I want to know one thing...

Unegawahya

Unegawahya

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My kids' dad and I argued a lot. It's a disagreement but I'm not sure about his Mexican culture. My mom's family and my dad's family are pretty different from his family. My friend came over to our home. It's not really HIS friend. He just took my friend as it is his friend. When my friend asked me if he can have one little helping of food, I told him to ask my kids' dad. He waited because my kids' dad was busy chatting on the videophone. Once he is done, he walked to take a break from videophone. I confided to him that my friend wants to something to eat before he go and that he will ask him. My kids' dad decided to argued at him and repeated the same words over and over even though my friend already knows what my kids' dad was talking about. He's not stupid. Their arguement was accelerating more and more. I told my friend it's best to leave. It's all happen after they each drank 6 beers but haven't touch another one for an hour.

Once my friend left, I was about to vacuum and shampoo to get ready for the b-day party for me tmw. He almost ruin it. He started with the story of his buddies, I told him excuse me, I'm NOT him nor his buddies who are couples. He kept cutting while I need to do some cleaning. I never heard of anything like that in my life. He claimed his friends told him that it's polite only males have to ask males, not females. The more he chatted, the more he got on my nerves. I told him that we are NO longer in love, we're SEPARATED and I'm still waiting for the approval from the courthouse in divorce proceeding. On the court paper, it said "free interruption and free from control as he or she were single." I have my choice if I want to bring my friend over and ask if he wants something to eat or drink. Or invite on my birthday. I don't quite understand what is in his brain. :dunno:
 
Ok...It is your house also...You should've allow the guy to eat anyway...because he is your friend...you dont need to ask your hubby for permission...

You are correct about your hubby has no authority to control you since you two are separating...I dont think it has to do with mexican culture..it has to do with his personality/character/attitude....

Since you two are separating then why dont you kick him out of your place?
 
If you are seperated then live as a seperated couple. You should not be living in his home if you are waiting for court papers on a divorce. I don't know all what is going on but from the way you told your story. Sounds like a domestic violence dispute.

In both White and Latino culture. A man always ask another man for something that is not his and he is to never ask a woman for something if a man is present there or come back later when he is home but at the same time, he should have given your friend something to eat as this is right. Jesus Christ said if you feed those who are hungry then you have been a friend to Jesus Christ. If he is low on food near the end of the month then he may have a good reason to say no.

When I had a girlfriend and some of her friends, most of them were women anyways, came over and they wanted something to eat and drink. I said yes as long as they helped my girlfriend clean up as this is my house ( My apartment I pay the bills ) and there were a few times where I did not trust one of her friends who is a guy. I just gave him $5.00 and told him he could get something from the store on the way home as he was leaving. I told him we do not have that much to eat at home and we have to work with what we have, Here is $5.00 and a few months later. I found out that guy was at somebody else's house and when he was not home, he was trying to have sex with that man's wife !!!!!

That may have been what he was thinking but still, he had no right to be telling you what to do when you are seperated. Why are you even under his roof ?

Always remember, A man's home is his castle where he is the king. It does not matter if he is a rich man or a poor man. This is his home. He pays the bills.
 
Old, outdated patriarchial attitude strikes again. That's not respect.. that's just plain old control. The woman is not a cattle to be managed. Doesn't make it right, justifying it by any name.. culture and all. Glad you drew the line, Whitewolf.. I'm impressed!
 
Yeah like other said.. why you and him still living same house even both of you are seprated? (or in process)

its better not to live with partner in the same house if broke up, seprated or divorced... I understand its for kids' sake but its not healthy for the kids though and yourself too...

Things will NOT work out... its better to living seprate places and make arrangement for visit the kids.. etc..

I just making point view for you.. read what you said.. you have friend come over, he shouldnt be involve... you should handle the situtation.. even the guy would like to have second helping.. speak up yourself.. I have few guests have been coming in, they show their respect.. ask if they can have 2nd helping or.. something like that, I speak up.. not enough left, or sorry, save some for the kids. they have to understand that kids come first.. we all adults can tolerance with the hungry. but kids dont..

Try not to rely on your kids' dad for something.. you try rely YOURSELF and deal with it.. the better to do yourself than rely on him, thats why the agruements are on going or not getting along..
 
If you want to be independent then dont rely on your future exhusband. If your friend want something to eat then let them. Since it is your house also not just him.
 
oh boy, heard of that before.. Its given alots stressful and greedy in the house. Its not helping kids and its given kids's wrong point of the view by their own parent. I think u should have kick that person out to help this relationship with kids into better life. Ur kids don't see this. U better think of the right way things to do and you have courage. If he don't have money or job or house, that's not ur problem, its his plm. If you keep soft on him, he will not ever leave u alone. Better get courage. Its up to u, its ur life...

For me, if i want separate or broke up or divcore.. I would walk away or kick guy out, so i can start the new path into "new" chapter of journey!
 
You guys are right. And without me saying anything to him, he decided to move out. Let him move out on his own, I won't interfer him anyway..just lettin' him go. He busted up my birthday so I'm gonna order pizza in lieu of bbq...his money, he can take 'em with him. First he will spend, but change his mind and uses his own money to drive somewhere. He's packing up the suitcase.

Heath, actually, I pay the mainly portion of the rent, he only paid 1/4 of it. The bills also were paid by me...the only bill he paid is the stupid cable service. Who buys foods? ME, for me and my kids..but they don't eat too much of it...the foods are full enough for the what six kids?? I have only two kids. So I have to make them (meat, chicken, fish, etc) into smaller portions and stock 'em in the refrigerator and freezer for later use. So he doesn't have any right to tell me what to do. And also does not have any right to tell me while we are separated. Not for the sake of the kids, but to help with 1/4 portion of the bills and in case if something has risen up like an unexpected bill (my daughter racked up the bill one time over $527 for international call to their grandma). Now I have to pay extra portion of the rent. ARGH! I'm still waiting for Section 8 since August 2003.

Also, my kids simply ignore him, they know sign language okay. They knew their dad is wrong for believing and acting selfish. They once told me they will be better parents unlike their dad. They woke up after their dad woke me up and argued this morning...sucks! On my birthday!!!!!!!!!!! So he's moving out, GOOOD!
 
Okay Whitewolf1970, He really needs to grow up and be a man, pay his own bills. Now that he is out of your house. He has to stay out because you do not need to be abused any more further, neither should the kids see you be abused or the kids go through any more abuse. I hope things will improve from now on and it is defientely always better when there is nobody like that type of lazy abusive guy around. I am sure someday you will fall in love with a very good man who will take care of you and your family like the men everywhere are supposed to be doing. Stay safe and God Bless .....
 
Heath said:
Okay Whitewolf1970, He really needs to grow up and be a man, pay his own bills. Now that he is out of your house. He has to stay out because you do not need to be abused any more further, neither should the kids see you be abused or the kids go through any more abuse. I hope things will improve from now on and it is defientely always better when there is nobody like that type of lazy abusive guy around. I am sure someday you will fall in love with a very good man who will take care of you and your family like the men everywhere are supposed to be doing. Stay safe and God Bless .....
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yes, i agreed.. and its very nice of you saying those..

Stay safe and God bless...

One more thing, its been overwhelmed for you lately. If he bothers you again, you can ask for restraining order.. and.. make sure his name is not on rent lease, if so.. consider to fix it now or soon as possible because he might come back and said "i have rights because my name on lease"..
If you are in needy of food or rent temporary.. You can look up the Community Service to see if they can help you some for this month or two months since you are still waiting for section 8, it might takes longer..

Hang in there.. :hugs:

love0059.gif
 
wow that great that he is gone. Hopefully you do something about the lease since he is gone. Good luck. :hug:
 
His name isn't on the rental agreement since my mom preferred my name to be on it only. The owner accepted it so it stays that way. I guess she heard about some ppl's divorces..not sure why. I don't considering a RO though..if I ever need it, then I'll apply for it. He just doesn't utd what "let it go" means...never does. I gave him chances already and he broke each one. So the last one is done. I told him this time, I'm more serious and of course irritating. I don't need any more stress. My kids know they're not happy because he didn't act like a real dad. My son plays with the Homework Club's staff to keep him happy. Odd, that guy is only 25..more like a big brother..but he said, "I wish he's MY dad." :o Jeez. My daughter once told me, "You're more like a mother and a father to both of us, he's not like a real dad to us." She hummed a tone, "I'm so happy." Don't know why she did it.

I don't like being a dad since I'm a mom and a female but I play with my son basketball, video game, chase game, etc and then take both to the movies, beach, hiking, picnic, then take my daughter to malls, chat over ice-cream floats, etc...that's pretty hard for me...I rather be a 100 percent mom to them. <sigh> They grow normally. They realized what's going on in here between dad and me. They got tired that he won't admit that he started the heat. He pointed out at me and say, "Your mom is BAD!" "Your mom has no brains." They shrugged at him. Jeez. Immatured ape! :mad: I don't tell my kids, "Your dad...blah blah blah.." something like that. I can't believe it. Now I'm feeling better without him for a while until we will sort things out such as permisson to take my kids with him to Mexico like every year, etc...but NOT going back together again. Phhhft! to him.
 
Aww I am sorry to hear that.. good thing you kicked him out because he needs to learn his lesson and face the real world. He needs to grow up! I hope you find a guy who would be good to you and be a good father to your kids someday! :hug:

Whitewolf1970 said:
His name isn't on the rental agreement since my mom preferred my name to be on it only. The owner accepted it so it stays that way. I guess she heard about some ppl's divorces..not sure why. I don't considering a RO though..if I ever need it, then I'll apply for it. He just doesn't utd what "let it go" means...never does. I gave him chances already and he broke each one. So the last one is done. I told him this time, I'm more serious and of course irritating. I don't need any more stress. My kids know they're not happy because he didn't act like a real dad. My son plays with the Homework Club's staff to keep him happy. Odd, that guy is only 25..more like a big brother..but he said, "I wish he's MY dad." :o Jeez. My daughter once told me, "You're more like a mother and a father to both of us, he's not like a real dad to us." She hummed a tone, "I'm so happy." Don't know why she did it.

I don't like being a dad since I'm a mom and a female but I play with my son basketball, video game, chase game, etc and then take both to the movies, beach, hiking, picnic, then take my daughter to malls, chat over ice-cream floats, etc...that's pretty hard for me...I rather be a 100 percent mom to them. <sigh> They grow normally. They realized what's going on in here between dad and me. They got tired that he won't admit that he started the heat. He pointed out at me and say, "Your mom is BAD!" "Your mom has no brains." They shrugged at him. Jeez. Immatured ape! :mad: I don't tell my kids, "Your dad...blah blah blah.." something like that. I can't believe it. Now I'm feeling better without him for a while until we will sort things out such as permisson to take my kids with him to Mexico like every year, etc...but NOT going back together again. Phhhft! to him.
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I know how you feel girl, I used to be in this situation before, I'm glad you didn't move out until the court or the judge says so, since you have children involved, and that makes it harder for your chance to leave without them, and knowing the risk involved, I'm glad you handle this situation quite well, very impressed!
 
^Angel^ said:
I know how you feel girl, I used to be in this situation before, I'm glad you didn't move out until the court or the judge says so, since you have children involved, and that makes it harder for your chance to leave without them, and knowing the risk involved, I'm glad you handle this situation quite well, very impressed!
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We have a joint custody agreement. Meaning he can take my kids and let me know so he can take them to Mexico for a vacation and spend half of his time with them. He BBQed on Memorial's Day and I'm glad he hasn't make any move or embarrass me in front of my buddies and his buddies. So far, peace was there. He hasn't drink on that day which I am pleased because he has to leave with his car to his roomie's home. I'm thinking of finding a guy, but I'm not available at this time. I need to cool off and remove the stress and pressure. But I may not need a guy anymore...I rather be me with my kids and our cats. And best of all, he didn't say anything when I BROUGHT my same buddy here. ;) Ahhhh, felt better. Hey, thanks for the suggestions and ideas. I might need 'em so I save 'em in the Word document if I need to read 'em over. :)
 
GalaxyAngel said:
*wise decision* which the best interest safety for your children...
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Yeah...that is true...hey, your sig caught me off-guard. LOL! What's with the granny? :D
 
Whitewolf1970 said:
My kids' dad and I argued a lot. It's a disagreement but I'm not sure about his Mexican culture. My mom's family and my dad's family are pretty different from his family. My friend came over to our home. It's not really HIS friend. He just took my friend as it is his friend. When my friend asked me if he can have one little helping of food, I told him to ask my kids' dad. He waited because my kids' dad was busy chatting on the videophone. Once he is done, he walked to take a break from videophone. I confided to him that my friend wants to something to eat before he go and that he will ask him. My kids' dad decided to argued at him and repeated the same words over and over even though my friend already knows what my kids' dad was talking about. He's not stupid. Their arguement was accelerating more and more. I told my friend it's best to leave. It's all happen after they each drank 6 beers but haven't touch another one for an hour.

Once my friend left, I was about to vacuum and shampoo to get ready for the b-day party for me tmw. He almost ruin it. He started with the story of his buddies, I told him excuse me, I'm NOT him nor his buddies who are couples. He kept cutting while I need to do some cleaning. I never heard of anything like that in my life. He claimed his friends told him that it's polite only males have to ask males, not females. The more he chatted, the more he got on my nerves. I told him that we are NO longer in love, we're SEPARATED and I'm still waiting for the approval from the courthouse in divorce proceeding. On the court paper, it said "free interruption and free from control as he or she were single." I have my choice if I want to bring my friend over and ask if he wants something to eat or drink. Or invite on my birthday. I don't quite understand what is in his brain. :dunno:
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What happen with argue about Mexican culture? There's nothing to be wrong with Mexican culture, also I had no problem with it.
 
TrippLA said:
What happen with argue about Mexican culture? There's nothing to be wrong with Mexican culture, also I had no problem with it.
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Yeah, I know. Turned out, someone is right, it's not the culture. It's his own personality or attitude. <sigh> He looks like he's in 1930-1940's.....argh! But now I'm free to do whatever I want. I took my kids to museum w/o his permission..and visited my friends a big time. Phhft to him. I don't have a problem with Mexicans, it's just HIM and some of his family members who think what and what not. I don't follow his rules nor his family's rules. <sigh>

Also, I let my kids decide which one they want to go: my daughter rathers listen to Spanish music and watching Spanish channels and speaking to her family members on the phone. Dad has to pay the phone bill.. :D As for my son, he goes to either my mom's side of the family: German/Irish/French and Dutch, or my father's side of the family: Cherokee. Their choices. Their dad's family objected to my son's decision that he didn't want to speak Spanish fluently. He speaks a little bit of Spanish. Can't force him.

Now, I'm hungry so I'm going out with my kids to Las Playas restaurant...Can't resist it. Not because of burrito! It's the ....yummy. :)
 
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