Is it ok to talk positively about someone ?

dereksbicycles

Active Member
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
6,497
Reaction score
26
I was talking to one of my friends about one of their friends. I was mentioning that this person seems like an expert in driving in snow. I was saying it`s amazing that this person is able to drive in snow quite well. I wouldn't want to drive in this kind of snow.

My friend told me that she doesn't talk about other people behind her back. I give her credit for that, but I feel hurt. By tone of conversation, I felt like I had told her that her friend was a slut.

What is wrong with me talking positively about other people ?
 
There must be more to this. I don't see how praising someone's abilities is the same as talking about someone behind her back.

Maybe the friend was jealous? :dunno:
 
...or suddenly its against the law to nice things about people, almost as if its like lusting after them, people are getting REAL paranoid...
 
I was thinking about your comment after the positive one. "it`s amazing that this person is able to drive in snow quite well. I wouldn't want to drive in this kind of snow."

If you did in fact say the last sentence, then your friend probably took it in a negative way by the way it sounds.

That's my guess as to why she reacted that way.
 
I would go back to that person and say "I said something positive about this person, now I feel like crap after what you said....what did I say that bothered you?"

There are a lot of oversensitive people out there....I make it a personal rule that if I find myself having to explain more than 3 times to someone what I really meant....I avoid that person if at all possible.

I have one relative of my wife...he misunderstands just about everything I say, takes it the wrong way, only hears what he wants to hear.....now he says I am not a nice person for not talking to him. I told him in his face that he misunderstands me all the time, so why waste my time? He finally got the message.
 
Was your friend driving when you said that?
 
We all talk about other people whether it is positive or negative. It is human nature.
 
We all talk about other people whether it is positive or negative. It is human nature.

That is why we call it "gossip" without thinking about people behind their back, whether we thought it was positive or negative. It is the same with lying, and it become natural. It is our subconciousness that make the comments offguarded and without warning. That is something we all have to deal with people every day whether friend or no friend. Sad, isn't it? :(
 
I would have said something like Green said. But then I read what Beowulf
asked.
Now I am asking the same.... smiles here..

I can speak only for myself here, I have experienced many times woman being very quick at carrying on with complete understanding a level of thinking that is defined by subtly that has much larger meaning to them and has vague meaning to me even though I am feeling the pain of being caught out in something I said without intended deeper meaning. I tend to go silent at that point. Or profess my true ignorance by a well stated, "Huh?" and then try and steer towards nuts and bolts in an effort to save myself from conversational doom.

As near as I can tell from a lifetime of being sliced and diced and so on by the opposite sex that I love so much, is that she was really saying," I don't want to get into talking about all the things I could say or would like to say behind that bitches back". You did fine brother. Nuts and bolts they rock!! So do women!!
 
That is why we call it "gossip" without thinking about people behind their back, whether we thought it was positive or negative. It is the same with lying, and it become natural. It is our subconciousness that make the comments offguarded and without warning. That is something we all have to deal with people every day whether friend or no friend. Sad, isn't it? :(

So, we shouldn't talk about other people like what they can do, what happened to them, or what we did with them?

It is not gossip..just complimenting a person`s skills. The day people start getting too sensitive is the day I will become a hermit.
 
So, we shouldn't talk about other people like what they can do, what happened to them, or what we did with them?

It is not gossip..just complimenting a person`s skills. The day people start getting too sensitive is the day I will become a hermit.


:lol:

:giggle:
 
This particular person was driving in snow and lost control. The person and car were both ok. Maybe it made person feel bad because they've hard time driving in snow. Maybe she thought I was putting her down because she isn't good at driving in snow.

Complimenting other person's driving skills shouldn't mean I was making someone look like an idiot. Maybe some people are just too sensitive or somewhat jealous.
 
This particular person was driving in snow and lost control. The person and car were both ok. Maybe it made person feel bad because they've hard time driving in snow. Maybe she thought I was putting her down because she isn't good at driving in snow.

Complimenting other person's driving skills shouldn't mean I was making someone look like an idiot. Maybe some people are just too sensitive or somewhat jealous.

I think you nailed it. She did not hear what you implied, she heard you praise the driving of another and took it as you were saying "this person is really good, whereas your not". Ok, sounds crazy, but I have said stuff and had it taken totally wrong.
 
I was talking to one of my friends about one of their friends. I was mentioning that this person seems like an expert in driving in snow. I was saying it`s amazing that this person is able to drive in snow quite well. I wouldn't want to drive in this kind of snow.

My friend told me that she doesn't talk about other people behind her back. I give her credit for that, but I feel hurt. By tone of conversation, I felt like I had told her that her friend was a slut.

What is wrong with me talking positively about other people ?

Your friend has issues.
 
Looks like I am taking the unpopular view (again). Cough. As a sensitive person myself, I feel like I should try to exlpain that side of things.

But first I want to say that I really despise the word "oversensitive" in labeling sensitive people. It's an insult that tries to invalidate another's feelings. Of course people are free to assign that label if they choose. If they do, though, I generally find the label "insensitive" to be wonderfully handy.

Anyway, on to the actual topic. Or an analogy for it. Or several.

I often help people who are struggling with mathematics. Basic math, algebra, calculus, advanced theoretical courses, lots of different levels. And teaching the actual ideas and techniques is never the hardest part. The hard part is to get the person to let you in enough that they trust you with something that scares them. Some people are so threatened by the subject, it's almost like a small trauma. It's a delicate thing to go in there, and get them to let you lead them through processes that are (at first) terrifying for them.

So. If I'm working with someone who can't even understand basic concepts and struggles with the simplest tasks, and my student of the previous hour was kind of a wiz - I walked them through the whole concept of differential calculus in one session and they didn't miss a beat - what do you think I'm going to do? Is it a good idea to say "Wow, my last student was so sharp - she caught on to all this really advanced material like it was nothing!" The poor struggling student is already feeling shaken and inferior. I'm trying to help them build some confidence. Of course I'm not going to mention the other student's impressive performance.

This is common sense to me. I have learned, by living in the world, that these kinds of things are not common sense to many people. And much like green427 but in reverse, I've found that I need to steer clear of them. To keep myself in one piece.

If there's something I'm really not good at (and there's plenty!) maybe I'm fine with it, maybe I've been able to come to terms with it, or maybe it's a very painful, frustrating, sensitive subject for me. Unless you know me really well, it would be a bad idea to tell me how impressive someone else is at that task. I think the smart and considerate thing is to err on the side of caution until you have a solid sense of where a person is at.

Because relationships (even friendships) are alot like that teaching situation I described. People have painful places. If you want to be their friend, on some level, in some sense, you are asking them to trust you and let them in. That may involve being careful not to hurt them once you get there. And what that means is different for every person, so you have to pay attention and learn. Every time.
 
But first I want to say that I really despise the word "oversensitive" in labeling sensitive people. It's an insult that tries to invalidate another's feelings. Of course people are free to assign that label if they choose. If they do, though, I generally find the label "insensitive" to be wonderfully handy..

I would agree with you....to a point.

The worst 'sensitive' people that I have to deal with are the ones that choose to interpret someones' statement one way, and stick with that opinion....because they WANT to believe that the other person was trying to hurt/insult/offend them. Even if you meant something else, they don't want to hear it.
 
I would agree with you....to a point.

The worst 'sensitive' people that I have to deal with are the ones that choose to interpret someones' statement one way, and stick with that opinion....because they WANT to believe that the other person was trying to hurt/insult/offend them. Even if you meant something else, they don't want to hear it.

That's usually what happens.

We cant constantly walk on eggshells just to make everyone happy. Some sensitive people sometimes have to suck it up and tough it up. I am a sensitive person and I used to take things personally but it was a waste of my time.
 
I would agree with you....to a point.

The worst 'sensitive' people that I have to deal with are the ones that choose to interpret someones' statement one way, and stick with that opinion....because they WANT to believe that the other person was trying to hurt/insult/offend them. Even if you meant something else, they don't want to hear it.

Exactly!!! I like to think that my praising of one person's driving skill wasn't correlated to her inferior driving skills. I wish this person would realize that I wasn't putting those two things together.

I'm sure it would be all different context if I mentioned to this person that her friend seemed like an expert in basketball stuffs. Anything that has nothing to do with driving.
 
Back
Top