I'm feeling confused.
I grow up with musicians in my family and find it frustrating to not hear the music and words properly. The only way, when I was younger, was to wear headphones with volume really, really high. But, loud sounds really, really hurt my ears and need to be away from it. I play a number of instruments, and even sing, but I take long breaks from it.
I'm also the type of person who likes to participate in the passion of my SO. I like to be able to enjoy that with them even though we may have our own, separate, hobbies and interests. I *LOVE* my space and my Rebecca time but I also like to be able to enjoy, and take part, in their passions as well as my own.
So, I meet an awesome hearing guy two months ago. He treat me awesome. Learning ASL because he want to speak *my* language not the other way around. This is good, right?
Well, then we come to his profession. He is a professional sound engineer. The kind of engineer that travels all over the world working with artists like Sarah McLachlan, Brian Doerkson, Blue Rodeo, Tragically Hip, Deadmau5, Kyprios, John Fogerty, Colin James, Metric and many others. I don't know some of these names but I digress.
To me, there are probably two issues. One really. I can't be around loud sounds for too long. I join him at work for a Fogerty concert and my ears hurt *SO* bad, even wearing HAs (turned off) with headphones covering my ears, that I need to leave. It make me realize how our lives are *SO* different. The second issue, which really isn't that big of an issue, is that many women take their tops off in the crowd and/or hit on him because they think he can get them to the musicians.
I buy industrial headphones (pink ones ) so that I can come to Deadmau5 concert and watch the light show, feel the music and keep loud sound away. It was good experience but I *still* leave feeling like I'm from different world because hearie come up to me to ask why pink headphones. It wasn't a good experience because he mumble so I do not understand what lips say. I feel stupid but realize he is just 'coming on' to me.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive to *SO* many years of being made to feel like I do not belong and this is 'my stuff' to work through but I wondered if anyone else have hearing/deafie relationship where you were faced with one of your biggest sensitivities by being in it and how you work through it? I *SO* want to understand 'his' world but, by being in it, I'm forced to be around loud sounds; something that is painful sometimes for me.
This past weekend he is doing show close enough for me to drive to be with him but I stay home. I have lots of things to get done around the house, want to play here at AllDeaf, and justify it that way, but the truth is that I was worried about facing fears again. Silly, huh? Especially when I only want to be with him. Then he send me text and photo, kind of laughing, about woman who goes bare breasted in crowd and that security remove her. Most of the time this do not bother me but, in this case, it bother me to know he around that. Especially when he text me that there were burlesque? dancers and then 'go go' dancers onstage and he love his job.
He know me as very sexually confident and proud Deaf woman. Well educated and independent. This weekend reduce me to be like weak woman and I HATE THAT!!
Any advice or thoughts? Similar experience?
Why couldn't I just meet a nice Deaf professional accountant like me? Life is *never* simple.
I grow up with musicians in my family and find it frustrating to not hear the music and words properly. The only way, when I was younger, was to wear headphones with volume really, really high. But, loud sounds really, really hurt my ears and need to be away from it. I play a number of instruments, and even sing, but I take long breaks from it.
I'm also the type of person who likes to participate in the passion of my SO. I like to be able to enjoy that with them even though we may have our own, separate, hobbies and interests. I *LOVE* my space and my Rebecca time but I also like to be able to enjoy, and take part, in their passions as well as my own.
So, I meet an awesome hearing guy two months ago. He treat me awesome. Learning ASL because he want to speak *my* language not the other way around. This is good, right?
Well, then we come to his profession. He is a professional sound engineer. The kind of engineer that travels all over the world working with artists like Sarah McLachlan, Brian Doerkson, Blue Rodeo, Tragically Hip, Deadmau5, Kyprios, John Fogerty, Colin James, Metric and many others. I don't know some of these names but I digress.
To me, there are probably two issues. One really. I can't be around loud sounds for too long. I join him at work for a Fogerty concert and my ears hurt *SO* bad, even wearing HAs (turned off) with headphones covering my ears, that I need to leave. It make me realize how our lives are *SO* different. The second issue, which really isn't that big of an issue, is that many women take their tops off in the crowd and/or hit on him because they think he can get them to the musicians.
I buy industrial headphones (pink ones ) so that I can come to Deadmau5 concert and watch the light show, feel the music and keep loud sound away. It was good experience but I *still* leave feeling like I'm from different world because hearie come up to me to ask why pink headphones. It wasn't a good experience because he mumble so I do not understand what lips say. I feel stupid but realize he is just 'coming on' to me.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive to *SO* many years of being made to feel like I do not belong and this is 'my stuff' to work through but I wondered if anyone else have hearing/deafie relationship where you were faced with one of your biggest sensitivities by being in it and how you work through it? I *SO* want to understand 'his' world but, by being in it, I'm forced to be around loud sounds; something that is painful sometimes for me.
This past weekend he is doing show close enough for me to drive to be with him but I stay home. I have lots of things to get done around the house, want to play here at AllDeaf, and justify it that way, but the truth is that I was worried about facing fears again. Silly, huh? Especially when I only want to be with him. Then he send me text and photo, kind of laughing, about woman who goes bare breasted in crowd and that security remove her. Most of the time this do not bother me but, in this case, it bother me to know he around that. Especially when he text me that there were burlesque? dancers and then 'go go' dancers onstage and he love his job.
He know me as very sexually confident and proud Deaf woman. Well educated and independent. This weekend reduce me to be like weak woman and I HATE THAT!!
Any advice or thoughts? Similar experience?
Why couldn't I just meet a nice Deaf professional accountant like me? Life is *never* simple.