Language and identity?

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cordelia

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Hi everyone,

I introduced myself yesterday as a hearing person who is trying to inform herself a little better as I prepare to write a paper about deaf children, language acquisition, and identity. I have gotten some great responses--thank you!--and would love to know a little more about how people feel early language experiences affect their identity (another very broad topic, I know!). (I would also like to be able to quote answers for my paper--please let me know if that's not okay!) Does anyone have thoughts to share--personal or otherwise--on the topic? For example, for a person with hearing parents who was intitially offered only oral communication as an option, how did that shape how you thought about yourself as a deaf person? Or for people with deaf parents learning ASL from the start? Any other experiences? I would love any and all input people would be willing to offer. Or feel free to tell me I'm asking the wrong questions, and to redirect me! Thanks so much.
 
For example, for a person with hearing parents who was intitially offered only oral communication as an option, how did that shape how you thought about yourself as a deaf person?
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I grew up oral. I am glad that it gives me access to the hearing world, but I think it really damaged my self-esteem. The CONSTANT focus on saying a word correctly just gets so boring and tiresome. Being corrected every two seconds....being yelled at b/c my voice is too loud, being thought of as "retarded" b/c of the way I talk. (I have a VERY "deaf" sounding voice) I was teased mercelesslily b/c of my voice when I was little....I'm still incredibily self conscious about my voice. I have battled depression and I really really do strongly beleive that my oral upbringing REALLY played a signifcient cause in my depression.
 
I see what you mean, and thanks for your openness. I grew up in an overly-critical environment myself, part time (my parents were divorced), and even that was incredibly hard, coming from one person. It seems like such an important thing to be able to communicate without criticism. Not that it's my place to say so, but I'm impressed by your strength.
 
deafdyke said:
I grew up oral. I am glad that it gives me access to the hearing world, but I think it really damaged my self-esteem. The CONSTANT focus on saying a word correctly just gets so boring and tiresome. Being corrected every two seconds....being yelled at b/c my voice is too loud, being thought of as "retarded" b/c of the way I talk. (I have a VERY "deaf" sounding voice) I was teased mercelesslily b/c of my voice when I was little....I'm still incredibily self conscious about my voice. I have battled depression and I really really do strongly beleive that my oral upbringing REALLY played a signifcient cause in my depression.
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Yea...I remember my speech teacher saying "NO NO NO NO Not THAT WAY !!!!" and I remember being scared like I committed a crime or something. I think the speech teachers should be more sensitive in their approach with the deaf children or this issue can develop. I wonder if speech teachers have such an unrealistic expectations of deaf people achieving perfect speech and then getting frustrated when that doesnt happen? As a result, they throw out their frustrations on the students.
 
My Story

I was born with a biliteral mild hearing loss, which was discovered until I was three years old. At that time, the school I was attending was teaching me some sign language . My hearing family (parents, older sister and older brother) took two classes of sign language, then my mother decided that I did not need to know how to sign because my hearing loss is only mild. I was placed in a general education school in first grade. I tried to intergrate with my hearing peers but I always felt that I was "different", particulary in middle school and high school. I learned ASL in my last semester of high school. It seemed like another world opened to me. I wanted to connect with people with hearing losses. I wished I was exposed to the Deaf World when I was a little girl.

I grew up feeling different and isolated too. I speak very well and I have many hearing friends (from both school and work) but I still feel different and isolated. Even though, I have a MILD hearing loss. I have bottled these feelings in for many years, I have tried to talk with my hearing mother about these feelings. However, she will never understand my feelings and I feel I need a deaf/hoh person who understands my feelings.

I do not blame my parents for not learning sign language when I was younger because I am the youngest of three children. Even though, I wished they exposed me to the Deaf World when I was a little girl.

PS: I cut and paste from old posts of mine.
 
shel90 said:
Yea...I remember my speech teacher saying "NO NO NO NO Not THAT WAY !!!!" and I remember being scared like I committed a crime or something. I think the speech teachers should be more sensitive in their approach with the deaf children or this issue can develop. I wonder if speech teachers have such an unrealistic expectations of deaf people achieving perfect speech and then getting frustrated when that doesnt happen? As a result, they throw out their frustrations on the students.
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How sad to have such experiences!

Gee, everybody has different experiences in respect to speech therapy. I recall having patient and caring speech therapists. I never felt the pressure or concern from them if I didn't get it right. I was very fortunate in that regard. That is why I have trouble reconciling my experiences with those that I have read here.

I want to add that I too had to deal with feeling alone amongst the hearing so I can relate to that bit. I got that out of my system in my early twenties and never looked back.
 
I have a noderately severe to severe bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and wear two aids (one BTE, one BAHA). With aids I still have a 5 - 10% loss.

My Speech and Language Teachers were really nice and kind to me, but I still have anger issues. I spent my whole school career feeling very isolated and different. I was invited by my last S&L to be on a panel at their annual conference. I said that one of the best things you can do is to get the family involved and understanding.

My family doesn't know or understand about hearing loss. Growing up I would have captions on the TV or have it up really loud and my family would tell me to turn it down and get rid of the "writing on the screen". I would try to explain but no one in my family could or would understand.

I also grew up under the hearing IMPAIRED label. I was basically broken and needed to be fixed. I have a BAHA as a result of that particular idea.

I grew up oral, mainstreamed. I learned PSE in High School and ASL during College. I identify with Deaf much more now than I do with hearing.
 
cordelia said:
For example, for a person with hearing parents who was intitially offered only oral communication as an option, how did that shape how you thought about yourself as a deaf person? Or for people with deaf parents learning ASL from the start?
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I grew up orally most of my life, since my mom is deaf went to an oral school all her life she thought it was the best for me to go through mainstreamed school. We really didn't know anything about ASL since I started school at 18 months old in the early 60's. With my support from my family, speech therapist (from 18 months till grade nine) few teachers and few friends it helped me in a way ... When I went to hearing High School, it was pretty frustrating cause I didn't want everyone to know I was deaf... maybe a few friends of mine were nice since I came from different schools didn't know anyone... a long 4 years of my life... then in college I started to learn ASL after I went to a hearing high school it did open my doors but I was still shy about it since it was a new world that I wasn't accustomed to. I really did struggle for a very long time which way do I go as I do have many friends on either side but it's very hard in hearing such as group discussion or meetings. We know that we are accustomed to know that it's impossible to get everything..So either way it was hard for me which I know it wouldn't be easy but be positive to help or educate each other. I think I'm pretty lucky to have the support of my compassionate family (from my grandparents all the down to including my cousins, my lil neice and nephews as well my family friends) whom that I love dearly that understands and takes the time such as many hours to make sure I got it right or repeat a few things without question. I had a great sis who was two years older than me whom use to sit with me while doing my homework in English to say the words right...

I went to Gally Homecoming for the First time in my life a year ago, I was like wow... everything you see everyone is signing away, wow.. thinking back maybe I should have went to Gally but we never knew about galludent or NTID at the time when I was in hearing High school... I know it's never too late to take up a course or two.

My mom would say to me always, "you have the best of both world" which she never really see the deaf culture until I brought home some deaf friends in college.. she said she only wish she had learned sign language years ago to communicate with some of my friends and for both of us for the fun of it..

As we know noone is perfect, just be the best you can be... with positive and intergity. Practice makes perfect. One more thing I can now be proud to be able to say I'm DEAF even though I'm HOH as well I couldn't say it for the longest time and I want people to see that Deaf can do anything ... smile
 
Very interesting to see several posted experiences as shown above. Kudos to each one of you (and to those of you who may post later ;) ), everyone basically will have their own unique experience.

As most of you already know, I mainstreamed all my life, however, during my elementary school days, I was fortunate to be a part of the city's role in implementing a program that would focus on those of us who were HoH, allowing each one of us to get 'one on one' attention from a teacher who specializes in Speech Therapy. Each day during my elementary school days, for one hour, this teacher (eventually bonding in a way whereas I was able to appreciate and place my trust with this teacher)...would work on my speech, pronounciations, lip-reading. I was able to benefit greatly from this very much as I proceeded beyond my elementary school days. Yet, at the same time, other students beyond the elementary days of school such as in Junior High School where most students were not exposed to students like myself, our own hearing impairments, etc.,.... During Jr. High School, the tauntings, the put-downs, etc., increased simply because 'I' was different...however, as I attended High School, these sort of actions abruptly ceased...call it 'maturity' or what? Although, during these times in High School, a whole new type of struggle came up in which I 'silently' had to deal with everyday. Days of feeling 'left-out', simply because I didn't 'hear' everything, more so in a group setting (imagine trying to lip-read everyone at the same time or finding the source of the sound of whom was talking, etc.)...it was times like these that I may 'look' like I was a part of a certain group, activity, etc., yet..'alone'. I participated in many activities and sports as much as I could just to feel a sense of belonging.

I do like to point out that all the while, I am deeply indebted to my own mother, whom would take the time to help me pronounce a certain word correctly or make other noteable suggestions and help along the way in the course of my life.

Lastly, like another 'poster' stated earlier in this thread, I may feel like I have the best of both worlds, that may be partially true in a sense, I feel more of like I am fence-straddling...I do understand both worlds keenly, yet, when I'm viewed as one (one who is between both worlds--functions, etc.), they cannot fully understand 'my world'.



~RR
 
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I’m not Deaf but I want to speak about the experiences of my friends. Particularly my best friend and his sister. They are both Deaf and grew up with hearing parents. The mother found out the first child was Deaf and said, “well that is it I have to learn sign” and then when the second child was born Deaf it just made it that much easier. They went to residential schools and mainstream. My best friend went to more mainstream schools, but these schools had good number of Deaf students. He had hearing friends and Deaf friends. He has no problem voicing although there have been some instances when I have seen him not voice. The sister barely voices at all. He “speaks” better than she does that is why he does it more, (she is better with ASL so I guess it balances). They are strongly Deaf and they both love their language ASL! Both are also excellent with English. My best friend when we first met said he was rusty with ASL since he was with hearing people more in the past year, I have met so many Deafies because of him and it seems that he has increased hanging out with Deaf people again but I don’t know why. His sister associates almost exclusively with Deaf people. She doesn’t trust hearing people as quickly as her brother. If they know sign then all the better. They grew up in a home that accepted them as Deaf, their mom bought deaf products and taught them their ABC’s on the computer and when the internet came along made sure she had it because she saw it as a better tool than TTY. She even installed light switches on the outside of their bedroom doors so that they could know when some one was “knocking” They have a very strong Deaf identity and are proud to be Deaf, and are proud of their language.
 
Southern said:
I’m not Deaf but I want to speak about the experiences of my friends. Particularly my best friend and his sister. They are both Deaf and grew up with hearing parents. The mother found out the first child was Deaf and said, “well that is it I have to learn sign” and then when the second child was born Deaf it just made it that much easier. They went to residential schools and mainstream. My best friend went to more mainstream schools, but these schools had good number of Deaf students. He had hearing friends and Deaf friends. He has no problem voicing although there have been some instances when I have seen him not voice. The sister barely voices at all. He “speaks” better than she does that is why he does it more, (she is better with ASL so I guess it balances). They are strongly Deaf and they both love their language ASL! Both are also excellent with English. My best friend when we first met said he was rusty with ASL since he was with hearing people more in the past year, I have met so many Deafies because of him and it seems that he has increased hanging out with Deaf people again but I don’t know why. His sister associates almost exclusively with Deaf people. She doesn’t trust hearing people as quickly as her brother. If they know sign then all the better. They grew up in a home that accepted them as Deaf, their mom bought deaf products and taught them their ABC’s on the computer and when the internet came along made sure she had it because she saw it as a better tool than TTY. She even installed light switches on the outside of their bedroom doors so that they could know when some one was “knocking” They have a very strong Deaf identity and are proud to be Deaf, and are proud of their language.
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Your friend is so lucky to have a family who believed in them and understood their deaf needs.
 
I like the light on the outside of the door idea. Never had that myself - if I move in with a roommate, etc. I will think about that for sure!

I feel also much the same as RR - those who grew up in Deaf World don't quite understand "my world" and those with no loss certainly don't understand either. Deafies, though, understand better than hearing people.

I'm quite proud that one of my good friends, who is Deaf, introduces me as Deaf even though I say HoH most of the time.
 
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