"gold digger" being overused.

Kai Onca

Kai Onca

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I'm seeing more and more of people complaining about how they don't like gold diggers. I've been told by people who don't really know me that I'm a gold digger just because I won't date anyone that does not have a Bachelors degree or above. I have a Bachelors. I don't care if I do date or not date someone without a degree. Its all about circumstances.

I do give people a chance when I start talking to people at first. I get the idea of how on the same page one can be with me, I just say bachelors degree or above because that is the type of people I tend to be able to communicate easily with Deaf people. If I was a hearing person I would not even have to say a bachelors degree or above because there are more and more hearing people out there that I can quickly eliminate which ones are not up to my level or even beyond my level like the guys on big bang theory lol those guys crack me up but back to the point.

It is quite annoying trying to explain/defend myself when I say bachelors degree or above though. I just kind of wish deaf people were more literate than hearing people. Then I wouldn't have such a hard time and set that criteria.

My another issue here is..... There are more and more men that do not have a job out there. I do care about the part of not having a job. This is one of the red flags to me that if one cannot put themselves above their expectations and work at mcdonalds, walmart, target until they get the better job instead of collecting SSI, SSDI, etc. This is a mentality/ a mind set I do not like and it shows me that if you cannot be humble and work below your education or expectations you're not a great partner to me a team player.


Of course there are many situations/circumstances that causes people not to have a job for a while however if you're without a job for over a year.... :hmm:

Lay off the term gold digger, not many women are truly gold diggers. Really. I've seen more and more deaf women complaining about it than the men. What really bothers me is half of the women do not even have a job and they have the nerve to call another woman a gold digger when themselves are looking for guys for a place to live....its not what a gold digger is all about just so they can have a place to live in a ghetto place. I don't think so.

its a natural want for a woman to protect herself and the future offspring to make sure theres food and roof over head as well as clothes. Its a very natural thing but I would say to many women out there. Lay off the gold digger word that is not what a gold digger means.


As a Woman, its my right, to ensure the future of my offspring is postitive- if that happens, its my right to make sure my partner is willing to go the distance to make sure the food is on the table and a roof is over the head as well. Please as Woman, please lay off the term- its really used more and more now nowadays. Yes I'm putting faith in a lot of ladies out there as I've only known so many women as a friend and I see them as all hardworking women who would give up food to feed their children if it had to come to it. Hearing/deaf it doesnt matter. It is really natural for a woman to want the best for their children. There are good people out there, and a few bad apples are spoiling the bunch, dont let that happen.

:ty: for listening to my rant. But there are some people out there men or women that do put the label to a good use however, using it more and more nowadays is getting out of control past what that word truly means.
 
High expectations lead to nothing but disappointment.
 
I think there's nothing wrong with wanting to find a man who's a good match for you, share interests and have the same goals that ensure both of you will be heading in the same direction in life and that both of you share the same parenting philosophy as well as the same philosophy when it comes to finances.

Strange that you would be called a gold digger just for wanting to meet a man who's as accomplished and as ambitious as you are.
 
I'm similar. I know what I want in a man even if it means waiting a lifetime for him. A lot of my girlfriends are extremely picky too and we all feel that if we lower our standards, we'd be lowering ourselves as well. We want equals.
 
One time, Ex wanted to sign the paper to half own my house with my own money... I told him no way! :shock:
 
It seems that computer matching dating service might be what you need since you have very specific requirements. That would also eliminate having to deal with "friends" who would be critical of your dating criteria. No one can call you a gold digger unless you are sharing that info with your friends.

Maybe do a little less "sharing" and little more "searching." :)

Be forewarned that even an eventual match meeting all your criteria can go sour. A guy with a master's degree and great job one day can be an unemployed "over-qualified" job seeker the next. Also, there are no guarantees that your future perfect mate will always have perfect mental and physical health as the years go by. Can you live with that?
 
Reba said:
Be forewarned that even an eventual match meeting all your criteria can go sour. A guy with a master's degree and great job one day can be an unemployed "over-qualified" job seeker the next. Also, there are no guarantees that your future perfect mate will always have perfect mental and physical health as the years go by. Can you live with that?
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Exactly, which is why I said by making high expectations will lead to nothing but disappointment. What matters is that you are compatible with your partner, not what their jobs are, what degrees they hold and how intelligent they are. They're forgetting two important elements in marriage... unconditional love and commitment.
 
At the ripe old age of 40, I've learned the most important thing in a relationship is mutual respect and consideration for each other as well as genuine friendship. Without those three, forget about it.
 
DeafCaroline said:
At the ripe old age of 40, I've learned the most important thing in a relationship is mutual respect and consideration for each other as well as genuine friendship. Without those three, forget about it.
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Wise advice.
 
Banjo said:
Exactly, which is why I said by making high expectations will lead to nothing but disappointment. What matters is that you are compatible with your partner, not what their jobs are, what degrees they hold and how intelligent they are. They're forgetting two important elements in marriage... unconditional love and commitment.
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True - but it's a lot easier to fall in love and make that commitment to someone who is roughly your equal in education, attainment, life goals, and so on.

I was reading an article just the other day about how women used to want to "marry up," to marry someone who was a step or two above them in education, wealth, and so on. And men were happy to "marry down" a step or two, because then they could count on the woman being in the home to raise children, keep up the house, etc.

But now people mostly want to marry equals. Well-educated men are not as likely as they used to be to marry someone without the same level of education. Well-educated women almost never marry someone who is lower on the scale of education than themselves.

There are a lot of things that go into falling in love. Physical attraction, plus having similar goals (and that often falls in line with similar educational level), spiritual beliefs, emotional responses, etc., etc.

It's ok to have high goals when you consider with whom you want to spend your life. Knowing what you want is the first step to being able to find it.
 
That's a misogynist term. I'd stay away from anyone that uses it.
 
Beach girl said:
True - but it's a lot easier to fall in love and make that commitment to someone who is roughly your equal in education, attainment, life goals, and so on.

I was reading an article just the other day about how women used to want to "marry up," to marry someone who was a step or two above them in education, wealth, and so on. And men were happy to "marry down" a step or two, because then they could count on the woman being in the home to raise children, keep up the house, etc.

But now people mostly want to marry equals. Well-educated men are not as likely as they used to be to marry someone without the same level of education. Well-educated women almost never marry someone who is lower on the scale of education than themselves.

There are a lot of things that go into falling in love. Physical attraction, plus having similar goals (and that often falls in line with similar educational level), spiritual beliefs, emotional responses, etc., etc.

It's ok to have high goals when you consider with whom you want to spend your life. Knowing what you want is the first step to being able to find it.
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I didn't fall in love with my wife's Masters degree. I fell in love with my wife.
 
Well, there's something to be said for being well matched with someone who shares similar backgrounds, education and goals. But what's even more important is that the couple is on the same page when it comes to parenting and money - those two are the biggest reasons for divorces.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Well, there's something to be said for being well matched with someone who shares similar backgrounds, education and goals. But what's even more important is that the couple is on the same page when it comes to parenting and money - those two are the biggest reasons for divorces.
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We share a lot in common, but we have two completely different educational backgrounds and in different professional fields. We do have career goals and they do differ, however our life goals are very similar. We share the same philosophy on the outlook of life and how to live. We share a lot of similar opinions and that does matter to me.

Money isn't even an issue in our marriage at all. We're always discussing our financial matters since we live together, we pay bills together and everything else. This is something I am highly grateful for and I learned this from my parents. They've never had arguments over money because they share similar philosophy on it. I know a lot of people went through hell merely due to how money is viewed upon.
 
Banjo said:
We share a lot in common, but we have two completely different educational backgrounds and in different professional fields. We do have career goals and they do differ, however our life goals are very similar. We share the same philosophy on the outlook of life and how to live. We share a lot of similar opinions and that does matter to me.

Money isn't even an issue in our marriage at all. We're always discussing our financial matters since we live together, we pay bills together and everything else. This is something I am highly grateful and I learned this from my parents. They've never had arguments over money because they share similar philosophy on it. I know a lot of people went through hell merely due to how money is viewed upon.
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Money can be very divisive if one spouse prefers to use it for paying bills and the other spouse wants to spend it on luxury items they can't afford. Money is also a big issue if one spouse find themselves footing huge credit card bills because of the other spouse - that's why I think it's really important that before a couple gets married, they're on the same page as to how money should be used, invested and spent. Like for example, now that I know my ex made some very bad financial decisions that has him in a big hole right now, I'm counting my lucky stars I'm not still with him.

It's great you two got the money part sorted out before marrying. Very smart.
 
DeafCaroline said:
Money can be very divisive if one spouse prefers to use it for paying bills and the other spouse wants to spend it on luxury items they can't afford. Money is also a big issue if one spouse find themselves footing huge credit card bills because of the other spouse - that's why I think it's really important that before a couple gets married, they're on the same page as to how money should be used, invested and spent. Like for example, now that I know my ex made some very bad financial decisions that has him in a big hole right now, I'm counting my lucky stars I'm not still with him.

It's great you two got the money part sorted out before marrying. Very smart.
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Exactly. In fact, I know someone who filed for divorce since the final straw was the husband buying a sparking' new BMW without telling her about it. They were in heavy debt due to the husband wanting to live like a king. Since she got divorced, she has been living with a man for years, she has never been happier in her life.
 
Educational experience does not guarantee intellectual compatibility. My husband has a PhD in physics. I do not have a college degree at all. I'm not stupid - I'm well read and a good problem solver; which is more than I can say for some people I've known with degrees.

Compatible life style, humor, respect and willingness to make the other happy are some of the things I've found important. We enjoy being together, we treat each other well.
 
marrying a stupid person is a surefire way to end a marriage. I don't care what her educational background is but as long as she's smart and earning money, fine with me.
 
A person has every right to worry about whether husband or wife wants to spend all $$$ on turbocharged engines and no money on putting food on the table. Those kind of things has happened.

Yeah, I agree that it is better to have a college degree than not. Having a degree may be overrated. Not saying that you should not get one, but people are often too over reliant on college degrees.

What if I married someone who has no college degree and managed money well for both of us?? Would that be better idea than marrying someone who does have college degree and chose to spend all the money on himself or herself and none on you??

Just realize that many people don't have college degree because they did not have enough to finish their education or maybe they think that a degree was a waste of time and they just decide to use that money to start their own business. If the business is a success, you cannot blame a person for not having a college education. If the business was a failure, then a degree would be a good idea.
 
dereksbicycles said:
A person has every right to worry about whether husband or wife wants to spend all $$$ on turbocharged engines and no money on putting food on the table. Those kind of things has happened.

Yeah, I agree that it is better to have a college degree than not. Having a degree may be overrated. Not saying that you should not get one, but people are often too over reliant on college degrees.

What if I married someone who has no college degree and managed money well for both of us?? Would that be better idea than marrying someone who does have college degree and chose to spend all the money on himself or herself and none on you??

Just realize that many people don't have college degree because they did not have enough to finish their education or maybe they think that a degree was a waste of time and they just decide to use that money to start their own business. If the business is a success, you cannot blame a person for not having a college education. If the business was a failure, then a degree would be a good idea.
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A degree only comes in handy if you get an income out of it.
 
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