Deaf awakenings

RachelRene

RachelRene

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As you know, I've been really struggling accepting myself, accepting my deafness, and you can forget having a deaf identity. I feel like the last few months have been really transformative for me, largely due to this forum, and I wanted to say thank you. I also feel like this weekend I had a huge awakening, and wanted to share that with you. Hope you don't mind :)

This weekend I went to a conference, and it was the first time I've ever had interpreters provided for me. It was the first time I wasn't lost the whole time, I understood everything that was going on, and I didn't have to worry about whether my voice was too loud or too quiet because she voiced for me if I wanted. It also meant that it was obvious right away--I'm deaf. No hiding in the background for me, like I usually do.

Also, we had guests stay with us from Toronto... and E is Deaf. I was really nervous, but as soon as she got here, we clicked. I spent the whole weekend with interpreters or E, signing away, comfortable in my deafness, feeling like I'd finally come home. It was *amazing*

I was incredibly sad to see her go home, but she left me with a pride and confidence I didn't have before. And I know, now more than ever, that I need to go to more Deaf socials. I need to stop putting myself in large hearing groups and then being frustrated that I don't understand. I've stopped saying that I'm hard of hearing, downplaying my hearing loss and pretending I can hear better than I do.

:wave: Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm deaf. :deaf: Nice to meet you!
 
I'm so happy you've come home!! It is an amazing feeling, the understanding, and truly, as you put it, an awakening... I'm so happy this weekend worked out for you! And I am very happy to have "met" you. Those socials are a wonderful to be allowed to be yourself, and not have to conform to the world around you. I am so happy you have stopped saying HoH... because that isn't what you are... you aren't HoH... you are deaf. Welcome home!
 
It's like a whole new world!

Not saying I won't have bad days, or get frustrated, it's a process not a destination. But I'm feeling *so* much better about things!

Ash--thank you so much for all your support. If you guys don't already know, this girl rocks.
 
RachelRene said:
It's like a whole new world!

Not saying I won't have bad days, or get frustrated, it's a process not a destination. But I'm feeling *so* much better about things!

Ash--thank you so much for all your support. If you guys don't already know, this girl rocks.
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we all get frustrated... its part of being human I think. I'm happy you are feeling better about things, and you will have a chance to be part of the portland deaf community too...
You rock too... Its been great chatting with you... now... when you move back... we can actually see each other!!! Thank you for thinking I rock... but I couldn't have been of any help without coming to realize who I am and that its ok. I couldn't have come to the realization that I am perfect just the way I am without AD and... I can't forget to mention PFH... he has helped me a lot.
 
RachelRene said:
As you know, I've been really struggling accepting myself, accepting my deafness, and you can forget having a deaf identity. I feel like the last few months have been really transformative for me, largely due to this forum, and I wanted to say thank you. I also feel like this weekend I had a huge awakening, and wanted to share that with you. Hope you don't mind :)

This weekend I went to a conference, and it was the first time I've ever had interpreters provided for me. It was the first time I wasn't lost the whole time, I understood everything that was going on, and I didn't have to worry about whether my voice was too loud or too quiet because she voiced for me if I wanted. It also meant that it was obvious right away--I'm deaf. No hiding in the background for me, like I usually do.

Also, we had guests stay with us from Toronto... and E is Deaf. I was really nervous, but as soon as she got here, we clicked. I spent the whole weekend with interpreters or E, signing away, comfortable in my deafness, feeling like I'd finally come home. It was *amazing*

I was incredibly sad to see her go home, but she left me with a pride and confidence I didn't have before. And I know, now more than ever, that I need to go to more Deaf socials. I need to stop putting myself in large hearing groups and then being frustrated that I don't understand. I've stopped saying that I'm hard of hearing, downplaying my hearing loss and pretending I can hear better than I do.

:wave: Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm deaf. :deaf: Nice to meet you!
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Know what? If you want to be more involved with D/deaf community in Ottawa, you can contact me by PM. :) I have been heavily involved with the local community and we have had several Deaf organizations with specific interests in the city. Actually, I have been President of the local Deaf sports club for a few years so I am willing to help you out. :)
 
Royale said:
Know what? If you want to be more involved with D/deaf community in Ottawa, you can contact me by PM. :) I have been heavily involved with the local community and we have had several Deaf organizations with specific interests in the city. Actually, I have been President of the local Deaf sports club for a few years so I am willing to help you out. :)
Click to expand...

This guy is good to go, he hugged my buddy.
 
RachelRene said:
As you know, I've been really struggling accepting myself, accepting my deafness, and you can forget having a deaf identity. I feel like the last few months have been really transformative for me, largely due to this forum, and I wanted to say thank you. I also feel like this weekend I had a huge awakening, and wanted to share that with you. Hope you don't mind :)

This weekend I went to a conference, and it was the first time I've ever had interpreters provided for me. It was the first time I wasn't lost the whole time, I understood everything that was going on, and I didn't have to worry about whether my voice was too loud or too quiet because she voiced for me if I wanted. It also meant that it was obvious right away--I'm deaf. No hiding in the background for me, like I usually do.

Also, we had guests stay with us from Toronto... and E is Deaf. I was really nervous, but as soon as she got here, we clicked. I spent the whole weekend with interpreters or E, signing away, comfortable in my deafness, feeling like I'd finally come home. It was *amazing*

I was incredibly sad to see her go home, but she left me with a pride and confidence I didn't have before. And I know, now more than ever, that I need to go to more Deaf socials. I need to stop putting myself in large hearing groups and then being frustrated that I don't understand. I've stopped saying that I'm hard of hearing, downplaying my hearing loss and pretending I can hear better than I do.

:wave: Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm deaf. :deaf: Nice to meet you!
Click to expand...

Congratulations on your awakening :cool2:, that is awesome! I am so happy that you get to experience that. It is a wonderful feeling, isn't it? And, I am so excited as it looks like I am right behind you on that :deaf: path. Like you, I also previously defined myself as a person that wanted/strived to be hearing, but could never be or "hard of hearing" for short :roll: (not to say there is anything wrong for those people that define themselves that way, I just feel that it was the wrong label for me and because of how I grew up, it now has bad connotations for me). This forum opened my eyes too and has been very accepting of who I am. Yeah, I also need to say "thank you" more to the great people here. Thank you, guys (you too RachelRene)!

I only started using interpreters about a month ago and I got that same feeling that I was finally getting everything and could finally be completely involved. Before, I had been taught by audist hearies that I was "hard of hearing" and therefore should never use the resources available to deaf people. I totally get that about your voice being too loud or too quiet, I have that same difficulty when I tried to speak (didn't matter if I wore hearing aids or not). Even though audist hearies would tell me that my voice is perfectly fine and I should use it, I am not comfortable with using my voice with strangers. Other than the problem with volume control, I also clutter from time to time and stumble over words or can't get them out (makes me feel like everyone sees me as mentally handicapped as well). I also get the feeling that your not hiding anymore. Before, I would always feel that I was hiding since I was "hard of hearing" with a "perfectly fine" voice and therefore my deafness was invisable. I was embarrassed when I had to bring it up and was even more so when people say they couldn't even tell, as if my problem was all my problem (so no need for them to be accomodating) or as if it was all in my head (made up). I just sign now and let the interpreters voice for me. So much better.

I have a deaf coworker at work (although it looks like they are making her get a new position, but I don't know when she would leave, and I wouldn't see her often, if at all for who knows how long). It is amazing finally being able to communicate with someone easily rather than having to struggle with my cubicle-mates (they are nice and all, but communication is getting more and more limited). I am so happy that you got to spend the weekend with another deaf and just be comfortable. I have been trying to find more and MORE deaf socials (it's like I can't get enough), so I understand where you are coming from. (sorry about the rant :blah:)

:wave: Hi, Rachel, I'm Tabitha, and I'm deaf too. :deaf: So nice to meet you.
 
Welcome home. :hug:

Embracing identity is such an amazing feeling. It mean no longer being someone you are not. Being someone that other people think you should be. It mean you being true self now.

I've been transitioning to full Deaf identity for some time now and it is a happy place to be.

Very thankful that find AD and can explore aspects to Deaf identity.
 
Congratulations to you and welcome home!

We have similar stories here. I thanked Botti and Jillio back then for guiding me firmly and gently away from my "Hearing" and audist thoughts. Seriously, I had NO clue, and the usual audist audiologist like so many of us do. I too was frustrated and showed both my lack of knowledge and temper. They did patiently tell me where I was wrong and eventually PAH! I got it!!!

I learned from AD how to make D/deaf friends, got a thicker skin, and now, thanks in a great part to PFH have fully accepted who I am as well.

You are so correct about embracing ourselves, finding joy and pleasure in our lives and accepting not only ourselves but others.

Its a great blessing.

So very happy for you!

Again, thanks Botti and Jillio, Shel and Bebonang for the years of support and education, even if it was only by reading what you wrote or from actual advice. Thank you too, SmithTR for your kindnesses.

Thanks again PFH for your many, many posts that inspired me and gave me the confidence to be VO and truly (albeit late) Deaf.

Hugs to you and have a wonderful Deaf Journey Rachel Renee.
 
Rachel, I know the feeling. I've been there! :wave:
 
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