Is It Right For Parents To Criticize By Comparing Their Children?

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Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
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Obviously it seem to me that some parents keep forgetting that children do have feelings that can be hurt and self-esteem that can be crushed if we criticize by comparing them in a belittling way then how is this going to help your child to improve? For example, a child coming home with a bad grade on their report card while the other child had a good grade on their report card so the parents decide to criticize the child who had bad grade by comparing the one that had good one, instead of helping the child by finding out why the child had bad grades, or give him/her the opportunity to redeem himself/herself by correcting their mistake, if you tell your child what he/she did wrong, then maybe they will feel bad about it and do better next time....Also I have a problem with some parents who comparing their children with their brothers/sisters by saying one child is better than the other, or funnier than the other, or smarter than the other, etc and how is this going to help your child feel or do better? ...


So, my question IS.....is it right for parents to criticize by comparing their child with others?
 
Angel said:
Obviously it seem to me that some parents keep forgetting that children do have feelings that can be hurt and self-esteem that can be crushed if we criticize by comparing them in a belittling way then how is this going to help your child to improve? For example, a child coming home with a bad grade on their report card while the other child had a good grade on their report card so the parents decide to criticize the child who had bad grade by comparing the one that had good one, instead of helping the child by finding out why the child had bad grades, or give him/her the opportunity to redeem himself/herself by correcting their mistake, if you tell your child what he/she did wrong, then maybe they will feel bad about it and do better next time....Also I have a problem with some parents who comparing their children with their brothers/sisters by saying one child is better than the other, or funnier than the other, or smarter than the other, etc and how is this going to help your child feel or do better? ...


So, my question IS.....is it right for parents to criticize by comparing their child with others?
Click to expand...

No it is not RIGHT! I have seen the pychological effects on the children at my school. Wish I can say more but cant share too much. It really can hurt the child's motivation to learn.
 
Angel said:
For example, a child coming home with a bad grade on their report card while the other child had a good grade on their report card so the parents decide to criticize the child who had bad grade by comparing the one that had good one, instead of helping the child by finding out why the child had bad grades


So, my question IS.....is it right for parents to criticize by comparing their child with others?
Click to expand...

If I were the parent, I would not compare one of my kids to other kids. Because every kids are different, they learn things differently. Being a good parent is to step in and help the kid figuring out why she or he is doing not so well in school. Some kids have ADD, ADHD, or other kinds of learing disabilities, they can do well in school with the right accomondation.

I don't think it is a good idea to punish a kid who has a bad grade. It destroys the child's self esteem.
 
It make the children's self esteem so low.. also will make them "hate" their own siblings.

Example: The mother say "oh John, your brother went to Yale and you went to community college. come on John you should go to Yale like your brother, your brother play football there. you should do the same thing." over and over.. it made John feel like the mother doesnt care abt him or his education or what he wants for himself. The mother never question John what he wants.

Also the parents do the compare from their kids to the family friends' kids.

Example: my neighbor was telling me that "Oh my daughter bought a car. she saved the money and got a car.. You should do the same thing." I was like excuse me!!! but I kept my mouth shut and said "Nice car she have." and went back to the house.
 
Yes, I know what you mean, Redheadgrrl... It was happeend to me before... My family often compared my siblings with me and want them to look my role... I know it's wrong... that's how my siblings are jealous of me... My one year younger sister compared her 2 children and make their children hates each other.


This thread here remind me of hot debate at other thread of last year.
http://www.alldeaf.com/parenting/22006-mom-makes-daughter-stand-street-corner.html

I disagree with form of parental's discipline to compare, criticize, humatiation, harsh punishments, captial, physical punishment, humiliation, etc toward children/students. It abuse children's good self-esteem.
 
Angel said:
Obviously it seem to me that some parents keep forgetting that children do have feelings that can be hurt and self-esteem that can be crushed if we criticize by comparing them in a belittling way then how is this going to help your child to improve? For example, a child coming home with a bad grade on their report card while the other child had a good grade on their report card so the parents decide to criticize the child who had bad grade by comparing the one that had good one, instead of helping the child by finding out why the child had bad grades, or give him/her the opportunity to redeem himself/herself by correcting their mistake, if you tell your child what he/she did wrong, then maybe they will feel bad about it and do better next time....Also I have a problem with some parents who comparing their children with their brothers/sisters by saying one child is better than the other, or funnier than the other, or smarter than the other, etc and how is this going to help your child feel or do better? ...


So, my question IS.....is it right for parents to criticize by comparing their child with others?
Click to expand...


Each child is uquine. There is no comparsion. Treat each to their own.
 
Angel said:
Obviously it seem to me that some parents keep forgetting that children do have feelings that can be hurt and self-esteem that can be crushed if we criticize by comparing them in a belittling way then how is this going to help your child to improve? For example, a child coming home with a bad grade on their report card while the other child had a good grade on their report card so the parents decide to criticize the child who had bad grade by comparing the one that had good one, instead of helping the child by finding out why the child had bad grades, or give him/her the opportunity to redeem himself/herself by correcting their mistake, if you tell your child what he/she did wrong, then maybe they will feel bad about it and do better next time....Also I have a problem with some parents who comparing their children with their brothers/sisters by saying one child is better than the other, or funnier than the other, or smarter than the other, etc and how is this going to help your child feel or do better? ...




So, my question IS.....is it right for parents to criticize by comparing their child with others?
Click to expand...

IT IS ABSOLUTELY WORNG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!!
 
I secondly w/Raingurl's comment

no comparison's.

I'd rather equal rest of my children as long encourage positive things..
Just keep applause and giving reward.. as long their try best effort school work and will build their grades better.
 
"Billy does better at math than you! Why can't you be more like Billy?"

This is not encouraging the kid to be any better at math....
 
RainGurl said:
Each child is uquine. There is no comparsion. Treat each to their own.
Click to expand...

True. Every person have their own talents and weaknesses. It is totally normal for everyone to have them, that is not a crime or wrong. Everyone is different and no one should be treated differently.
 
I think it's wrong as well. my sister and I love each other but often feel like our mother compares us, even today. We used to take it personally, but now we just let it go and be proud of each other's successes, and help through each other's failures. that's all anyone can really do, support each other. parents should also support their children, instead of comparing them.
 
Like my both girls. This is where I experience growing up and even in laws and even my parents saying to my girls, look at her, shes not afraid of the water, you shouldn't be either. I said, hey, what other kid can do, does not mean she can the same. Even intellectual level, so what. Favoritism destroy families. inspite of the differences, it is individual's talent. Same like, rich families, many expect kids do the same their own mom and/or dad. They decide the future FOR them, and gets mad whenever their kids has their goal that doesn't approve parents. That is nauseating.
 
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