How do you explain a complicated past love life to your SO?

I don't think it matters whether they are bisexual or heterosexual. IT is more whether they will cheat on you or not.
 
Well, my SO and I shared everything about our past relationships life before we stepped into committed relationship. Simple as that. It is better to know one's past background life or you'd end up unbeknownst with the other who happens to be ex or current pedophile, ex or current bisexual or gay, ex-rapist, ex-con, ex-womanizer or sex player, etc. Better safe than sorry too late.
 
Beowulf said:
Just keep your mouth shut. If your SO asks so many questions about your sex history, it is always bad news.
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Never ask a personal past life during the relationship/marriage! Always doing that in friendship stage only!! Ain't that hard to do? :scoff:
 
I think it really depends on the person! Some people would rather not have full disclosure, and others would like complete openness and honesty. I don't think full disclosure is necessary if you're not comfortable with it; you're in the present, a person need not know everything about your past to know you in the present. When you start dating someone, just feel it out for a while. If they're very forthcoming and open-minded, direct honesty will probably be fine. If not, just let the past be.
 
Dixie said:
Wait wait wait, I'm only asking hypothetically to those of you who have been in long-term relationships of a couple years or more, heck even married!

i just wanted to know how you brought this stuff up once you committed to each other for the rest of your lives. I'm thinking at some point in a long-term relationship that some of this stuff is going to reach the surface.

I know I probably share too much on the forum at times, but in reality, I never discuss it with anyone in real life. The only time I bring it up in real life is if someone prods me for it - and even then, they might not get the whole answer.
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For myself and my husband, those things were discussed here and there in general conversation LONG before we committed to each other for the rest of our lives. We were friends for about 3 months, during which time I was dating his best friend, actually....I met them both on the same night and the BF was a much faster mover than my sweet hubby, so that's how that got started. By establishing a relationship as friends, it was easy to just talk to each other. Pretty soon I could see that he was really a quality guy, and the fellow I had been dating was lots of fun, but not a person I would ever have had a serious relationship with, for many reasons.

So, broke up with that guy, and started dating my now-husband. As we got to know each other, we just talked generally about our pasts, and that included previous relationships. It was never a big deal *talk,* it was just stuff that came up in conversation from time to time.

Like if we talked about baseball (something he didn't know much about, being a Brit), I talked about having gone to Red Sox games in Boston, and about how my boyfriend at that time was a big fan and explained a lot of the strategy of the game to me, and so forth.

By the time we were really serious about each other, we knew adequate information about each other's background in many ways - family, previous romantic relationships, career goals, all sorts of things. There was no prodding or undue prying involved; it was just organic to the relationship that we talked about people from our past from time to time.

I've always felt you can tell a lot about a person by how they speak of their former romantic partners. Someone who feels compelled to dis people from their past is probably going to dis me at some point too. Someone who generally speaks well of the people they've dated probably is both a better judge of people and a more stable person him/herself.
 
AlleyCat said:
I'm not so sure you have to explain anything.

Every relationship I've been (which have been few considering I was married for 12 years, and am now with SO for nearly 5 years) we've all acknowledged we each have a past. And nothing needs to be explained unless one or other wants to share something.

I would say you share what you feel comfortable sharing, and if the person you are in a new relationship with questions that to a point that you are uncomfortable, then that might be odd.

(Meaning I would say don't worry about risking a relationship with past experiences. If your past experiences are something your new partner is not comfortable with, then he/she isn't right for you. He/She should be willing to accept you for who you are, and whatever you've dealt with in the past.)
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this is almost word for word on what i was thinking.
 
I was totally open with hubby before we got engaged. I wasn't the "good girl" he thought I was and I wanted to make sure he would still want me. He then was open with me about his past. All is fine as we have nothing being kept from the other. For us, it was very helpful as he can be very quick to lose his trust in a person and is a very jealous person. I think it is what has helped up weather so many storms in our marriage and be able to work through them. We have a very strong relationship and I totally treasure it.
 
My GF actually told me much more than I really wanted to know about her past. I know that anyone I date will have a past history and for the most part I really don't need to know that past. However, when I was a young and recently married I wanted to know everything. It's interesting how a little experience can change your view of things.
 
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