How can I say no to my bf?

DrPepperx said:
Hi, just wanted to ask an question, I tried to find somewhere on the internet for how to solve our situation, because we've been having that same problems almost every times whenever I said no I am not in mood for sex. Then end up we arguing for hours. He tried to convinced me, I become feel afraid to say no because I don't like to see him being mad, getting out of bed, went out to the store get a cigar. He knew that I really hate cigars, it made me feel so disgusted, hurts, and unhappy.

We didn't have sex for like few days, he said it's not fair that he gave up and get my way that we don't have to have sex when I am not in mood. But I just too exhausted, no energy, I have thyroid, still haven't get pills for that but will see doctor next month for get some pills to help me to get energy, stop gain weight. I've been tired a lot, gaining weight a lot for no reason. Never have energy for night times. And I have kids to taking care of.

I explained this to him over again again, he still said "no, if we have a long sex just 1 night then ill be satisfy and won't ask you for sex again till whenever you are in mood".. I couldn't go that long, I always stopped him less 30 minutes because I always feel like need going to pee, or it hurts when poked in mine, hitting my bladder or something. Always told him to stop it!

So how can I said no without him getting mad, get out of bed, went out to store to get a cigar? I wanted him to stay in bed with me, sleep together all night! So warm! He said that he give up and let me get what I wanted for no sex, so let him get what he wanted for get a cigar. So it's fair. Ugh, dodo?
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contact Dr. Phil
 
To everyone jumping on the man: THIS IS NOT A ONE-SIDED ISSUE.

You both need to seek counseling. Sounds like you have untreated sexual dysfunction, and he has a boundary/respect issue.
 
Maybe he have sexual addiction. It's more like, he will cheat on you.
 
Are us deafies now know for our sexpertise? :naughty:

TheWriteAlex, calm down. We've already established this in the course of the discussion. Hitting too close to home? :hmm: :P
 
sallylou said:
Are us deafies now know for our sexpertise? :naughty:

TheWriteAlex, calm down. We've already established this in the course of the discussion. Hitting too close to home? :hmm: :P
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I'm not convinced that we have, actually, and even if we have, there is a huge disproportion in the comments of placing all the blame on the man.

And I might ask the same thing of you :hmm:
 
I'm going great in that department. So kind of you to take an interest.
 
Taken as a whole, it looks like there are a lot of comments bashing this guy, and only a small number gently suggesting to the OP that she might want to get some medical or emotional help.

Most normal guys want to have sex with their wives or girlfriends pretty regularly. Being treated like a hot-water-bottle to warm the bed, with nothing more to come, is not something that many would be happy with.

If the problem were something like he wants sex 5 times a week, and she's happy with twice, you've got a situation where you can compromise. But if she is *always* too tired, too sick, not in the mood, what have you, and especially if sex is painful for her, then that's an issue that needs some professional help. It's beyond the normal give and take and working things out that any adult relationship will have.
 
Gawd forbid that a woman would criticize any dude.

And if she just had a baby and is sleep deprived, the guy is being a dick. Plenty of blame to go around. That's why I suggested a therapist. Babies wreck havoc on a couple's sex life. If Thewritealex had a baby, he's understand this.
 
Where are you getting the idea that she just had a baby? She didn't say that, just that she had "kids to take care of."

And she said that he was helpful with the kids, that it's only the "night time" that's the problem.
 
sallylou said:
Gawd forbid that a woman would criticize any dude.

And if she just had a baby and is sleep deprived, the guy is being a dick. Plenty of blame to go around. That's why I suggested a therapist. Babies wreck havoc on a couple's sex life. If Thewritealex had a baby, he's understand this.
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Jeeze, sallylou, are you really trying to bait me? I don't need to have a baby to understand that. :roll:

But where did the OP say she has a baby? She said she has kids (don't know how many). I didn't see anything about a baby. I did see that she mentioned the BF is good with her kids and helps take care of them. I also saw where the OP said she is just not interested in sex. But your points are pretty skewed here.
 
Beach girl said:
Where are you getting the idea that she just had a baby? She didn't say that, just that she had "kids to take care of."

And she said that he was helpful with the kids, that it's only the "night time" that's the problem.
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Oh, beat me to it. Drats!
 
I have no idea how many kids she has or what ages the kids are. Maybe she has too many? Maybe five kids under 6? Who knows? Limited info and only one side of the story. A therapist would sort all of this out

If I had the secret for all couples to be happily married, I'd be a rich woman. I'm not aware that one exists.

Kinda weird to join a forum to discuss this. Probably a board person or a troll.

It's interesting that my comments bother you so much.
 
You two should not be together, end the relationship and find someone who wants the same amount of closeness, the same amount of times that you do.

You should realize this early so you both can get on with your lives.
 
Wow, vacation guy! You're brutal! Give them a chance.
 
SneakerNet said:
While I was out to get few more things at the store, then something else came to my mind that I thought I'll add more to share...

For you, look like you have another child to deal with. If he get mad for not having sex with you, he's a childish behavior, equally as your children you already have. You know how children get made for not having candies then they throw a fit, temper tantrum, breaking thing... same analogy as your hubby.. he got mad for not having sex with you, and he want out to buy cigar to give you a revenge. Does it make you feel like you have another child living with you? and you have no real gentleman to support you?

You might want to think about it. Tell him to grow up...and be a real man.
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Yes that's how I felt, love your comments, that's what I told him I felt like its raping and stuff like that. If he's really sick, I'll try then but he might would accept it because I would make first move for the first time..I haven't make first move since met him, because he kept doing it first move quick and often..if we don't have sex for a while, then I would make first move whenever I am in mood but haven't in mood because we did it often like 4 times a week. It's too much to me.
 
sallylou said:
Just wondering, why did you join a deaf site to ask about sex issues? I don't see the connection. :dunno2:
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I've seen deaf people talking about relationships that not even related to deaf. But the reason why I choose this alldeaf because we are deaf, our drama might be different than hearing people' relationship? I always think their drama and deaf's drama is different.
 
sallylou said:
Just wondering, why did you join a deaf site to ask about sex issues? I don't see the connection. :dunno2:
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and also, hearing people made fun of my english instead of help me or give me advice, in the yahoo, a man said first thing I need to fix is my english than relationship, so wtf!
 
Beach girl said:
Where are you getting the idea that she just had a baby? She didn't say that, just that she had "kids to take care of."

And she said that he was helpful with the kids, that it's only the "night time" that's the problem.
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thanks for understand what I means. and yea my kids is toddlers, not just a baby.
 
sallylou said:
I have no idea how many kids she has or what ages the kids are. Maybe she has too many? Maybe five kids under 6? Who knows? Limited info and only one side of the story. A therapist would sort all of this out

If I had the secret for all couples to be happily married, I'd be a rich woman. I'm not aware that one exists.

Kinda weird to join a forum to discuss this. Probably a board person or a troll.

It's interesting that my comments bother you so much.
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So, maybe until we know that information, it would be best not to make justifications based on it? Just saying . . .

Your comments bother me? Why would they bother me? What bothers me is that you're trying to bait me. And you should know better than that.

What seems clear to me is that you're the one who is really bothered. I think you're projecting some of your own personal experiences onto this situation. Lighten up.
 
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