Finding out the truth after being widowed.

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spiderjump

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My housemate's spouse died after 20 years of being together. After his death she found out that her spouse had 1 or 2 girlfriends on the side after picking up the phone to hear other women asking for her husband.

Like any victim of a cheater, she wants to find out the truth. The catch is her spouse took the truth to the grave.

How can she deal with this?

Also, what does a widowed person do socially afterwards?
 
Goes to show, the things we do while we are alive....can come back and bite us in the arse when we're dead.....

I do have sympathy for the widow....many things are learned about the deceased when they die...by going thru their things and their paperwork, etc. One woman found porno tapes after her husband died....(Of children)...

It's a hard pill to swallow, I'm sure. The truth hurts. But life is for the Living...hopefully somehow she can get over her bittnerness and hurt....stop thinking about it and get on with her life while she is alive.

Get involved with many things to keep her busy if she is physically able. Giving her words of comfort when she is hurting over the past....and stop talking about it. That's about all I can offer on the subject, as I've never been there....so until it actually happens to me...all people deal with pain in different ways.
 
A difficult subject to graze upon. Don't have much experience with widowing..

Although I am inclined to think that if she wants to live a stress free life she should try to avoid taking out the shovel. It appears due to spontaneous anecdotes that their relationship may have been a strained one when he was still living, I would not know.

As much as anyone else would do it. Reason said is since I feel most of the time there isn't anything to gain from arguing or making a mess of a situation that is from the past. It really all depends on the person.

The truth is just best left unsaid sometimes.
 
bury it with him. there is a huge number of men out there who cheat. i look in on another web site, hearing, and they tell stories, lots of stories from activities all over the world. their membership is up around 30,000 men. and this is just a small percentage. men have 3 legs and one of the legs always wanders when the chance is presented
 
spiderjump said:
My housemate's spouse died after 20 years of being together. After his death she found out that her spouse had 1 or 2 girlfriends on the side after picking up the phone to hear other women asking for her husband.

Like any victim of a cheater, she wants to find out the truth. The catch is her spouse took the truth to the grave.

How can she deal with this?

Also, what does a widowed person do socially afterwards?
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jeez. That's horrible.

My co-worker's husband died when she was 30 about 2 years ago. We talked A LOT after his death and I tried to help her cope. He kept some pretty soft core stuff on his computer but nothing like that. There's nothing you can really do about not knowing what happen in that partner's complete life outside the time spent with them. I mean I thought that was the whole point of a marriage, was to respect and honor that commitment. If it sounds iffy, then shoot, wasn't a very devoted husband was he?

After we got past initial attraction she thought I was too young at the time and I looked too much like her husband (30 to 25) so I respected that.

She keeps thinking that a man will show up on her doorstep, but that she also has a frame of mind where she's content with her young son and being a widow for the rest of her life. When we go out, I notice she doesn't really flirt or try to attract men, more like a criticized glaze and then moves on. She's not really all that much sexually motivated (I guess a BOB works?..we're co-workers so we definitely have limits). My guess is that it'll take a while for her to get really comfortable with the idea that another man can love her and her son (she didn't want me around her son early, in case it got to that stage).
 
Ugh. Cheaters. I give them no respect. She deserves so much better, she shouldn't dwell on the heartless man.

My grandmother became a widow years ago and ever since she's volunteered avidly and become a strong person in her hometown church. She joined other widows in group therapy, too. She's still a very happy independent woman.
 
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