How can I say no to my bf?

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DrPepperx

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Hi, just wanted to ask an question, I tried to find somewhere on the internet for how to solve our situation, because we've been having that same problems almost every times whenever I said no I am not in mood for sex. Then end up we arguing for hours. He tried to convinced me, I become feel afraid to say no because I don't like to see him being mad, getting out of bed, went out to the store get a cigar. He knew that I really hate cigars, it made me feel so disgusted, hurts, and unhappy.

We didn't have sex for like few days, he said it's not fair that he gave up and get my way that we don't have to have sex when I am not in mood. But I just too exhausted, no energy, I have thyroid, still haven't get pills for that but will see doctor next month for get some pills to help me to get energy, stop gain weight. I've been tired a lot, gaining weight a lot for no reason. Never have energy for night times. And I have kids to taking care of.

I explained this to him over again again, he still said "no, if we have a long sex just 1 night then ill be satisfy and won't ask you for sex again till whenever you are in mood".. I couldn't go that long, I always stopped him less 30 minutes because I always feel like need going to pee, or it hurts when poked in mine, hitting my bladder or something. Always told him to stop it!

So how can I said no without him getting mad, get out of bed, went out to store to get a cigar? I wanted him to stay in bed with me, sleep together all night! So warm! He said that he give up and let me get what I wanted for no sex, so let him get what he wanted for get a cigar. So it's fair. Ugh, dodo?
 
From what I understand of your post, you don't like sex.

His moods and urge to have sex will not change. Either you can try to keep up with him and feel unhappy, or if you don't like it, you might have to drop him for someone who is not as interested in sex. Think of, 10 or 20 years into your marriage if this is important to you two.

There is no magic way to make a man stop asking for sex. Unless you put him on drugs... :eek:
 
You're husband sounds like a jerk. When you have kids, sometimes adult needs have to take a back seat. If you're tired from chasing after the kids, don't have sex! Let him deal with it.
 
If it hurts when you have sex, and you need to pee, you might have a bladder infection. Might be a good idea to schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and get completely checked out.

Could be problems with inadequate lubrication, too. Have you ever tried using some KY Jelly or anything like that?

Plus, he needs to understand that just jumping your bones without adequate love-making first is never going to be satisfying for you. Women's bodies need time and enough stimulation to prepare; maybe you two could check out some good books on sexual techniques and see if it makes any difference.

Sex is no fun when it hurts, understandably. In fairness to both of you, you need to figure out if the problem if physical, emotional, technique-related, time and energy related, etc.
 
He needs to learn no, means no. He sounds like a jerk. Apparently talking to him and explaining to him that it hurts does not bother him. It seems selfish of him to make you feel guilty for not having sex.

Perhaps you two can sit down and talk about it more and explain to him what you prefer and what each other likes and dislikes about sex. Maybe a little more affection and foreplay can help.
 
First, the guy could watch the kids so that you could take a nap and you might feel up to the romance. Second, what kind of guy wants to prong a woman who is not interested? Borders on necrophilia.

Have you considered a therapist? There are sex therapists but you may want to talk to a regular therapist first.
 
I had the same problem with my ex hubby. He always made me feel inadequate when he would bring up all of his ex girlfriends wanting sex all the time. It only just made me feel worse and less inclided to want sex. We got divorced.

I am currently married and my hubby doesnt pressure me for sex if I am not in the mood. Our sex life is a lot better, as a result.

This man needs to go.
 
Wow, my girlfriend and I are willing to wait to have sex. If 2 people are not on the same wavelength, good luck.
 
shel90 said:
I had the same problem with my ex hubby. He always made me feel inadequate when he would bring up all of his ex girlfriends wanting sex all the time. It only just made me feel worse and less inclided to want sex. We got divorced.

I am currently married and my hubby doesnt pressure me for sex if I am not in the mood. Our sex life is a lot better, as a result.

This man needs to go.
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I would have no patience with this "silly baby"!... He sounds like an insinitive clod!...Throw him a blow-up doll and tell him to get busy.

Any man who "pressures" a woman for sex, believe me, has other issues himself. You're sick...he knows it, and still expects you to have sex?.....

Whenever he gets sick...then you pressure him for sex!...
 
sallylou said:
You're husband sounds like a jerk. When you have kids, sometimes adult needs have to take a back seat. If you're tired from chasing after the kids, don't have sex! Let him deal with it.
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He's very good to me all day, helped with my kids sometimes whenever I needed him to help..he's best boyfriend I have, but not during nights time ahh.
 
shel90 said:
I had the same problem with my ex hubby. He always made me feel inadequate when he would bring up all of his ex girlfriends wanting sex all the time. It only just made me feel worse and less inclided to want sex. We got divorced.

I am currently married and my hubby doesnt pressure me for sex if I am not in the mood. Our sex life is a lot better, as a result.

This man needs to go.
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I don't want him to go, he's great man I ever have than all of my exes. But just hate night times with him pressure me. He said same thing that other women loves sex, would do it every nights with him, it does hurt my feeling. I am not even sexual actives since broke my virgin, did with few of guys, still ain't interest in sex at all. I just do it to keep guys stay in relationship with me. That's my reason.
 
rockin'robin said:
I would have no patience with this "silly baby"!... He sounds like an insinitive clod!...Throw him a blow-up doll and tell him to get busy.

Any man who "pressures" a woman for sex, believe me, has other issues himself. You're sick...he knows it, and still expects you to have sex?.....

Whenever he gets sick...then you pressure him for sex!...
Click to expand...

I think the blow up doll might deflate herself !
 
He is lusting you, not loving you.

He claims sex is the way you can show love, which is untrue since there are many other ways to show love.

You feel that you have to have sex with him to stay in a relationship. Which is sad that you feel you have to sex every night to keep a man.
 
That truly sucks. If my gf doesn't want sex, I respect her choice. I can do it other time, no big deal.
 
Women who just gave birth to babies often go through the same scenario - too exhausted to have sex.

What I am wondering is do you foresee yourself enjoying sex in the future? Do you think anything will change like your health?

If you don't enjoy sex and you do it just to keep the guy in a relationship with you, you will always have problems, no matter who the guy is.

Sounds like to me that when you do agree to have sex with him, it's so evident that you don't enjoy it that he will keep doing it until he gets the gratification of not only pleasing himself but you as well.

It's like junk food, if it's all you eat, you will keep eating and eating until your body is somewhat satisfied it got enough nutrients and that will never happen when there is so little nutrients in junk food.

So, if all your guy is getting is so little, whether it's the act of sex or the gratification of mutually satisfying love-making and he doesn't feel he gets enough loving attention during the day, he will keep bugging you until one of you walks away.

So, what needs to change in this equation?
 
DrpepperX, the more he ignore your messages (of saying "No") the more you want to push him away. What you need to explain to him how you felt about it, use an analogy of his personal experience in the past, as for example when he was sick with flu, have him try to remember his feeling when he was very sick, and you come to him wanting sex, will he feel up to it to have sex? You know it's like you are ignoring him about his illness and still want to have sex. Will he feel romantic to have sex? If he say "No", then explain to him that is how you felt about it. Tell him that you have no control or power over your body. You have some health issues, it's not that you are not doing on purpose, it can distract mentally. Secondly, taking care of children is a FULL time job. Having two together, thyroid and children are very mentally draining.

So, now if he still doing it, your relationship with him will degrade over time. Look like he have no respect about your health issues and how much it take to work with children, he's making you like a prisoner, or he's seeing you invisable with illness. Let him be aware, if he disregard your answer "No", then is called rape. Tell him that it's feel like he's raping you regardless what health issues you have. Tell him instead of feeling rape, you want to feel romantic equally as he.. just let him know when it is feeling right to have sex. the more he respect you, the more you two move closer together instead of pushing each other apart.
 
While I was out to get few more things at the store, then something else came to my mind that I thought I'll add more to share...

For you, look like you have another child to deal with. If he get mad for not having sex with you, he's a childish behavior, equally as your children you already have. You know how children get made for not having candies then they throw a fit, temper tantrum, breaking thing... same analogy as your hubby.. he got mad for not having sex with you, and he want out to buy cigar to give you a revenge. Does it make you feel like you have another child living with you? and you have no real gentleman to support you?

You might want to think about it. Tell him to grow up...and be a real man.
 
Just wondering, why did you join a deaf site to ask about sex issues? I don't see the connection. :dunno2:
 
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