Forced to interpret :(

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Hayden

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I just wanted to vent to people who will understand.

I made plans to go to a club this weekend with two of my Deaf friends. This is a big deal for me because before I learned to sign I couldn't do things like that. I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys that lipreading in a dark noisy bar is impossible. So I made these plans and I was anticipating having a nice, relaxing evening out. But, then I found out one of my friends invited our hearing friend. She's an awesome person and I love hanging out with her, but she doesn't sign at all. I'm really pissed because I'm going to end up interpreting between my Deaf friends and this girl because I'm the best lipreader of the group and I still have residual hearing. I have no problem with hearing people, I'm just mad that I'm going to spend the whole night straining to read lips in a dark, loud club. Sorry if I'm whining. I'm just frustrated and wanted to blow off steam.
 
If your friend invites her then you should let your friend know that you are not there to interpret between your friend and her. I don't do that to my friends who can speak or read lips. No way.

I think you should tell your friend who invites her and your friend is the one who take cares of this, not you.

I think your friend is rude about it because your friend did not consider how your feeling about it.
 
I don't think he meant to be rude, I think he was trying to make the hearing friend feel included. But yeah, it does suck. I just don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a brat.
 
Hayden said:
I don't think he meant to be rude, I think he was trying to make the hearing friend feel included. But yeah, it does suck. I just don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a brat.
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Just be honest with your friend and explain (nicely) how much of a real strain it was for you that time, and how you had expected that to be a time of relaxation. Suggest to your friend that he figure out some other way to communicate for next time, such as texting or writing notes, or teaching her some signs, or hiring a terp. After all, what do they do when you're not around?

Maybe your friend didn't intend to be rude but he definitely took advantage of you. It's up to you to not let it happen again.
 
I know. I just also know how badly it sucks to be left out of the conversation. It's just frustrating.
 
It's just one of those bummers that's kind of a no win situation. They were trying to be nice and so were you. I'd bring it up to them and just explain that's it's not always fun having to interpret the whole night, especially given that there was no one else to share that task with, and next time, invite a few others that can also sign for the guest that doesn't. I'm sure they didn't realize how exhausting it is for one person.

Laura
 
Hayden said:
I don't think he meant to be rude, I think he was trying to make the hearing friend feel included. But yeah, it does suck. I just don't know how to bring it up without sounding like a brat.
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I still think that is no excuse. I am an ASL user. I know better not to ask anyone to interpret when I invite someone who knows nothing sign language. Reba has a nice tip, just nicely to explain to your FRIEND who should understand how you feel about it which is a true friend to you.

It is still unfair to you. If you do that then your friend will continues to ask hearing people to come again and again. Curious, is your Deaf friend in college or something?
 
Frisky Feline said:
Curious, is your Deaf friend in college or something?
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This behavior isn't tied into any particular age group. I'm sure plenty of adults do this all the time, not meaning to be rude but not thinking a situation all the way through before they act. Sometimes you need to be tolerant. I'm sure if the situation were explained in a nice manner, it wouldn't be repeated. After all, a little respect, even between friends, goes a long way.
 
Were you asked by them to interpret?
 
i know how he feels,it can bring on my migraine if do that but i agree with lau be polite explain you not being rude but it strain on you being all things to all people.
 
We are in college. My friend is very sweet, but doesn't think things through all the time.

They didn't ask me specifically to interpret, but we are going to a dark, crowded club. They can both lipread, but I'm the only one who grew up using only speech, so I'm the best at it. One friend doesn't voice, the other friend can be difficult to understand, the third friend can't even fingerspell.
 
Hayden said:
We are in college. My friend is very sweet, but doesn't think things through all the time.

They didn't ask me specifically to interpret, but we are going to a dark, crowded club. They can both lipread, but I'm the only one who grew up using only speech, so I'm the best at it. One friend doesn't voice, the other friend can be difficult to understand, the third friend can't even fingerspell.
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Just let them know how you feel, they seem to have some struggles so they could have understand how you feel about interpreting situation. Does not matter if you are the best at it. maybe tell them that hearing person can take a rain check to a better place such as a quiet place with bright. its up to you.
 
If you want a deaf night out, you need to ask for a deaf night out.
It doesn't appear you made that clear to your friends.

I suggest changing the venue to a bright place so that all people can be included.

Unfortunately, deafness is 24/7, but look at it this way, "The best way to master sign is to sign". You're going to become better at signing and you are going to do it with a group of friends who won't give you a hard time about it. Sounds like a win/win situation to me.

Don't make this your problem until it actually becomes your problem. At that point, tell the offending party that it is not your problem.
 
I don't care if hearing people come. I care that she won't have a way to communicate except for me. The lighting will only be a problem for me, who will have to lipread my hearing friend.

This has literally nothing to do with getting better at sign. I am not the hearing friend, and she has no interest in learning to sign. I sign well enough to communicate with my friends and the people around me. I don't need practice interpreting because I am not planning on becoming an interpreter.
 
Hayden said:
...she has no interest in learning to sign... I am not planning on becoming an interpreter.
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If she has no interest in learning how to sign, why does she attend social activities where she's the only hearing person?

If you have no interest in becoming an interpreter, why do you interpret?

Just curious.
 
If you weren't asked to interpret, then don't. Your friends are probably far more capable of working out their communication than you realize. It's a nightclub. It's going to be noisy and dark. Everybody has to accommodate.
 
AlleyCat said:
If you weren't asked to interpret, then don't. Your friends are probably far more capable of working out their communication than you realize. It's a nightclub. It's going to be noisy and dark. Everybody has to accommodate.
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It's not like they said specifically "Hey, Hayden, will you come be our interpreter for the night?" But when we get there, they say "what did she say?" "tell them I said this."

VacationGuy234 said:
Just a reminder:



And:

Again, move to another place.

When the hearing friend talks make sure that person looks directly at who that person is talking to. Correct that person if necessary.
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I don't really want to cancel my plans to accommodate this person. I like her, but I made these plans for a specific reason. I understand what you're saying, but I wasn't really looking for a "solution," I wanted to vent because I am frustrated.

Edit: Not to mention it doesn't matter if my friends can see her face; no amount of proper lighting will make her understand what they sign to her. I understand that it's not my JOB to interpret for people, but having been left out because of language barriers growing up I hate to do the same to other people. Maybe I should stop being so nice. :P
 
Hayden said:
It's not like they said specifically "Hey, Hayden, will you come be our interpreter for the night?" But when we get there, they say "what did she say?" "tell them I said this."



I don't really want to cancel my plans to accommodate this person. I like her, but I made these plans for a specific reason. I understand what you're saying, but I wasn't really looking for a "solution," I wanted to vent because I am frustrated.
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Noted. However, you can't expect people who care not to offer a solution.

I understand your frustration. Keep in mind, advice is only a solution if you actually use it, your choice.

Also, I've found, if you feel the need to control every situation you will be in for a more of frustration in the future(just a personal observation not a solution).

Hope you have a good time.

Maybe I should stop being so nice.
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Bingo!!!!
 
I don't think it's "needing to control the situation" to help people communicate.
 
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