How might I approach a deaf person if...

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Jordan

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Okay, last Monday I was in a Chinese buffet and a group of 4 deaf individuals came and sat a couple of tables away from me.

I hated to do this, but I was pretty much listening/watching their conversation. But, after a while my attention faded back to my family at my table. A little bit later one of the women in the group was trying to get the attention of a waitress. Once the waitress made her way over there, the woman was trying to communicate to the waitress that she needed a cup of warm water to heat up a baby bottle for her child. Here is where I became very uncomfortable, this woman was having a very hard time trying to tell the waitress what she needed. I knew exactly what she needed. I just sat there, completely terified of getting up to help.

I dont know how to do that in the Deaf community. How might I approach a deaf person who is obviously (to me anyway) needing help communicating a need for something? What is protocol so to speak?

(I am hearing and totally new to the Deaf world, I am taking Sign in college. I really enjoy it, but I don't know the Deaf subculture.)

Thanks,
Jordan
 
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You brought up a very good issue. Basically, it is largely depend on deafies. If I was in their shoes and you decide to approach me to help, I will take it. It happens to me several times and I can understand that some hearies actually want to help or want to learn how to approach deafies and all. I personally encourage all of hearies to do that as long as they are open-minded enough to understand & respect deafies and their culture.

Well, some deafies may reject your help or give you an attitude. You have to be able to deal with it if they do that to you. However if you want to approach them, you can start by telling them that you learned some sign language and you can help them if they need it. If they take it then you can start and help.. if they don't, smile then leave :)
 
Thankyou very much, and I understand what you are saying.

Another quick question about this issue.

They passed my table many times going back and forth from the buffet, had I introduced myself that way; or, would it have been to impolite?

Cheers,
Jordan
 
Yes, you could go up and help them, I have done it many times when I was working at Burger King in the kitchen area when I was younger and the cashier had a difficult time communicate with deaf people I go up to the front counter and take their orders for them, Of course they smiled and thanked me for it. ;)


There are some deaf people who cannot speak clearly or the waitress or cashier don't understand what they are trying to order. It happens. And some deaf people love the help who knows sign language or understands them easier than others. :)
 
Magatsu said:
You brought up a very good issue. Basically, it is largely depend on deafies. If I was in their shoes and you decide to approach me to help, I will take it. It happens to me several times and I can understand that some hearies actually want to help or want to learn how to approach deafies and all. I personally encourage all of hearies to do that as long as they are open-minded enough to understand & respect deafies and their culture.

Well, some deafies may reject your help or give you an attitude. You have to be able to deal with it if they do that to you. However if you want to approach them, you can start by telling them that you learned some sign language and you can help them if they need it. If they take it then you can start and help.. if they don't, smile then leave :)
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Magatsu and Cheri give some great advice but I'd like to add one thing. You mentioned watching their conversation until your attention turned back to your family. Many deaf will consider this the same as us hearies as eavesdropping on a conversation and should be avoided. I find it tempting to watch them as I am just learning to sign as well. I don't, however, like people eavesdropping on my conversations and I'm sure the deaf would feel the same about us hearies eavesdropping on theirs.
 
They passed my table many times going back and forth from the buffet, had I introduced myself that way; or, would it have been to impolite?
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Not to me it wouldn't be impoliet I cannot say about the others. :)
 
Impressive topic.. well.. I grew up hearing world and little deaf world.. but I am deaf.. and readlip and speak very well..

Mostly in my life, some people held back like you did.. Dont worry, you are not only one.. alot are feeling guilt or wanting to help but dont know how to approach.. so next time.. if you knew someone tried to tell and know what they want.. you can say outloud.. to the waitress.. "She want warm water cup for her baby bottle".. and look at that person.. is that right? you can write down for communication.. (alot are outloud for me)
if you want introduce them.. just stop them and say.."Hi, my name is ... or.. Hi, How are you.. " do basic signs.. some of us will might tick off or.. thrill to see people are friendly!!..
I have link on www that you can learn sign languages..

ASL signs
 
Magatsu said:
You brought up a very good issue. Basically, it is largely depend on deafies. If I was in their shoes and you decide to approach me to help, I will take it. It happens to me several times and I can understand that some hearies actually want to help or want to learn how to approach deafies and all. I personally encourage all of hearies to do that as long as they are open-minded enough to understand & respect deafies and their culture.

Well, some deafies may reject your help or give you an attitude. You have to be able to deal with it if they do that to you. However if you want to approach them, you can start by telling them that you learned some sign language and you can help them if they need it. If they take it then you can start and help.. if they don't, smile then leave :)
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he said it all that i was gonna say.. :thumb:
 
yes taylor that is true but often deaf would appeciate help... especially if they were getting frustrated... you can just go and ask. like "i know a little signs... can i help?"
if it was me.. i would be pretty grateful.

but when they were obviously dont need help.. then yes it is considered to be rude for us.. well in my own opinion i would find it rude for people to stare at me and if they understood me but didnt introduce me just to watch the convo.. i would find it rude if i knew :) (and i believe most would think so but im not talking for everyone only on my own opinion)
 
Cheri said:
Yes, you could go up and help them, I have done it many times when I was working at Burger King in the kitchen area when I was younger and the cashier had a difficult time communicate with deaf people I go up to the front counter and take their orders for them, Of course they smiled and thanked me for it. ;)


There are some deaf people who cannot speak clearly or the waitress or cashier don't understand what they are trying to order. It happens. And some deaf people love the help who knows sign language or understands them easier than others. :)
Click to expand...

some deafies accept help gracefully .. while some others get resentful and defensive if we try to help them.. cuz they feel that we think they cant help themselves.. if you get my drift.. so like mags said.. it is a gamble thing.. and dealing with it..
 
SpiceHD said:
yes taylor that is true but often deaf would appeciate help... especially if they were getting frustrated... you can just go and ask. like "i know a little signs... can i help?"
if it was me.. i would be pretty grateful.

but when they were obviously dont need help.. then yes it is considered to be rude for us.. well in my own opinion i would find it rude for people to stare at me and if they understood me but didnt introduce me just to watch the convo.. i would find it rude if i knew :) (and i believe most would think so but im not talking for everyone only on my own opinion)
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I should point out that I agree with helping out when need be....my objection was the evesdropping for the first part of the meal watching their conversation. I am also a hearie learning the deaf culture, so I'm not an expert on the subject...its just what others have passed along to me and what I've learned.....I'm glad I knew this before seeing a couple in a restaurant signing.
 
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I should've realized that I was starring and watching the conversation; but, it was so new to me and I was simply fascinated by how much of the conversation I could understand.

I was in awe period and couldn't control myself. :Oops:

Thanks alot for the advice!

Cheers,
Jordan
 
I understand how you feel. If I see something like that happen, I might make a gesture to that deaf person as if I was wondering if she needed help and then help when asked.
 
zesty said:
some deafies accept help gracefully .. while some others get resentful and defensive if we try to help them.. cuz they feel that we think they cant help themselves.. if you get my drift.. so like mags said.. it is a gamble thing.. and dealing with it..
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I understand but it never happened to me, I traveled for 12 long years and met a lot of deaf people too, and not even once they got defensive when I offered to help take their orders when my crew workers have trouble with them. They always smiled and thanked me everytime. Sometimes we end up talking about something else. It's a great experience. :)
 
Jordan said:
Thankyou very much, and I understand what you are saying.

Another quick question about this issue.

They passed my table many times going back and forth from the buffet, had I introduced myself that way; or, would it have been to impolite?

Cheers,
Jordan
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Like what Cheri said. It is largely depend on deafies. It wouldn't be impolite to me if you introduce yourself to me. I am more than welcome to have any hearies to do that... I cannot offer you how-to to solve that part due to 'depend on deafies'. If you have enough courage to do that, go for it! If not then don't force yourself.

Taylor said:
Magatsu and Cheri give some great advice but I'd like to add one thing. You mentioned watching their conversation until your attention turned back to your family. Many deaf will consider this the same as us hearies as eavesdropping on a conversation and should be avoided. I find it tempting to watch them as I am just learning to sign as well. I don't, however, like people eavesdropping on my conversations and I'm sure the deaf would feel the same about us hearies eavesdropping on theirs.
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Ahh, same ol' issue. It happens to me (many, many times..) and it does not bother me at all. We are signing in the public for damn sake. If they want to eavesdropping on us (or me) then sure. But again, it is largely depend on deafies. But... if they are laughing or s******ing at us then I will take it as offense and do something like... ignore or move to different tables. Depends on situation, really.

Thanks for bringing that issue up as well.
 
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Cheri said:
I understand but it never happened to me, I traveled for 12 long years and met a lot of deaf people too, and not even once they got defensive when I offered to help take their orders when my crew workers have trouble with them. They always smiled and thanked me everytime. Sometimes we end up talking about something else. It's a great experience. :)
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yea same here. dont recall having a bad experience.. but a close friend of mine did.. oh well..
 
yea its tough not to stare at something different. even us deafies have plm with it from the last i have remembered... i mean there will be a person that look different like face screwed up or a scar that was so horrible to see, etc... and yet u cant help and stare lol.. the only solution i could think of is simply take the risk and approach them if u felt they need help and like i told every hearing people who asked me that specific question.. i would say maybe 80% of time deaf do get thrilled to get to meet a hearing who actually are interested. I mean i know i have met many jackasses who doesnt even respect deafies myself and if i got to meet only one person who actually want to learn our culture, our language, and simple wants to meet me... i would love it! and i think most deafes are. and also i think most deafies do appeciate help. but again.. some people may have bad day and doesnt appeciate it.... but it should be pretty obvious since we do use expressions more than hearing ;-) dont hold urself back from approach deafies if they didnt appeciate you then obviously its either bad time or not worthy of your time for them.
 
if u overheard it, and feel like wanting help. you could have write a note to her like u are her interpreter and she write u back and u say voice to the waitress out of note you and her writing each other to do whatever if she want you or waitress to help with warming bottle. writing notes keep her calm and plus u keep hearing waitress calm then things should be fine... until you still want to take sign language class. since u see many deaf ppl, u can always write notes until you can sign few to a lot after sign language classes start. smiley! so writing notes don't really hurt if u can't sign. Hearing people don't need to be scared of deaf and just figuring out with own mind if they are interested in deaf or not and figure ways out like if yes interested in deaf then notes and sign should be fine. Have a Sweet Dream Nite.
 
I heard that Sue Thomas FBEye was being cancelled. There's a few more new shows in FEB then goodbye. That's a shame because I enjoy the show.
 
Good responses, everybody. Here's another perspective: If Jordan hesitated because she might have been exposed for eavesdropping, then I understand her holding back. However, think of the entire scene as being that at least one person got exposed to and maybe learned something about the deaf: the waitress. So it was all good; Jordan, you might have a better idea of what to do next time based on the responses you are getting here. Best wishes to you!
 
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