Advice HOH/Hearing relationship

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Clau

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Hi there,

im HOH, i wonder how you guys manage when go out to some noisy place, a pub etc, I mean, i usually never go to such places, but when the guy you are dating likes to do so...What u do? Do you go to the pub/party doing your best, but clearly feeling..out? or you ask him to let you out of those plans and you stay at home or doing something else????????
 
Make accommodations and make him understand the beginning you don't do well in clubs. I'd join him and then ask him join me in doing something that doesn't make me lipread the entire time.

Learn to make comprises on him and yourself so you're not feeling miserable. It would can help the relationship survive.
 
I would ask what would you make you comfortable. I would prefer a short hike to somewhere with beautiful scenery, go to a nice restaurant,...then drinks and a movie at my apartment.
 
My friend is unilateral, when we go for dinner to a place that likes to play loud music (*glares at Boston Pizza*) we just switch to ASL if she is having trouble.
 
I'm not going to help if a deaf/HOH person wants to date a hearing person.

No offense, but what if I was to ask a friend whether this is a reliable vehicle to buy? My friend tells me that it is not a reliable vehicle, but I go ahead and buy it. Car breaks down on me. I ask friend for help. Friend may tell me, "I told you so".

I bet there will be a lot of people telling you that you'll run into problems if you want to date a hearing person. Well, good luck.
 
dereksbicycles said:
I'm not going to help if a deaf/HOH person wants to date a hearing person.

No offense, but what if I was to ask a friend whether this is a reliable vehicle to buy? My friend tells me that it is not a reliable vehicle, but I go ahead and buy it. Car breaks down on me. I ask friend for help. Friend may tell me, "I told you so".

I bet there will be a lot of people telling you that you'll run into problems if you want to date a hearing person. Well, good luck.
Click to expand...

I only dated hearing guys and there was not any problems being a hearing / HOH relationship.
 
There's not a large Deaf community around me, and I'm also late deafened....

But I've only dated Hearing guys since my loss. Some didn't certain elements of my life, but there were greater problems that had nothing to do with deaf/hoh.

Your problem seems to be more about dates and going out though. Do you know ASL or very basic signs? I use it all the time, but I have a few friends who are overwhelmed in loud bars etc who are HOH but identify as hearing (my best friend is unilaterally HOH and never calls herself HOH and another friend is married to a unilaterally HOH soldier who developed loss after bombs and guns).... Many many of my "HOH/Hearing" friends fall back on signing even if I'm not engaged in the conversation.

OR invite an intimate group back to your place or the guy's place for a BBQ or whatever where you can control how noisy it is! I hate bars because they're dim.... I prefer more light so I can see people better for convos.
 
Yeah, some people just don't like clubs in general. If someone wants to take you on a date or you want to take someone else on a date, you should both accommodate each-other and make sure it's something you both want to do. :)
 
Hi guys,

Sorry for the late reply...thanks for all your advices, it isn't a matter of what i would like to do only, obviously i dont like dealing with very noisy places, but also i need to have in mind what he likes to do, So my question was more..what strategy you use when that situation arise. And some of you have given me really great advices, So thank you.
 
With a little effort and goal setting. You both can learn and retain a fair bit of signs for that occasion. its easier then you think. add a little fun. its endless. A club? Why even bother trying to talk. U should be signing or dancing. Talking is a mood killer.
in a pub? noisy? get close and sign. have fun.
in a romantic candle lit evening. perfect. get closer
sign baby
 
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