I am hoh and hubs is hearing

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chelsiwylie

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I started loosing hearing 5 years ago. My husband and I were together then and this adventure we have faced head on but it's getting more difficult. I am now moderate to severe and communication is more difficult. I have hearing aids and a Bluetooth loop I wear to make talking on the phone easier. Even with these devices it's difficult to understand certain tones or to decipher certain words that rhyme both on the phone and in person. Anytime I don't understand something he speaks almost at a yell and really slow.... which just frustrates me more. I don't need someone to talk to me like I am an idiot. Just gets on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I love Daniel and he is a great husband and father to our kids. I just hate being treated like a second class citizen especially in our own home. He doesn't see why it annoys me. Says he is just trying to help. I get that but if you know it bugs me then why continue to do it? We have talked about learning sign and the idea seems wonderful to me. I have started learning and encourage him to do so also. He is less gung ho about it though. Says he wants to learn but doesn't show interest unless I am pulling him along lessons online. I don't expect him to learn just because I have trouble hearing but at the same time why should I continue to use these crazy devices 24 hours a day that give feedback in my ears and sometimes make "hearing" harder. Is it wrong that I like my quiet world? I think my hands are a good source of communication.

Please help. Any advice is welcome. I am not offended easy so don't feel the need to candy coat anything on my behalf. If I am being ridiculous let me know. A new perspective is always helpful.

Thanks!
 
Well, you aren't being ridiculous and it would be wonderful if everyone we come in contact with knew sign, but really that isn't realistic even for family members if they aren't interested. I understand it takes a great deal of time and dedication to learn sign(I don't sign) and your husband doesn't seem interested. He was doing the next best thing by speaking slowly.

You must realize that speaking in a different way is not normal for everyone, they have to stop and think and put an effort into their speech. You must be grateful for those efforts.

You and your family are fairly new to hearing loss, there are going to be many adjustments as you go along. Yes, it's your obligation, you are the one who is HOH, to wear the hearing aids all the time and learn to hear as best you can with them. I know they are a PITA! :lol:

I really do hope you can convince your hubby to learn sign, that would be great, but keep in mind he may not, then you must move on and accept that fact. Good luck with everything!
 
Family members have a responsability to each other to take on problems together. It's as much his problem as hers. She's wearing the aids, he should learn ASL.
 
Annie09z... thanks for your opinion. Are you hearing? Just curious. You are right learning a new way of communication is hard. Yes, him speaking slower does help some but I just can't help but to think that ASL would be better for us. A deeper connection comes from communication.

jonnyghost... You are so right! A family takes on trials and triumphs alike together. Thanks for understanding.
 
chelsiwylie said:
Annie09z... thanks for your opinion. Are you hearing? Just curious. You are right learning a new way of communication is hard. Yes, him speaking slower does help some but I just can't help but to think that ASL would be better for us. A deeper connection comes from communication.

jonnyghost... You are so right! A family takes on trials and triumphs alike together. Thanks for understanding.
Click to expand...

No, I'm not hearing, I have a profound loss. I lost my hearing 53 (I was 18)years ago after taking an antibiotic for pneumonia. The loss started as mild and has progressed to profound.

I was advised to learn sign at the onset, but just didn't, choosing to get along with hearing aids. At the time my husband traveled for a living and just didn't have the time nor inclination to learn sign, so I decided why bother.

Yes, as I said, if your guy is willing I definitely think it would be a great help to learn sign.

My husband has a voice that doesn't come out of his throat, all of his words stay in his mouth, the absolute worst to try and hear. He has to do a lot of repeating until he loses patience and writes what he is saying. :lol:

All the best!
 
I would recommend counseling. Sitting down with an audiologist would also work because they see this probably every day themselves. He needs to change to make communication easier for you. Sometimes, odd as it sounds, people think this is temporary and it's not. I have severe to profound loss myself and I let my family know that if they're dealing with me on the phone, I may not hear them as well as they think...and if my hearing aids aren't in, don't bother talking with me until they are...and of course, don't talk to me from another room like I hear it because I can't.

Laura
 
Over the years, I have watched several late deafened people get very upset when the partner doesn't want to embrace a new culture and lifestyle.

Some have even gotten to the point where they got a divorce. They usually seem much less happy after that, so if you like your husband, and it seems you do, it's likely the compromise is going to come from your side.
And as for my status, I am deaf. From a family of deaf, hoh, and hearing. Quite a mix and variety.
 
We had a long talk last night and we are going to take an ASL class at our local college together later this spring. I will continue to help him with the online lessons we are taking now. He says he is really interested but doesn't learn well from "not in person classes" I get that. Some people need more of a hands on instruction. He said he is weirded out by everything that has gone on which is the most honest answer he could have given. Through all of this he has just taken it on the chin, he likes to be the supportive one for me. Guess I just didn't see that he needed support too. This is a family change after all. He feels like I am reculsive (sp?) now that my hearing continues to diminish.... In truth I do to some extent, it's harder to go out with friends but I still go. Albeit not as often. Maybe I just need to get over it and just try to read lips as best I can in loud places where the aids don't help much and remember to be patient with people. I just get tired of the sensory overload and take them out lol

Counseling is a good tip... I will see what they offer around us. After last night I realized more compromise is sure to come and can't expect it all to come from him.

Thank you all for the advice it is really helpful.
 
chelsiwylie said:
He says he is really interested but doesn't learn well from "not in person classes" I get that.
Click to expand...

I totally get that too because I can't learn anything online. I know some people can do it and they're fine but I also don't like the isolation, so seeing people, interacting, works best for me...and I'm sure that's true for a lot of people. It's also a way to meet nice people in a similar situation that you can connect with. I wish you both the best.

Laura
 
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