Help dealing with ignorant parents, please?!

My SO allows his parents to say the most horrible and offensive things both because he doesn't hear it and because they're his parents. While him not standing up to them is the real problem, my chief concern is that I'm the one over-reacting. Do hearing people usually act so rude?


Yes, if they are ignorant and uneducated. It seems to me that they are in denial that their son has a legitamate hearing loss. Making the sign for 'retard' is VERY inappropiate and you are NOT over-reacting. People such as these...are not even worth the time or effort to educate.
Hope things work out.

Jas.
 
I'm new to the boards and joined specifically to ask this question. I am dating a man with profound hearing loss who is almost completely deaf. In some situations, he can "hear" by hearing lips and very often we will rely on a combination of sign and spoken words to communicate.

Whenever we get into a larger group, we communicate almost exclusively through sign. With most of the people that I've encountered, this is not a problem. However, this is not true with his own parents. His father will often "joke around," often making nonsense hand symbols or beating his bent hand against his chest (the hearing-person's parody of a learning-impaired individual). His mother will also make small jokes, including "are you talking about us?" (in a playful tone, "what trouble are you two plotting now?", etc. However, they also chastise us for signing and tell us to stop "being rude" and "spreading rumors."

His parents also engage in other behaviors that seem incredibly insensitive to me (including calling via cell phone, which is impossible for my S/O to understand, watching TV with no captions, or chiding him for not talking to his other family members). It drives me crazy and I often fight with them over it and, though my partner has said how much it frustrates him, he refuses to stand up to his parents.

Advice, please?

well why not behave the way they do...

Tell your boyfriend to pretend he can talk and yell and laugh, make
small joke about them... "Gossiping!!!" and tell them, "RUDE!"

Well use a TTY on them. Then go up to the tv and put closed caption
on... and when family members... tell him to bring a notepad and pen...
and write down, "How are you?"

Why not drive them crazy back. And maybe they learn their lesson.
And tell your boyfriend to stand up to them.

If he won't then it will be a problem for you always after you decide to married him... you don't want parents in law like that.
 
I suggest you ignore them when they make stupid gestures. Don't give them any attention. They need to get a life. At some point, I'd say something if they keep interrupting with their stupid remarks. I am not sure they are aware how insensitive they are.
 
What is SO? What is OP? Could someone explain more about "beating his bent hand against his chest (the hearing-person's parody of a learning-impaired individual)"? I don't think I have ever seen this sign. Does that mean like a gorrilla beating its chest?
I have problems with my family as well. Not as bad as Vernie's friend. I moved out of state and stayed out for long time. I moved back after my divorce and found things stay the same. Now I am considering moving out of state again. I need a support system which is sorely lacking up here. I hope to find a support system when I move.
 
My SO allows his parents to say the most horrible and offensive things both because he doesn't hear it and because they're his parents. While him not standing up to them is the real problem, my chief concern is that I'm the one over-reacting. Do hearing people usually act so rude?

He didn't stand up because he didn't know what his parents are saying. You can take a role as an interpreter and interpret for him. Don't say " your mom said this blah blah and your dad said this blah blah after they left the room." You should start telling while they are standing there right now.

You say something to them like. I can understand why you guys are being ignorant because it seems to me that you both see your son as a low function person. Take him with you and walk out of their house.
 
What is SO? What is OP? Could someone explain more about "beating his bent hand against his chest (the hearing-person's parody of a learning-impaired individual)"? I don't think I have ever seen this sign. Does that mean like a gorrilla beating its chest?
I have problems with my family as well. Not as bad as Vernie's friend. I moved out of state and stayed out for long time. I moved back after my divorce and found things stay the same. Now I am considering moving out of state again. I need a support system which is sorely lacking up here. I hope to find a support system when I move.

SO is significant other. Like a partner in a relationship, but not yet married. And the beating the hand against the chest in a bent position is a rude and unacceptable way that ignorant people mock the mentally retarded. Not as in the sign gorilla, but more like taking one hand in position to sign "more", and slapping it against the middle of the chest. Makes me want to slap people who do it up side their head!
 
"bent hand then beating on chest"

whatever that means in other words of hearing's lousy choice for the definition.

but how can it be offensive if not many know what that means?

besides being offensive, of course, it can be soo irritatng because most parents re probably feel embarassed for their own reputation in general public when they would have to "starting over" with learning something new that they never knew before. yet, it is just the sadiest thing to suffer through the pain & emotionally abused. I have been thru it serveal times but they re trying, as well as they can do their better efforts. not many has never born to be perfect.
 
I have parents just like yours. Didn't even need to read about it, my parents only talk to themselves and I'am a shit disturber and arrogant kid.

I almost died from Biaxin, a drug given to me for pneumonia. I've pasted all my threads about it on the board, they just haven't shown up yet. If you don't read them, reach me at <oneplanet4life@yahoo.ca> and I'll send you the documents via email.

I almost died 15-25 times right under their noses, but they didn't care!
They took me to the hospital, but I never wanted to go!
They were too busy listening to their tapes, I couldn't have the couch to rucuperate!
They got MAD at me for bothering them for products I needed to repair my lungs and my health, just because they weren't awake yet!
(((THE IRONY OF THAT ONE))))

If I didn't have a Credit Card, I would probably be dead right now, because Mom won't let me use her Credit Card for anything, even if I had the money to pay her in one hour! (They didn't see how serious my life was hanging on the balance, and didn't notice me struggling to save my life, they just slammed the windows, etc....)

They STILL see no way how they could of been involved in how I got so sick!
They STILL believe in the doctor's, and that they know best!

When I was high of the LSD from Biaxin (we've ALL read the stories) just ONE of the poisons of that drug, I wrote a fairytale. Still trying to reach Woody Harrellson, and Gene Simmons about it too!

Do my parents believe anything I say? NO

Do my parents believe I'am worth anything? NO

Do they believe I've changed? NO

Do they believe I'am smart? NO (but they LOVE to worry about the my future), some faith they have!!!!
So what they believe does come true, but now I'am kicking them in the ass to wake up everyday!

Their heads are like buried in an ocean of negative tapes replayed over and over that they react to, and they just "DON'T" want to take their heads out of the sand. AT ALL!

They STILL try to blame me for things and yell at me for idiotic things.

I like it now, because it's preparation for fighting against Abbott Drug Lawyers, to make them think about all the people dying from Biaxin!, they don't know how to think or use their brains!

Even today, (August 25th) one of my lungs is clear about drinking 5 bottles of the Lung Flush, but the othe lung is still congested, and if I'am warm, the fever still tried to cling to my body. Antibacterial soap REALLY doesn't help!

So I'll copy one of my document's I have, since I haven't seen it yet on the board.

So Casper’s Village was shunning him saying “Who are you, God?”, making him feel terrible, and he was hurt because People were shrewding him for being who he is. But over a thought, he commented back:
I am not God, nor do I want to be God. I want to use my brain and think for myself and share my information, and if you can’t handle that don’t pass off shrewd remarks because YOU don’t understand or lack the intelligence to based on your years of schooling and church and things you believe, but are they true?, or can the people together become the voice of God for the world.

What makes what the church and the companies and the gov’t say true? They work to help people, but we’re not damaged, we can think for ourselves.

When liquour stores first came out (or at least back in my day in the 70’s, you had to have the scotch or brandy written down on a paper and the bottle covered with a brown paper bag, so the people wouldn’t see it and go crazy having a riot.? Now you walk in and go up and down the aisle’s choosing which liquor to drink on a hot humid day.

What changed? The perception, that’s all!

So when reading the latest Yahoo News (old news) about the PM’s wife of France and how she made headlines because she wouldn’t share lunch with Bush but instead played with her friends and was taking care of her sore throat, and reading the spin of her being problematic and obnoxious!, remember what you’ve learned in some fairytales:


USE THE GOOD NAPKINS

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom
had assignments for all of us while they were gone.

Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"


THE MONEY

So the little girl was wondering, "MOM"???, How come my picture can't be on the coin or the dollar bill?
(Remember her mom, made the mistake of teaching her how to read)!

Well, because only the Queen of England can have her picture of the coins and the Presidents of the US, on the Dollar Bills.

So, why? It doesn't make sense because if we're all created by God and live as the caretakers of the Planet, why can't there just be mountains or kids?

But the Queen of England and the Presidents come from a LONG line of power and education and have set up systems designed to help the people, and we use this money to purchase whatever we need!

So, why can't we just take our food from the land and why does God think the Queen and the Presidents are better and smarter than us?

Author, unknown.
I'am only a citizen of the planet and created by God with no PhD.



You are VERY powerful, and I guess for many of us it's tough to realize it until you've experienced death, (if your eyes and ears are open spiritually), but it's just like someone whose changed because they died, saw the light and their family memebers, but came back!

I didn't have that experience, I was surviving death under the noses of parents who didn't give a damn, (but they love me and worry about me)
GLAH...................
and being really high from one of the poisons of a drug that was killing me.

Clinical Drug Trials say that 2 out of 696 people were killed from Biaxin.
Biaxin side effects (Clarithromycin) and drug interactions - prescription drugs and medications at RxList

All pneumonia really is, is a cause of air pollution and the heat (global warming) IF YOU GET IT IN THE SUMMER...........and having an over-acidic body (all that GM, non-local and processed foods, yum yum)............


I was speaking with someone who kinda owns a health store, about the situation with my parents over the last few weeks, she said that they probably can't forgive themselves for things they've done in a past life, or in past lives, and they are blaming that on you. So tell them to start forgiving themselves for things they don't even remember, because you want them to live in harmony with you in the future! They won't understand this, but keep it up! Their heads play re-runs of old tapes and beliefs about you, and they don't know how to think and solve problems properly!
 
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Yes, that is completely true and if this ever happens to me then I won't have problem deserting them! I don't need any craps.

Simple put...

I can not change others, so thus nothing will change if I tried, even if too hard...

I can change myself, how? do what is best to maintain peace of my mind. This can include leaving ignorant people PERMANENTLY. Why should they care if I left them permanently? (shurgs)

Leaving them for long long long time, in some cases will wake them up and they will have tons of regret in the end... Guess what? It is THEIR problem.

Can you change them? At this stage, probably not. Should you complain to your SO? Probably not. Why not? Because they are his parents. He might not be aware of every little dig they do against you and him but he surely isn't unaware of their attitude after all these years. He knows. He might not consciously acknowledge it but he knows. And it hurts him. But they are his parents (good or bad), and he's dealing with them the way he wants to. If you speak up too boldly, he will probably become defensive, and the whole family will see you as an interfering buttinski.



My advice (pitiful as it is) is to agree with your SO if and when he complains about his parents but don't volunteer and add your complaints. Try to spend as little time as possible with the parents.
 
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