Hearing 54 Deaf 31 relationship

LVZ

LVZ

New Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Messages
4
Reaction score
0
Hi all

I am from South Africa. I am a male 54 hearing and in a relationship with a gilr 31 deaf. Me and her father are friends, we have know each other for more or less seven years. More or less three years back we realised there were some feelings between us. We have been dating sins the beginning of this year. Lately we are discussing a serious relationship. She is still living with her parents.

I just want some honest opinions

Tnx Regards
 
why tell us? you can tell her how you feel about her and inform her dad about it.
 
Why What? her father knows that there is a relationship going on. I have asked for permission for a steady date. No confirmed answer. By dating I means going out to dine movies etc. with their permission. There are a lot of thing I do not know. I am here because I love her and seek advice.
 
I'm not understanding your question here. what kind of advice are you seeking?

LVZ said:
Why What? her father knows that there is a relationship going on. I have asked for permission for a steady date. No confirmed answer. By dating I means going out to dine movies etc. with their permission. There are a lot of thing I do not know. I am here because I love her and seek advice.
Click to expand...
 
Moelza

Just understanding? Just at this stadge a complex situation.
 
LVZ said:
Moelza

Just understanding? Just at this stadge a complex situation.
Click to expand...

What is the complex situation?

Long distance?
Dating your friends daughter?
The fact she's deaf?
Communication?
Huge age gap?

Your question is not specific. :)
 
yes, you need to be a bit more specific OR ask something like "what sort of things am i need to be aware of, when going in a relationship with a deaf woman' perhaps, asking about how to go about learning sign language, or asking about how not to be over-powering or over protective?
have a think about it then come back to ask a clearer question, besides you can search inside this forum 'by typing keywords for topics which you may be curious about
 
LVZ said:
Hi all

I am from South Africa. I am a male 54 hearing and in a relationship with a gilr 31 deaf. Me and her father are friends, we have know each other for more or less seven years. More or less three years back we realised there were some feelings between us. We have been dating sins the beginning of this year. Lately we are discussing a serious relationship. She is still living with her parents.

I just want some honest opinions

Tnx Regards
Click to expand...

My honest opinion is you should date someone your own age. Am I correct in assuming you're closer to her Dad's age? Since she lives with her family, she's probably's close to them so if you get serious with her, you're adopting the family. Still comfortable?

Laura
 
I don't know the customs of your country. Generally speaking, 18 years old is legally considered an adult. At least, that's is for USA. I would think that an adult would want to be able to make their decisions without depending on their elders for permission to do something such as dating. I would feel better if I was in relationship with someone who didn't need permission for this type of thing.
 
My girlfreind is 43 years old who is dating with 66 yrs old guy. He's a great guy.
 
Lau2046 said:
My honest opinion is you should date someone your own age. Am I correct in assuming you're closer to her Dad's age? Since she lives with her family, she's probably's close to them so if you get serious with her, you're adopting the family. Still comfortable?

Laura
Click to expand...

there is another problem, she's still living at home, not independent...this seriously puts the '31 years of age' backwards to like 18...or rather...17 or even 16....

just me 2 cents
 
like I'm talking about maturity or feigned maturity, or independence or self-reliant...self-directed...and not-leeching...
 
I think the OP is asking about hearing/deaf relationship issues instead of moral/age/friendship issues.
 
My opinion is keep dating and see where it goes. When you have a specific problem ask for specific advice. If it is not broken, don't fix it.
 
Deaf/hearing is one thing. However, deaf or not, I want someone who is independent. Not someone who is going to ask "Dad, do I have your permission to date this guy"? If someone is going this route, then I would have to question about whether they can think for themselves. Maybe one day, you will have kids. It would be good to have a Mother who is able to think for themselves and not have to ask around, you know.
 
dereksbicycles said:
Deaf/hearing is one thing. However, deaf or not, I want someone who is independent. Not someone who is going to ask "Dad, do I have your permission to date this guy"? If someone is going this route, then I would have to question about whether they can think for themselves. Maybe one day, you will have kids. It would be good to have a Mother who is able to think for themselves and not have to ask around, you know.
Click to expand...

Well, for the record, they are already dating so she is obviously, "thinking" for herself, right? The permission thing is really just a courtesy.
 
Hi

Tanks for all the replies.

Let me try and try and give some answers
1. No long distance
2. Dating your friends daugther
3. No problem that she is deaf
4. Communication. Good, she can lip read very well and have the best voice of her friends. I can sign with her very basic
5. Age gap, the perseption of people

I have searched a lot on this forum before I have decided to put my situation. And on other places where I can learn more about the deaf.

I have already abtopted her family, so has mine abtopted her. We have been friends for more than six years. Sins then I have spent my holidays with them.

And yes, I have to ask her dad if we can date. It's just courtesy, she still lives with them.

Vacation Guy 234. The best advice. Keep on dating and see where it goes.

Tanks
 
LVZ said:
Hi

Tanks for all the replies.

Let me try and try and give some answers
1. No long distance
2. Dating your friends daugther
3. No problem that she is deaf
4. Communication. Good, she can lip read very well and have the best voice of her friends. I can sign with her very basic
5. Age gap, the perseption of people

I have searched a lot on this forum before I have decided to put my situation. And on other places where I can learn more about the deaf.

I have already abtopted her family, so has mine abtopted her. We have been friends for more than six years. Sins then I have spent my holidays with them.

And yes, I have to ask her dad if we can date. It's just courtesy, she still lives with them.

Vacation Guy 234. The best advice. Keep on dating and see where it goes.

Tanks
Click to expand...

I agree with VacationGuy234.... see where it goes. You're the only one who has the gut instinct for how you feel about your relationship.

As for the age gap and how people see you - it's somewhat socially accepted. My friend who is 21 is dating an older man around 45-50... I don't know his exact age. When we first met him me and my girlfriends liked his personality but were a little confused about the age difference. Now we love him for her.... we can see that he treats her very well and they have a lot in common. People will talk about any weird couple. Age is just one factor. People talk about bi-racial couples, about extremely different types of people dating (a biker and a doctor? I have a friend who I don't see HOW they relate. And they don't have a good marriage.).... the only thing that should matter about the age difference is how you two relate to one another. People will talk about anything. Screw 'em.

The bigger concern I would have if I was in your shoes was my relationship with my friend. I cross my fingers and hope that some of my close close friends don't date because although I love them both if they did break up it could put a strain on my relationship with them. Even if they're mature about their breakup if it happens or will happen, it puts me in a weird position to be between two people that I care about. Again, only you will know how you feel about the relationship and you seem like you put a lot of thought into dating before you started. I hope you don't have to put yourself in the situation where you break up to see how your relationship with her father may be should that happen.

Good luck pursuing your relationship. Every one of these concerns you have have one simple answer: respect everyone involved. Respect her and learn about her culture and needs. Respect your friend / her father because they could be just as concerned and confused as you. Just respect them all and none of the age or hearing/deaf problems matter.
 
Back
Top