How Good Relationship Between Deaf Person and Hearing Person?

yjgstahc

yjgstahc

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I've heard of that question much because there are half of my county's ASL hearing interpreters have deaf husbands/wives. It was interesting. However, I want to know about yours. Anyone of you think how good relationship between deaf person and hearing person good is? Answer here and you could tell us why or/and why not.

For my answer,
I had one deaf girlfriend and one hearing girlfriend long time ago because they both knew ASL well. They were alike same. I think in general, deaf person and another deaf person are good couple because they can communicate and love each other well! (Just saying in my opinion).

What do you think? :hmm:
 
Part of the above problem : does the DEAF person use a Cochlear Implant?
 
I'm deaf. My girlfriend is hearing. We have a successful relationship because my girlfriend lets me talk about cars with turbocharged engine. She thinks that turbos are stupid, but she listens to me.
 
I'm HoH. My ex-husband was hearing. I spent a lot of time being called stupid, being chided for not paying attention (because I didn't hear him talk to me sometimes), and when we went out.. the first thing he would do is loudly announce to the waiter/waitress that they had to yell at me because I was deaf.

My boyfriend now is HoH and we both pretty much roll with eachothers hearing loss. We make sure we look at eachother when we talk, speak clearly, repeat if necessary, share hearing aid batteries.

I'm not sure if my limited experience is any indicator and they say love can overcome any boundary, but this is easier for me.
 
Deaf? Depend what type? Like Oral, HoH, and late Deaf then they almost good relationship with hearing.

STRONG Deaf are rare to good relationship with hearing.

From my experience thru friends for over 10 years.
 
I think there is no need any language for or in between Good Relationship.
 
I honestly dont think that hearing or not hearing is really a factor of a good relationship.My husband and i have an amazing relationship and hes hoh and I have hearing. Its all about communication.
 
I think that hearing and deafness play a role in relationships only in the way that in relationships with issues or where one person is not up to par, differences in hearing provide more fodder for conflicts. My ex husband was hearing and my deafness was part of a lot of the conflict, but the conflict was due to him not treating me properly and being selfish and ignorant, not because the deafness vs hearing was actually an issue. If he had made an effort, it would never have been a problem.
 
There are issues in deaf-hearing relationships/friendships that both parties need to address:

1. Communication - Without this you have nothing. Pick a form of communication that will allow clear exchange of thoughts between the two of you. Most of the time this will involve the hearing partner learning sign language. If that person is unwilling to learn to sign, the odds of success decrease rapidly. And even if that person does learn, you must actually use it! If you are bored or upset, let the other know. Lack of communication is just as destructive as miscommunication.

2. Culture - Deaf-hearing relationships are intercultural.
The hearing partner must be educated by the deaf partner on Deaf culture, the customs, the values, the history. The hearing partner should be willing to be immersed in Deaf culture, maybe at a Deaf Club meeting or something similar. They need to experience the language and culture in full force. And if that hearing person can't keep up with the conversations, then they will understand how their partner feels when out with multiple hearing people. In addition, the hearing partner will have to teach their friends and family about Deaf culture, so that their deaf partner feels welcome and important in those settings. I
The deaf partner must also be willing to learn about hearing culture. The hearing have developed many habits that assume speech and hearing ability. Both partners will have to be patient with each other as they develop their own "mixed" culture.

3. Consistency - The HoH, the oral deaf, and those who lip read have more complex issues. Those people who fit into any of those three categories AND use sign language tend make things harder by being inconsistent with their form of communication. Lip reading isn't an exact science. Your speech could be misinterpreted by your hearing partner. Or you may not have heard what you thought you heard (or anything at all). Stick to what works best and leads to the least amount of miscommunication (assuming both parties are fluent). Consider what you might encounter if you have children (hearing or deaf). Also consider that you will eventually grow tired of lip reading, or that your hearing loss may worsen. You know deaf cannot become hearing, but hearing can live Deaf.

Ultimately, both parties must be willing sacrifice and be patient. Some deaf people's overbearing Deaf pride will not allow them to have a happy relationship with a hearing person. Others may simply be so doubtful of deaf-hearing relationships that they don't put their all into it. Similarly, the hearing must be willing to do a lot of work on learning a new language and culture. It's helpful to simply inject oneself into the local Deaf community. Hearing people have their hearing friendships tested when trying to "integrate" a deaf friend/partner into their social life. Try introducing hearing friends 1 at a time. Family is another story, the hardest trial, especially if you and your partner are so certain of your love that you want to marry.

It's not impossible, but it's no walk in the park (at first). Just remember that sometimes relationships fail because two people's personalities/values/interests just don't fit together. And that can happen deaf-deaf, deaf-hearing, hearing-hearing, alien-human.

Grayvi:wave:
 
I'm HoH, so I can't personally speak for deaf/hearing relationships, but I can speak for my HoH/hearing relationship. I've only actually dated hearing people, and some have been frustrated with my hearing loss or didn't seem to want to make any concessions (walking to the room I was in to talk to me, etc). My boyfriend now, on the other hand, is great. While he does sometimes forget and talks to me from a different room (or too quietly, or not facing me, etc), if I remind him that I can't tell what he's saying, he immediately finds me/speaks up/faces me etc., and doesn't seem annoyed about having to do so. He's even learning ASL with me. So in my experience, HoH/hearing relationships are certainly possible and can be successful- IF its the right hearing person!
 
I think it's a combination of the two people and also what they are willing/want to do. I started dating a guy 6 months ago who was born Deaf. We have a wonderful relationship. I started learning ASL within a month of meeting him and am taking classes as much as I can. I am reaching out, trying to meet other people who are also trying to learn and will begin going to the local Deaf club to help immerse myself even more.

I have been reading books on Deaf culture, movies, etc.... I ask questions and always try to listen. I work with people from a lot of different cultures, some of which do not speak English so I am used to working in this way. Perhaps for me, I was just tuned correctly from the beginning, but having grown up gay and being discriminated upon, I have always been very in-tune with others who are also different and face similar challenges of assimilating into society.

For me this was a no brainer. When my boyfriend first told me he was Deaf before we met and if I was not interested he would understand it was not even a 2nd thought for me. I was like Deaf, no problem. If we click, I'll learn ASL, no worries. It may take me some time to do so, but I will give it my best effort.

To me that is just the right thing to do and anyone who would give any less does not deserve to be in the relationship and should not pursue it. But that goes with any relationship. If both people are not 100% comitted to each other, why bother?

Just my two cents....
 
Deaf/Hearing relationships can work

I am deaf and have mostly dated hearing guys. And for the most part it has worked out. As someone said earlier, it is all about communication and honestly, it takes a special person to want to work to communicate with a deaf or hard of hearing person. In my case, I have a CI and do pretty well hearing with it, but my current boyfriend is making an effort to learn ASL so that we can communicate better, which I think is pretty sweet. :aw:
 
I have been deaf only 7 years and have only dated women who can hear and my last relationship was doing fine as far as that area is concerned but eventually she would not communicate in other areas of our relationship and that is what ended it. I think for a hearing person to date a deaf person they have to be patient, understanding, and not ashamed to be with you not matter what your faults are.
 
I am hearing and have been married to a deaf woman for the past 20 years and a year ago left the family home.

Before getting married I was warned of the difficulties I would face. How communication and cultural differences would make things so difficult for us both. However, ultimately these things were nothing to do with the final demise of our relationship.

I had no problem coping with any of the deaf related issues that we faced. Some, it has to be said were a bit annoying, for both of use, but really "in the weeds". The major problem was my wife's anger at me not being able to understand her clearly.

We both sign and I made every effort to make communication easy. But it has to be said that even with the clearest of deaf communication, the potiential for misunderstanding is always much greater than with speech. It was her anger and intollerance of me and the children; that stemmed not from her deafness, but her personality.

Yes deaf / hearing marriages do demand a level of patience and understanding that most people cannot command. Love most definitely is not enough without this. This is the reason for the horrendously high divorce rate. However, it can be successful, for the rare couples who possess very special personal qualities.
 
Masterm said:
I think there is no need any language for or in between Good Relationship.
Click to expand...

I agree , respect is the most importance thing in a good relationship. As long as both person respect one another is should not matter if one person is deaf or hoh.
 
Yes! Respect, patience and understanding that we're all human. There are some pretty crappy hearing/hearing relationships with a lot of yelling and fighting. I could list 1000 reasons I prefer the relationship I have with my deaf boyfriend now over my hearing/hearing relationships in the past... most have nothing to do with him being deaf. Our personalities fit together better and I just happen to like who he is as a person.
 
My HOH mom has been married five times to hearing guys so in her case it was all bad relationships. Though to be fair, their failure had more to do with my mom being a complete psycho rather than it having anything to do with her hearing.
 
I was born HOH and recently lost my hearing almost completely, but I have been with my boyfriend who is hearing for about 2 years. I think it works because we are both patient with each other and can help each other understand things differently. I feel like we can offer two different views on a lot of things and it works for us.
 
david40price said:
I think it's a combination of the two people and also what they are willing/want to do. I started dating a guy 6 months ago who was born Deaf. We have a wonderful relationship. I started learning ASL within a month of meeting him and am taking classes as much as I can. I am reaching out, trying to meet other people who are also trying to learn and will begin going to the local Deaf club to help immerse myself even more.

I have been reading books on Deaf culture, movies, etc.... I ask questions and always try to listen. I work with people from a lot of different cultures, some of which do not speak English so I am used to working in this way. Perhaps for me, I was just tuned correctly from the beginning, but having grown up gay and being discriminated upon, I have always been very in-tune with others who are also different and face similar challenges of assimilating into society.

For me this was a no brainer. When my boyfriend first told me he was Deaf before we met and if I was not interested he would understand it was not even a 2nd thought for me. I was like Deaf, no problem. If we click, I'll learn ASL, no worries. It may take me some time to do so, but I will give it my best effort.

To me that is just the right thing to do and anyone who would give any less does not deserve to be in the relationship and should not pursue it. But that goes with any relationship. If both people are not 100% comitted to each other, why bother?

Just my two cents....
Click to expand...
Absolutely LOVE your take on relationships! I felt I could not just "like" but I loved it. So glad to see others who share such beautiful ideas about relationships. ^.^
 
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