactly what you mean about being unable to think clearly sometimes when you post. I was manic (i.e. extremely happy, high energy, depressed, irritable) last week and since I'm a "rapid cycling" bipolar, the mania has come back once again. Today has been absolutely miserable for me. My point is this...I've been guilty of saying things I didn't mean. I've insulted quite a few people here on AD when I really didn't mean to. Since I knew exactly how I'd be feeling today and how my emotions would cycle up and down again, I deliberately stayed off AD. I'm back now (because I received an increase in my meds), but you can bet that I regret everything I've said. It's not who I am, but sometimes when I'm manic my emotions just get the better of me.

I sincerely hope that you'll stay with us. :)
 
Lavender had no right to insult you - but afterall, we cannot please everyone - who cares if we have one or two person insulting us - Lavender does not respresent the entire AD - you will find plenty of other people who will respect your opinions/feelings without judging you harshly even if you do make one or two mistakes - I have made many mistakes on this site yet I keep coming back but I know I wont win the popularity contest :)
 
ok.. I think you said things well even when you're under medication right now but if you think it's the reason then let me tell you this and listen to me - whoever didn't understood how english works that you begin with "he" of unknown gender, just like everyone assumes a car is a girl - is HIS problem, not yours. or it was you. you already have made it clear many times around in the forum that you DON'T like hurting people.

so, fux him. you were only telling why at first and nothing else was needed. people, of true hearts would take it and leave it, and understand. or even humor it and let you know which gender like you said. not to make you feel bad.. or let you down over a minor quarrel.

I'm so happy you're not gonna leave and I thank you! many :hug: to you - hang in there, and keep up with your special mints. ;) we all (who DO) love you.
 
SimplyMints said:
Many of you have been good to me, so I decided it would be unfair of me to leave without a word other than a few posts that will probably be deleted in my absence on some obscure thread. I was, in fact, under medication when I made those posts last night, which were entirely against my character, and I apologise for posting them. I'm still under the same medication now, and I never make permanent decisions when I'm medicated to where I'm not in my right mind, such as now. However, what I did last night nevertheless had permanent results, and I don't want to risk making the same mistakes again. I can't predict what I might do or say in such an altered state of mind.

I also realise I'm in a very fragile psychological and emotional state in this particular part of my life, and though it has been helpful to meet a lot of other deaf people who can help me adjust to this new reality for me, I can't risk running into other people who may react to me the way Lavender did.

If things change for me, if I become stronger and less reliant upon medication that affects my brain, I may be back. I most likely won't return under the same name though since this one has been ruined. Don't worry, though. If it matters that much to you, you'll know who I am. I'm too unique. I can't hide my personality. I'll make my gender totally obvious in my new name though since it apparently matters so much to some people who don't read my home page on my profile.

What could have prevented this from happening? If everybody would give each other the benefit of the doubt. If everybody would put themselves in each other's shoes. If everybody would feel with their hearts instead of with their hormones. And if I would have pressed the "S" key at the right time while I was typing my first post.
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I am sorry things are difficult for you, and I hope you seek the help you need.

I know things can be hard here sometimes. I read your posts with Lavender. I had no idea what Lavender did. It is kind of weird if someone says someone's a "he," but I wouldn't be offended at all. Some people here have wondered about my gender, so it's no big deal to take such offense.

If it helps, there was a silly argument about my using the word "Hearing Impaired." I defended my use for that term after being picked on for it. It felt right in the context that I was referring to, but some people wanted me to use whatever felt right for a few people. There are others that understood and didn't take offense. After trying to defend my point, I felt it was going so silly towards what the poster and a few people wanted. I ignored the thread just like you. It was a silly thing. I may have lost a few friends, but I don't care. I didn't do anything to offend on purpose.

I can understand why you want to leave. Perhaps, just take a few days off and come back! You don't have to leave and change your name. I don't think you did damage.
 
What did we miss? Dont leave us out what you guys are talking about. :wave:
 
I really have no idea what you are talking about, SimplyMints....you're talking your own language but I'll leave you up to it. Hope you find some help out there.
 
sequoias said:
I really have no idea what you are talking about, SimplyMints....you're talking your own language but I'll leave you up to it. Hope you find some help out there.
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Finally! Someone understand what I anm talking about! What is the point of this thread anyway?
 
lumbingmi said:
What did we miss? Dont leave us out what you guys are talking about. :wave:
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Okay, I'm not sure it's appropriate, but Lavender posted something that Hear Again couldn't see or perceive or whatever, and so I interpreted. I said "he meant" whatever. Lavender made a crack back at me suggesting that I thought Lavender was a "he." In Lavender's defence, this is where I should have laughed and shrugged it off. But instead, I went on to explain why I did that. However, I guess it didn't come out right because Lavender was offended by my response and told me off. I responded by saying I was gonna leave the forum. My conflict is that I'm guilty of everything that I've accused Lavender of.

I've chosen to just move on from this. I hope at least I have learned a lesson from it, but I still can't predict what I'll do under medication. Hear Again has given me some good advise to try to avoid the forum when I'm under the influence of medication. This seems like sound advise to me.
 
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