I Don't Understand.. :C

@caz12, i can understand the gist of what you're saying, but notsomuch the specific message, as the disjointed grammar throws me off :( is there a way you can summarize all that in a concise manner?

@hoichi, good idea but neh. I don't feel like she would care much for them.
 
I went through the same thing with my mother when I was 15. I haven't wore my cochlear implant for 18 years. My mother and I have a great relationship. now. Be patient with your mother. She will eventually accept the change.
 
Been there and done that. Long story short, you won't get what you want until you are prepared to give up what you have and do things on your own.

Sent from my LG-LS980 using AllDeaf App mobile app
 
[/QUOTE]She will literally walk into my room to stand in front of me, talk down to me, and become defensive upon my request to sit down or, at the very least, crouch so i can understand her better. And if i stand up, she will back up and lower her voice, cocking her head to shoot me a weird look upon my stepping toward her... I have no clue why my mother is acting so weird!! :( And, when i ask her why she won't learn sign language, her reply was "You don't know it" Yet i know a lot more than she does. I can spell anybody's name incredibly fast; spell the alphabet forwards and backwards (literally) and i know many words. Random, but at least i stand behind what i say i'm going to do! :/ How does one approach a parent who doesn't listen; and refuses to modify the way they communicate?[/QUOTE]


I am a hearing person, and I don't understand it either. I wish I could tell hearing people; sometimes I want to scream at them myself. Is that the minute they make a commitment to learn to sign, the language barrier is gone!!!! I'm at the point now, that when the deaf sign back to me I can hear them even though they are not saying a word. I am amazed by this, because I think signing is visual and it replaces the sound.....I don't know, but I am amazed by this. I wish your mom could know this...

The only thing I can assume is that learning to sign is very difficult. I mean, it's been a struggle for me to learn how to sign, but I think it comes down to attitude. I'm very determined to sign no matter how difficult it gets.

People have their own issues to deal with. Maybe your mom has hers. The main thing is that since your are an adult, you need to do what is best for you and stick with it
 
Personally, I pick up language as if it were metal and I were a magnet. It's so easy for me. Plus, being positive boosts memory retention and comprehension of language :)

I have decided that I am not attempting communication with hearing people unless they sign. I'm DONE explaining over and over and over, that I CANNOT UNDERSTAND what they are saying when they talk while walking away.
 
I am getting the hang of sign :3 all I have been doing with my time on campus is striking up conversations with as many people as I can. I've been dubbed "the social butterfly" hahahahah I love the label cause it fits
 
pretty awesome! You are not far from me location wise. I really should get back out to deaf events if I weren't such a giant introvert lol.

Glad you are enjoying yourself :)
 
Let me ask: what would you think of someone who wanted to live as a blind person instead of wearing glasses? I can't think of anyone who would choose not to wear glasses in favor of reading Braille and walking with a cane/seeing eye dog. I know that electing to not wear hearing aids is a little different in some aspects, but in a lot of ways it is the same.
Your mom might be having a hard time with your decision because it doesn't make sense to her. Give her time and try to understand how she feels.
Crickets brought up good points.
 
apeterson14 said:
Let me ask: what would you think of someone who wanted to live as a blind person instead of wearing glasses? I can't think of anyone who would choose not to wear glasses in favor of reading Braille and walking with a cane/seeing eye dog. I know that electing to not wear hearing aids is a little different in some aspects, but in a lot of ways it is the same.
Your mom might be having a hard time with your decision because it doesn't make sense to her. Give her time and try to understand how she feels.
Crickets brought up good points.
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I believe that we are all entitled to certain inalienable rights; the first of which is to do what we want without being questioned or judged; so long as our actions do not infringe upon the rights and needs of others. As for electing to see without glasses, that is VERY different. Sight is almost essential for navigating this world by oneself; so unless one has a strong, loyal, ever-present support system, one would have a hard time accomplishing that. And, I might add, blind people see a lot more than others would imagine.

In addition, my choice is not to wear my HA's because it's too much effort. I am mentally drained by the middle of the day. And before the end, I'm running on autopilot. Inversely, with ASL, I can spend more time socializing (and actually enjoying it!) versus using my HA's and consistently saying "What did you say?" I despise doing that. It's so counterproductive; especially given the number of times I have had to resort to doing so. In addition, I feel more isolated and lonely WITH my HA's in, than I do WITHOUT. (I dunno how to alter the font, I promise I'm not yelling when I use caps!)
 
I also understand your being drained by the end of the day when you have worn hearing aids all day.
That is how it is for me when I read and sign a lot. It is really hard work for me. It isn't easy for me, so I have to really work at it. I'm drained by the end of the day.
Your thoughts regarding a blind person needing a large support system is the thought that some hearing people have regarding a person who cannot hear. It might be what your mom is thinking.
I wish you luck and and am thinking good thoughts for you!
 
I understand exactly where you are coming from. My mom has immediately put me into school, just so I could speak. She did not want me to learn signing immediately. For years, I struggled to her expectation and only recently have explained to her for the past three years more personally.

From what I understand is that no parents want their child to struggle, despite of a disability that we happen to be. However, we do not see being deaf as one and they do. My mom is unable to accept myself not wearing hearing aids or signing so much, but unhelpful on how to plan my life out or readily help me for my recent acceptance to RIT. If anything, I understand why she doesn't approve and it's because hearing population is much bigger than deaf/hoh population is. Anywhere you go, not everyone knows how to sign or understands us being deaf, they see it 'disability' as plain and simple. There are people who are ignorant and there are people who are uses deaf as our weakness or to take advantage of. Parents are petrified to what could become of us if we 'shun' or 'isolate' from their side of the world, once we step into the 'deaf' world more often. A parent is afraid and deeply concern on the matter.

Your mom is not likely to change and she will not. Nor my mom will, but I am not going to guarantee anything to be 'better' or 'easier'. It is a journey that a parent and a son/daughter must have to deal with in life. For you, focus on attending to school and do what you must. I'm aiming for ASL teaching for foreign language and looking forward to ditch my hearing aids once I get used to signing often. Just look at the opportunity you will have for yourself once you are in college, if you are living on campus, the freedom is yours.

Not all parents are so open minded, it's like telling your parent you are gay and they aren't exactly accepting to such and will likely to make it seems you are going through a phase or a nonsense moment. There is something that bothers your mom in the back of her mind and she is unable to accept it for whatever reasons is.

If anything, try having her involved the psychiatrist appointment and your psychiatrist is likely to stand up or speak up for you - from the sound of things that he truly supports you. My counselor knows much the same for me and he pointed out one thing, why should I have to do what everyone expects me to do on their high expectation? Why shouldn't I just do what I want to do? Do I really care to meet those expection at the ends for my life?

I'll tell you right out. I stopped caring about others' expectation and it was a bigger relief from stress. I've been doing what I wanted and it made me happier. Those expectation is pointless half the times because it is too much of a struggle like trying to attempt a conversation on a phone call when clearly I will be asking to repeat frequently or requiring to repeat what they said to be clear of things. I do what make my life easier and that did lessen everything! I'm looking forward for the rest of my education and so should you.

I hope you for the best.

Psss! Why haven't you simply go to the library? It's easier to avoid drama from home. Plus, more chances to study into ASL and any books you could lay your hands on to help you get ahead in classes for college. Easy to focus on yourself and yourself only.
 
I'm glad someone on AD understands my struggle :) I plan to attend Gally in the fall; I love it here. Of course, I'm lonely, but that comes with being HoH in the hearing world; and then transitioning to the Deaf/HoH world.

I am not holding my breath. If my mom wants to learn ASL, awesome! If not, good on her! More power to her, and that's what matters, right?
I want to be Deaf. I'm sick of the impatient looks given to me upon a simple request to repeat what was said. it goes deeper, but I don't want to air my dirty laundry here. Suffice it to say that I never want to leave Gally, because for once in my life, I feel understood and accepted. Two things I have never felt in my 22 years.
 
Also, the library staff is hearing, as are the people there. I want to mingle with Deaf/HoH people
 
In addition, thanks for all the support and empathy!! It helps a lot, to know I am not alone :3 as for doing what one wants, I have always been one to march to the beat of my own drum.. Even if I march by myself
 
Most of the fellow deafies at my campus hang around the ASL Lab where all the hearing kids in the interpreting program go to learn ASL, great thing is there is no talking allowed in the lab and most of them are actually quite shocked to find out your HOH/Deaf of course I am in the "Interpreting Program" myself because I need to learn ASL I pick up ASL somewhat easily than other languages because I am a visual learn Pre-HOH I was the same language I remember Freshman year I flunked Spanish, apparently southern drawl doesn't blend with Spanish very well. I still want to achieve my lifetime goal of becoming fluent in Irish Gaelic. I also dabble a bit in Irish Sign Language it is similar to ASL of course with Irish words and the alphabet has more letters in it...I wish you luck at Gally I considered going at one point, but last time I checked they didn't offer a degree in my field there....It's a shame I think Anthropology would be a great field for the deaf community towards cultural acceptance most of my fellow anthropology majors are respectful and curious about the Deaf Community and not once has anyone called it a disability. In fact Cultural Anthropology has done several Deaf Culture studies. Deaf Studies could be considered a specialized Cultural Anthropology Sub-Field and a lot of Deaf Studies Professors did get degrees in Anthropology but they don't actually offer the degree there :-(
 
That is a Shame; I like to hear that your group is accepting and desires to know more, though. Quite rare, I've found. I wish you the best in finding what you are seeking :)
 
TrippyMoods22 said:
I don't talk about my feelings or what goes on in my life/head, but i think catharsis is much-needed right now, so here goes.

I am HoH, my family is Hearing. I want to attend Gallaudet University in the fall. I began the application and did most of it, but need my mother's help to finish it. She keeps telling me she will help when i make time for it; but, when i open the application and ask for her help, she always tells me that she is "busy" or has "things to do." It isn't just an issue with timing; i've asked her when she is not working, and am given excuses. I'm done waiting for her; i'm going to do this all by myself.

My goals are to become thoroughly fluent in ASL, major in Interpreting, counseling, or something that would benefit D/deaf and disabled people of all ages and backgrounds. I want to minor in Communication. In order to properly and fully immerse myself, I want to ditch the HA's and establish myself as a Deaf man. My mom doesn't understand, nor does she support this desire. When i told her of my intentions to establish myself as D/deaf; and started to explain why, she cut me off before i had even gotten to the middle of my sentence. She cited two fits of rage that i'd had, blaming it on the medication i am taking (adderall) but i have those WITHOUT meds. She brought them up to support her theory that my withdrawing from her is to blame on the meds. However, i only have them when i push myself past my breaking point, though. When i don't, (the majority of the time) i am fine.

She has been trying to poke holes in anything i want to do, that requires not wearing my HA's. She told me to talk to my psychologist about it, insisting that he would say the same things that she is. However, i have discussed this with him multiple times, and he is fully supportive and encouraging of me. She even said "So you want to walk down the street, passing people whom you can't even talk to because you can't hear them?" But in so many words, yes mom, that's exactly it. I WANT to be deaf. Why does nobody listen to me? I wear earplugs to keep the world out of my ears, because silence is my favorite sound.

I have been pushing her away because she refuses to accomodate me; despite my constant accomodation of her. I used to put my hearing aids in whenever she asked. Recently, i have been refraining from doing so, as i wanted to see just how supportive she'd be. She had always scoffed at me when i complained about her not listening, being unsupportive, and discouraging me. Yet, her actions show her true feelings... It stings badly, but it isn't new.

She will literally walk into my room to stand in front of me, talk down to me, and become defensive upon my request to sit down or, at the very least, crouch so i can understand her better. And if i stand up, she will back up and lower her voice, cocking her head to shoot me a weird look upon my stepping toward her... I have no clue why my mother is acting so weird!! :( And, when i ask her why she won't learn sign language, her reply was "You don't know it" Yet i know a lot more than she does. I can spell anybody's name incredibly fast; spell the alphabet forwards and backwards (literally) and i know many words. Random, but at least i stand behind what i say i'm going to do! :/ How does one approach a parent who doesn't listen; and refuses to modify the way they communicate?
Click to expand...

Some parts of what you said about your mother...sounds pretty alike what my elder sister did to me. My elder sister has been an oppressive and selfish B*TCH!!!!!!! We are not on speaking terms to each other since Thanksgiving Day '14. Because I am so tired and fed up with her after 20 years of educating her how to have some respect and treat me with respect as when I trying to build a bridge in a halfway and she had to build the bridge the halfway at the same in communication at every time we were in a group conversation with other family members and friends. She had been constantly oppressing me and opt me out like I am not there not I am lesser important while she was speaking without signing to others in front of me and I asked her to sign what she is talking about...

i got soooooo mad really bad a night after Thanksgiving visiting over my hearing friend who works on becoming an interpreter for videophone business or mental facilitity access for the deaf, I brought my camcorder which I used to record a family chat because i knew my sister did not care to bother interpreting of what was being said in a group chat with others at any kind of event. So that my friend was willing to interpret for me as he was listening to the voices on the speaker of the camcorder as I watched the homevideo playing. What got me really pissed off and upset big time...as I watched my sister and I argued and she walked behind my back and know what she said? "Katy katy katy you gotta be lipreading and practice it!! " She did not say it to my face. She talked behind me my back. WTF?! I knew that she took advantagr of my deafness...she often said "oh no its not important for u to know" "nah nevermind it" "dont worry about it its not about u" "Come on" (sound sighing and rolling eyes) at me. " i ll talk u later about it" etc etc etc BS excuses to avoid me every time I tried to ask whats up, what they said? What u r talking abt? Hmm?
 
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