How to deal with marriage problem?

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deafpower80

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If your spouse lie lots to you then what would you do? It is hard part in marriage about lack of trust...
 
I would say it depends on what he lies about (in a way). Are they "little white lies"?...or the blatant flat out lies?...Men do tend to exaggerate, especially about the "fish that got away"...sports...how many women they bedded, etc.

But, if he's lieing about where he's going or has been, $$, other women, etc., etc. ....then I'd say there could be a major problem in the relationship. If you live with someone, then you of course need to trust that person.
 
rockin'robin said:
I would say it depends on what he lies about (in a way). Are they "little white lies"?...or the blatant flat out lies?...Men do tend to exaggerate, especially about the "fish that got away"...sports...how many women they bedded, etc.

But, if he's lieing about where he's going or has been, $$, other women, etc., etc. ....then I'd say there could be a major problem in the relationship. If you live with someone, then you of course need to trust that person.
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I agree with this , A marriage is base on trust , without that your marriage can't work!
 
I would ask him to go to counseling. If he refused, I'd go alone.
 
I have same problem, in few months ago he told me that he was sick and tired of his parent lied to him so much, well what about me? Does he realized that I am sick and tired of his lying to me too? I dont know if he really thought of it or not.
 
mtnlady said:
I have same problem, in few months ago he told me that he was sick and tired of his parent lied to him so much, well what about me? Does he realized that I am sick and tired of his lying to me too? I dont know if he really thought of it or not.
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You got that right. If a parent lies to their child and the child picks it up. The child does it to the others such like your situation. Just make him realize that.

After reading few posts here and in other posts, I see that your husband is closed to repairs, discussions and many more but kept his paths open to wrongful actions such as porn, lies, and refusing to believe anyone. He needs mental therapy and make it connect to his heart. A tiny bulb over his head will brighten up the whole neighbor once he got the idea what has been done.
 
Yeah I don't need to believe what my hubby say to me all time. I would nod my head at him but he lie too much can cause us argue lots and problem in my marriage..
 
Well, I was "hurt" when my hubby says "I am afraid that you would be nosy in my stuff", I told him "is that what you are afraid of? "What if we are back together?" "Are you going to trust me or not? If I am going to live with you again, you would have to trust me, If you do not want to then I have to stop trusting you, so what is gonna be?" Even he still do not trust me. So falling apart again, geeez, I have tried hard to build the trust with him, what is the problem now? What he means by nosy is about his money, his friend's name and their phones, relative's phone number etc so I would not know what he got. Anything he is hiding something that he don't want me to know. That is why. What about new girlfriend? or something that he wont tell me. What do you think I am suspecting about?" Am I right or wrong? We are separated over a year now, trying to get back together but now what..........But he still don't trust me and continue lie, many other things he have done to me, I really wish someone who is good friend to him that he would listen to him, hey be nice to your wife, love her, tell her the truth, trust her etc........but I heard friends who is his, always on be his side....so I do not have a male friend to help out..........
 
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TheWhiteTiger said:
You got that right. If a parent lies to their child and the child picks it up. The child does it to the others such like your situation. Just make him realize that.

After reading few posts here and in other posts, I see that your husband is closed to repairs, discussions and many more but kept his paths open to wrongful actions such as porn, lies, and refusing to believe anyone. He needs mental therapy and make it connect to his heart. A tiny bulb over his head will brighten up the whole neighbor once he got the idea what has been done.
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I agree with you children learn from parent so my hubby learned from his. I would not learn from that, I do not want to go there......yea, I knew he need help but how? Somebody should crack his head open to see the problem that he is having.......then he should have believe me at the first time......
 
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mtnlady said:
I agree with you children learn from parent so my hubby learned from his. I would not learn from that, I do not want to go there......yea, I knew he need help but how? Somebody should crack his head open to see the problem that he is having.......then he should have believe me at the first time......
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Not only that he refuse from everybody, he just don't believe me bec i m deaf and stupid, he only believe friends who are hearing, not deaf. So how I give him my point?
 
mtnlady said:
So nobody have any answer?
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So he believes "ur deaf and stupid"??....Jeez, lady!...if my old man called me "deaf & stupid"...his azz would be out the door....why even bother to put up with this mental abuse?...Seems to me after what you said, he doesn't have one iota of respect for anything you say....
 
mtnlady said:
So nobody have any answer?
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Did he say that to you?If he became deaf, he would understand how horrible it is for someone to brush off his feelings because he is deaf. Most late deafened do understand.

I would not be part of anyone who devalue me as a human adult person. Any husband of mine who treat me this way, believe in adultery, etc. make me wonder if he even committed or married to me???

I wouldn't know what to say that would change him. I don't think you can either. You will have to let him figure it out on his own.
 
He born deaf, he is tough, but that is the way he is, I think he grew up abuse by his family so maybe that is why, I could not understand him anymore. He said he have been around with hearing people more than deaf, he don't want to be around with deaf because of what happen to him in past, they are stupid. He thinks he is smarter than me, so I assume he means that I am stupid too. That is what I see.
 
ahhhh one of those deaf people. You'll run into those type of deaf who think hearing people are far more smarter and better than deaf people. And thinks if deaf people hang out with hearing people and communicate with them using oral approach, it make them just as smart. I have recently. He probably think his deafness is a severe handicap and doesn't trust his feelings from his deaf prospective.

I don't get it though. I been hurt by hearing people many times just as much (especially churches and small town near me. They love to gossip and all that) I don't think deaf people who think hearing people are better know that hearing people DO talk about you, they just don't let you know about it. Just yesterday, my relatives went on and on about other relatives, and kept complaining and criticizing. They are hearing. But their conversation didn't surprise me, because when I was working, there were all kinds of hearing people who did the same thing. Most hearing people spend their time talking about other people during private time. sorry to say, but it is true. Maybe these deaf people don't realize this. Maybe hanging out with hearing people does help put a curtain around you because it is hard to pick up sounds while hanging out with deaf forced you to face the reality. Or maybe hearing people just give you more opportunity to pick out friends because it is hard to choose your friend if you have limit of deaf people. My friend who is hearing just had to break her friendship with another hearing because she backstabbed her and told everyone her secrets (all because she got mad at her).
 
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i would like to say that first thing is to understand the feeling of each other developed trust and shares your problems with each other if one make mistakes other try to explain it in a very cam mode.
 
sallylou said:
I would ask him to go to counseling. If he refused, I'd go alone.
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Yep. He needs counseling to deal with his dishonesty, and the poster needs to have some help in figuring out why she accepts his dishonest behavior, and his telling her she is "deaf and stupid." Sounds like some work on self esteem is needed, and a little assertiveness training, to boot.
 
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