"Hardcore Guy"

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mtnlady

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Hello, I am trying to figure out how to point it out!:roll:
I'm married and my hubby say he is "Hardcore Guy" it is really embarrassment for me and I don't think he understand my feeling, he makes me feel very low and I love to sex with him but the porn?:(:(:(:( I m not fat or thin, pretty good shape. Does my hubby really understand "Hardcore"? He wont believe me what I say bec I am deaf too, know what I mean. He think watching the porn would balance out in life or your mind. Does it makes sense? I am not that open or close mind.

Any body have any idea???
 
Well, with guys, porn can be a big deal. It just something that since we r married now, we won't be able to do, unless u in a relationship like that. My wife don't like me watching porn, so i try not to watch it at all. It just how us guys are. It part of us, and it something that is hard to get over.

Now, if it bugs you, you and your hubby might want to talk about that, and might come up with something that is good for both of you. Like, he only allowed to watch porn when you are out of town, or when he is out of town.
 
Here is a tip I taught both my sisters when they complained about the same thing .... use at your own discretion.

Watch porn of hot guys. Buy a playgirl and "swoon" at the pictures when your hubby walks by. Make comments like "Wow! he has a nice (fill in the blank)"

Eventually, the message gets across and they will start making the same exact arguments you are making now.
 
In my opinion, viewing pornography is destructive to a healthy marital relationship.
 
Yea, I knew that. That is my point, how to explain to my hubby? He don't believe me like he said it balance your mind. But I do not believe that.
 
mtnlady said:
Yea, I knew that. That is my point, how to explain to my hubby? He don't believe me like he said it balance your mind. But I do not believe that.
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It is a lie, and until he understand how it is making you feel, he will continue.
 
Remind you that we all on AD members are not professional or counselor. Everyone is different regarding with the hardcore thingy. Some couples are very open minded with the hardcore thingy Some couples are not, not because they are not open minded that they don't agree the kind of thingy. That's what the couples need to make compromise things together.

Just remind you that we all are not certificated as professinal for this.
 
mtnlady said:
Yea, I knew that. That is my point, how to explain to my hubby? He don't believe me like he said it balance your mind. But I do not believe that.
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I'm sorry that he doesn't respect your beliefs. Until he does, it will be hard to convince him otherwise. You might need a counselor (with an interpreter) to guide open communication between the two of you.
 
Yea, I would love that WHO? I mean it look like I need like a third person person here but I don't know anybody here would do it for me? It have to be someone is on my side, I would not go to my hubby's friend because they are mostly on his side. Someone have to be neutral for both of us.
 
mtnlady said:
Yea, I would love that WHO? I mean it look like I need like a third person person here but I don't know anybody here would do it for me? It have to be someone is on my side, I would not go to my hubby's friend because they are mostly on his side. Someone have to be neutral for both of us.
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It should be someone professional, not a friend from either "side". That is, a marriage counselor or pastor. Even before discussing the porn issue, the two of you should probably have counseling just to clear up communication and respect issues. Then you can go into deeper counseling about specific problems.
 
Sometimes watch porn can cause affair in marriage. Sometimes sex movie help teach us how to have sex.. lol
 
IMO, porn is disgusting...ahh, don't watch it, never have. So I'm guessing that ur hubby "might" be tired of the "same ol' same ol" thing.....Making a marriage work is hard work, and it's up to both of you to find ways to "spice things up"....Could be the reason why he's turned to porn?....As for his saying he watches it "to balance the mind"...that's ridiculous!...Just an excuse he's made up for himself with a disgusting habit of watching porn!....Don't buy that excuse!...If it were me, I'd destory every tape he has of porn....cut out the porn channel on the TV....and tell him if he wants to watch porn after that, then he might want to watch it in divorse court!

If he chooses porn over you...then something is seriously wrong with ur marriage. Get counseling.
 
I agree with you, I have tried to tell my hubby that but he refused. Just learned that he says it is boring, I do not know what was boring, me or nothing to do or what? I was thinking same thing same old things. I have tried to tell him why not we both play with our body to get arouse without watching the porn. Hubby keep saying "boring!" "Dont be bossy on me, dont be old fashion" Really? Am I old fashion? I think not. And thank you so for agree with me that is ridiculous!
 
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That is what we are trying to do but after while I didnt like to watch and I realized that most girls are so young and I m alot older than they are so it makes me feel low. He knows it but I feel he watch too much now than he was before so I assume that he is boring, I am having hard time to get the answer from him most of the time he drop the ball. So I just kinda figure out and read this AD which it helps me to figure out and learn something new from this. Of course counseling would be very help ful but I live in rural area which is why difficult for me.....I am keeping trying.......
 
Could you find a therapist that will counsel you online? There are also professional sex therapists. Your husband may be addicted to porn, in which case, he will need professional help.
 
mtnlady said:
That is what we are trying to do but after while I didnt like to watch and I realized that most girls are so young and I m alot older than they are so it makes me feel low. He knows it but I feel he watch too much now than he was before so I assume that he is boring, I am having hard time to get the answer from him most of the time he drop the ball. So I just kinda figure out and read this AD which it helps me to figure out and learn something new from this. Of course counseling would be very help ful but I live in rural area which is why difficult for me.....I am keeping trying.......
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I'm afraid the more porn he watches, the more his expectations of you won't match the fantasies that porn provides. No real life human can match the make-believe fantasies that porn shows. I dare say that your husband doesn't match the male "stars" of these videos either.

Porn is like a drug. The person who depends on it needs more and more, even more "hardcore", to be satisfied.

The situation will not improve by itself. You need outside counsel. The problem is finding the right counselor, and getting your husband to cooperate with counseling.
 
sallylou said:
Could you find a therapist that will counsel you online? There are also professional sex therapists. Your husband may be addicted to porn, in which case, he will need professional help.
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Do you know if there is one if you do, can you provide me one?
 
nyyankees154 said:
Well, with guys, porn can be a big deal. It just something that since we r married now, we won't be able to do, unless u in a relationship like that. My wife don't like me watching porn, so i try not to watch it at all. It just how us guys are. It part of us, and it something that is hard to get over.

Now, if it bugs you, you and your hubby might want to talk about that, and might come up with something that is good for both of you. Like, he only allowed to watch porn when you are out of town, or when he is out of town.
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I have tried that, he said "well I think you should be more understanding/more opening mind that I like to watch porn", so it sound like he do what he wants, not respect the wife like you are respect your wife that she don't like you to watch it. So you are respect her, but mine doesn't.
 
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