An Update From Us

What an unexpected direction! But I would definitely check out MD and DC. Deaf schools there are one of the best in the country, so your daughter should benefit.

It's kind of your brother to make that offer. Methinks you should go there and enrol your son and daughter into MD schools.

What is your gut feeling on this?

You could PM Liza, she went to MSSD and did great.
 
I just spent some time reading all of the materials I could find about both MSSD and FSDB. After reading the student handbooks and other things, I am equally impressed with both schools. I think that both schools could meet my daughter's needs during her high school years. Still, I have mixed feelings about the concept of possibly letting her be a boarding student during the week. When reading about the rules, set up, and environment the high school residential students are in, I was impressed--but it felt more like college life than high school life. The students are expected to be very independent and mature, and they seem to have a lot of freedom--more than they would probably have at home. Yes, there are lots of rules, but I think that we may be much stricter at home about some things. I guess I am just having a hard time letting go of my day-to-day authority as a parent. Yes, both of my teens attend public schools now--they are there all day and have to follow the school rules while there. I guess it is the rest of the day/week that I am referring to--going into the city(DC) with friends, riding the subway/bus, rules about computer and tv use, curfew, and other things that have been in MY control all of this time, know what I mean? The idea of being "confined to the dorm" instead of ME putting my child on restriction or sending them to their room--I don't know, it just feels weird. I know that I need to prepare to let go of my teens as they enter adulthood, I just have been such a hands-on parent all of their lives--I've always been there for them and I've always been the one to "enforce the rules"--even when they are at school now, many things are still in MY hands. I will have a hard time "letting go" of them when they reach adulthood, but I will do it because I know that it is the right thing to do--I want to see them "fly away" into independent adult lives. But it will be VERY hard to "let go" of the day-to-day life that I have with my daughter, especially if she goes to boarding school during the week at 14 years old. I know that she will be in "good hands"--I think that much of the freedom and independence will be good for her as she completes the growing and maturing process. Still, the "Mommy" in me is saying, "I can't let my little girl go live somewhere else during the week"!! I am beginning to prepare for the moment my son leaves home and goes off to college in about 2 years. It won't be easy, but it is a GOOD thing--he is almost ready, and I am excited for him. His future is in his own hands! :) Now, when it comes to my daughter--my youngest--my "baby"--it will be a bit harder to do that "letting go." And now, to think that I will be having to let her go before my son does--sending my youngest away before my oldest leaves--it just feels backwards! As much as I want my daughter to get a good education, I also worry about her maturity level out there "in the world." OK--just a mom rambling again! Sorry! So, anyone have experiences to share regarding living away from home as a teenager, at least during the week? You know, the life we have when she comes home every day and I still feel "in charge" will change a lot if she only comes home on weekends and holidays. I wil miss her so much! Plus, it will feel strange not having the same authority over day-to-day rules and such! When my kids are 18, they will be legal adults and I can deal with this concept more easily. But it isn't easy to think of that concept with a 14 to 17 year old! Can I do it?!!
 
still, I think the high school here would be a TERRIBLE match for her. My son is a pretty good student, and he does not think highly of the school--I truly think my daughter would get totally lost there. So, even though I wanted to get my daughter to a deaf school for middle school, it looks like it will have to wait until her high school years. Something may work out sooner--maybe at the end of her 8th grade year--but she had to spend most of her middle school years in a regular school. At least she has the resources of the deaf/hh program now, even though it is a very small program(only 4 deaf students
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Whew.....first of all, it's great that you're considering the negative impact of high school. I honestly don't think a lot of "experts" understand how horrible high school can be especially for someone who is "different". Matter of fact, I hated high school so much that I'm not even going to my ten year reunion.
Second of all.....I never attended school away from home. BUT, I did attend a sleep-away camp as a teen. I also know a lot of kids who went to boarding schools for high school. (prep schools mostly) and they ALL loved it.
Going away to school/camp is just such an amazing experiance. Boarding school really does create a close knit commuity. The experiance is not like regualr school , or the stereotypical insistuional experiance.
It makes kids more independant, and it's just so much fun.
 
I just have heard some "oral deaf" people say that they felt uncomfortable at Galludet--and I have heard others say just the opposite.
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One thing that REALLY helps in terms of being accepted by the deaf culture is not having a supiority complex regarding educational placement or things like oral skills.
It does seem like a lot of the oral deaf people who complain about not being accepted in Deaf culture, are those who might be seen as "high and mighty" b/c they think they're better educated or have better oral skills.
If you have the attitude that "yeah, I've got oral skills but I really want to learn ASL!" generally you'll be accepted. There are still TONS of Deaf people who learned ASL as a second language, but still identify strongly as culturally Deaf.
As for your comment that your daughter has aquaintences but no real "OMG I'm gonna marry you" friends.....that does seem very common for mainstreamed kids. Everyone knew me but I didn't really have a lot of "OMG I'm gonna marry you" friends. I think that's because your typicall american high school, really doesn't provide all that much sense of community.
High school tends to be hell for many teens. Oh god.....how I wish those experts could experiance what I went through socially......nasty phone calls, obsence letters, being told to my face that I wasn't "normal" or that I sucked.
and just basic prejudice.
 
deafdyke said:
One thing that REALLY helps in terms of being accepted by the deaf culture is not having a supiority complex regarding educational placement or things like oral skills.
It does seem like a lot of the oral deaf people who complain about not being accepted in Deaf culture, are those who might be seen as "high and mighty" b/c they think they're better educated or have better oral skills.
If you have the attitude that "yeah, I've got oral skills but I really want to learn ASL!" generally you'll be accepted. There are still TONS of Deaf people who learned ASL as a second language, but still identify strongly as culturally Deaf.
As for your comment that your daughter has aquaintences but no real "OMG I'm gonna marry you" friends.....that does seem very common for mainstreamed kids. Everyone knew me but I didn't really have a lot of "OMG I'm gonna marry you" friends. I think that's because your typicall american high school, really doesn't provide all that much sense of community.
High school tends to be hell for many teens. Oh god.....how I wish those experts could experiance what I went through socially......nasty phone calls, obsence letters, being told to my face that I wasn't "normal" or that I sucked.
and just basic prejudice.
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It took me a while to realize how "out of touch" these professionals often are when it comes to the real world experiences of deaf kids and their families. I had one speech therapist recommend a long and elaborate trip to the grocery store where lots of time would be spent talking about each and every product on our grocery list. While I understand the idea behind it--lots of language exposure--I just had to laugh at the assumption about how things REALLY are when a parent takes a young child to the grocery store! It turns out that this therapist does not have ANY children, much less deaf children. She has NEVER experienced the meltdown of kids in the cereal aisle before!! This is just one small example--there are many things through the years that people "recommended" but I thought, "They just have absolutely no clue what it is REALLY like, do they?!!"

When it comes to high school and the recommendations of professionals, I think very few actually "get it." Some may actually be parents--I have noticed that the professionals who have at least "been there, done that" with their own kids(deaf or not) in some way--they seem to get it a little better. A therapist who is dealing with socialization issues with his/her own teenagers in high school may not be quite so quick to assume that deaf teens will just fit in just fine if they can hear and speak well. Maybe they have seen how divisive teens can be in middle and high school--maybe their own teens have been ostracized for being "different" in some way. Oh, and then there are always those who go on and on about those "Stars"!! You know--my son/daughter(or someone they know) is deaf and fits in justs fine--they are very popular at school and have lots of friends--their deafness doesn't get in their way at all--you know the type!! Well, good for them--but I BET that they are a very small minority among deaf teenagers. Hey--my daughter is a beautiful girl with a heart of gold--I honestly think that she would be very popular at school if she didn't feel so out of place--I really think that she will be very accepted and maybe even quite popular at a deaf school where everyone else is deaf, too. It just really hurts their confidence when they are ignored or somehow treated badly because they are different from the other mainstream students. I know SOME teens are tough enough and confident enough to work through that--but my daughter is VERY sensitive and she wears her heart on her sleeve. Having a strong sense of self--having a LOT of confidence--that is so important during high school. I know a lot of teens who do not have that kind of confidence--they watch from the sidelines as the confident people "rule the school." Man--high school CAN be a good experience, but it can also be a very very tough experience for many teens. I just want to do whatever I can to give my daughter a chance to make these upcoming four years some of her best--instead of some of her worst!


I bet the BEST therapists, teachers, and professionals who are the MOST help to deaf kids and their families are either deaf themselves or have deaf children or family members. If people are giving advice about what is best for deaf kids, they really should be coming from a place of understanding--not of judgement and theory. I think that there are way too many out there that look at deaf education from a very narrow point-of-view--many have never been in our shoes, yet they tell us how to walk in them!
 
Quick Update

In February, my daughter and I went to FSDB for her intake evaluations. She was accepted and plans were made for her to attend FSDB for the last quarter of 8th grade. I had a job interview in Orlando in March, but things did not work out. We made the decision for the two of us to temporarily move to Orlando so that she can try FSDB and see if she really likes it. The plan was for me to continue looking for jobs during the week while she is at school and having fun together on the weekends when she returns. My husband and son would remain behind until the summer--we hope to reunite our family and all begin living in Florida at that point.

So far, so good. From my daughter's perspective: she absolutely LOVES FSDB!!! She has lots of deaf friends now, she has a boyfriend(her first deaf boyfriend!), she loves the independence of staying in the dorms during the week, she loves her teachers and is doing well academically, she participates in many extracurricular activities, she is learning more and more ASL every day, and she proudly wears her hearing aids without feeling different in any way(went for bright green earmolds like her classmates!). Life is never perfect, but I think my daughter is as happy at FSDB as she thought she would be. I am sure there will be some bad days in the future, but she is certain that she wants to stay there for all of her high school years. I think we truly found the right placement for her.

As for me, I am VERY happy that she is happy there. What a relief to FINALLY see my daughter enjoying school and thriving socially!! I believe with all of my heart that she is in the right place. I miss her SO MUCH during the week, but we are having a wonderful time together each weekend. Our mother-daughter bond remains very strong--not easy to do during the teen years! I think that she realizes how much I am doing to make this work for her--she really seems to appreciate it. She seems to enjoy our weekends together, although she misses her friends and is always anxious to return to school each week. Teenagers usually LOVE being out of school for the summer--she is actually dreading it because she says that she will miss everyone at FSDB! But I will be glad to have her with me for a while before having to let go of her again in the fall.

The summer should be full of changes--my son is joining us in Florida as soon as his school year ends, both my son and I are planning to have summer jobs(he is 16 and is ready to begin working), my daughter may be going to things like deaf camp and volleyball camp(hopes to play for FSDB next year), and we HOPE to finally sell our house and be free of that burden(something in the works with that). If all goes well, my whole family will be here by the time school starts in the fall. My daughter is very excited about spending her high school years at FSDB. She says, "I have a new life in Florida now and I am happy here." I think my son will feel the same way once he finally gets settled here. I couldn't ask for anything more! :)
 
I'm glad things are finally looking up for you and your daughter. Please keep us posted.
 
Deboarah, that is so amazing! I am SO glad that she's really thriving......and a Deaf boyfriend too!!!! ;) Is she doing well academicly too? So happy that she found an awesome school.....one less dhh kid who will be damaged by the hell that is American high school! Perhaps you could try to help some other kids who while they're doing OK in school, could thrive much better at a Deaf school (MSSD is open to all kids from all 50 states) I mean that could really really help a lot of teens avoid emotional issues. I know I'm still suffering from the snottiness and effects of being bullied at high school.
I think too a lot of experts and teachers don't understand the difference between a dhh kid THRIVING at a school vs simply passing and having a few "aquaiantces"
 
Hey Deborah, any updates? Been thinking about you and your daughter for some reason . Can't believe it's been a year and a half since you decided to send her to Deaf School. I really am still very psyched that your daughter is having such an amazing experiance. I wish SO badly more hearing parents knew of the Deaf School option. It really is sad....They either think Deaf Schools are just for voice off ASLers or they're really bad academicly (basing that perception on either an AG Bell "everyone should go to an Instantly Reconizable Name Brand School" or the way they were back in the old days.
Teenagers usually LOVE being out of school for the summer--she is actually dreading it because she says that she will miss everyone at FSDB! But I will be glad to have her with me for a while before having to let go of her again in the fall.
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That's awesome!!!!! And again, that shows what an amazing resource FSDB is that she loves it so much.


The summer should be full of changes--my son is joining us in Florida as soon as his school year ends, both my son and I are planning to have summer jobs(he is 16 and is ready to begin working), my daughter may be going to things like deaf camp and volleyball camp(hopes to play for FSDB next year), and we HOPE to finally sell our house and be free of that burden(something in the works with that). If all goes well, my whole family will be here by the time school starts in the fall. My daughter is very excited about spending her high school years at FSDB
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Very cool!!!!
 
nd then there are always those who go on and on about those "Stars"!! You know--my son/daughter(or someone they know) is deaf and fits in justs fine--they are very popular at school and have lots of friends--their deafness doesn't get in their way at all--you know the type!! Well, good for them--but I BET that they are a very small minority among deaf teenagers.
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Ha, yes. Even the oral only kids who do awesome academicly very often have major major social issues. And you know, it does seem like those cases are the result of a whole bunch of "just perfect" circumstances happening at the same time.
Like they attend a very diverse high school and the kids are accepting and all that.....
 
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