Getting my mom to understand I cannot hear her

W

WolfGirl

New Member
Joined
Apr 18, 2013
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Hello peoples! How are you guys doing? Me? I am doing fine! Been working, writing my book and doing some editing and newsletters and flyer work. Anyway, to the topic at hand.

For the last few months I have been having a hard time trying to get my mom and her family to understand I cannot hear them very well, and that my hearing is only getting worse. I am now getting fitted for another hearing aid in my left ear.

Anyway, my mother seems to still not believe what is going on, even though doctors have told her time and again. I have even tried to get her to learn sign and to teach her family. I have shown her my audiograms, and still she does not wanna believe it. What do I do? By the way she and her family are hearing. Most of my family is, with the exception of my dad who is hoh. Anyway, what do I do to get her to understand? I feel like I am talking to a stone wall....:hmm:
 
Good luck with that. I have been 100% deaf since November 3rd of 2011, and my entire family full out completely REFUSES to learn any sign.

You cannot force them to accept or change anything. You can only invite them to accept love and change for the better. Keep the invitation there always no matter what the situation, be the one who invites with open heart always.

-Chris
 
WolfGirl said:
Hello peoples! How are you guys doing? Me? I am doing fine! Been working, writing my book and doing some editing and newsletters and flyer work. Anyway, to the topic at hand.

For the last few months I have been having a hard time trying to get my mom and her family to understand I cannot hear them very well, and that my hearing is only getting worse. I am now getting fitted for another hearing aid in my left ear.

Anyway, my mother seems to still not believe what is going on, even though doctors have told her time and again. I have even tried to get her to learn sign and to teach her family. I have shown her my audiograms, and still she does not wanna believe it. What do I do? By the way she and her family are hearing. Most of my family is, with the exception of my dad who is hoh. Anyway, what do I do to get her to understand? I feel like I am talking to a stone wall....:hmm:
Click to expand...

I am sorry about your situation and I truly dont know what to say. I am deaf since the birth, and to today (I am in my 30's) most of my family do not want to be flexible when it comes to communicate with me, not even with pencil and paper. :(

I think she knows your hearing has got worsen, she just dont want to face it, so by not facing it, she may thinks all is well. I don't know.

I hope she will turns around one day. Maybe your father can help?

Off the topic, can you share with us what your book is about? :D
 
Sure! I would love that! And my dad and mom divorced they don't get a long very well lol.

My book is a fantasy book, about a young woman who has to find herself in a world full of war and strife. With only the memory of her warrioress mother, she goes and fights a war she cannot possibly win. I have a lot of characters in this novel lol, one of which is Deaf. I am sorry I cannot give more but I have to keep an air of secrecy so people will be wanting to read the book and be suprised! I want them to have an adventure with the characters!
 
What about your dad , does your mom believe he is hoh? If she does can't your dad explain this to your mom? I think you should try talking to your dad and see if he can get your mom to expect the fact that you're hoh. why do you think your mom is having a hard time with this? You would think people would understand this better today but some people seem to still be living in the dark ages.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
What about your dad , does your mom believe he is hoh? If she does can't your dad explain this to your mom? I think you should try talking to your dad and see if he can get your mom to expect the fact that you're hoh. why do you think your mom is having a hard time with this? You would think people would understand this better today but some people seem to still be living in the dark ages.
Click to expand...

You'd be surprises about how many people still living in the dark ages. I kept running into them all the time, unfortunately.

I wonder maybe her father's HOH is root cause of divorce? I dont know.
 
WolfGirl said:
My book is a fantasy book, about a young woman who has to find herself in a world full of war and strife. With only the memory of her warrioress mother, she goes and fights a war she cannot possibly win. I have a lot of characters in this novel lol, one of which is Deaf. I am sorry I cannot give more but I have to keep an air of secrecy so people will be wanting to read the book and be suprised! I want them to have an adventure with the characters!
Click to expand...

Be sure to announce your book in here when it comes out :)
 
@stargazer Lilies: I sure will! I am hoping to have it published by my next birthday, what a gift that will be!

My dad lost his hearing due to a fight he got into when I was 19, it has nothing to due with illness like mine. My mom does not believe he is hoh, but he has got proof lol, but he always is telling me he does not have to prove a thing to my mom anymore. I am just tired of the mocking I get and the fact she does not understand. When I tell her I cannot hear her, she looks at me and says "what?" And keeps doing it until I don't talk about it anymore
 
WolfGirl said:
I am just tired of the mocking I get and the fact she does not understand. When I tell her I cannot hear her, she looks at me and says "what?" And keeps doing it until I don't talk about it anymore
Click to expand...

It sounds like she has issues. I don't suppose she'd join you in family counseling if you asked, so either igornore her when she behaves like this or move out. What are your options, really?

Laura
 
WolfGirl said:
@stargazer Lilies: I sure will! I am hoping to have it published by my next birthday, what a gift that will be!

My dad lost his hearing due to a fight he got into when I was 19, it has nothing to due with illness like mine. My mom does not believe he is hoh, but he has got proof lol, but he always is telling me he does not have to prove a thing to my mom anymore. I am just tired of the mocking I get and the fact she does not understand. When I tell her I cannot hear her, she looks at me and says "what?" And keeps doing it until I don't talk about it anymore
Click to expand...

Wow. Your mom is so mean, it's almost unbelievable. Since you're an adult, you can determine what you will tolerate and what you won't. Maybe it's time to draw a line in the sand.

Good luck.
 
I have already moved out, been on my own since I was 17 but what I have beeb trying to do was have a mother daughter relationship with mu mom, but I can see it will be difficult. We have gone through counseling, and the therapist even told her what was going on, but she would not listen. Oh well, I guess it does not matter anymore, seeing as she will not stop anytime soon, and I cannot make her see it. I have an adopted family who cares and knows everything about me, and has been supportive. Maybe my mother will never be the same as my adopted mom. I know that now, and so I am gonna just stop expecting her to be someone she isn't.

If she mocks me again I will tell her to stop, and walk away and just go home.
 
You say your Dad's HOH.....does your Mom believe and accept that?

Best wishes for things getting better.
 
She does not believe he is hoh, but he has paperwork from the audiologist. He just keeps saying he has nothing to prove, I thin mom just doesnt care, my dad lost his hearing in a fight when I was 19. I have a disease that is destroying mine, my mom I guess deals with it by denying it.
 
WolfGirl said:
If she mocks me again I will tell her to stop, and walk away and just go home.
Click to expand...

I'm surprised you even bother with the relationship since she's unwilling to meet you half way...reading posts like this make me grateful for the supportive family I have.
 
I don't have remotely that problem, but I know I have no patience for that kind of crap. There's denial and there's being a #%^#$%#$#$#%. I'd tell her to keep waving at Stevie Wonder until he waves back if she's going to believe that people are lying about their own sensory losses.
 
Feel your mother isn't playing with a full deck....ignorance is bliss to some people....and I would just totally ignore her until she gets it....having to fight for "approval/acceptance" from a family member, especially a parent is not worth it to me!

Hold your head high.
 
I agree with Robin on this one, ignore her and just do your own thing until she gets it. Maybe shes feeling guilty deep down, as a mom trying to figure out if she did anything wrong to cause your deafness and going with the "out of sight out of mind" defense.

At this point, focus on you and reach out for another relative or friend for support.
 
WolfGirl said:
I have already moved out, been on my own since I was 17 but what I have beeb trying to do was have a mother daughter relationship with mu mom, but I can see it will be difficult. We have gone through counseling, and the therapist even told her what was going on, but she would not listen. Oh well, I guess it does not matter anymore, seeing as she will not stop anytime soon, and I cannot make her see it. I have an adopted family who cares and knows everything about me, and has been supportive. Maybe my mother will never be the same as my adopted mom. I know that now, and so I am gonna just stop expecting her to be someone she isn't.

If she mocks me again I will tell her to stop, and walk away and just go home.
Click to expand...

Does your mom having a drinking problem she has denial issues and this is common with alcoholics. It's really horrible this is happening and sad too as your mother is missing out a lot of time that the two of your could had spend together. I am not sure if it would help but maybe writing her a letter I mean a real letter not an email and tell your mom you want to be able spend time with her and not try to make up when she old and sick.
My dad dies when I was 20 yo and we where in a middle of fight. He dies at the hospital before I could tell him I loved him. Dad was 75 yo in 1967 , to this day I wish my dad could had accepted me for being hoh and that we could had made up . Your mom will have to live with the fact that she wasted precious moments with you by the way she treating you. My dad realize this but he was too old and sick and stubborn to tell me know .
My poor mother dies with years of guilt for not keeping my dad from abusing me. People may not realize it but the way they treat their child can haunt them the rest of their life.
I am happy to hear you have an adopted family that support you.
When I was a little girl I use to tell my mother not to worry that my other mother would come and help her. That is great you got your 'other mother' .
 
Yeah, I am lucky. My adopted mother knew I was losing my hearing, she pushed me gently into the Deaf community when I was 15. I learned sign language, and made some awesome friends, now that I cannot hear without an aid, my adopted mom stands strong, and keeps telling me about my gift of being a writer and how my hearing loss is apart of that talent.
 
WolfGirl said:
Yeah, I am lucky. My adopted mother knew I was losing my hearing, she pushed me gently into the Deaf community when I was 15. I learned sign language, and made some awesome friends, now that I cannot hear without an aid, my adopted mom stands strong, and keeps telling me about my gift of being a writer and how my hearing loss is apart of that talent.
Click to expand...

I loved wolves too. Maybe your mother will get it one day that you really can't hear , but it's great that you're able to get on with your life and not let your mom hold you back.
 
Back
Top