dreamchaser
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- Apr 14, 2008
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Here's my idea:
"Condemned"
Also I like Shelly's name too.
FYI: I loved your poem. It gave me chills.
"The Watering Grave" ??
"My Lost Soul"
"Submerciless," because I like to combine words to make unique titles.
The best poetry is the brightest possible image in the fewest possible words. Although dispair poems aren't my favorite, this one's image sticks with me.
Just personal, but I favor rhyme over blank or free verse because I think it helps establish beat and memory.
"Submerciless," because I like to combine words to make unique titles.
The best poetry is the brightest possible image in the fewest possible words. Although dispair poems aren't my favorite, this one's image sticks with me.
Just personal, but I favor rhyme over blank or free verse because I think it helps establish beat and memory.
I can't really name this. If you want to give it a try, I would appreciate it.
I really liked the first four lines, however it seems to me that there is a contradiction, you start off by saying that you don’t know how you came to “The cesspool of life…” but then you state you “…came to taste of the water for it shimmered…” Maybe it would be better to write that you were disillusioned into coming. (Which I see you have later in the poem).
Since the next set of four lines brings the reader to the current situation I think it would be better to take “try” out of the 3rd line.
I think the third set of lines can be taken out completely. It is somewhat repetitive. I would combine the 3rd and 4th set and move them after the 1st set.
I really liked the poem.
As for a title, I would suggest “An Alluring Sea of Dispair”
[I have attached a word document with the original and the critiqued versions of the poem.]
"Despair"-Merriam Webster Dictionary
Despair
Main Entry:
1de·spair
Pronunciation:
\di-ˈsper\
Function:
verb
Etymology:
Middle English despeiren, from Anglo-French desperer, from Latin desperare, from de- + sperare to hope; akin to Latin spes hope — more at speed
Date:
14th century
intransitive verb: to lose all hope or confidence <despair of winning>transitive verbobsolete : to lose hope for
lol I thought that word was incorrect but my spell check didn't notify me.
Thanks for the correction.