Handsome_Smiley
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- Nov 19, 2006
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On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that
she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin.
"No problem," said the friend. "Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of
liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and
tight and he'll never know the difference."
She went ahead and followed her friend's advice.
On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the
tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.
The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:
Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I
can't go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together. Goodbye darling.
P.S. Your pussy is in the refrigerator.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On the first evening of their honeymoon, they are sitting on the balcony of
the hotel while the sun is setting. "Honey", she says, "now that we're married,
will you tell me what a penis is?"
He almost fell off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband,
he led her into their room and took his pants off. "*This*, my love, is a
penis." he told her.
"Oh!", she exclaimed, "it's looks like a dick, but only much smaller."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The newlywed couple asked the hotel desk clerk for a room and told him they
just got married that morning.
"Congratulations!" said the clerk looking at the bride. "Would you like the
bridal then?"
"No thanks," said the woman. "I'll just hold him by the ears until he gets
the hang of it."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask
him about his upcoming performance.
"Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous."
"Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that
thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick
it where your wife pees."
So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it
in the toilet.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon
trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still
there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when
they arrive.
The husband says "I'll just nip around by their window and see
what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!"
Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels.
The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his
eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more
aroused herself. "Darling, this is going to be so good," she says, "Run right
out and get some grapefruit and Lifesavers!"
she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin.
"No problem," said the friend. "Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of
liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and
tight and he'll never know the difference."
She went ahead and followed her friend's advice.
On her wedding night, she and her new husband went wild. They did it in the
tub, they did it on the floor, they did it just about everywhere.
The bride woke up the next morning and found her new hubby was gone and all that was left was a note that read:
Sweetheart, I love you very much. I feel terrible about what has happened. I
can't go on after this, and I know now that we can never have a life together. Goodbye darling.
P.S. Your pussy is in the refrigerator.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On the first evening of their honeymoon, they are sitting on the balcony of
the hotel while the sun is setting. "Honey", she says, "now that we're married,
will you tell me what a penis is?"
He almost fell off the chair when he heard her ask. So, being her husband,
he led her into their room and took his pants off. "*This*, my love, is a
penis." he told her.
"Oh!", she exclaimed, "it's looks like a dick, but only much smaller."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The newlywed couple asked the hotel desk clerk for a room and told him they
just got married that morning.
"Congratulations!" said the clerk looking at the bride. "Would you like the
bridal then?"
"No thanks," said the woman. "I'll just hold him by the ears until he gets
the hang of it."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask
him about his upcoming performance.
"Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous."
"Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that
thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick
it where your wife pees."
So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it
in the toilet.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon
trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still
there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when
they arrive.
The husband says "I'll just nip around by their window and see
what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!"
Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels.
The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his
eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more
aroused herself. "Darling, this is going to be so good," she says, "Run right
out and get some grapefruit and Lifesavers!"
