Family Jibes

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Norah

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I'm not sure what to do. My hubby speaks deliberately softly and knows that I can't quite hear him.He then says 'Turn it up,deaffy!' to me. He says that I am stupid. I'm not cos I have a degree and a well paid job. He and my children think that I am playing on not being able to hear them well. I think he thought that a hearing aid would change everything. It has made it a bit better but I am fed up with the jibes. He is treating me as completely hearing and I am not. What do I do? He needs to hear my specialist outline my difficulties.
 
Norah said:
I'm not sure what to do. My hubby speaks deliberately softly and knows that I can't quite hear him.He then says 'Turn it up,deaffy!' to me. He says that I am stupid. I'm not cos I have a degree and a well paid job. He and my children think that I am playing on not being able to hear them well. I think he thought that a hearing aid would change everything. It has made it a bit better but I am fed up with the jibes. He is treating me as completely hearing and I am not. What do I do? He needs to hear my specialist outline my difficulties.
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Hi, Norah: This seems like a problem more than not hearing. Calling you "deaffy" and "stupid" is rude and mean I think. From your husband? He should love and support, not call you names. Speaking so you can't hear him - he is playing a mean game with you. Yes, talking with your audiologist is a good idea. But he should not treat you like you are stupid or play games. Maybe a HA would help with the hearing problem, but he needs help with more. Maybe counseling? Good luck.
 
I have to say I think he's abusing you verbally and psychologically, and he's turning the kids against you. You don't deserve that sort of treatment from him or the kids.

You should sit the kids down and exactly explain deafness and outline your difficulties. And teach them ways how to get your attention such as tapping you on the arm or banging on the table or even stomping on the floor.
Don't give your husband the power to turn the kids against them as they'd pick up heaps from him. And by the sound of it, they have already.

You're not stupid so don't let him wear you down with that sort of talk. He shouldn't be making fun of you in any way at all.

You'll have to think about what to do if you gave the report outlining your difficulties to your husband and he doesn't adjust to meet your needs then you might need to make difficult decision.

Hope my comment doesn't get you down.

Stay strong and fight back. Take care
 
I have a hearing aid.It is just that he thought it would work a miracle but I failed the hearing tests so dramatically that he can't cope. You can't restore hearing that has been permamently lost. You can only amplify what is there. 2 of the kids are getting there. The oldest one thinks it is a fun game to jibe. Hubby joins in when he is frustrated. I expect is is frustrating talking to someone who appears to be ignoring you. BUT I have heard nothing and he is still having trouble coming to terms with that. He thinks it is in my head. The tests say otherwise!

Norah
 
It seems like there are deeper issues underlying if your husband is calling you names to put you down. It sounds like an issue of control and nothing to do with your hearing loss. My ex hubby used to treat me like that even though I was deaf when we first met. Anytime there is was a miscommunication, it was always my fault or even when he changed his wording ( those times when I know I got it right in the first place) and I would get mad at him, he would turn around and say it was my fault for not listening carefully the first time. We split up and now I am with a man who treats me a lot better than him. Even my ex's girlfriend who is hearing admitted to me that he puts her down emotionally so that was proof that my deafness had nothing to do with it.

What about going to counseling to get some of these underlying issues resolved?
 
shel90 said:
It seems like there are deeper issues underlying if your husband is calling you names to put you down. It sounds like an issue of control and nothing to do with your hearing loss. My ex hubby used to treat me like that even though I was deaf when we first met. Anytime there is was a miscommunication, it was always my fault or even when he changed his wording ( those times when I know I got it right in the first place) and I would get mad at him, he would turn around and say it was my fault for not listening carefully the first time. We split up and now I am with a man who treats me a lot better than him. Even my ex's girlfriend who is hearing admitted to me that he puts her down emotionally so that was proof that my deafness had nothing to do with it.

What about going to counseling to get some of these underlying issues resolved?
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:gpost: Shel, you write better than me - deeper issues than hearing loss and counseling maybe helpful. :)
 
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