Is the past more important than the present?

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Cheri

Prayers for my dad.
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You know how the deaf community usual to getherness at many different places for years?

I haven't been able to do that for over a period of 20 years. However I bumped into one of my old high school friend that I haven't seen for over 20 years. Well this person started judging me at the fact that this person hasn't seen me over the period of 20 years to any deaf events or deaf social events. Well, excuse me for having a life where it got me to the point of not having that much free time, when I was done with high school I was working 15 hours per day at a pizza/sub restaurant and so on.

Some of my high school deaf friends had moved away, we lost in touch with each others over the years, does it make it my fault just because I haven't been to any deaf events or deaf social events in a long time? Since when-ever the past was more important than the present?

If I did not want anything to do with it's deaf community I wouldn't be here posting on Alldeaf I wouldn't be going to any social events across the USA, I went to the AllDeaf Caucus in 2006, I'm even going to the next one in 2008. I'm also going on the 2009 deaf cruise. Doesn't it shows that I'm trying to be more involvement with it's deaf communities?

I just wishes some deaf people would understand that some of us had a busy
life and didn't have much of a time or a day to spare to hang out at deaf social events.

It doesn't mean those deaf people like me are shutting the deaf community out of their lives It just means some of us had grew and lead different lives, but one of those days they will come around again and meet up with their old friends. Right?

This is what I'm doing now, I'm trying to get myself more involvement with the deaf community, I just wish this friend of mine would give me a break instead of holding me accountable for not being around for 20 years.

Tell me what you think? :(
 
just be patient . It will take her some time to understand you after 20 years..
 
U dont need to justify yourself and the decisions u have made in the past to anyone else but your own family.

Maybe those deaf friends have never lead a busy life like yours and cant understand what it is like hence their attitude but it still doesnt make it right. I think they probably felt rejected in some way. Sometimes, people just feel things they cant help but they have a choice to be understanding of the situation or not.

Gosh, I have done that myself to some of my friends a few times. Felt offended by some decisions that they have made but then I had to think that it is nothing personal and just move on. Sometimes we all act weird from time to time. Maybe your old friends are being that way. They just have to get over it and move on to rekindle their friendship with you or just hold that grudge forever.

My mom always told me that family is who we should worry about the most but sometimes it is hard not to! :giggle:

U did nothing wrong.
 
What you do with your time and your life is your deicision. Deaf people sometimes have to understand we have a life and busy taking care of ourselves, our kids, the house, bills and other reasons. If they can't respect your deisicion, they are not true friends. If they are patient enough to undestand that you are busy then they should be able to back off and show some respect and give your breathing space. As for me some deaf think I stop talking to them because I am busy mother, and taking care of my life. I don't really have time to hear their idle gossips and back stabbing on other deafies. I also don't have time for their "bs" and their problems either. I don't mind giving advice and helping. But right now they got to understand I am busy taking care of myself first and my child. That comes first before them. If they really care about you and the friendship, then they got to be patient. We can't always be around them 24/7 days a week. We got a life too.
 
I just think the present is far the important to worry about than the past in my opinion. I've seen deaf people fade away from time to time, could be that they moved, or decide to settle down have a family, or is working too many hours and don't have much time to spend at deaf socials or events all the time, maybe they pop in once or twice a year. It all depends on their life schedule. Sometimes it's hard to find out where would the events being held at, when some deaf finds out by word-of-mouth, mailing list, flyers, or other methods.
 
Cheri said:
I just think the present is far the important to worry about than the past in my opinion. I've seen deaf people fade away from time to time, could be that they moved, or decide to settle down have a family, or is working too many hours and don't have much time to spend at deaf socials or events all the time, maybe they pop in once or twice a year. It all depends on their life schedule. Sometimes it's hard to find out where would the events being held at, when some deaf finds out by word-of-mouth, mailing list, flyers, or other methods.
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Since some deaf people still living the the past as well the present it hard. Because sometimes if a a person have something bad happen in the past, they are more likely to be lot of anger and hurt that not yet solved, unless it works out. Lot of deaf people I have known don't like to work it out and instead of acting too stubborn or ego pride to work out the issues with the problems they have with other deafies or family will keep going on in their mind to be furstrated and hurt. Deaf people I have known are very very stubborn and often time rudes with the past problems they don't willing to work it out and forgive. Once it works out or learn to forgive then that person will move on to the present to feel the big weight lift off their shoulders to move on.
 
I agree with everything that everyone else has said. People loose touch with each other. It happens. I don't see the people I graduated from high school with, either. I haven't been to all of my high school reunions. People's lives go in different directions once they graduate from high school. Different colleges, different jobs, getting married, having families. It happens to us all. You have done nothing wrong, Cheri. You just did what we all do....started a life of your own.

What you did last year or last week or yesterday is gone. The important thing is what you are doing today.
 
jillio said:
I agree with everything that everyone else has said. People loose touch with each other. It happens. I don't see the people I graduated from high school with, either. I haven't been to all of my high school reunions. People's lives go in different directions once they graduate from high school. Different colleges, different jobs, getting married, having families. It happens to us all. You have done nothing wrong, Cheri. You just did what we all do....started a life of your own.

What you did last year or last week or yesterday is gone. The important thing is what you are doing today.
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:gpost: and thank you. ;)
 
Cheri,
Look Listen.. I don't give anyone people judge or have not heard from you or else..
None of their mind business.. cuz you're just mother of children and everyday busy. Like mine so.. What their expecation from your life change back like 20 yrs.. Hell no way.. Just move on and continue everyday new fresh days not stayed same days always there..

Impossible. Oh phew.. Unbelievable people say that.. Ok sure :sure: Yeah right!
Not even you think about your life alike isn't same as family business vs single life.

Which one the most importance family or friends from 20 yrs ago past ?
I'll choose my family prior the list because wanted to be there for my children and rasied.. one day bumped into the old buddies.. Grab little chi-chat and have a nice coffee...
If person say that likely rude remarks.. then step up and walk away.. Sorry for this person doesn't know what your life alike... Let them go

I'm very secondly agree more than 110% w/GarnetTigerMom and jillio too

I don't give fuk people thinks!

You're just fine.. as long take your time and to get into become Deaf Community.. Which that great start.. isn't too late..
 
cheri i agree with jillio people need to move on from the past

i have move on from the past and i didn't hanged out with deaf people lot but recently i start going to deaf socials near my home saw my friends and they knows that i have a life and they do have lives of their own and were happy to see me again
 
Yes I agree with Jillo´s comment.

I find sad that an old friend has no respect for you and kind of life you lead but judge over that 20 years old subject. Why can´t she learn to move on then?

What you did with your life is your own decision, not doing favor for them. If anyone cannot understand what kind of life you have then is their loss. They are not your friend.

We have our life, either. My friends and we see each other once a month or once a 2 month... We are glad that we have understanding friends who accept our knowledge that we have our life.
 
Thank you all for some great opinions and feedbacks. This is what I've been hoping for. :)

You're right one for thing, GalaxyAngel that it's never too late to be apart of the deaf community, no matter which directions our lives leads us in which path. One day we will get the time where it permits us to meet again. ;)
 
Wow, some friend you got there sis..
 
Yep we are your friends no one here judge you, but advice you. I think I can come up with a better way to explain why the past it hard to let go. Here my input.

Even after many people acknowledge and make a decision to let of their past, they sometimes still find this easier said then done. Many of us understand that we need to live in the present, however, we struggle with letting go of the past. Why is this, why is it so difficult to let go of the past?

The number one reason that it can be difficult to let go of the past, let go of regret, resentment, nostalgia, etc is because our ego is afraid to let go. Our ego is very attached to the past. Our ego is defined by the past. When we decide to let go of the past, the ego goes into a panic state because it views as letting go of the past as letting go of your identity, really letting go of the identity of the ego.

See our ego, viewsare identity as an accumulation of the past. The ego says, yes, I am a complainer, yes I am resentful, that is who I am and if you let go of the past then I will no longer be that person! This scares the heck out of the ego. The ego is very comfortable being who it is, the ego loves being in control and will put up a fight to stay in control. Therefore the more you begin to let go of your past, in many ways, your ego fears that you are letting go of your ego.

The truth is, when you let go of your past you will experience a change, that is the whole purpose, we want to make a change and to make that change one of the key things we need to do is let go of the past!

It is often a wonderful thing to re-invent yourself, to let go of your past and make changes in your present life.

Although the ego will fight this change, rest assured your spirit will shine through. I believe that as you begin to live in the present, you will feel the tug of your ego, which will try to instill fear, uncertainty and doubt into your mind. It is important to acknowledge that this will happen and understand why it will happen. Having this understanding will help you to learn to live in the present, let go of the past and be who you really are.
 
Someone is telling you how you should be living and who you should be in touch with?

Excuse the french, but I'd be telling them to fuck off and stick their head back up in their own asshole (or Russian bombshelter).

Where were they?

What effort did they make to keep in contact with you?
 
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